by Cheree Alsop
The bear rose on his hind legs, startled by my sudden appearance. He loomed above me, a king bear out at night because he hadn’t found food during the day. He feasted on a fish big enough to feed the entire pack. I wasn’t hungry, but felt foolhardy and reckless. Danger was a distraction to the heartache and rage that fueled my inner turmoil. I welcomed the distraction of the bear and let out a low growl.
The massive animal took a step forward, his dark form blocking out the light of the moon behind him. He swiped a paw at me with claws big enough to lay open my skull. I dodged the blow and ran behind him. He turned and gave an outraged roared. Two pheasants took flight, their startled cries mapping their path over the forest.
I lunged for the fish, then jumped to the side at the last moment when the bear tried another swipe. He dropped to all fours with a thump I felt through my paws. The animal stood over his fish, determined not to lose his catch to a lone wolf. I danced around him, intent on my objective and ignoring the danger entirely.
When it was obvious I wasn’t going to give up, the bear let out another annoyed roar. His lips opened wide to reveal teeth longer than a human finger, and the sound that rumbled from his chest flowed through my body like an avalanche. I paused, realizing for a brief moment the situation I was in. I could leave the bear alone as my instincts dictated, but to do so meant accepting that I was a wolf, which I was not. I could trick the bear away from the food using my human intelligence, but as Joven so cuttingly pointed out, I wasn’t human.
I chose brute strength, a foolish move against an animal that outweighed me by at least a full-grown horse or two. I gathered my legs underneath me and leaped, intent on the bear’s back. My attack startled him and he backed up. His hindquarters hit against a tree and he turned, imaging another wolf behind him. I landed against his side, a glancing blow, but one that brought his attention quickly back. He glowered at me with small, shining dark eyes and shuffled his paws back and forth so that his head swayed, warning me like a viper that he was about to attack.
I danced back and he ran at me. He was surprisingly swift for an animal his size and I tripped on the stones at the edge of the creek. I stumbled into the shallow water and wasn’t quick enough to avoid his outstretched claws. They cut deep grooves across my chest and I let out a yelp of pain. The bear pursued his advantage and swiped again, but I was ready this time.
I dove under his paw and darted around the massive trunks that made up his legs. I grabbed the giant fish in my jaws and ran through the forest without looking back. An enraged roar resounded behind me. I ducked my head and ran faster. I turned uphill and wound around several ridges so that I wouldn’t lead the bear to the pack’s den. When sunlight glowed at the edges of the horizon, I paused and listened. The silence that awaited the coming dawn spread out below me; there was no crashing and thrashing of an enraged bear trailing in my wake.
I limped slowly down the side of the mountain. My paw ached to the point that I couldn’t use it anymore. I held it against my wounded chest and limped with the fish held tight in my jaws. A voice at the back of my mind questioned why I had taken it. I shied from the thought, pushing it deep down beneath the survival instincts of the wolf to eat when there was plenty against times of none.
The wolves smelled me long before I reached the den. Night Seeker and Trace met me on the game trail and gamboled in front of me as proudly as if they had caught the fish themselves. Shadow Runner and Silver Leaf met me at the edge of the clearing. I set the fish at the alpha’s feet, a token of my gratitude for their continued loyalty, and an apology for the elk I had let escape. Shadow Runner picked it up and carried it to the center of the clearing. If he thought it strange that the fish smelled of bear, he didn’t let it show. Silver Leaf licked my muzzle and I settled down beneath a stand of trees to watch them feast.
The pups played with the bones long after the fish was gone. Gull, Silver Leaf’s sister, brought me the head, a prize usually reserved for the alpha. When I turned it down, she took it to Shadow Runner who ate it without concerning himself over why I refused such a delicacy. It was refreshing that wolves could do things without questioning every action. Life was simple as a wolf, and if I refrained from robbing too many bears, it could be a safe life. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want a safe life, I wanted one in which I could truly live as myself, whoever that was.
I saw Koya in my thoughts, her eyes searching mine as I lay fighting the fever from the Cruel One’s whipping. She smoothed the hair back from my forehead and whispered gentle things, her voice soft and kind. I reached out a hand and she took it. My fingers closed in a fist when a fever convulsion wracked my body. Though it must have hurt, she held on until I stilled. Compassion showed in her eyes. She dipped a rag in water and wet my face to sooth the fever.
The memory released the last grasp I held on the change. Pain straightened my limbs and I couldn’t fight it any longer. I kept my eyes closed and gave in, allowing my body to stretch and pull into human form. When it was over, I willed my pounding heart to slow and let out a breath. The skin the bear had lacerated along my chest bled from the change. I opened my eyes and ran a hand along the wounds, brushing the blood away.
They were shallow and would heal. Their scars would add to those of the Cruel One’s whips, white memories of pain I would rather not think about. I turned my attention to my left hand that had been bit by the Viel. Deep wounds that bled again from the change showed dark red and angry at the edges. My wrist hung limp, the bones crushed by the Viel’s teeth. Pain rushed through the limb when I tried to move it. The wound was infected, and heat ran up my arm. My body gave a shudder, a minor whisper of fever.
I rose and made my way to the small brook that babbled near the wolves’ den. Each step sent a throb from my wrist. I regretted my stupidity at running on it and damaging it further. It was easier to see the error of my ways when I was in human form; it made me want to change back into a wolf forever.
I knelt by the brook and lowered my swollen hand gently into the water. The stream was fed by glaciers that melted in the mountain’s heights, and the cold temperature took my breath away. It also numbed the pain, making it more tolerable. I gritted my teeth and washed the wounds as quickly as possible until the caked dirt and blood were gone and fresh blood ran freely. I lifted my hand back out and let it air dry.
I wished for clean bandages and Rasmus’ salves. My heart turned over at the thought of the General. I would no longer hear his gruff words or see the acceptance in his eyes. I would never know the story behind the scar that marred his face, or hear his wisdom on soldier lore and battle strategies. He was lost to me as much as Koya, Vielkeep, and the life I had lived there.
I lay on my back near the brook and watched the morning light toy through the leaves above me. My wrist slowly clotted and when the numbness from the brook faded, it became stiff and sore. I eased to my feet and walked through the woods. The wolves fell in around me, reminding me that I wasn’t alone, no matter how lost I felt.
***
Only a week had passed since I reached the den behind Vielkeep. My days and nights were tormented with thoughts of Koya so close, but further than she had ever been before. I found a clearing filled with meadow gold and spent time there surrounded by the memory of her scent. But stillness brought too many bitter, regretful thoughts. I pushed myself in the hopes that it would help chase away the chill of the infection that tormented the Viel bite. On one such walk, a scent slowed my steps.
My lips lifted in a snarl. Cricket and Trace paced on either side of me. At my warning, they fell back into the trees. The smell of cedar made the fur on the back of my neck rise. I was tempted to turn away, but despair mingled with Joven’s scent along with sour bitterness. I stalked quietly through the undergrowth.
Joven stumbled through the forest like a king bear, unconcerned about who heard him as he broke twigs and branches with enough sound to alert every animal near Vielkeep. Four soldiers kept pace with him; the closest two picked him up ev
ery time he fell. They exchanged glances, but no one said a word to halt their Lord’s progress.
“Victus, I know you’re here. She said you would be,” Joven called out. He lifted something and my ears flattened at the sight of a bottle of mulled wine. He took a swig. “You wouldn’t go far.”
I followed him out of sight, wondering what madness drove him to seek me out after all he had done. I wanted hatred to burn in my chest, to feel anger at all he had taken from me, but instead sadness took its place. His scent reminded me of all the time I spent behind Vielkeep’s walls. He had been a friend once, one of only a few.
“You owe me that much, Victus,” he yelled. Spittle flew from his mouth. He wiped his lips with the back of his sleeve. “You owe me something,” he said more quietly. He tripped and fell again, but this time when his men tried to help him up he pushed them away. “Leave me alone,” he growled. His words slurred, bitter and angry. His guards stood back and exchanged concerned glances, but didn’t argue.
Joven muttered something under his breath and took another drink from the half-empty bottle. He held it out and swirled the liquid inside, then gave an enraged yell and threw it. The glass shattered against a tree and fell in pieces to the ground.
“Should’ve known he was a coward,” Joven said. He turned to his guards and spoke louder, “Should’ve known he would’ve run away and left her like everyone else.”
I stepped into the clearing. The soldiers tensed, but Joven didn’t notice me.
“I’ve made a mess of things now, Victus,” Joven yelled. “Rasmus was right. I wasn’t ready to do it alone.”
I couldn’t think of a time when the General had said such a thing, but the pain in Joven’s voice echoed the throb in my heart at Rasmus’ name. I took another step forward. The guards drew closer around Joven. This time he noticed and followed the direction of their gazes. His face went still, frozen, as if he hadn’t expected me to answer. I watched him without moving. My heart pounded in my ears.
“Leave us,” he told his guards.
They stared from me to him, unwilling to leave their inebriated Lord with a wolf, even a wolf they knew. “My Lord, I don’t think that would be wise,” one of them hazarded to answer.
Joven hands clenched into fists and he growled in a voice as far from drunk as possible, “Leave or your service with Vielkeep is through.”
The soldiers straightened and saluted. I listened to their footsteps when they left the small clearing. They stopped a few paces out of sight, ready in case their Lord needed them. I gave a soft snort of approval. My pack was out of sight as well, pacing the perimeter like silent wraiths ready for attack.
I took another step closer to Joven. Face to face with the one responsible for my heartache, I let out a low growl.
Joven nodded. “You probably should attack. My soldiers are gone and I’ve not much defense left to me.” He pulled out his knife, waved it half-heartedly, and let it drop from his fingers to the dirt. It made a soft thud when it hit the ground.
I sat down, more concerned than angry now.
He bowed his head and was silent for a moment. I was surprised when a sob shook his shoulders. “They took her, Victus. They took Koya.” His voice carried the pain of defeat and the agony of realizing he wasn’t able to protect her as a brother should.
My heart slowed. I wanted more than anything to ask him who took her and why he wasn’t trying to get her back, but my human form eluded me now that I needed it. I gritted my teeth in frustration and closed the distance between us.
He let out a sigh and looked up. His sour breath washed over me. I blew air out of my nose to clear it. “She left a note saying she was going after you.” He shook his head. “I knew she would. She said I was wrong to deny love and she deserved to make her own decisions. She said you wouldn’t go far. I expected her to try to find you.” Darkness washed across his face. “I had soldiers ready to follow her at a moment’s notice. When she left, they trailed her, and when Vesut’s men took her, they attacked; but they were outnumbered and he slaughtered them, then left them skinned like rabbits in a warning to those who would follow.”
I bared my teeth at Vesut’s name. I pictured his black slicked back hair and greedy dark eyes. The thought of Koya in his hands made me want to change into human form and strangle him. A shudder ran through my body. Joven saw the warning sign. He unclipped his cloak and tossed it to me, then turned his back to give me privacy. My joints pulled and bent. My fur receded and hair grew. The pain in my wrist was enough to make me yell, but I stifled it. I pulled the cloak around my waist and tied it.
Joven turned back around. His eyes widened when he saw the claw marks down my chest. “What happened?” he asked.
“A bear had a fish I wanted.”
A look of disbelief touched his eyes. “You couldn’t catch your own fish?”
“I wanted the one he had,” I said as though the statement made perfect sense. I wasn’t ready to discuss the stupidity of my actions to the one who drove me to that desperation.
Joven laughed, a reminder of his drunkenness touching his voice when he said, “You really need to know when you’re outnumbered.”
“It was one bear, I was one wolf,” I replied. “We were even.”
He shook his head. “Remind me to rethink my decision to follow you into battle.”
“I have,” I replied quietly.
He studied me for a moment, then rose to his feet. No drunkenness touched his step nor slurred his words when he crossed the space between us. “I was wrong, Victus. I was dead wrong.” Regret touched his gaze. “I’ve never been in love. I didn’t know. How could I?” He looked at the trees, the dirt, anything to avoid meeting the bare pain in my eyes. “But I knew when you walked away that I was wrong, and it was too late to do anything about it.”
“You could have,” I whispered.
“I know,” he replied, his voice tight. After a moment, he held out his hand. “You have my word that when we get Koya back she’s yours, if she’ll have you,” he concluded with a hint of challenge.
I met his eyes. “I trusted you once.”
He nodded and dropped his gaze again. “I betrayed you like no brother would ever betray another. You didn’t deserve it.”
“I bled for you.”
His eyes rested on my red, swollen wrist. “You saved Vielkeep and the rest of Rala. I owe you more than I could ever repay.”
“Helping me save Koya would be a start.”
He looked up at me, a hint of hope on his face. “You’ll help?”
I nodded. “But this isn’t for you; it’s for Koya, only Koya.”
His expression fell, but he nodded. “Thank you.”
I didn’t answer. I no longer cared about anything but the woman I loved. She was in danger, and if the skinning of the soldiers was any indication, the fight we were up against would be a hard one. I walked through the forest, following the trail they took to find me. When I reached Joven’s guards, they had their swords out and were anxiously awaiting word from their Lord. I walked past them, ignoring the concern in their eyes or the way their gazes darted from me to Joven. I had fought beside them, bled with them, and yet I could smell their fear and trepidation at being so close to me. I found myself missing Rasmus’ quiet acceptance with the ache of a small child who just lost a parent. The feeling was forlorn and empty, threatening to devour what was left of my heart.
Chapter 18
Lieutenant Aled was the first soldier I saw at the Vielkeep gate. I thought at first he was on duty, but the expression in his eyes was unmistakable. He had been waiting for me. His relief at my appearance threatened to break down the resolve I had made to remain distant from those in the castle. He crossed the distance between us at almost a run, holding an arm tight against his side to protect the wound along his ribs.
The Lieutenant slowed when he drew near and glanced at Joven as if worried about the Lord’s reaction; then resolve tightened his features and he held out a hand without
looking at his commander. “It’s good to have you back,” Aled said sincerely.
I didn’t hesitate to shake the young Lieutenant’s hand. “Thank you,” was all I could think of to say. I didn’t expect a warm welcome after Joven’s judgment of my animal blood; to find one person in Vielkeep who was happy about my return was more than I had hoped for. I kept my face carefully expressionless so the Lieutenant wouldn’t see how much his simple words tormented me.
He fell in beside us and gave an update on Koya’s current status. He directed the words to Joven, but it was obvious by his review that he meant them for me. “No word from Vashold regarding their intentions with Lady Koya, my Lord. They’ve been silent since the guards were found in such a, um, callous condition last night. We have riders flanking Vesut, but haven’t heard word since high noon. The soldiers of Vashold have made good time, but they’ve had some delays.”
That perked my interest. “What delays?”
“Horses missing, a fire run wild,” the Lieutenant’s eyes shone. “Anything a well-bred Lady of Vielkeep can manage.”
The thought that Koya was causing as much trouble as possible cheered me. If she was able to make mischief, she wasn’t harmed badly.
“Have they stopped long enough for a ceremony?” Joven asked in a neutral tone.
I glanced at him. “Ceremony?”
His eyebrows drew together, forming a line between them. “Lord Vesut took Koya because he wants Vielkeep. His best claim would be to wed my sister and let principle dictate that he is the best acknowledged ruler of Vielkeep due to his age and the fact that he is already heir to Vashold. If they are wed, society would be hard-pressed to find reasons to deny his claims.”
My stomach rolled at the thought of Koya anywhere near Vesut, let alone wed to him. I had no doubt what he would do to her if she were his by law. I met Aled’s eyes and he shook his head quickly.
“No, they haven’t stopped long enough for a ceremony as far as I’ve had word, but our informants have grown silent. I have cause to believe they are no longer able to relay information.”
