by Ali Parker
Now, I was trying to bury the thoughts in cooking and cleaning. Kimberly was on her way home from a work conference, and I wanted to treat her to a nice home-cooked meal. Spaghetti was also Luke’s favorite, and preparing it was taking away some of the guilt I felt at not being able to spend as much time with him as we were used to.
Kim came home ten minutes before seven. I heard her drop all of her things in a huff at the front door, and then her high heels were clicking on the hardwood as she made her way into the apartment.
She paused in the archway to the kitchen and leaned her shoulder on the frame. “It smells so good in here. What are you making?”
“Spaghetti.”
“Yum. I haven’t had pasta in ages. Where’s Luke?”
“Playing Nintendo in his room. We were making crafts earlier.” I nodded to a cluster of magnets on Kim’s fridge. They were made of glued together Popsicle sticks and were painted in obnoxious green, yellow, and blue. “Sorry.”
Kim laughed. “Don’t be sorry. It adds a pop of color to an otherwise dreary kitchen.”
“Your kitchen isn’t dreary.”
“Okay fine. Sparse. I’m not much of a cook.”
“Well, I am, and tonight we’re having a feast. Garlic bread is in the oven, and I’m going to throw together a Caesar salad too.”
Kim rubbed her tummy. “Wonderful. I’m famished.” She strode to the kitchen island and took a seat at one of the stools. Then, she shrugged out of her tapered blazer, kicked off her heels, and undid the top buttons at the collar of her blouse. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in days. Tell me. How did it go with Jax the other night?”
I put my back to her and smiled down at the pot of spaghetti sauce as I stirred it mindlessly. “It was … wonderful, actually.”
“Wonderful, huh?”
“Yeah. I know that sounds so cheesy, but it’s true. It was so nice to sit with him. It was the same as it always was. We laughed like a couple of idiots, and he made me open up about a few things.”
“He was always able to do that, somehow. I used to resent him for it.”
I stopped stirring and looked over my shoulder at my older sister. “Really?”
She half nodded and half shrugged. “Well, yeah. I’m your sister. I wanted to be the one you came to. But hey, I’m not complaining. Jax is a good guy, and he always took good care of you.”
“He did, didn’t he?”
Kim chuckled and rested her elbows on the counter. “Was there any, you know, funny business?”
I blushed and turned back to the pot.
“Oh my god, there was! What did the two of you do? Please tell me you fu—”
“Shh!” I spun around, holding a finger vertically across my lips. “I don’t want Luke to hear us. And no, I didn’t sleep with him. But, I have to confess, I really, really wanted to.”
“Tell me everything.” Kim cupped her chin in her hands and looked at me the way Luke looked at me on his birthday as he anticipated his present.
Unable to stop myself from smiling, I told her all about my time with Jax. I gave her the details of what he was wearing, what we talked about, and how good he smelled.
“He refused to let me take the bus. It was so strange to me. Kent was always fine with me taking public transit, but Jax seemed genuinely offended that I would even consider it.”
“Well, for a biker, he’s a gentleman.”
“Right? Anyway, he drove me home and dropped me off here. I had a few too many to drink so he walked me to the front door. I think he just wanted an excuse to follow me in. I couldn’t find my stupid keys in my purse, and as I was searching for them, he suddenly just sweeps me up and starts kissing me.”
“Ugh, I hate you,” Kim whined, covering her eyes with her hands. She dragged her fingers down her cheeks in exasperation. “I want a man to do that to me.”
“I’m not done. I was a little surprised at first, but then his hands were all over me and in my hair and—”
“I’m melting,” Kim fake-sobbed.
“I almost lost it, Kim. Seriously. I forgot all about Luke and you being home. It took everything I had to break away from him and tell him I had to go. His face … he didn’t get it. I felt bad.”
“Wait. Hang on.” Kim straightened in her chair. “Did you not tell him about Luke?”
“Erm. No.”
“Holly! What the hell?” She leaned forward, lowering her voice so Luke couldn’t overhear her. “Jax deserves to know.”
“I know.” I bit my bottom lip as guilt gnawed at my insides. “I just didn’t want to spoil anything. I was having such a good time. Kim, it’s been such a long time since I felt like that. I was me again.”
Kim sighed. “You should see him again.”
“I want to. God, do I want to. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. He’s involved with the MC. I think he’s in deeper than he ever used to be. And I have Luke to worry about. I don’t want to mix the two worlds.”
Kim shook her head and waved her hand like my concerns were nothing. “Don’t be silly. Jax might be part of the MC, but he’s not some cold-hearted, cutthroat criminal. You know him. He’d never do anything to hurt you or Luke or anyone who didn’t deserve it. None of the MC are bad guys. They just make their living in a kind of unconventional way.”
“Unconventional? That’s what you’re going to go with?”
“Yup.”
I checked the tenderness of the spaghetti noodles and began searching for Kim’s strainer. She pointed it out, and I drained the noodles before checking on the garlic bread in the oven. I pulled it out to cool and began throwing together the salad.
All the while, Kim’s eyes were burning holes in my back.
“So,” she said after I had sprinkled the salad with parmesan and croutons “Are you going to call him or what?”
“I want to think about it.”
“Oh, come off it. All you ever do is think about it. Jax is good for you. And you’re good for him. You even him out. Keep him on Earth, you know? He needs that.”
I caught myself smiling again and mentally slapped myself. “Maybe.”
“No maybe. You’re calling him after dinner.”
Kim slid off the stool and helped me bring the bowls of spaghetti and sides of salad to the table. I popped a piece of garlic bread on the rim of each bowl and then called Luke to dinner.
He came careening down the hall in a burst of giggles and climbed up in his chair to seat himself before his meal.
I took the seat beside him, and Kim sat across from him.
“Hungry, buddy?” I asked.
Luke nodded, gripping his fork. I had already cut up his noodles for him, so he dug in, splattering his cheeks with spaghetti sauce.
“Is it good?” Kim asked him, restraining herself from laughing at how messy he was.
Luke nodded. “Good. Spaghetti is my favorite.”
“So your mom tells me. Want to know something crazy?”
Luke looked up at his aunt and paused in his chewing. “Yeah.”
In the most conspiratorial of whispers, Kim said, “Spaghetti is my favorite too.”
Luke’s eyes went wide like he had just heard the juiciest secret in the world. He looked over at me, and I chuckled. “The two of you are peas in a pod, I guess.”
The rest of dinner was enjoyable, despite the nerves growing in my chest as it drew closer and closer to the time for me to call Jax.
I found myself wondering if he even wanted to hear from me. What if he had only asked me out on the date to be nice? Or, more likely, what if all he wanted was a one-night fling?
I wasn’t stupid enough to believe he wasn’t that kind of guy.
When we were done eating, Luke helped us clear the table and fill the dishwasher before he was rewarded with one episode of his favorite cartoon before bed.
While he sat on the couch, eyes drooping as tiredness wrapped around him, Kim grabbed my cell phone from the kitchen counter and handed it to me. “Time to p
ut on your big girl panties, Holly. Call him.”
I stared at the phone in her hands.
Kim pushed it into my palm and leaned back to rest her hip against the counter. “Go on then.”
“What do I say?”
“Oh my god, it’s not rocket science. Just tell him you had fun and you want to see him again. This is Jax we’re talking about, not some random guy. He’s going to say yes.”
If he said yes, there was no going back. I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull myself away from him if I found myself wrapped up in his arms again. I’d give in, and that could only lead to one thing.
I pulled his number up on my phone and stared down at it.
“You’ve got this,” Kim encouraged. “Like a Band-Aid. You can do it. Go!”
I shook my head as my nerves got the better of me. “Maybe I should wait for him to call me first?”
“No.” Kim pushed herself off the counter and stood in front of me. Her voice was firm but kind. “I know this is hard, and you haven’t done anything like this. But Kent is a thing of the past. It’s time to start doing things that make you happy, Holly. That’s what Luke deserves.”
She reached out, and before I could stop her, she pressed the dial button on my phone.
I let out a startled yelp and slapped a hand over my mouth as I heard the faint sound of the phone ring.
I lifted it to my ear, and Kim retreated, leaving me in privacy in the kitchen.
Jax answered on the fourth ring.
“Damn woman. What took you so long?”
Chapter 11
Jax
Even before she spoke, I could tell Holly was frazzled. Maybe I shouldn’t have answered so abruptly.
“Sorry. I’ve been … it doesn’t matter. I was hoping I could see you again.”
“I’m not going to say no.” Holly asking me out on another date was a first. I was the one used to pursuing her. “When were you thinking?”
“Sooner is better than later. There are some things I want to talk to you about, that I want you to know. About me. I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”
“Sooner is better than later, hey? All right. How about tomorrow night then?”
“That would be perfect.” The relief in Holly’s voice was crystal clear, and something about it pricked my curiosity. What was it that she wanted to talk to me so badly about, and why so soon?
Shrugging off the desire to ask her more questions, I cut to the chase. “I’ll pick you up at seven? Dinner this time?”
“Yeah. Dinner sounds good. I’ll see you at seven.”
Holly hung up the phone first, leaving me staring down at the screen wondering what I had just signed myself up for.
I was most definitely glad she had called and even happier I had scored a second date. However, there was a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach akin to an itch I couldn’t scratch. There was something amiss. The tension in her voice had been enough to tip me off.
What could she possibly want to talk to me about so urgently?
I sighed and leaned back in Jamie’s office chair. She had gone off on her lunch break, leaving me to take over and manage any customer calls or inquiries while she was away from her desk. So far, no one had called, and I was alone with my thoughts.
They quickly led down a darker road that had me considering if I should call Holly back and tell her I couldn’t see her again.
The Black Hearts had made it very clear with their warning message that they had eyes on us, and they were planning something. The envelope hadn’t only contained images of Ryder and Axel but me too. Taking Holly out on another date would be exposing her to a potentially dangerous situation.
Not potentially. It already was dangerous. Lines had been crossed and a truce had been broken. There was going to be blood at one point or another, and having Holly on the sidelines was a selfish move for me to make.
The office door swung open, and Ellie came inside, brushing loose strands of hair from her forehead and leaving smears of grease along her hairline. She analyzed me as I sat in Jamie’s chair with the heels of my boots up on the desk.
“This doesn’t look all that professional,” she noted, gesturing at all of me lazily draped over the furniture. “Ryder would have your head if he walked in here right now and caught you.”
“Ryder has more important things on his mind than what his receptionist looks like.”
“You underestimate his high business standards.”
I rolled my eyes and put my feet down, winning an appreciative nod from Ellie, who leaned forward on the desk and cocked her head to the side. “What’s up? You seem off.”
“I’m not off.”
“Fuck off, Jax. I’ve known you long enough to know when something is wrong. What is it?”
Lying to her and making something up would be so much easier than telling her the truth. But Ellie was a good friend and always had been. I needed her advice.
“Holly just called me and wanted to set up another date. She said there were some things she wanted me to know and that it would be better if we met up sooner rather than later. So we made plans to go out tomorrow night.”
“Okay.” Ellie shrugged. “I’m not seeing a problem here. This is good, isn’t it? You wanted to keep seeing her.”
“Yeah, I did. I still do. But everything with the MC is making it hard to justify putting her at risk just because I like her.”
“Oh, please. You’re just like Axel. Sitting here thinking you know what’s best without giving her a chance to make any decisions for herself. That’s bullshit, Jax, and you’re better than that.”
“I’m really not.”
Ellie gave me a dark stare and rested her chin on her knuckles. “Jax. Don’t pull this with me. I know you’re a good guy. Holly does too. And she’s a grown ass woman. You don’t get to monopolize the situation and choose what you think is best for her. I mean, you can tell her what you think, but at the end of the day, this is her call to make. And who knows? Maybe this is what she wants to talk to you about.”
“I guess you have a point.”
“You guess?” Ellie smirked as she turned away and headed back into the shop. “I’ll take that as a ‘you’re right, Ellie.’”
“Don’t you have work to be doing?”
“I’m going, I’m going.”
Ellie disappeared back into the shop, leaving me alone once more with nagging thoughts that left me filled with guilt.
I knew Ellie was right. It wasn’t my place to make Holly’s choices for her. But things were bigger now than they ever used to be. It wasn’t the normal MC stuff. This was the real deal biker gang turf battle about to explode in all our faces, and Holly shouldn’t be anywhere near it.
I could always tell her the timing was off, and once everything settled down, maybe she and I could try again.
“Fuck.” I groaned, dragging my hands down my face.
Turning Holly away would be impossible. I had let her go once before. I would hate to have to do it again. After all the time that had passed, I still wasn’t over her. I never would be.
The office door opened again, and Sabian strode in. He was wearing black jeans and his black leather jacket. He pulled off his aviators, hooked them in the collar of his shirt, and drew up in front of the desk.
“This whole receptionist thing suits you, man.”
“Fuck off.”
Sabian held up his hands and chuckled. “All right, all right. Ellie warned me you might be tense. She said you had a bit of a predicament.”
“No. No predicament. Carry on.”
Sabian scratched at the black stubble along his jaw and under his chin. “Listen, man, I know I’m not the best advice giver around, but I don’t think you should make any decisions until you hear the girl out.”
I sighed and clasped my hands over my stomach as I leaned back in the chair. “So Ellie told you everything, then?”
“More or less.”
“Of course, she did. Can’t keep her mouth
closed, that one.”
“She just doesn’t want you to fuck up the first good thing to cross your path in a long time. And not that I’m one for all this mushy love bullshit, but I gotta say I agree with Ellie on this one. Don’t be a dumbass, Jax.”
“You know, I seem to recall there being a certain someone you’ve always held back from going after. Pretty girl. Name starts with an A or something.”
Sabian’s eyes narrowed. “That’s different.”
“Really? Enlighten me. How is she so different?”
“Because if I went for her, Axel would paint his whole house in my fucking blood, you prick, and you know it. She’s his little sister, and I’m not foolish enough to test the waters. She’s far removed from all of this because that’s what Axel wants for her. It’s not the same decision I would make.”
“And you never followed your own advice and thought about what she might want?” I asked, steepling my fingers.
“I’m not having this conversation with you.”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Fine. But don’t think your situation is all that different from mine. We both keep them at bay because of our lifestyle. It always comes down to that.”
Sabian scratched at his stubble again. “Maybe it doesn’t have to with Holly.”
“Maybe,” I admitted. “But the timing couldn’t get any worse. Isn’t there some sense in riding this thing out with the Black Hearts and seeing where we come out on the other side before I invite Holly into all this? It’s fucked up. We both know it. Guys were killed with machetes. I mean, who fucking does that? I can wait until this passes.”
“In my experience, the timing is never right.”
“What a philosophical thing to say. That doesn’t help at all. Answer my question. Doesn’t it make more sense to get ourselves out of this Black Hearts mess first?”
“Sure. It makes more sense.”
I waited for a moment. I had been hoping hearing my friend say it would make it more convincing in my own head. It hadn’t worked.
Sabian seemed to know that’s what I had been after, reassurance that leaving things with Holly alone for now was the right move to make. He plucked his aviators free from his collar and slid them back on his nose. “Go on the date. Talk to her. Then make your decision. No harm can come from one little date.”
