He doesn’t like to be touched. The realization rocked her. It made sense. The scars. The nightmares. The way he was so practiced at giving pleasure, at talking dirty… that detracted from himself. If he was busy enough giving pleasure, then he didn’t have to receive it. That first kiss they’d shared, really felt like the first. It was the first time anyone kissed her and she felt it down to the tips of her toes. Was it the first time for Percy too? Really the first?
She gave herself a mental shake. She was probably overthinking things. Letting her thoughts get away from her.
“Are you going to do as I asked you?” Percy asked smoothly, a shade of darkness in his tone that hadn’t been there before. “Are you going to turn around and close your eyes and let me take you up to the fucking clouds?”
No. I want you to take me to whatever hell you’re living. I’ll fight for you. I’d fight your demons. I’d go to battle for you. Whoa. Okay. She wasn’t even drunk and there she was, splayed open for a damn stranger, thinking that she could actually make a difference in his life. I don’t even know him. I’m here for a couple days and I’ll never see him again.
Shanna sank her top teeth deep into her bottom lip. She wanted to weep for him, but she didn’t dare. Later. When I’m alone. She’d let the tears fall later, for his ruined back, for his darkness, for the way she ached for him. Has anyone else seen his back? She very much doubted it. Why did he choose to show me?
“Shanna?” Percy growled. “Maybe you need more persuasion.” His hand tightened on her thigh before she could even think about moving.
She stared up into those crystal blue eyes of his. Eyes that were so dark blue they looked black in the lamplight.
“No,” she panted. “What I need is your dick. Right. Now.” She nearly smiled when he seemed taken aback at her language. Two can play at that game.
He shifted away from her, let her turn over and face the wall. He might be a stranger, but I do care. I care about him too much. She closed her eyes, like he’d said. She didn’t want to hurt him. Stranger or not, he meant something to her. Far more than he should. I’m not letting him go. Even if she went home in a few days as planned, she’d find a way. She’d find a way to help him.
Chapter 11
PERCY
He knew. He could tell the exact second that Shanna thought she could save him. She was like the rest of the women who looked at him and sensed something deeply wrong and horribly broken. She’s not like the rest at all. He’d removed his shirt and shown her. He’d given her a glimpse inside of his life, inside his black soul and hard as a stone heart. He’d shown her, what he’d never shown another woman. She’s not like the rest at all.
Percy gave himself a shake. He couldn’t focus on that. He couldn’t let an ounce of feeling inside. Feeling, softness, mercy, emotion… it was dangerous. Hope. That was the worst one of all. He wouldn’t let himself feel it. He’d learned long ago that feeling anything only led to weakness which cut him to shreds inside.
He blinked hard and focused on Shanna’s pretty round ass as she turned around. There was a slight tan line from her bathing suit. Her skin was whiter where it had been covered up, than her thighs and her stomach. Only just. The lamplight betrayed it. He’d never found a tan line so fucking sexy in his life. He focused on the sweet spot between her legs, soaking wet, warm, waiting for him.
It worked. His brain turned off and his dick turned on.
It pulsed and kicked in his pants. He’d never felt that way, so close to the edge, so prickly, like he could actually lose control. It wasn’t just a bodily function with Shanna. It wasn’t just his dick inside of her until she came, until he created enough friction that he came as well. It wasn’t going to be biology or nature or science. That scared the hell out of him, the fact that he knew it already and he hadn’t even taken his cock out of his pants, but he couldn’t stop himself.
His entire body vibrated with a need that was so deep it was painful. Percy tore off his jeans and boxers, but left the t-shirt on. Shanna had seen enough. He stood at the edge of the bed. Shanna was facing the headboard. Percy grabbed her ankle and spun her around, gripped her hips after and pulled her roughly in against him. Her body stiffened and she let out a little gasp.
“Is this too rough?” He’d never asked that before.
“No,” she whispered a second later. “No, I like it.” She wiggled her hips wickedly and he had to stifle a groan. “I want to feel you, like you said. Deep inside of me.”
“Are you sure?” He ground his teeth together. Why am I trying to dissuade her from doing this? God knows I want her. He wanted her so bad it was almost like a physical ache gnawing at his insides. He’d wanted her like that for days. Now, when relief was finally in sight, he was asking her if she’d rather leave?
“Yes.” The sound came out as a throaty moan. “Yes, of course I’m sure.”
Percy wanted to take it slow. For once in his life, he actually wanted to savor something. Shanna. I want to savor Shanna. He wanted to make it special for her, but he had no fucking idea how to do that. Make love, she said. He’d never done that once in his life.
He gripped his cock and it kicked in his hand. The tip was wet with droplets of arousal and he smeared that quickly over the shaft. Not that he’d need the lubrication. Shanna was more than wet enough for them both. He inhaled and the sharp scent of their desire reached his nose. It was underlaid with that muskier odor of sex. He’d never actually liked that before either, but since he’d apparently completely lost his head, he found it erotic. His cock throbbed harder.
“Percy?” Shanna turned and blinked at him.
He swallowed the urge to apologize. Instead he set a hand on her ass. She whipped her head back around to face the other direction. He stepped in and when Shanna felt his cock head nuzzled against the beautiful swell of her bottom, she tensed hard. He rubbed his cock over her ass, smearing her pale cheeks with silvery streaks.
“Please,” Shanna begged.
“Please what?” His voice echoed in the room, far more confident than he felt.
His insides were a damn mess and so was his head. He was barely holding it together, but he didn’t want Shanna to know that. To her, he was pretty sure he represented danger, an escape from her everyday life. Hell, he was probably just a rebound for her, a way to prove to herself that she was sexy, that she was naughty, a way for her to build back her self-worth after that asshole cheated on her.
“I want to feel you inside of me. I want you to fill me up and be so deep that it hurts. I want to be so sore it hurts to walk tomorrow morning.”
Percy nearly smiled. She learns fast. Hearing her say the words was like a damn kick to his middle. He breathed out hard. He positioned his cock right at Shanna’s entrance. She bucked her hips wildly, squirming back into him when she felt him. He had to commend her eagerness. Fuck, did he commend it. He’d never had anyone respond to him like she did. It made his head swim.
He wasn’t gentle when he slid into her. He didn’t give her time to get used to his size. He didn’t hesitate or wait or take it easy. He gave her what she wanted. What she’d asked for.
Shanna cried out, a sweet mewling noise. Percy withdrew and plunged in again, deeper. He did it again and again before he thought to watch. He watched his cock slide in, he watched himself withdraw, come out slick and shiny and wet. Shanna’s hips bucked against his, rocked back and forth with his thrusts. Normally he would have told her to stay still, but he didn’t. He didn’t make any further commands. He couldn’t. It was so damn sexy to watch her grind and writhe against him, to take her pleasure from him even as he was giving it.
He plunged in deeper and Shanna cried out. “Do it again,” she moaned. “Don’t hold back.”
Fuck. His cock kicked inside of her tight warm passage and Percy had to grind his teeth nearly to powder just to keep it under control. He could feel Shanna’s legs trembling, feel the spasms starting, gripping his cock. He knew it wouldn’t be long until she came, but
fuck, she had to come first. It would be completely humiliating if he couldn’t last…
He’d never had that problem before. He’d never once actually just come. He’d always had to think about it. To close his eyes and fucking will it to happen.
Percy froze as Shanna pulled away. She turned so fast, he barely had time to register it. She rose up on the bed, up on her knees and before he knew what was happening, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. He collapsed on top of her. Her mouth found his and she kissed him, kissed the life right out of him. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t make himself do anything.
Despite the fact that he was probably crushing her, Shanna reached between them and gripped his cock. She pumped her sleek little hand up and down his shaft and it was… glorious. Not hideous or disgusting or horrifying or sickening as he thought it would be.
She has no way of knowing that she’s the first person who has touched me in fifteen years.
The nails of the other hand, dug into his shoulders. They would have done some serious damage if they were longer. The pain was just a sharp burst, followed up with a hot wave of pleasure as she fit his dick to her entrance once more. She lifted her hips and took him inside. He didn’t even have to thrust to sink into her.
He finally got his wits about him enough to plant an elbow on either side of her shoulders. She went with him when he lifted his body off of hers, her hips rocking upwards, her legs tangling around his waist.
She’s so sweet. So fucking sweet. He’d never felt anything close to the paradise that was Shanna’s body. He plunged into her, going so deep that his balls smacked her flesh. He drove into her, again and again, harder, faster. She clung to him, her inner muscles clenching tight, pulsing along with him, in time to his throbbing need. Her heels dug into the muscles of his ass. She was as wild as he was, as urgent, as animalistic in her desire.
She writhed wildly, ground harder, panted, whimpered, dug her nails in, scoring his shoulder. Percy held his breath until he was on the verge of damn well blacking out. He was afraid if he took oxygen he’d come so hard he’d see stars. She has to be first.
Even as he was thinking about it, Shanna reached up and gripped his face. She brought him to her with enough force that he couldn’t pull away. When her lips met his, they were scalding. She bit down on his bottom lip and his entire body jerked.
It was astounding to him that he hadn’t kissed anyone in his lifetime and now he kissed Shanna, repeatedly, in the span of a few minutes. He almost liked it. Almost. Who the fuck am I kidding? I like it. I like it because it’s her.
Shanna trembled beneath him. Those tremors turned into a full body shaking. Her inner muscles clenched and released in a series of wild patterns. She was so quiet, their kiss so intense, her lips ground into his, that he almost didn’t realize she’d finally pushed herself over the edge. She hadn’t made a single sound. Somehow that was sexier than her screaming and moaning and panting and crying his name. Percy. It isn’t a very sexy name anyway.
Percy’s own breath hitched up in his lungs as he let himself go. All it took was one more hard thrust. He drove into her and he was gone. He fucking saw black behind his lids and thought for a moment he was going to pass out. His arms felt like water, but he was able to keep himself upright, keep himself from crushing Shanna. He trembled and shook and she shook and trembled right along with him.
They clung to each other as the waves subsided. Shanna finally untangled her arms from his neck and he rolled away, off to the side. He hit the covers hard, breathing even harder. Shanna panted right beside him. He had no idea if he’d made love to her or not, but it felt so fucking good. Strangely good. Way too good.
He slammed his eyes shut and ground his teeth together again. It was good. That’s the fucking problem. A hard wave of terror washed over him. He didn’t want this. This… this connection. He’d never wanted that with another person. He didn’t want sex to mean anything. He didn’t want emotions and feelings and… and the softness glowing in his chest to be a part of it. I don’t want to miss her when she’s gone.
“Percy?” Shanna draped an arm over his t-shirt clad chest. She snuggled up behind him, warm and solid and far too real for him. Her breath was hot against his neck, little puffs that weren’t quite regular yet.
He stiffened. He didn’t respond. Neither of them said anything for a long time. The quiet of the night surrounded them. For once there was no noise from the street. The lamplight filtered down on them, golden, but behind his closed lids, all Percy saw was black.
Something is wrong with my throat. It felt like someone had jammed cotton down it, from the base of it, right into his mouth. It hurt to swallow. It stung and burned.
“Percy?” She tried again. Her arm fell to his waist and tightened. She was holding him. Holding him. He’d never been held before. At least, not in a very long time. “Are you okay? Should I go?”
“Do what you want,” he ground out thickly past his shuttered throat. Why is it still burning? Why didn’t I tell her to leave?
“I want to lay right here with you. I want to sleep beside you until morning.”
The thought of having her there, in his bed, watching her sleep, listening to the sounds she made, smelling her scent, watching her wake, the vestiges of sleep still clinging to her beautiful face… he didn’t even know how to define what he felt when he thought of her like that. He did realize that something tight and ugly inside of him eased. Loneliness? He’d been alone for a very long time, even when he had his brothers, and he told himself he didn’t mind it. Like everything else, shutting people out had been a way for him to keep himself safe.
His heart beat wildly. Thundered in his chest so loudly he wondered what the fuck was happening outside that was causing the house to shake. It took him a minute to realize it was the sound of blood rushing in his ears, the shaking was his own trembling.
He opened his mouth to tell Shanna to leave. To tell her that he couldn’t fucking do it. That she couldn’t sleep there in his bed and undo every single stone in the fortress he’d spent a decade and a half building up around himself. Longer than that. He’d been walling himself up, toughening up, since he found out that his mom had cancer.
I need her to leave. I can’t do this. When he finally forced the words out, which came out barely audible, he realized that Shanna never heard. Her deep even breaths told him that she was already asleep.
Chapter 12
SHANNA
In life there was a first for everything. As she opened her eyes, Shanna knew exactly where she was. She was in Percy’s bed, snuggled up next to him. There was one small window in the room, to the left of the bed, and sunlight streamed in. She blinked hard, letting her eyes adjust. It was the kind of bright sunlight that told her it wasn’t early or late. Probably eight or nine.
Her legs were stiff and cramped from being curled up so she slowly stretched them out. She moved gingerly, one muscle at a time. She was sore. Obviously. Deliciously. It felt wicked. Wickedly good.
Shanna closed her eyes and did a quick assessment of the situation. I’m lying in bed with a man I barely know. I just spent the entire night with him. He’s pretty much a stranger. I let him fuck me. Really fuck me. After ten minutes of knowing him, I went into a back alley with him. She knew she should care. The old Shanna would have been appalled. She didn’t do things like go into dark alleys, drink too much, black out, or have random sex with strangers. She always thought she needed to be in a relationship for it to mean something. But it did mean something. He’s the best I ever had.
On a slow exhale, Shanna relaxed. She gave herself permission, for the first time in her life, to just be. To just enjoy the moment. To enjoy the memories of what she’d done. She liked her new mindset. She liked the new Shanna. The one who took risks and lived in the moment, the one who experienced life to the fullest. I experienced it to the fullest alright.
Her face heated and she slowly opened her eyes. Percy was still sleeping
soundly beside her. At some point in the night, he’d rolled away. He must have, because he wasn’t tucked up beside her any longer. His bed wasn’t huge, probably just a queen, so he hadn’t rolled far. He was on his side, facing away from her, breathing evenly. The arm draped across his chest rose and fell with his breaths. She couldn’t see his face, but Shanna knew he was at peace.
There had been no nightmare again, no horrible wounded sounds to wake her out of a deep sleep. When was the last time he rested easy? It made her sad, that she could do nothing to help him. She didn’t know him and she wouldn’t get the chance to. She was going back home in a few days. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who kept in touch.
I should leave now. Before he wakes up. Before it gets awkward. She didn’t wait around to lose the debate with herself. Shanna slipped out of bed, inch by inch, with the utmost care. Percy didn’t stir. She wished that she could take one last look at his face, but if she did, she was afraid she’d never leave.
She gathered her clothes, dressed quickly, and slipped out of the house without a sound. Her heart squeezed in her chest as she shut the front door behind her. She stared at the street. A few people were milling around, mostly tourists. It was odd that a man who wanted to be left alone chose a house in such a touristy area. Although, it really wasn’t that bad. The streets weren’t flooded or anything and it probably was the middle of the morning.
Shanna walked back slowly. She took in the sights and sounds around her, smiled at those she passed, even waved at those who waved to her. Everyone was friendly and nice, the sun was shining, the air was warm, she’d just had the best lay of her life… she had every reason to be happy, but she couldn’t erase the heavy weight that settled like lead in her stomach. What did I expect? That Percy would ask me to stay? That somehow we could make this work. There was never a this to make work. That was the whole point of it all, wasn’t it?
Lonely Rider - The Box Set: A Motorcycle Club Romance - The Complete Series Page 7
