I grinned at the cuteness of young Eric and his shy yet cheeky grin. He’d obviously been a doted-on only child by the number of photos. Not like me, the second last in a bunch of four. My parents had kinda got bored of taking photos by the time I arrived. There were a couple at birthday parties throughout the years and that was it.
A huge bunch of flowers mangled into an elaborate arrangement sat on a lace doily on the coffee table.
Oh hell, I should've bought some wine and maybe a bunch of flowers. That was what polite people did. I'd already blown it.
The TV was the only modern thing in the room. The furniture, the ornaments, the wallpaper all looked like they’d been there since the 80s. All well-preserved and very looked after but unchanged.
I thought of all those times in my life when I’d been just a full-on motor mouth, not even thinking about the right thing to say, and I'd blown all that confidence on worthless things and had none of it left to use.
I sat on the edge of a chair and tried to watch the news.
Eric-Mama called us to dinner and I followed Eric-Papa to the dining room. I totally wanted to peek into the other rooms and get a glimpse of Eric’s home life but most of the doors were shut. Everything seemed very normal and ordinary.
My stomach started rumbling before we even got to the table. The smell of spices and meat wafted through the house from the kitchen. I couldn’t wait to eat. She’d made a huge amount of food that filled the table. I sat down and waited for them to start. Eric-Papa handed me a platter of food and told me to help myself. I took some of the spicy seafood pancake things then looked around at the vast array of side dishes.
Wow, if I went out with Eric, he’d better not expect me to cook like that every day. I could barely manage to throw a meal together for myself, let alone a feast every night.
While we ate, Eric-Mama talked about all the bargains she'd got at the market. She told Eric-Papa the gossip and he nodded in all the right places even though he so didn't care. It was like I wasn’t even there. I wasn’t sure if I should get involved in the conversation or just stay quiet.
Then she turned to me.
“So umm… Angie…” she said. “What is your job?”
I thought she’d known I worked for the band. When I told her about it, she pursed her lips, obviously not approving.
“But what about a real job? A job you do for money.”
I shrunk a little bit, feeling like I should’ve had some kind of “real” job. I wanted to apologise for my lack of effort, while part of me watched and cursed myself out for being such a sap.
“But you went to university?”
She asked me this just as I took a big bite of food. I tried to swallow it so I could answer but ended up just nodding.
“Ah, that is good.”
“I studied film.” I’d managed to swallow my food and could answer.
“Film! Film! What is that to study? How can you study film at university? If you want to study film, you can just go to the cinema.”
“Not watching film,” I explained. “Making film.”
“Ah, that’s why you filmed the boys. Are you good at making films?”
I felt too scared to eat any more with all the questions being fired at me. That made me sad because there was a dish of magically delicious pork belly right in front of me and it needed to be eaten.
“Well, I wouldn’t say I was great but I’m okay.”
“Ah, if you like film, you should watch Korean drama. Korean dramas are very good.”
I nodded. I remembered Hannah telling me about watching dramas with Eric and how they’d been really fun. Eric had never watched dramas with me.
I’d figured I'd stay for dinner then make excuses and have a quick getaway. I hadn’t taken into account that Eric-Mama would want me to hang for a while. Still, if she was going to this much effort to be nice, I should try to get along with her. It wouldn’t hurt me to stick around and watch dramas with her. It might even be fun. I’d have killed for a cigarette but I felt strangely shy about saying so, figuring it’d be another point against me.
We went into the living room and she put on some drama. I couldn't understand a word of it because it was in Korean. I thought there would be subtitles but there wasn’t. Instead, she kept trying to explain it to me.
“That girl is the cute girl. She is in love with him but she thinks she hates him. He is rich and not very nice. But she has to stay with him because they have an agreement. If she doesn’t stay with him for 100 days, her dad will go to jail.”
It sounded mighty complicated but I nodded and tried to look interested.
"Aigoo!" Eric-Mama suddenly cried.
I couldn't understand what she was saying but I could tell from the action on the screen that the girl had done something stupid and the guy in the ugly sequin outfit was ranting at her. I’d have just told him to shut up his stupid talking and to stop wearing that ugly outfit.
"She is mung chung ee, very stupid girl."
I nodded.
"That’s his mother. She's invited the mung chung ee girl for dinner. She's going to offer her an envelope of money so she will go away. He is very rich and his mother doesn't want him dating a poor girl. That's the way of Korean dramas."
God, was that going to happen to me? Is that why she invited me over for dinner, to offer me an envelope of money? I wondered how much she'd offer. Not that I'd take her lousy money but it had to be worth a fair bit to her. I needed to keep watching the drama to see how the girl reacted.
"He's very cute, isn't he?"
I looked at the guy on the screen.
"Yeah, he's okay but he wears stupid clothes.”
"Ah, but that’s because he’s rich. He had special clothes for rich people."
I nodded but didn’t really understand. I couldn’t relax and watch it because I kept thinking about Eric-Mama’s motives for inviting me there. I sat on the edge of my chair, hoping I’d laugh at the right bits of the drama. It all felt like a horrible test.
The episode finished before I got a chance to find out what happened when the mother of the guy with the stupid clothes offered the stupid girl the money. Eric-Mama decided we should do face masks.
"At least you have nice, white skin," she said. "It's not good for girls to be all dark."
She was trying, I had to admit that. Still, it felt odd and forced, like it was tearing her up inside trying to be nice to me.
She got out a packet and removed something that looked like a refresher towel but cut into the shape of a mask like on Friday the 13th. Then she plonked it on my face. I reeled as the coldness of it hit my skin. Then she smoothed it out and put one on herself. The cold gloop trickled from the sheet mask down my neck. I wondered if I should sop it up but I didn't even have a tissue. I fished in my bag for one but could only find my cigarettes. I wished I gone outside to have one earlier while I could. I couldn’t go out with that on my face.
"Smooth it out like this," she said as she tapped on the mask on her face. "It will make you look younger and fresher."
Because I looked like such an old battleaxe? Hells, I was only 22. How much younger and fresher did I need to look? I tried to grin at her but some of that face mask juice ran into my mouth.
At first, it felt refreshing and nice but, after a minute, my skin stung a little. Maybe that was natural. Maybe that was how it worked. I’d just ignore it and wait for it to feel better.
Then the feeling went from a slight sting to a burning sting. That didn't feel good.
"Um, is this supposed to sting?" It was hard to talk with the sheet on my face and I tried not to move my lips too much.
"A little."
"Like an intense burning?"
She shook her head and jumped up, taking the mask off my face then staring at me in sheer terror.
"Quick, wash your face." She grabbed my arm and raced me into the bathroom, forcing my head under the tap. Maybe this was her big scheme – to drown me? My leg bashed against the ba
thtub and her bony fingers stuck into me. I removed my head and she splashed more water on me then patted my face dry with a towel.
"Just a moment," she said and came back with some glop in a jar that she dabbed on my face.
It was then I saw myself in the mirror. My face! I looked like a monster!
My skin glowed bright red and I'd swollen up like a puffer fish.
"What have you done to me?"
Screw being nice. Screw trying to make things right. The woman had purposely deformed me. My face started itching. I was sure that was my skin trying to leave my body.
"Sorry... sorry. I'll just put more cream on."
I snatched the jar 0ff her.
"No more cream. No more weird shit on my face. What the hell is this stuff?"
Eric-Mama stood there with the sheet mask half hanging from her face. She took a deep breath in and put her hands on her hips.
"Maybe this is your fault. You, with your stupid metal face. It never does this to me because I don't have stupid things on my face. It must have reacted badly to you. It is definitely your fault."
I couldn't believe that she'd actually said that. Trying to put the blame on me.
"That's ridiculous. You did it because you don't like me."
I put my hands on my hips and glared at her. She glared back.
"Nonsense. How would I know you would have a stupid face?"
"You are trying to kill me, aren't you?" I screeched.
"I'm not trying to kill you. You are trying to kill me with your stupid metal face. You are not good enough for my Eric."
Ouch!
I didn’t even respond. I had no words. I just increased the glaringness of my glare.
"Mung chung ee!"
The two of us squeezed together in that tiny bathroom felt way too tight. I didn't even know why I was there. I needed to escape. I ran out to grab my bag. Eric-Papa gave me a look of surprise as I walked out then he ran after me.
"If you’re leaving, let me give you a lift. You might not want to catch the train..."
He had a very good point. Sheesh, Eric-Mama had been worried about me scaring the neighbourhood kids when I arrived. Imagine what they'd think if they saw me like that. Maybe I'd have to wear a hood over my head for the rest of my life. Wait, would it be permanent? Would I have scarring? I didn't have the greatest face in the world but it was my face and I kinda liked it how it was. Maybe the damage wasn't as bad as I first thought. Maybe it was just a bit of redness.
Eric-Papa looked at me when we got in the car.
"Actually, maybe I should take you to the hospital, just to be on the safe side.”
-o-
We waited in a horrible, cold waiting room. When we’d walked in, a kid sitting with his mother looked at me and started crying. Wow, that made me feel great.
My face felt like a balloon, swelling up bigger and bigger until it stretched my skin out and I felt like it was going to burst.
I wanted to scratch my face off. It itched like crazy. I sat on my hands to stop myself. If I started scratching, they'd probably put a cone on my head, like a dog. The burning had at least stopped.
Eric-Papa waited with me, even though I told him it was okay to go home and I'd be fine on my own.
"It's fine," he said. "I'd just be watching the TV anyway."
I smiled at him. Then they called my name.
So, after hours and hours of waiting at the hospital, I finally got to see a doctor.
The doctor poked and prodded at my face.
"What did you put on your face?"
"How the hell do I know? I didn't ask and even if I did, it was in Korean. I can't read Korean."
Eric-Papa said he'd find out and left the room to make the call.
The doctor peered at my skin again, this time using a magnifying glass thing.
"Is it going to cause permanent damage?"
He didn't answer, just tutted. It was going to be permanent, I just knew it. I'd spend the rest of my life as a red puffer fish. That woman had disfigured me so that Eric would lose interest in me. It'd been her evil plan all along. I didn't get it. Eric loved his mother, so she had to be an okay person. And she'd wrapped Hannah and Jack up in her smothering love like they were family. This whole big happy family with me standing on the outside. It didn't seem fair or right. I'd done nothing wrong. It wasn’t as though I was Spud and just treated everyone like shit.
Eric-Papa returned.
"It's a snake venom mask. Here's the list of ingredients."
He handed a piece of paper to the doctor.
"Snake venom! What possessed you to put snake venom on your face?" The doctor shook his head.
"It's not like I had a choice."
The doctor read through the list looking all serious and worried.
"It's probably just an allergic reaction to one of these ingredients. I don't think there is any actual snake venom in it. We can give you something and it should clear up in three or four days."
My heart flooded with happiness. I made a promise to my face to never treat it badly again. The doctor gave me a referral to a specialist for more tests and some cortisone cream.
At least I'd be stuck editing together video for the next few days. It wasn't as if I'd need to see anyone and I could order in pizza. I had a perfect not-leaving-the-house plan in place.
When I got home, it hit me. The thing with Eric, it’d never work out. I’d tried my hardest and it wasn’t enough. I don’t know if I had any more try in me. It’d taken her mere seconds to go from making an effort to hurling abuse at me. It just wouldn’t work.
To make it worse, days of editing meant days of watching Eric on video. I worried the sheer force of feels would make me short-circuit before I could leave the house.
-o-
Luckily, my face had cleared up before we had to fly up and meet the guys. I hadn't told Eric what had happened because I didn't want him to worry and also because I'd said I'd try to get along with his mother and getting along was exactly what I'd not done. My feelings about the trip were all over the place. I wanted to see Eric again. I wanted to be with him, but his mother!
Could I go into a relationship knowing it would be pretty much doomed from the start? It'd be hard for me to be around Eric and not be with him.
Maybe I’d be better off not even being there. It’d just be torturing myself. I needed to stay away from him.
I packed my bag with a few things I needed for the trip and gave my plants an extra watering to see them through. Then I decided it wasn’t even worth going and unpacked my bag again. I’d totally disengage myself from the band and maybe become a nun or something. I’d never have to see Eric again.
Nothing would ever be right again.
The doorbell rang. I figured it'd be Hannah picking me up to go to the airport. I’d tell her I’d caught a cold and my sinuses were all blocked up so I couldn’t fly.
But it wasn't.
It was Eric-Mama.
I so did not have time to deal with her. She'd probably just come over to yell at me about something. And how did she have my address? Eric must've given it to her. I'd kill him when I saw him next.
She stood in the doorway, not talking. Fine. She could leave.
Okay, I couldn't be that person. I had to invite her in.
But I didn't like it.
Still, she didn't say anything and she didn't look at me. That was creepy. The silence stretched out, getting awkward and weird.
"Look, I'm in a hurry. If you want a coffee, I'll make it for you but you'll have to drink it real fast. I'll add some cold water so it's easier to drink."
I normally had mighty fine hospitality, but that was about as fine as my hospitality was going to get with her. I'd had three days for my resentment of this woman to build up. It filled me up and overflowed. She confirmed all the worst things I thought about myself. The moments I thought I wasn't good enough. She was, in fact like a demon, sent from hell to prey on my insecurities. So, I'd be buggered if I�
��d give her any opportunity to cut me down again.
I filled up the kettle and put it on. No fancy coffee machines for me. I could barely afford instant coffee.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I don’t need coffee.”
She looked around and I suddenly wished I’d folded the laundry and put it away instead of dumping it on the chair. And those pizza boxes from a week ago, I should’ve put them out. Bloody hell, I even had a bra hanging off the back of the couch.
She cleared her throat.
I turned back to her. She didn't meet my gaze though, she just stood there fidgeting with her hands.
"Maybe I shouldn't have given you the face mask," she said. "I didn't know it would react with your face."
My hand automatically went to the ring on my lip.
"It wasn't the metal. It was an allergic reaction to the mask."
She put her head on one side. "What I want to say is, I didn't do it on purpose. I was trying to be nice... I'm sorry."
She looked so lost, I couldn't help but put my arms around her. I could tell it'd cost her a lot to say that. I mean, I didn't hate the woman. She was obviously a lovely person to those she liked. She was just very narrow-minded. My heart sang. Things could work out. She’d accept me, and life would be repaired.
"It's hard for me," she said. "Eric looks at you different to the way he looks at other girls. Before, he never was very serious about anyone. I don't understand. Why would he like a girl with hair like a parrot and who is a little bit fat? He could have a girlfriend with lovely long legs."
I pulled away from her.
"Maybe he likes girls who are a little bit fat. Maybe he wants someone who isn't superficial and airheaded."
Her face scrunched as though the idea caused her physical pain.
"You will tell Eric I made an effort to be nice to you?" Her eyes pleaded at me.
And the bubble of hope in my heart died. That was what it was about. She didn't want to actually be nice to me, she wanted to be seen to be nice.
In this woman's mind, I'd always be imperfect. If she made no attempt to look beyond the surface, what could I do? I might not be perfect to her but I'm a perfect Angie.
Angie Page 4
