by Snow, Nicole
Had to leave her. Let sleeping fuckin' dogs fuckin' lie.
Had to let her fade away one more time.
“Lion, Tin, let the woman out. Make sure she never gets back inside these gates.”
The two new brothers looked at me. Had to be watching the whole ugly scene, even if they didn't know shit about it.
“You got it, Veep,” Tin said, getting up from his bench. Both brothers disappeared behind me, heading out there to make sure the little girl I'd left behind never showed her face here again.
Wouldn't let myself look back. No goddamned regrets.
She had to stay buried. Deep in old, evil, blood soaked ground.
Same as everything else , 'til it was time for the brothers to kill the bastards who'd murdered Freddy. Even then, nobody had the full picture.
God willing, they never would. Nobody needed the fine details that ripped my fuckin' heart out, nobody except the Prez. Dust did a noble lie for the club, for me.
He'd told the boys my brother died in an accident. He'd dropped pure bullshit so we wouldn't go in hot and crazy, waging a blood war we couldn't hope to win just then.
Someday, he'd promised. Someday was coming sooner, too, soon as we ironed out how to hit the Deads hard, and when.
“Fuck you! Take your hands off me. I'll go out the gate,” Summer screeched. I was almost to the club's door.
I stopped with my hand on the handle. Don't turn around, asshole. Let her fuckin' go.
For a second, I pinched my eyes shut, listening to her tires burn rubber as she tore through the open gate. After the mind-fuck I'd given her, she'd never be back. She'd leave me to my hell, just the way it was meant to be.
Before I could pop the door, Skin opened it, staring at me from the other side. “Already done out here? That was fast. Who the fuck was she?”
Didn't say a damned word as I pushed past, shoving my muddy arm against his cut. “Aw, fuck!”
His curse echoed after me, barking through the open bar, as I continued down the hallway to the showers.
I'd need a fuck of a lot more than hot water and good whiskey to wash away all the filth today.
5
Crash (Summer)
“Asshole, asshole, fucking asshole!” I slammed my fist on the steering wheel again, adding one more muddy streak to the worn pink cover.
I couldn't believe he'd turned me away like I was nothing.
I couldn't believe I'd stood there and taken it, expecting a miracle, when I'd learned to stop believing in them years ago.
I definitely couldn't believe he'd rubbed his filthy body against mine, caking me in dirt, forcing me to feel those hard edges all over him one more time. The ones I'd tried so hard to forget.
For years, I'd wondered how much I'd hurt confronting him like this.
Now, I knew.
It killed me. Tore out my soul a second time, dashed it to tatters before my eyes.
God damn him. My love had turned to hate.
If it weren't for the monster holding the gun to my head, I wouldn't have come back. Ever. But that demon, Hatch, reminded me why I was here every few hours, pinging the phone he'd left me with a text or another nasty voicemail.
He'd made himself deadly clear. It took a lot of makeup and even more aspirin to cover up the blow to my head.
Then I'd gotten in my car and driven, non-stop with Alex, stopping only for gas. We checked into the hotel this morning, where I fed him and let him nap, before finding the closest babysitter.
If Hatch were a reasonable man, I would've moaned about how much this was taking out of my pocket. Naturally, I didn't say a word, fearing what would happen if I so much as asked for a penny.
Everything was going down, down, down.
My life. My bank account. My poor, sweet baby's future, handed off to strangers while I pleaded with a man who thought nothing about shredding my heart for the second time.
I picked up Alex at the little daycare in town, ignoring the dumbfounded looks from all the women, wondering how I'd gotten smeared with mud. Then we headed back to our room, where I took a long, hot shower, ignoring the hunger pangs ripping at my stomach.
Joker wouldn't leave my head. I couldn't get over the contrast, the change in the man I once knew. Where had he gone?
He'd been replaced with a killer robot wearing his skin.
His gorgeous hazel eyes didn't shine anymore. They just glowed like dull stones, dead and cold to everything they saw.
That tragic night three years past killed both the Taylor boys – just one less literally. Joker walked the earth and rode his bike like a shell, lost to his humanity, his love, and me.
Before, he'd been a deadly angel with a beautiful soul underneath.
Today, he'd looked just as handsome as before – maybe more so with the extra edges and tiny scars the last three years had given him – but now there was nothing underneath except ugliness.
Watching the last few bits of grime and soap disappear down the drain, I turned the nozzle, only to hear the damned phone I'd left in my jeans vibrating.
Sighing, I stepped out of the shower and started toweling myself off while I reached for it. “Yeah?”
“How'd it go, bitch? You were supposed to check in.”
An evil chill swept up my spine. Hatch's voice had that effect, just pure, vicious poison. My battered temple throbbed, remembering how he'd knocked me out cold.
“Not well,” I said. There wasn't any point in lying. “It's going to be tough to find out anything. He doesn't want to talk to me.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line. I could practically see his nasty, leathery face pausing to take a long drag on a cigarette. His mismatched eyes must've trembled with rage.
“You're gonna do better, Summer-Bummer, or you're gonna get your fuckin' guts hanging on a clothesline, mixed with the kiddo's. Quit fucking around. We're paying for your room. Wasting the club's good money.”
Fuck you, fuck your money, and fuck your club, I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. Tasted blood.
“I'll try again. Give me another day or two. I'll find out where he goes, follow him, try to pin him down somewhere outside the clubhouse.”
“Yeah,” he said calmly. “You will. Because if you don't –“
“Hatch, please!” I flattened my hand against the wall, propping myself up so I wouldn't pass out. “I know what you'll do. I don't need another reminder.”
“Good. 'Cause if you fuck us over, you little fuckin' skank, what's coming ain't just talk. It's blood. You've got three days to drain him dry before we drain your skin in the nearest ditch.”
The line went dead. I closed the phone and angrily threw it down on my clothes, promising myself I wouldn't let him set off another chain reaction of ugly crying.
I couldn't fight this hellish noose he'd slipped over me. But I could control my own reactions. Getting upset about his sickening threats wouldn't do anything to keep Alex safe.
And that was the only reason I was here. After today, there was no other reason.
* * *
“Mama!” Little Alex sat on my lap with some stupid kid's show on the background, tugging at the bottle.
“Sorry, little man. Here you go.” I helped put the tiny juice bottle up to his lips, watching while he took it.
He sucked his sweet drink without a care in the world. For a second, I wished I'd brought along something a whole lot stronger for me to drink,, but that wouldn't do me any favors either.
You can't give up, I told myself quietly. Look at him. You're his mom, for Christ's sake. His everything. The only defense against these sick bastards he's got.
My baby slurped the apple drink, staring up at me the whole time, his eyes as big and bright as his father's used to be. They were the same color.
I wouldn't let that fire in his little eyes go out. I'd keep him safe, keep him alive, and I'd damned sure keep him happy. He was too young to see me killed over nothing, this biker nonsense.
Leaning do
wn, I kissed his head, and thought about how I'd make good on the lofty promises in my heart. It didn't come to me until after midnight, when I sat awake in bed, watching him turn around in the tiny play pen I'd set up.
Everybody was restless tonight. I wondered where Joker was, and if he was just as upset in his own bed.
Then I instantly covered my face, hating myself for thinking it.
Today, he'd ripped away any reason left to ever sympathize with him. Hell, I hoped he was suffering somewhere tonight, torturing himself for the way he'd treated me.
Talk about wishful thinking. I shook my head, knowing I'd have another brutally early morning tomorrow. I had to be up and out near the clubhouse if I wanted a real chance to catch him.
God help me, I would. There wasn't another option.
I'd sell out the bastard who'd wiped his filth on me in a heartbeat. I'd do whatever it took to keep my son safe, even if it meant watching the monstrous killers threatening us put a bullet through his father instead.
* * *
The next day, I had Alex at the daycare as soon as it opened, before I took off in my rusted out car for the clubhouse. I parked just around the corner, careful to keep myself out of sight.
Hopefully, he'd take the opposite road heading for the highway when he came out of there.
If he came out, I meant. Nothing was guaranteed, but there wasn't a better option.
I'd decided to risk the entire day scoping out the only place I knew for sure where he'd come and go.
After three long hours in the car, I finally heard the motorcycle roar that got my hopes up.
“Shit,” I swore to myself, watching the scruffy brother who'd let me through the gate yesterday roar out instead.
Ten more minutes, I sulked, contemplating all the roads I could use to flee the south for my life if I couldn't get close to Joker again. Then there was another growl.
I stiffened in my seat, inhaling a sharp breath as I saw the unmistakable outline of the big, bold man I'd once loved drive through the gate. He was in his truck this time, and I swore I saw a massive dog at his side, heading for the highway.
My hand turned the key in the ignition before I could think. I counted to about ten and then took off.
I hoped I'd be able to hang behind him close, but not so close he'd spot me, and throw me off, or worse.
It worked. My heart pounded a little harder with every mile, heading down the short stretch of highway to a new exit, where he took a sharp turn. I almost lost it when he disappeared.
Soon, I saw his truck turn into a nearby parking lot, next to a squat building that looked like an old post office with flowers out front.
I pulled into the gas station across the street, keeping my eyes on him. No, I hadn't been mistaken before.
Joker went over to the passenger side and pulled out the biggest dog I'd ever seen on a leash.
What the hell? Seeing the animal didn't compute.
The cold, dead-eyed man who'd pushed me away didn't look like the type who had any room in his heart for a pet. I wondered if it could be a guard dog – but then, what was waiting inside the building if he felt like he needed to bring one along?
Whatever, I had to find out. When I was sure he'd entered the building, I darted across the street, parking behind the building.
STERNER PLUS RETIREMENT HOME, I read on the sign.
There wasn't time to stop and think about what that might mean. I grabbed my purse and headed inside, only to be stopped by a burly looking old woman at the front desk.
“Visitor sign in, ma'am,” she said. “Who are you here for?”
Crap. I hesitated, wracking my brain for a name, the only reason I could think of why he'd be here.
“Donald Taylor?” I said, grabbing the pen, scrawling my name and number before she could tell me there was nobody here by that name.
“Oh, of course! Mister Taylor. It's about time he had somebody coming to see him besides his grandson...”
Of course! I echoed in my head. I could've dropped to the floor with relief.
“Have you been here before?”
I shook my head, watching as she beamed and stepped away from the desk. “Cheryl! Take over while I show the girl around. Right this way, ma'am, he's probably hanging out in the commons like he usually does this time of day.”
My knees grew heavier with every step I took, following her down the long, egg white corridor. I saw them sitting together as I rounded the corner.
The lady smiled and pulled away, giving me a friendly squeeze on the shoulder.
Honest to God, I needed it, knowing this was going to be the last peaceful minute of my life today.
A shitstorm brewed ahead. And I was walking straight into it as soon as I came into their sight.
No time like the present, I thought. Go.
Forcing my way forward, I plastered the biggest, fakest smile I'd ever worn on my face. The old man saw me first, turning his head, muttering something about his hearing aids.
“You heard me, boy. This damned place creeps and crawls with everything. I ain't gonna be able to hear shit if you don't move your ass, and fix it for me.”
“Grandpa, that's the fourth fuckin' time this year. I –“ Joker stopped.
He froze as soon as he saw me coming. I didn't stop.
The huge, hairy grey dog laying on the floor must've sensed his master tensing up. He stood up and let out a loud bark, forcing Joker to look down. Rather than stand up and beam that hatred at me, he crouched on the floor to sooth the dog, before it turned the nursing home into a total circus.
“What the fuck you doing here?” he growled, running his hand over the beast's furry head.
“Oh, Joker, I knew I'd find you here. Visiting your grandpa, huh?” I looked at the old man and winked.
His weathered face pulled up in a smile, amused by my interruption.
“Summer, you don't know shit. If you've got any sense in your head, you'll pack it in, turn the fuck around, and –“
“What's gotten into you, boy? That's no way to greet a woman,” his grandfather snapped, turning his wheelchair toward me. “Sorry, we haven't met.”
“Hi, I'm Summer,” I said sweetly, taking his hand. “It's a privilege, Mister Taylor, I don't think I ever met you straight up while you lived in Seddon. Just served your table a few times, back at Robby's bar. He was my uncle.”
“Shit on a shingle! You're a hometown girl?” He slowly turned to Joker, glaring the entire time. “Jesus, boy. What else you been hiding from me? I might be cooped up in this damned place, but I ain't pushing goddamned daisies yet.”
I laughed. Genuinely.
The old man had a lot of the Taylor twins in him. He had fire. Plenty of Alex, too, judging by the sharp hazel eyes that hadn't worn down a bit with age.
Joker and I shared a look.
Don't upset your grandpa. Follow my lead. Listen to me, I told him with my eyes.
“Haven't been hiding nothing, Grandpa,” he growled reluctantly. “She's just an old friend. Didn't know she was in town 'til now.”
“No? I tried to come by the clubhouse the other day. Didn't your brothers deliver the message?” I came closer, reaching down gently to stroke the big dog's muzzle while Joker dodged the question. “My, he's so big. What's his name?”
“Bingo!” Grandpa Taylor yelled. “Named him myself. Seeing this boy's the most excitement I got to look forward to all week, outside the weekly games.”
“Yeah, Grandpa. You picked a good one,” Joker said. His icy voice matched his eyes each time he looked at me. “So, why'd you come by? Could've waited for me at the clubhouse.”
“And keep an old friend waiting? I don't think so, Joker. I'm only in town for a little while. Gotta make the most out of every moment.”
The dog softened with both our hands on him. He tilted his massive head, opening his mouth to lick my hand. Through all the anger and anxiety eating me, I smiled.
Grandpa looked up, pointing at me with his thumb
. “I like her. You still live in Seddon? What's the old place like these days?”
“Oh, same old, same old,” I said, making light of how hard we'd been hit by the bad economy.
For the next minute or two, I truly enjoyed making small talk with the old man, forgetting about the dagger I'd have to drive into Joker's back before long. My ex-lover sat there in silence, stroking his dog, his eyes boiling like angry seas whenever our eyes locked.
I held his gaze. Showing any weakness was going to be fatal.
“You two were hanging around for all these years, and you never said anything?” Grandpa growled, turning to his grandson. “I can't believe you!”
“She was before Piece,” he said darkly.
The old man's anger melted. The air around us seemed to curdle, turning thick and toxic. I looked around desperately for a distraction.
“Hey, there's some soda and coffee. Can I bring you boys something?”
“Black coffee,” Grandpa Taylor said quietly.
“Joker?” Gingerly, I reached out, trying not to feel horrible that I'd caused him to lay down his dead brother's name.
I couldn't think about that night. Jesus, I couldn't forget why I was really here, what was on the line, all out of some sick, misplaced sympathy for a man who had none for me.
“Water,” he growled, subtly shrugging me off by leaning down to fix his dog's collar.
I nodded and stepped over to the long table, keeping my ears perked up for their voices.
“You don't gotta be so damned surly all the time, Jackson. She's come a long way to see you. Let's not dig into the past again. Ain't bringing him back,” I heard the old man say.
“You think I don't know that?” Joker's voice was low, like thunder.
Bingo let out a tiny whine as I turned around with a tray full of drinks. Just in time to see Joker grab his grandfather's hand, pure death shining in his eyes.
“Jackson...”
“Don't fuckin' call me that here, old man. I'm Joker 'til the job's done. Promised Freddy I'd kill the sick fucks who did him in, and I'm going to, real goddamned soon. I'm keeping my promises, just like you wanted.”
