He cast a sidelong glance at Kirstin just in time to see her flash him the bird. His hands tightened on the wheel, so he was practically strangling the damn thing. He felt his palms grow damp as anger crept up and tightened his chest.
“Fuck you right back,” he ground out. “That’s very mature, flip off the one person who has managed to keep you alive. I could easily have handed you over to Bone or killed you myself. You don’t have to sit there and act like a spoiled princess.”
“I’m not acting like a spoiled princess,” Kirstin growled.
“No? Then why haven’t you said a word to me all day? You’re sitting over there pouting while I’ve been busy trying to keep my shit together, drive this fucking car across the country, look for tails, try and keep us safe and alive, and oh right. I stole the car too. You’ve contributed nothing other than the fucking stab wound that’s pounding away in my damn shoulder.”
“Oh? You’d call this morning nothing?”
“Riding my dick isn’t going to keep us alive and I’m guessing that it’s the reason you shut right down.”
He turned to look at her and Kirstin’s face blanked. She gave nothing away, and damn, she was pretty good at putting on an inscrutable mask. It didn’t help that it was pitch black in the car and all he wanted to do was pull over and rest for an hour.
“You didn’t just lose your entire life,” Kirstin hissed. Your house. Your parents. Your world.”
“No? Think again. Good lord, you really are full of yourself. Either that or you somehow managed to stuff your head up your pretty ass. I’ll pull it out for you if you like.”
“Fuck you.”
“That’s not going to happen again, and don’t tempt me. Clearly, since it fucked all of this up. I liked you better yesterday, when you were full of sarcasm and sass.”
“I’m full of both of those right now and currently you have a problem with it, so if it’s all the same to you, maybe I should just go back to being silent,” Kirstin snapped. “If you don’t want to fuck again, that’s fine by me. You’re right, it does make everything less complicated. Since Chatty Cathy over here needs to fill the silence by talking about feelings and shit instead of respecting my privacy, I guess that it makes sense. We’re not friends. Me- us- you- whatever the fuck we did back there and why we did it, doesn’t make us anything. You’re not my boyfriend and I’ll sure as hell never be your old lady.”
His mouth opened in amazement, but he slammed it shut immediately, before Kirstin noticed that she’d actually struck him stupid. “Of fucking course you’re not my old lady. I- we just- let’s just concentrate on staying alive. We need to get to the contact I have. He’ll help us. It’s a ways to go yet and then- I don’t know. I think it’s safer if we stick together until we’re out of the country.”
Kirstin crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. He felt the intensity of her stare even though he wasn’t looking at her. “I’m not going to do what you think is best just because you say so.”
“Careful,” he warned her. “If you act like a brat, I might pull this car over and spank you.”
“Sp- spank me,” she sputtered. “You were just talking about keeping your dick in your pants from now on since you clearly can’t be an adult about it, and you’re talking about spanking now?”
Damon ground his teeth again and worked hard to stop himself from jerking the car over onto the non-existent shoulder. He’d put the damn thing in the ditch just for the pleasure of hauling Kirstin out of the car and pulling him over his knee. She was right though. That would lead to him ripping her clothes off. It wasn’t him who acted like a bastard all day after the fact, though. That was all her.
“Maybe I’m being too rough on you,” he ceded, though the admission was painful. “Sorry. I’m just fucking tired. It’s not just you who had to give up your home and your life. I might not have had much of one to speak of, god, I never really have, but I’m also currently being hunted down. I never patched into the club, but I can never go back. I have no family and now, like it or not, I have no brothers.”
“Those men aren’t your brothers,” Kirstin snapped. She clearly wasn’t going to cut him any breaks.
He was dangerously aware that he was skirting close to ground that he never wanted to talk about. He’d already said too much, but thankfully in her current mood, Kirstin chose to disregard it and not question him further.
“They were my brothers,” he corrected, though not harsh. He couldn’t spar with her or fight with her in his current exhausted state. He needed to find somewhere to pull over soon, though that was easier said than done, when he wanted to hide their method of transportation.
“You never patched in.”
“Do you need to have an agreement with your friends to call them your friends?”
Kirstin sighed, obviously annoyed with his logic. Maybe she wanted a good fight. God, maybe that’s what he needed to breathe some life into his tired body. He hadn’t slept well in the woods, obviously. His shoulder stung like a son of a bitch. It ached and throbbed. Driving for endless hours was enough to wear out even the hardiest of travelers.
“I don’t know. I don’t have many friends. Most of them didn’t want to get involved with a girl whose dad was in an MC. Their parents didn’t like it. They’d never let me come over. I was never asked to birthday parties and sleepovers and shit like that.”
“Uhhh… I’m sorry?”
“I’m not. My childhood was awesome. Growing up my parents were the best. My dad had a motorcycle, so I was always pretty popular with the boys. My dad also didn’t like that though, so I could be friends at school, but not on a personal level. He didn’t like boys sniffing around.”
“So did- how did you ever date anyone?”
“I didn’t.” It was too dark in the car, but he was willing to bet if he turned to study her, Kirstin would be scarlet.
“I see.”
“My dad chased everyone off. It was just easier if he didn’t know. He would have killed the guy if he found out I wasn’t still a virgin. I mean, he obviously knew I wasn’t, but if I didn’t tell him, I wasn’t, then he could just keep believing it and he didn’t have to kill anyone.”
“Would he really have killed them?”
“I doubt it. You knew him. You tell me.”
“No.” He shook his head. “Your dad was a good man. He could be fucking intimidating when he wanted to be, but he was also rational. He was sane. He kept Bone level-headed more times than I could count. I wasn’t really allowed into the church sessions where the big shit went down, since I was just a prospect, but from what I gathered, your dad pulled a lot of weight with the club. Most of those guys liked and trusted him more than Bone.”
“What did you say?” Kirstin screeched. “Pull the fuck over!”
“What? No.”
“Yes!” She tried to reach over and grip the wheel and since she had the element of surprise, she nearly succeeded in jerking them off the edge of the road into the ditch. Damon slammed on the brakes and pulled off to the side.
He turned, breathing angrily. “What the fuck was that? You could have killed us! If we’d hit the ditch, we could have rolled. I’m fucking tired, here, Kirstin. I don’t have patience for this shit.”
“I know,” she breathed, contrite. “I’m sorry, it’s just something you said. About the club liking my dad and trusting him more. He brought guys home all the time over the years. They were my friends and uncles. They taught me how to wield a knife and fire a gun and drive a bike. It was like having more than one dad. I never really wanted friends my own age because I had those guys. My dad’s brothers. It doesn’t make sense that he’d just ship out. He knew what the penalty was if he was caught. He- it- something just doesn’t add up.”
Damon took a minute to consider that. They were alone on the back stretch of road, the darkness complete. Bugs danced in the beam of light provided by their very dim, foggy headlights. The car was ancient, the plastic yellowed to the point
where little light pierced through.
“Okay- so what are you saying? That Bone didn’t like that the men were willing to follow your father and he had him murdered? That someone tipped him off and he tried to get away and didn’t make it?”
“I don’t know. What else is going on? Anything that they would have had a disagreement over?”
Damon froze. “There is a rival club trying to make a move on our territory. Bone’s territory,” he corrected. He no longer had any affiliation or loyalty to the club. “Your father, from what I know, didn’t agree with going to war. Bone, of course, wanted to. He wanted to teach those fuckers a lesson, like he teaches everyone. No one messes with him and lives. I don’t know, it could be possible that other guys didn’t like the decision. No one openly contested or challenged Bone, but maybe there was something going on with them and your father. Maybe he was going to make a move against him. Maybe Bone got wind and put the word out that Big Ted needed to be dealt with. I don’t honestly know. If something like that happened, I wasn’t told. I was only a prospect though. Even as a new member, I wouldn’t have been privy to information like that. Guys might talk when they're drunk or fucking a club whore or shit like that, but they don’t talk about stuff like that unless they want to wind up under the fucking earth.”
“It just- I can’t believe that they killed my mom. Families aren’t usually a part of club business. Only the worst snitches are dealt with like that and Bone has never done anything like that before. At least not that my father ever told my mother, and I used to listen in on them all the time. They never knew that I overheard. They always thought I was sleeping.”
“It was surprising to me and I could tell from the expressions on a few other guys’ faces that they didn’t agree with Bone wanting you dead. Maybe it was something personal. You’re right. As far as I know, women and children are off the table. It’s basically set in fucking stone.”
“But he told you that if you killed me, you could patch in, right?” Kirstin’s forehead wrinkled as she studied him. God, it cut him up inside to know that he’d been a part of the club that had killed her parents. “I know I’m right.” She ducked her head and he would have been blind not to see the tears coursing down her cheeks. “Probably about all of it. Those men were really like my dad’s brothers. They’ve known me my whole life. Some of them have known him for two decades. I guess they’re too afraid to go against their Prez. It’s the only thing that makes sense, that my dad was going up against Bone in some way and he didn’t like it. It was the easiest way to take him out. To take all of us out and make us pay.”
“Bone doesn’t fear anyone.”
“He might have feared my father. He might have thought he was going to lose his title and his job or worse, that my dad would put him to ground with the other men. I- people- they do stupid shit when they’re threatened, when they’re afraid, when they’re desperate.”
“Kirstin…” Damon reached out to try and set his hand on her shoulder, but she jerked away. She rubbed at her tears angrily.
“No. Stop. I’m okay. We can’t- you’re right. We can’t keep… what we did in the woods and at the motel only makes things more complicated. Maybe we both needed it. Maybe I needed it. I don’t know. We’re both fucked up. I know you must have had a shit past. I can tell, seeing as you were fucking scrubbing away dirt that wasn’t even there at the motel. I’m not going to ask you about that and you’re not going to talk about my parents or try to comfort me. We fucked and it was like we erased those old people. Like we were reborn. When we get wherever the hell it is we’re going, we’ll get our fake ID’s and we’ll really be new people and we can start a new life. If we keep looking to the past, that’s where we’ll stay.” She shuddered. “I don’t want to stay there.”
Damon shook his head, amazed. She surprised him at every twist and turn. No wonder she’d been so quiet, if she was going through all that shit in her head.
“Kirstin- I…”
“Don’t worry. Not talking about what happened doesn’t mean one day I won’t find a way to make Bone pay for what he did.”
“Okay, that is the last fucking thing in the world you are going to do.”
“You can’t stop me, Damon. You don’t own me. Once we get those ID’s, we’re going our separate ways. Thank you for what you did for me, but this is my path and what I do with my life is my decision.” She wasn’t harsh, but her voice brooked no argument.
We’ll fucking see about that. Damon knew he couldn’t change her mind, so he shut the hell up. He also knew that she was going to be free of him when he up and fucking died. At least until he was absolutely sure she was out of the country and safe. He was about to navigate the car back onto the road, when Kirstin stopped him. She reached out and brushed his knee with her hand, but removed it just as quick, as though he’d burned her.
“Let me drive. We can’t stop. We shouldn’t stop. I’m wide awake. Like you said, I’ve been in my own head all afternoon. I could use a distraction. I’m sorry if I was a bitch and didn’t think about you, but you should stop trying to be so tough and tell me if you need a break.”
“I didn’t need a break…”
“No, but you do now. So, are you going to let me drive?”
“Are you- are you okay to drive?”
She shot him a scathing look. “I’m going to pretend that I didn’t just hear that. Now… get out of that seat so you can take a nap. I can tell you’re tired because you’re like an angry snapping turtle and that vein in the middle of your forehead keeps pulsing.”
He laughed, because he didn’t know what else to do. After twenty-four hours, Kirstin saw right through him.
It was absolutely terrifying.
Chapter 13
KIRSTIN
Damon mentioned St. Paul earlier, so she knew where they were heading. She stayed awake and navigated her way with the help of the map from Damon’s bag. Thankfully she had a good sense of direction, but even still, she almost wept with exhaustion tinged relief when she reached the city limits.
She leaned over and smacked Damon hard, right in the middle of the chest.
It might have been a mistake and she felt a little guilty when he jerked upright. He slammed his mouth shut, which was adorable, considering that while he’d slept like a zombie his mouth hung open. He’d drooled and snored right beside her and oddly enough… it was soothing.
He glanced around, eyes wide, hands fisted, ready to do battle. “What is it? Is someone following us?” He whipped his head back and forth violently, so hard that the cracks and pops of his neck were audible.
“No.” Kirstin almost smiled. “Look around. We’re here in St. Paul.” She stifled a yawn. “And, being that I’m beyond tired and also have no idea where we are supposed to be head after this, it’s your turn to drive.”
She really had no right to think about trust, about- about a future. She barely had a right to assume she’d be alive for another day, but despite everything- her resolve, their argument earlier, common sense, she was dismayed to find that overall she enjoyed his presence, almost as much as she enjoyed his body. He wasn’t just a release to her or an escape. He was…
“Right.” Damon let out a giant yawn. He rubbed sleep from his eyes with balled up fists in a motion that looked both painful and violent, but he sighed like he enjoyed it. He twisted his neck to the side, back and forth and stretched, working out the kinks in his muscles. Kirstin longed to do the same. She’d been folded up into the driver seat for so long that she doubted she’d ever walk right again. “Pull over and I’ll trade you spots.”
Kirstin did as he asked to avoid thinking about him, but her mind wasn’t so easily sidetracked. The tightening in her chest when she thought of him being harmed in any way, of him out there alone, of him as a child in some shit past, of those memories haunting him, of him telling her back at the motel that he wasn’t good enough to touch her… it broke her already tattered heart.
“Here we go.” She releas
ed her seatbelt, opened the door, and ducked out of the confined space. I’m just tired. It’s everything… my nerves are shredded. This isn’t a normal situation and I’m not in control like I should be because I can’t be.
She steeled herself as she circled around the back of the car. Damon passed her, but thankfully he didn’t brush up against her or say a thing.
Kirstin slid into the passenger seat and did up her seatbelt, sure of only one thing- she needed to get away. She needed to leave Damon behind at the first opportunity. Feelings were a weakness. They made a person unbearably vulnerable. She couldn’t care about him because she’d be weak. She wouldn’t be able to do what she had to do to survive if it came down to it. She’d lower her guard and she’d lose her edge. She knew now, that her parents were gone, that love made a person a liability. Trust, love, warmth, even friendship- they were a luxury that someone in her position couldn’t afford.
She stared straight ahead when Damon resumed driving. “How much further is it? Are we going to get a new car?”
“No. This one will take us where we need to go. It’s only another hour after we get through the city.”
“Oh.” It felt odd, knowing that their journey was so close to being at an end. Kirstin swallowed hard. “I- I guess that’s good.”
Damon turned, but she refused to look at him. Eventually she felt, rather than saw, his eyes shifted back to the road. “Yeah. I mean, this guy, we used to be in a club together. The thing folded from the inside out. We moved on. He found something else. I found something else. The same thing happened to me again, the thing disbanded pretty much non-violently. I don’t think Creed’s was the same. I read something about a massacre with no survivors. Not sure how he made it out alive, but Creed’s a survivor. He always could take care of himself and all of us around him. He- he was good at tracking. Great with tech. He’s insanely good at making people disappear.”
Lonely Rider - The Box Set: A Motorcycle Club Romance - The Complete Series Page 47
