by Lola StVil
“I’m sorry about your mom. What happened?” he asks.
“I don’t really know. She was ill for a while, and then one day, she was gone. I was eleven and my dad shielded me from the worst of it.”
He winces slightly. “It leaves you kind of messed up, doesn’t it? Losing a parent.”
Oh great. He thinks I’m messed up. “What makes you say that?” I ask, a little sharper than I meant to.
“I was fifteen when my dad was killed in a car accident,” he says quietly. “My mom was a total train wreck, and I had to grow up pretty fast. She never really went back to being herself until she met my stepdad. I guess that could have had something to do with why it messed me up; you seem so together.”
My heart breaks for him. I can still remember the pain of knowing my mom was gone forever, and the only thing that got me through it was my dad being there for me, keeping me in a routine and holding me while my heart broke. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I’d had to pick up the pieces of him.
“Oh, that’s awful,” I say. “I’m really sorry, Rex. No kid should have to become the parent.”
I want to reach out and squeeze his hand or his knee, but I’m suddenly shy. I don’t want him to think I’m coming onto him when he opened up and told me something so personal, and an awkward silence falls over us. I’m relieved when Rex breaks it.
“That was what inspired me to be a mechanic. I was never really into cars or anything growing up. I hadn’t figured out what I wanted to do with my life. The accident was caused because my dad’s brakes failed. There was a big investigation, but it was ruled an accident. It was just a technical error. And that’s when I knew I wanted to make sure something like that could never happen to anyone else.”
He smiles at me.
“Big dreams huh? Saving the whole world one car at a time.”
“At least you want to make a difference,” I say.
“What about you?” he asks. “Any plans to take over the world?”
“Not exactly.” I laugh. “My path was always mapped out for me. Grow up, go to Harvard Law, and follow in my dad’s footsteps.”
“But you rebelled?”
I shake my head. “No. I just didn’t have any sort of love for the law. When my dad would talk about the adrenaline rush he got from his job, I just didn’t get it. Writing was always my passion, and I knew I wanted to be a journalist from such a young age that I don’t even remember ever wanting anything else. I never told my dad when I was young. I didn’t think I really had any choice but to do what he said.
“By the time I was old enough to realize I did have a choice and tell him what I planned on doing, he thought it was me rebelling against him, pushing him away. It took me a long time to make him realize it wasn’t that. That this is who I am. He eventually came around. He’s not ecstatic about it, but he accepted it, and that’s about the best I could hope for.”
“He’s a great guy, your dad. He’s not like the other assholes around the Upper East Side.”
“Yeah, he’s the best,” I say.
I decide now is a good time to work in that I don’t want my dad to know what happened tonight.
“He worries about me, though, and I don’t need him to. So, I would appreciate it if tonight stayed between us.”
Rex flashes me a grin. “You mean he wouldn’t want to know that you came out here on purpose to lure me out in the middle of the night?”
“Exactly,” I say, rolling with it even though it’s perfectly clear he doesn’t think that’s what happened at all.
“He won’t hear it from me, Ava. But if something is going on, you should tell him.”
I don’t reply. It’s been nice talking to Rex with no game playing, no suggestive undertones, and no biting each other’s heads off. I don’t want to ruin it by telling him that’s not going to happen. I turn to look out the window. I have no real idea where I am, and it occurs to me Rex is a virtual stranger and he could be taking me anywhere.
The thought doesn’t scare me. I don’t know what it is about him, but I instinctively know I’m safe with him. So much so that when my eyes begin to close, I don’t fight it.
***
I wake up slowly. I don’t know where I am, but I’m warm and comfortable and keep my eyes closed for a minute. I’m being bounced up and down slightly, and I open my eyes. I feel a jolt of electricity flood my body when I find myself looking into Rex’s eyes.
“Sorry. I tried to be gentle,” he says.
I realize he’s carrying me, and I’m at home in the living room. He sets me down gently on the couch.
“You could have just woken me,” I say.
He shrugs. “You looked so peaceful.”
He clears his throat, suddenly awkward.
“Anyway, you’re home safe now. I should go.”
I feel a stab of panic run through me. What if Matt comes here? He knows where I live and he knows I’m here alone. I know I’m being paranoid, but I can’t help it. I’m a lot more shaken up by what happened than I want to admit, even to myself. Rex has turned away from me, and suddenly, the thought of being here alone terrifies me. I don’t want him to think I’m weak, a kid, but I can’t stop myself from blurting it out. I hate that I can hear the fear in my voice.
“Please don’t go.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
REX
Holding her in my arms to carry her up to the house, I felt like I was filled with fire. I ached to kiss her awake and fuck her, but I held back. She felt so small in my arms, so fragile. She needs protecting, not fucking. But God, I want to fuck her so bad.
And now she asks me to stay with her. I have to say no. If I agree to stay the night, there’s no going back. I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing her, from taking her in my arms and making her forget whatever happened tonight.
I turn around to tell her it’s not a good idea. I can see her shaking from here. Whatever happened tonight has scared the living shit out of her, no matter how much she’s trying to play it cool. I feel a rush of heat go through me, anger at whoever made her look that way, and a protectiveness that chills me. I would do anything to keep this woman safe.
She hasn’t just woken the beast. She’s woken the lion. The protector.
“Okay, I’ll stay,” I hear myself say.
I sit down in the armchair across from where she’s sitting on the couch. She smiles, not her fuck-me smile. This one is different, embarrassed. She didn’t plan on asking me to stay. She only did it because she’s genuinely scared to be alone right now.
She stands up. She seems a whole lot soberer than she did when I got to her. I guess her nap in the car did her some good.
“I’ll make us some coffee,” she says. “You do like coffee, right?”
“Sure. It’s the drink of champions,” I tell her. “But it has to be black.”
“Cream and sugar is for wimps,” we say together.
She laughs and shakes her head. “Why do people always want to take something good and ruin it?” she says almost to herself as she leaves the room.
Why indeed?
I mean, she’s a good person, and I want to fucking ruin her. I want to push her over the edge, make her cling to me for dear life, and then feel the most intense, amazing things she’s ever felt.
I have to get a grip on myself. I can’t do this, not tonight. And not just because of Max. Because of her. I need to make her feel safe again. I’ll find out what happened and make heads roll, and then maybe … No. maybe nothing.
She breezes back in and hands me one of the mugs she’s carrying. Our fingers brush as I take it, and I’m instantly hard again. How the fuck does she do this to me? I shift in the chair, trying to both get comfortable and hide my hard-on at the same time. She takes her seat on the couch again, and if she spots my discomfort, this time, she doesn’t feel the need to point it out.
When our fingers touched, she sucked in a breath, reminding me she feels this too. It doesn’t help matt
ers for me one little bit. She sits down and holds her mug in both hands. She blows on it and takes a sip.
“I’m so over all this,” she says.
“All of what?” I ask.
“This,” she says, waving her hand around herself. “All of it. The glitz and glamour. Rich people who think they can do or say whatever they want with no consequences. The worst part is, for the most part, they’re right. I’ve been part of this world for so long, it was always just who I am. But now I see it Rex. I see it, and it’s fucking toxic.”
Does she really mean that?
Maybe there’s hope for a future for us after all.
Don’t even let yourself think it, Rex.
“My plan was to come back here and enjoy one last summer of partying and being hedonistic. But I’m done with it. I’m just going to ride it out, avoid the scene, and wait for college to start. If tonight told me anything, it’s that I don’t want to be part of a group where friends backstab each other and spread rumors, and think they have some sort of right to do whatever the fuck they want.”
“Ava, what happened tonight?” I ask gently.
“I had my eyes opened,” she says.
She looks down at the ground and then right at me, and I can see the pain in her eyes. I ache to go to her, to pull her into my arms, but I stay where I am.
“Casey, my so-called best friend, was my ride. But she left me without so much as a goodbye, because she’d rather hook up with her boyfriend than actually give a fuck about anyone else. A friend offered me a ride home. I knew he was into me—he’s been into me for years—but it was supposed be just a ride.”
I feel a surge of jealousy so strong I almost launch the mug and demand to know who he is. How dare some drunk-ass rich boy think he can give a girl like Ava what she needs? How dare he think he can want my woman?
“I thought he was a friend. I thought I’d be safe with him. But he pulled into an abandoned rest stop and made a move. I told him no, and I thought he took the hint. But he didn’t. He grabbed me, and I panicked and punched him.”
I let out a soft laugh despite the utter agony I am feeling. Ava’s eyes fly up, and she frowns.
“I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you,” I tell her. “I’m just imagining that punk’s face when you gave him a right hook.”
She smiles herself. “It was pretty epic.”
The smile fades, and she’s serious again. She can’t meet my eye now, and she stares into space as she talks.
“He didn’t take too kindly to being punched, and he called me a cock tease. I mean, maybe I was. Maybe I led him on. But is accepting a ride from someone permission to do whatever they want to me?”
She meets my eyes.
“I mean, you gave me a ride, but you didn’t feel the need to try and fuck me in the car, and I have given you more indication than I ever have him.”
I know Ava likes me. But unlike that jerk, I would never force myself on someone who told me no. Ever. She goes on without waiting for an answer.
“That really pissed me off. I asked him what he meant by it. I should have just gotten out of the car, but yeah, I hated the way he spoke like it was his right to do what he wanted to me and I was somehow in the wrong for not wanting his hands on me. He grabbed my breast. It was awful, Rex. He was stronger than me, and I couldn’t get him off. I thought it was going to go bad quick, but I dug my nails into his hand and got him off me. He said I was an animal. And then he called me a stuck-up, frigid cunt.”
Her eyes fill with tears. I don’t speak or move. If I do, my anger will erupt, and she needs to get this out.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I was giving off some sort of signal and should have just let him do it. I mean, that’s what girls like me are good for, right?”
That does it. I get to my feet and cross the room in one angry stride. I kneel in front of Ava, take the mug from her, and put it on the end table. I take her hands in mine and wait until she looks into my eyes. The hurt in her eyes sends a pain right through me.
“Listen to me, Ava,” I say. I can’t keep the anger out of my voice, but she doesn’t recoil, just looks at me. “You are not to blame for this. You weren’t sending any signals, and even if you were, when you say no, it means no, okay? Don’t let some fucking asshole make you feel any less than you are.”
“And what am I?” she asks quietly.
“Perfect,” I tell her without a pause.
She shakes her head, and a single tear runs down her face. That does it. I can’t keep the anger in any longer. I jump back to my feet.
“Who is he, Ava?”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter who he is. Don’t you see? He could have been any of these guys. That’s how they all think. Like they have some sort of right to do what they want regardless of who gets hurt.”
“This is more than that, and you know it. He … he touched you. And he’ll fucking pay for that. Tell me who he is, and I swear I’ll kill him for what he’s fucking done to you.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AVA
I didn’t mean to tell Rex all that. I didn’t even mean to tell him any of it; it just came pouring out. And he listened to me, really listened. I was afraid to tell him, not just because I was afraid he would judge me if he knew, but because I was so scared that he’d just shrug and say, “Well, what did you expect, you led him on.”
He didn’t do that. He told me it wasn’t my fault. He said I was perfect. I’m far from it, but I think he might just be perfect. When he took my hands in his, I felt it. The spark. But I felt something else too. Something deep and real.
I know that for sure now. I want him to take me, to make me feel alive. To show me how different my life could be with him in it.
He jumps to his feet. I can see anger all over him. His body is taut, rigid, his face a mask of hatred. And when he says he’ll kill Matt, I feel a tingle go through my body. He has already chosen me, claimed me, with his words alone. He won’t let anyone hurt me.
I feel something else, too. Fear. Not that he’ll hurt me—I know he won’t as sure as I know my own name. I fear what he’ll do to Matt. Not because I care about Matt, but because I can see in Rex’s eyes what he is capable of, and I’m afraid I will lose him.
“Please, leave it alone,” I say.
“Fuck that,” he yells. “He’s going to pay for what he did to you. And if you won’t tell me who he is, I’ll find out. And I swear he’ll wish he never so much as looked at you. By the time I’m done with him, he’ll be begging me to end him so he can’t feel every fucking broken bone in his body.”
Casey’s words come back to me. Prison. Murder. Is it somehow true? I never believed it, but the way he’s talking, the absolute anger…
“It wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” I say.
Fucking hell, Ava, what the fuck did you say that for? He’s been so supportive, so caring, and you go and accuse him of murder. Nice.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Rex says.
I could lie. I could make something up. But I owe him more than that. I owe him the truth. I owe him the chance to call bullshit on the rumors and tell me he was off travelling or something during the time he was meant to be inside.
“I heard you did time. For murder,” I say.
It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud like that. The anger recedes a little in Rex, and he looks at me. I think for a moment he looks hurt, but maybe I’m imagining it.
“After everything you’ve said about this world of yours, you’re willing to believe rumors like that?” he says.
I shake my head. “I didn’t believe it.”
“Didn’t as in you do now? Or didn’t as in you still don’t?”
“Didn’t as in I still don’t. I just … You were saying that stuff and sounded like you really meant it.”
“Do you really think I’m a murderer?” he asks.
I can hear the hurt in his voice, and I know that this time I’m not imagining it. I wish I could
take those words back. How could I have been so stupid as to make him think I believe that he is a killer?
“No,” I say.
“Well, that’s something, I guess,” he replies. “I’m no fucking killer, Ava. But I did do time. Your little gossip mill got that much right.”
“What happened?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Mind your own fucking business,” he snaps.
He turns away from me and starts toward the door. I feel a rush of fear, but this time I’m not afraid of Matt coming back. I’m afraid that if Rex walks away from me now, that will be it. I stand up, ready to run after him and try to drag him back to me.
“Please don’t walk away,” I say.
He pauses then turns back to me.
“Are you sure you feel okay having a murderer in the house?” he asks bitterly.
I take a step toward him and then stop, worried if I get too close, he’ll walk away again.
“I don’t think you’re a murderer. I think you were just angry and wanted to protect me.”
“I would have killed him if he was here in front of me. That’s what you do to me, Ava. How does that feel?”
His words send a throb of lust through me. That’s what I do to him. I bring out the alpha in him, the leader of the pack, the hero.
“I’m not afraid of you, if that’s what you’re worried about. In fact, I have never felt safer than I do when I’m with you.”
It’s the truth. No more games. No more playing.
He comes back to me, takes hold of my shoulders, and sets me on fire. I think he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t. He looks at me with those piercing eyes, a storm brewing inside them.
“No one will ever hurt you again, Ava. I swear it.”
My mouth is suddenly dry, my palms are sweating, and my heart is pounding so hard that I’m sure Rex will hear it. He removes his hands from my shoulders and takes my hand. I cringe at the thought of him feeling the sweat on my palm, but he doesn’t pull away in disgust and he doesn’t comment on it.
