One Thousand Tears

by Pauline Creeden

  "We must speak with the elder," one of the males grumbled.

  "He's not been available to us for many days, and there's much that needs to be discussed."

  "How are we supposed to just accept the presence of those air-breathers?" a female asked, her hair pulled back in a severe bun held with pieces of coral.

  "Do they expect us to hide for our whole lives."

  "This is a disgrace," another male said, shaking his head.

  "War."

  Adelaide blinked and tried to calm them down with her hand gestures. "What on Earth are you all talking about? War?"

  The elderly male with the green eyes that matched the patina of his hair nodded. "Yes, war. We have spent centuries keeping our livelihood hidden from the land-walkers so that we could have peace. Now they are invading our territory, stripping our waters of resources, and stealing our food. Are we supposed to move on to deeper waters? Migrate East? Our clan has been established her for over a millennium. We can't give up our waters so easily."

  Adelaide's jaw tightened as she thought over what the elderly were saying. Then she shook her head. None of this mattered right now. "My father isn't here. He's rarely here. You'll have to look for him in the main common areas. I don't know where he is."

  "We'll wait for him. We have nothing but time," the female in the bun answered.

  If teeth could crack from being clenched too hard, Adelaide's would have shattered. She shook her head. "No, that's not possible. My mother isn't well. She needs rest, and the excitement you're causing right now can't be good for her. The healer said she needs quiet."

  The elderly male narrowed his green eyes at her. "Are you trying to hide your father?"

  She gaped at the man. "What? Why would I do that?"

  "He's supposed to be representing our clan, but instead it seems he's never available to talk to us. Too busy. How is that possible when we are supposed to be his first priority?"

  Pressure hemmed in on Adelaide from all sides. Her heart thundered in her chest, and her vision narrowed, so that it felt as though black clouds surrounded her. A lump formed in her throat. It was all too much. Where was her father in all of this? She didn't even have Jonas, her secret friend to rely on. She had no one. Her lack of sleep, her lack of nourishment, her lack of parental support all caught up with her, and she clenched her fists trying to keep from falling apart. But it didn't matter, she fell apart anyway. She opened her mouth and screamed.

  Her eyes squeezed tight, and ears became numb to the sound as it reverberated from deep within her core. All of her anguish, all of her stress, the pressure she felt from every side--she finally released it all in a single, solitary note. The very waters shook from the sound. And it continued until she was spent.

  Then she collapsed to her knees, her eyesight dim as she blinked to try to bring it back. Everything ached--her eyes, her ears, her throat, her core. Nothing felt as though it would ever be the same again. The sunlight played on the sand beneath her, and she watched it, mesmerized for several seconds.

  "Are you okay, child?" a soft voice asked above her.

  Adelaide had to shield her eyes from the sun that pierced the waters and exposed her soul. She tried to bring the speaker into focus. It was the elderly female in the severe bun. The elderly female crouched down and settled into the sand in front of her. Adelaide looked around and found no other Mer in the waters around them. She went to open her mouth to ask where they went, but found she had no voice to speak with at the moment. Instead barely a croak escaped her lips.

  The female patted her on the shoulder and shook her head. "Rest, child. Don't try to speak. The others are gone. Your siren song drove them away, for they were weaker than you."

  Adelaide's brow furrowed. Siren song?

  With a nod, the female affirmed her thoughts, "Yes. It's been over a decade since I heard such a strong song, but I have enough magic in me still to be able to withstand your notes. The others? Not so much."

  Gritty sand felt as though they were piled in Adelaide's mouth and throat. When she tried to swallow down the lump that had formed there, everything scratched and burned their way down. She gripped the sand at her fingertips as though holding on to something that seemed real.

  "I guess it was your first time using song?"

  Adelaide nodded once.

  "We all have it. It's a distress call. It's protection. It's a way to keep others away, or bring them nearer, depending on the circumstances. Your body will know when to call upon it in times of need. But for now you need to rest." She looked up and past Adelaide, toward the nesting where her mother lay. "Your father is doing us all a disservice with his unavailability. It leaves us all wondering exactly what he might be doing. But none of that is of your concern. You have other matters to attend to. But if you have need, my name is Lenora. You can call upon me at any time."

  After another squeeze on her shoulder, the female removed her hand and swam slowly away. Adelaide continued to sit in the sand, unsure what she should do next. The sunlight warmed her skin and her back. Their nesting sat in a coral reef close enough to the shallows that the sun could come down upon them unimpeded, but deep enough that they were unaffected by the cold.

  As strength returned to her limbs, she felt that she might finally be able to rise and return to her mother's side. No more commotion, no more sound came from any direction. Peace had been restored at the cost of all her strength. She hadn't meant to do that. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before.

  Once she settled back into her spot beside her mother's nest, she took her mother's hand into hers again. Her mother's eyelids fluttered open again, and her gaze met and slipped from Adelaide's. Nothing had changed. But somehow, Adelaide felt the slightest bit of relief.

  The next morning, Adelaide came to her mother's nesting to wake her, but she had passed in the night. Grief gripped her heart and squeezed her chest as she waited for her mother to take another breath, but it didn't come. She held her mother's hand against her cheek and poured out her grief in sobs that racked her body but produced no tears. If she could have willed her mother to breathe again, to stay with her just a little bit longer, she would have. But her mother lay still, the current brushing her hair back and forth over her lifeless brow.

  The sunlight played over the waters, over her mother's body, and over the sand. Adelaide was only vaguely aware when it reached zenith overhead. The warmth of the sea enveloped her all around while she sat at her mother's side in shock, still wishing that she'd done more. Memories of better times with her mother washed away the chores that she'd been forced to do as her mother's caretaker. Cleaning up the effects of her mother's sickness had been miserable at times. She knew her mother couldn't help it, and she never got angry with her, but frustration did nip at her heels now and then. But those fleeting moments of frustration had become pinpricks of guilt. How could she ever have been frustrated with her beautiful mother? Everything within her wished there had been something more that she could have done. Could she have eased her mother's pain more? Done something that could have kept her mother here longer? Even just a little bit longer?

  Nothing could pull her from the downward spiral she succumbed to. Deeper and deeper into the pit of that guilt and despair she plunged.

  "Adelaide," a deep voice called to her, but she barely heard it. "Adelaide."

  Someone shook her.

  She blinked, trying to claw her way from the pit she'd dug for herself. "Mother?"

  "Adelaide, she's gone."

  Her eyes focused on her father's face, his dimpled chin and the silver and blond hair he kept close cropped and combed slightly forward. She hiccupped but didn't say a word.

  Gentle hands attempted to remove her mother's fingers from her grip. Adelaide held tighter. She didn't want to let go. If she let her mother's hand go, she was accepting that her mother was gone. That she wasn't going to wake up at any moment and slide her gaze across Adelaide's and let her know that she was there. But the hands that had
been gentle a moment before became more forceful as the peeled her hands away from her mother's.

  Adelaide's hands fell to her lap, defeated. She hiccupped again.

  Those same hands gripped her lightly by the shoulders and started pulling her away. Panic gripped her and she yanked away, trying to swim back to her mother, to stop the two Mer who were now pulling her mother's lifeless shell from the nesting. "No, don't touch her. She wouldn't want you to touch her. Leave her alone!"

  But more than one set of hands gripped Adelaide's body and pulled her back. She fought them, but only for a moment before her muscles became to weak, and she fell limp in their grip. The two mermen carried away the body of her mother as she watched until it was no longer in sight. What did the elders do with their dead? Adelaide had never asked before. She'd never been curious enough to ask. And now that the subject hit her at home. Now that they were taking away her mother's body, the words didn't come to the surface of her lips. She still didn't ask even though she desperately wanted to know.

  Her father's hand warmed the top of her head as he stroked her hair twice and then pulled his hand away. His ice blue eyes met hers and then he looked her up and down. "Have you not been taking care of yourself all this time while you took care of her?"

  Adelaide couldn't help but glare at her father. He didn't even say her name. He didn't even look her direction in weeks. It had been weeks since he'd been this close to her mother's nest. And now he wanted to know how she'd been taking care of her mother? How she'd been taking care of herself? She wasn't even of age yet. It would be two more years before her twentieth, and schooling had gone to the wayside while she cared for her mother. He never seemed to care before, why did he act as though he did now?

  He didn't seem to notice the venom she'd shot at him with her eyes. Instead he nodded at the two Mer who had been holding her and they released their grip. Adelaide sank back down into the sand. Her father settled down in front of her in the sand, so they were on nearly the same level. She still had to look up to meet eyes with him.

  "You've done well with your mother, but poorly with yourself. One of the aides will bring you a meal. You must eat it and let your body gain strength." He set his hand upon hers.

  She pulled her hand away and looked up at him. She shook her head slowly, still not yet ready to speak. Her eyes were drawn to the empty nesting. Then they traveled as far in the direction that they'd taken her mother's body that she could see, but she couldn't see them. She wanted to chase after them, to see what they did with the body. But she had no strength. She didn't know if she could even get off the ground if a killer whale demanded it.

  "You will eat. You need to get your strength up before the council meets again to begin negotiations with the clan from Nova Scotia."

  That got her attention. She turned her gaze back on her father and glared once more, lifting a brow and shaking her head haltingly.

  "I know you still have two years before you're of age to take a mate, but we will begin negotiations."

  She shook her head more fervently.

  "You need to be strong and healthy looking when the contingent comes in five days. So eating, sleeping, and resting in general need to be a priority."

  "No," she tried to whisper, but the word wouldn't leave her tongue.

  "I can't have them thinking that you are a less than perfect specimen to be taken as a mate. If you're not in better shape before they arrive, they may feel they are getting the shorter end of the stick in this deal."

  Was this really happening right now? Did her father come to their nesting today to tell her this, and happened upon the lifeless body of his mate? Now without any emotional response at all to that loss, he was moving on to the next thing... the next political deal. Adelaide's fists clenched in her lap. Her claws dug into the palms of her hands, but still no words would come from her mouth.

  Her father nodded firmly and swam upward, away from his seated position in the sand. "It's settled then. I'll send the others back with a meal and then I want you to move from this secluded place to the gathering center of the clan. We will get you back into shape before the council comes."

  And then she was staring at his retreating body, wanting to yell at him, scream at him, like she'd done the day before, but not even the siren song would form in her mouth. Nothing came up. She was spent, and she found herself lying down there in the sand and giving up all hope of ever making a decision for herself again. She was in her father's hands alone now, and never again would she feel the soft hands of her loving mother. And another hiccup racked her body.

  4

  The next two days went by in a blur of activity and preparations. Whenever Adelaide looked at her father, she couldn't understand how he could continue on with normal life as if nothing had ever happened. As if her mother had never existed, much less died. For Adelaide, her mother's death left emptiness and guilt in its wake. Her father's assistants attempted to force her to eat, she had no appetite at all. Instead her stomach felt as if it was filled with the tears the mermaids could not shed.

  In her father's care at the center of the clan's gathering point, she had no peace and was surrounded by other Mer constantly. She didn't sleep, and she was utterly exhausted—completely spent. She watched and listened to those who were around her, but she didn't speak in her depression.

  Night had begun to fall like a blanket over the sea burying everything in its darkness. But the Mer were able to see in the dark, so even the night offered little peace and rest.

  "… doesn't seem to have returned," a young Mer with silver hair said as she passed talking to another mermaid who appeared to be younger still.

  "It's surprising. How can someone stay on land for a full month, and then just disappear? Is going on land really that dangerous?"

  Jonas. They were talking about Jonas. Adelaide's heart leapt in her chest and she lunged forward rushing to the two talking Mer. She grabbed a hold of the arm of the silver haired Mer, and let her claws squeeze against her skin. "Where is he? Have you seen him?"

  The two Mer looked at her with eyes wide. Their mouths dropped open, and the one whose arm Adelaide had attached herself to cried out. "Let go! You're hurting me."

  Realizing how hard she was squeezing, Adelaide let the silver haired Mer's arm go. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to. But what were you two just discussing?"

  The eyes that were once wide now narrowed upon her and both their foreheads crinkled in confusion. For a moment neither of them answered.

  "I'm sorry, but I really need to know. What were you two just discussing?

  After tsking her, the silver haired Mer frowned and said, "The bottom feeder. We were just talking about how the bottom feeder did not return today at high tide as he was expected to."

  Adelaide frowned. "What do you mean? Is it a full moon?"

  The smaller Mer giggled, and shook her head. "Do you seriously not know what day it is? Of course, it is the full moon."

  The heart in Adelaide's chest sank deep towards the pit of her stomach. "He didn't return?" she whispered.

  "Duh. That's what we were saying." The two females frowned at her and then link each other's arms and slowly started swimming away. Once they had gotten a couple yards further, their giggles swept on the current toward Adelaide, and they sped up to get away from her.

  He didn't return. Adelaide sunk deeper toward the sand. Had it really already been a month? Her heart squeezing her chest. The pain that she felt and the emptiness both grew so large in size that it felt as if they would consume her. Her mother was gone, and so was Jonas. And her father had proved to be a thorn in her side rather than something that she could actually lean on. She had nothing. Her life was worthless. And she sat there making fists in the sand, clawing at it, and digging holes and refilling them over and over again without thought.

  Sleep would not offer her respite. Instead it slipped through her fingers much like the sand. With the beginning of dawn, a sudden thought came to her, and she swam for all s
he was worth toward the shore.

  She cut through the current like a torpedo, using her hands to focus the water and break it apart in front of her for the least amount of resistance so that she could move as fast as possible. Luckily at this time of morning or rather it was still night which is what she was counting on, there wasn't much activity in her clan. No one saw her rush past the abandoned buildings of the submerged city and drawing closer to the shallows. She stopped at one of the buildings quickly, reached into the closet, and found a light colored shifty dress. She clutched it in her hands and continued to rush as close to land as possible, she took a deep breath and looked at the darkened sky above her. The tide was still high. She wasn't too late. Her heart thundered in her chest, and her claws bit into her palms as her fist tightened around the dress. Was she really going to do this?

  With nothing to live for, she knew that she would. She broke through the surface of the ocean for the first time in her life and pulled herself through the sand and rock onto the shore until her entire body was clear of the waves. And then she released the breath of water that she held and began coughing as air filled her lungs and expelled the water.

  It burned going down her throat. Her eyes stung. She took long, deep breaths, trying to get her lungs to fill with enough oxygen to live. But it felt as if the air didn't have enough oxygen. Not nearly as much as the saltwater of the ocean. Her lungs felt as though they were on fire. The muscles in her back seized up, and her abdomen ached with each breath she took. Was she dying? Is this what it was supposed to feel like when she left the ocean? Did air breathers go through this every day?

  She just concentrated on her breathing until slowly it began to steady and hurt less. Before her eyes, her tail slowly melted away, drying in the air around her and she was left with two awkward looking, naked legs. And then she suddenly realized how naked she felt and was glad that she'd remembered to bring the shift dress. The soaking wet piece of cloth clung to her skin as she attempted to pull it over head and use it to cover her body. It took several tugs to smooth the cloth over her skin. The shift was a little on the big side, but it would do the job. After wrestling with the dress, she laid back in the sand and just breathed, watching the sky turn blue overhead and the sunlight grow.