“Maybe not then, but what about now? You’re a beautiful woman who I just met in this diner. I asked you to come have dinner with me when you were done your shift and now you’re here.” He knew his eyes were too intense, that he was too eager, that every single emotion that had ever been in his heart, but he was desperate. He’d lay all his cards on the table if he had to. He’d strip himself bare for her. He’d spent seven months waiting, searching, hoping against hope he’d see her again. He couldn’t just let her go.
“I- god, it’s not any different now.” Kirstin ran a hand through her short hair. She’d lost the visor long before she slid into the booth with him, but her hair was still a little flat in front. It was absolutely adorable and the way her fingers roved through the strands made him want to lean over and do the same. He knew how soft her hair was, how it felt like silk against his rough fingers.
Damon sucked in a breath. “Look. I know that I’m no good for you. You deserve someone a thousand times better than me. You deserve a guy with a nice family, a mother and a father to love you or drive you crazy. You deserve a guy with a sister you can be best friends with, brothers who embarrass me in front of you. You deserve family dinner night and board games and movies and all that shit. I have nothing to offer you. I have no family. A past that I’m not ashamed of because it led me to you, but it also gave me little in the way of manners or nice things. I can’t give you a big house and fancy anything. I can’t pretend that I’m cultured or that I’m a nice guy.”
Despite everything, despite how hard she tried not to, Kirstin cracked a smile. His chest squeezed hard. “That’s the thing,” she said softly. “You are a nice guy.”
“We’ll leave it up for debate. The point is, I came from nothing. I don’t want to end up there. I want to be something. For you. All my life I looked for a family, since I never had one of my own. Three clubs later, and I’m still searching. I think I was always meant to find you. I want you to be my family and I want to be yours. Maybe that’s cheesy as fuck, but I swear, give me a chance and I won’t let you down. I’ll be there for you, through everything. I would say that I’d protect you, but I’ve seen that you can kick ass.” He got a small laugh out of Kirstin and he nearly laughed as well.
“You’re an idiot,” she said.
“Yeah. I know.” He rubbed at his chest. “The point is, you’re here.”
One red brow lifted. “In your heart?”
“Yeah.” He knew he was blushing now. He was probably beet red. He felt like an idiot, but if that’s what it was going to take, hell he’d humiliate himself a thousand times over. “I’ve thought about you all this time. For the first time ever, I don’t just want to find a place where I belong, I want to be better. You’re my ghost. You’ve haunted me. I can’t escape you. Just give me a chance to prove to you that I-”
“Damon,” Kirstin interrupted. Her face was composed again. She gave nothing away, just stared at him with those intense eyes that he loved so much.
“Yeah?” His chest swelled hot and hard and his throat clogged up.
“You gave up everything for me. You risked your life for me. You don’t have anything to prove.”
“Then why did you leave?”
Kirstin hesitated. The pain in her eyes nearly stopped his heart. “It had nothing to do with you. God, did you think that?”
“I- I don’t know. Honestly, it’s hard not to. You left in the middle of the night. Trace found you and just about killed you in the woods. He came back, grazed by a bullet you fired at him. You pulled him out of the water and struck a bargain that could save us all. If I saved you, you saved me right back. Creed fixed everything. He staged a car accident and uploaded the photos to Trace’s phone. It’s amazing what good photo shop skills will do. As far as Bone knows, we really are dead.”
“Yeah? Well, I figured that, given that no one has hunted me down. I haven’t been looking over my shoulder. I knew I had a fresh start up here. I knew Trace wouldn’t betray me. What happened in the woods was just luck.”
“He could have killed you. All because you left.” Damon couldn’t keep the brokenness out of his voice, but he was past the point of caring if he sounded weak or not.
Kirstin nodded slowly. “I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize to you a thousand times over the past months. I thought about you- uh- all the time.” Her face went scarlet and she looked away. “I- I just had to leave. To get my head on straight. I felt- I don’t know what I felt. I haven’t- when I was with you- it wasn’t like anything or anyone before. After losing my parents, I couldn’t deal with that. I couldn’t open myself up and risk being hurt again. I was too raw. It was too fresh. I… I couldn’t be what you needed. I knew if I stayed it would- I would… just end up hurting you and hurting myself.”
“Yeah?” Damon reached across the table and gently placed his hand on Kirstin’s cheek. He turned her face so that she’d look at him again.
“Yeah,” she breathed.
“You’re incredible, Kirstin. You’re smart and brave. You’re the most inspiring woman I’ve ever met. You literally started a new life on your own. It took some of the best trackers seven months to find you. You’ve rebuilt yourself when everything came crashing down. I’m not asking you to give up anything. I’m just asking for a chance to prove to you that if you let me in, I will never hurt you. I’ll never leave you. I’ll never take a single second of my time with you for granted. I don’t want to own you, I just want whatever you can give. If it takes time, I’ll wait. If you need me to prove myself, I’ll do what it takes. If-”
“Damon.” She cut him off again as she reached up and set her hand gently over his. “I knew when I left that I could never go back. I always said that if you did the impossible and found me though… that maybe-”
“Maybe?” He leaned forward, hardly daring to hope.
She exhaled so hard her chest heaved and her shoulders dipped with the movement. Her hand still rested on his and he felt her tremble. “That maybe I’d have to give it a shot. I’ve had enough time to- I guess, get over my fears. I’ve been lonely and that made me realize that if I try and protect myself from hurt I’m only going to hurt myself. If I try to be strong and keep everyone out, that’s not living. My parents wouldn’t have wanted me to be that way. They wouldn’t have wanted their deaths to ruin me on ever loving or living or taking a chance.”
The tightness in Damon’s chest eased up, but it was followed by something even deeper, harder, more frightening. Hope was a dangerous thing. He’d spent most of his life without it. He hadn’t really ever known joy until he met Kirstin. Even fleeing for their lives, those moments with her, leaving everything behind, those moments of uncertainty, were memories he kept close to his heart. He wished he could take her pain, her fear, her horror from her then. He never really had a chance.
He hardly dared to hope.
Kirstin guided his hand down to the tabletop. She squeezed it gently as her eyes filled up with tears. She swallowed thickly and laughed at herself as she brushed them away. He got it. He got that she was a mess inside, just like he was.
He’d never seen anything more beautiful.
“So,” she said, eyes sparkling. “I’m going to assume you know where I live already. Are you going to drive me home?”
“Yes.” His heart squeezed and leapt and went wild.
Kirstin slid out of the booth, their food virtually untouched. She offered her hand and he wrapped his larger, rougher, fingers around hers. She led the way and he was perfectly happy to trail in her wake.
He waited for her near the front, as she grabbed her coat and purse from the back. Watching her walk towards him, head down, bent in shyness, was the best thing that had ever happened to him. God, if he could pick a favorite minute of his life, it would be that one, Kirstin walking towards him, slipping her hand into his again, letting him lead her this time.
They walked down the sidewalk and when he stopped in front of his rental car, she let out a girlish giggle. She looked up at
him with cheeks flushed from more than the cold. “You didn’t?”
“I did. I thought the car would evoke pleasant memories.” He produced the keys from his pocket. “I promise this one was procured through honest means.”
“Honest means,” she mulled that over, laughter in her eyes, playing on her lips. “We can talk about that later. For now, just take me home.”
Chapter 20
KIRSTIN
It was unbelievable.
It felt like a dream.
All of it. Her day started off so normal. Her alarm went off and she’d shut it off and fallen back asleep and was almost late for work. Since it was Friday, the diner was crazy busy. Her shift went by as a blur. And then, in the midst of the storm of normalcy, Damon walked back into her life.
Entering her apartment with him for the first time, it felt like she’d never left that night. That seven months ago, she’d chosen to stay in Creed’s cabin. The time and the distance, the worry, the regret, the endless dreams, the longing, the questioning herself, it was all at an end.
He was there. He was real. He was hers.
Damon slammed the door shut behind him and slid the lock in place. He took a step forward and Kirstin froze. Her breaths were already heavy and irregular. Her purse and her visor slipped from her hand, but she never heard them land. Her heart hammered fast, adrenaline pouring through her veins. Her chest ached and her throat felt sticky and clogged up.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” she admitted.
Damon shook his head. “No,” he said thickly, “we can talk about that later. We can talk about anything you want later. Right now, right here, you’re mine. I need you. I’ve spent half a year needing you. I’ve spent my whole life needing you.” He stepped into her and reached out. He brushed his fingers through her hair, tucking a strand of hair back behind her ear. She shivered and leaned into his touch.
“You’re going to break me,” she whispered, throat raw.
“Never. If I do, I promise, I’ll put you back together the same way you’ve done for me.”
“That’s incredibly cheesy, you know.”
Damon grinned. “I know.”
She took his face between her hands and it was pretty clear he was done talking. So was she. He brought his face to hers and his lips crashed over hers. He kissed her like she was the only thing in his life and she clung to him and fought his mouth with hers, loved his mouth with hers, claimed him, like he was hers, because in truth, he’d been hers from the minute she first saw him as a new prospect at her father’s clubhouse.
He kissed her breathless as he backed her against the wall. His hands tore off her jacket and threw it aside. They roved over her body, over her breasts, down her waist, past her hips. His palm landed on her bare leg, pushing up her uniform. She clawed at his leather jacket until her useless fingers finally managed to work the zipper down. She pushed it frantically off his massive shoulders. He was so warm underneath, so real. She inhaled deeply and he smelled good. All that familiar leather and male scent rushed back at her, a scent she knew so well, a scent she never thought she’d inhale again.
He devoured her mouth, thrusting his tongue inside and stroking hers in hot caresses that made her weak everywhere. She moaned and melted into him. Her hands traced the pattern of his chest. She thrust them under his t-shirt and stripped it away. He broke the kiss to tear if off over his head, but then his lips returned to hers, hungry and desperate. She fought him and matched him in intensity and hunger. She poured everything she had into that kiss, her fear, her regret, her anger, her sorrow, her grief, and her absolute joy that he’d come back into her life.
Her fingers fumbled with the button on his jeans and when she finally got it undone, he sighed roughly and broke the kiss. He leaned against her, trapping her between the solid wall of his body and the much less solid feeling wall at her back. It was amazing, how drywall and plaster and wood had nothing on Damon.
“Say that you’re mine,” he rasped thickly. “Say that you’ll be mine. That you’ll take me, all of me. That I’m enough for you. That you’ll never go off into the night and leave me to worry about you again. That you’ll never disappear on me, that you’ll never leave things unfinished and aching.”
“I…”
“I’m not asking for a promise of forever. I know this is just as new as it was before. I know that we’ve hardly spent any time together. I know it’s scary and it might not even make sense. I know it’s crazy and that our pasts and our lives haven’t been like other people’s. I know we’re not like other people. I’m just asking for a chance. For you to take it a day at a time with me. And if you want out, just to tell me. Don’t leave me again, alone in the darkness. I have to know, even if we’re not together, that you’re alright.”
His hand trailed up her leg, burning a hot path right to her already soaked panties. Kirstin gasped. “I’m sorry,” she rasped. “I never meant to hurt you. I thought you’d get over it. Forget it. Forget me.”
“Like you forgot about me?”
She had to smile, because if she didn’t she’d cry a mix of sad and incredibly happy tears. “Yeah, like that.”
“I’m not asking for wedding vows here, Kirstin. I know we can’t tell the future. We can’t predict how we’ll feel a week from now, let alone years from now, but I promise that I will do my best to care for you and do everything it takes to nurture that. Every single day. I will give you my all, give it my all, give us my all, every single fucking day. That’s my promise.” His eyes blazed with intensity, hunger, feral desire. Kirstin’s body responded readily. Everything inside of her clenched hard. Every single nerve ending came alive. “Maybe that’s cheesy too.”
“No, that is not cheesy. That is not cheesy at all.”
“No?”
“No.”
He traced a hot, delicious pattern with his fingers over her mound until he found her clit. Kirstin mewled and writhed against his hand. She was already swollen and aching. She knew she was soaked and that even through the cotton fabric, Damon’s fingers were wet. He confirmed it when he leaned down and rasped against her ear.
“So hot, so wet. Your pussy is beautiful. It’s mine. You’re mine.”
She bucked against him, her body answering for her. Damon’s mouth claimed hers again, desperate, full of need. Heat rushed through her. She pressed her palm against the rock solid wall of his chest. He pinned her between himself and the wall. His hand left her core and his leg took its place. She ground against him shamelessly as he cupped her breasts. His hand tore at her uniform, tearing the buttons at her throat. He continued the savage onslaught, ripping her bra away, until her breast was exposed. He bent his head and devoured her nipple, nipping and sucking until she was arching and straining and rocking against him, trying to find just enough friction to ease the ache tearing her apart inside.
Kirstin closed her eyes, but her hands moved. They ripped at Damon’s jeans, tearing the zipper down, pushing them down his hips along with his tight boxers. His hand came up and hiked up her skirt. He ripped her panties down her thighs while he panted against her neck, the hot spurts heating her skin, fuelling the inferno within. His hand fisted in her shorter hair and he dragged her head back, exposing the column on her neck. He licked and suckled her there, bit her not so gently.
She craved it. All of it. Hard, gentle, everything in between.
He brought his hands down and cupped her ass, hiking her up against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her heels into his bare ass. He positioned his cock at her entrance and there was no more foreplay, no more teasing, no more tempting, no more endless longing or waiting. He was slick and wet with his own arousal and she was so wet and slippery, he surged forward, filling her in one hard movement.
She cried out as he embedded himself deep inside of her. He stretched her mercilessly and it hurt, but god, it felt so, so good.
Damon thrust hard, unable to stop himself, unable to control himself. She felt the
same way. Her hips rose up and bucked against him. Their skin slapped together, smashed together, the push and the pull, the dance that took her to dizzying heights.
Damon bruised her mouth, kissing her until she was breathless. He released her only to latch onto her nipple again while all the while he surged hard inside of her.
“Fuck,” he ground out as he nipped her breast. “You’re so perfect. So tight. I thought about this all the time. I thought about you all the time.”
His words sent a shiver racing through her body and she felt herself clench around him involuntarily. The pressure built, tense and unbearably sweet. His hand snaked down between them and found her clit. He circled the numb with his index finger as she mewled and ground against him. She cried out, dug her heels harder into the tight muscles of his ass. She bucked wildly, shamelessly. She gave him everything, held nothing back, as he thrust harder, harder, filling her so achingly full each and every single time.
He fucked her rough, but it was so very sweet. She didn’t want it any other way. They’d have time for tenderness later, time for all of it. This was the way she wanted him. Rough. Out of control. As crazed and filled with need as she was.
Damon turned his head and sank his teeth into her shoulder. She mewled as he circled her bud hard. She was so close. She was almost there. Her entire body trembled against him and he must have known exactly what he was doing to her, because he whispered right by her ear.
“Come for me, Kirstin. Come on my cock.”
She threw back her head and did as he asked. She couldn’t fight it anymore. She couldn’t hold back. She couldn’t resist the onslaught, what his fingers were doing, what his cock was doing, what his mouth was doing, what he was doing just by existing, just by being there. He was overwhelming and all consuming. He was everything. He was there and he was hers.
She trembled and shook as pinpricks of pleasure closed in on her. Without warning, the pinpricks of pleasure exploded into waves of hard, hot pleasure. All Kirstin could do was hold on. She dug her fingers into Damon’s bare shoulders, marking and marring his perfect smooth skin. She threw her head back until it hit the wall, probably leaving a damn mark. She screamed out Damon’s name and bucked hard and wild against him.
Lonely Rider - The Box Set: A Motorcycle Club Romance - The Complete Series Page 51
