Ben would have laughed if Thea hadn’t suddenly gone so tense. Unexpectedly he experienced an instinctive urge to protect her.
‘You know what it’s like with us soldiers...’ He reached casually across Thea to the fruit bowl and snagged an apple, temporarily creating a human buffer for her. ‘You never know where we are, what mission we’re on, when we’ll be coming home—and you know what people are like for asking questions. Even well-intentioned. Sometimes you can feel a bit daft when the only answer you can give is, I don’t know.’
Ron looked thoughtful. ‘I never thought of it like that. I suppose you would feel a bit like you were always in the dark. Can’t be pleasant.’
‘It isn’t,’ Thea confirmed.
She cast Ben a grateful glance, which filled him with an unexpected warmth. Lots of the little things that Thea did were causing that reaction these days—from a shared, knowing smile to a grateful glance like that one. He knew he should be taking it as a warning, forcing more space between them. But instead he was doing the opposite.
‘Well, that aside, the guys were talking before and we want to know what else we don’t know about our devilish Doc Abrams, here.’ Ron unpeeled his banana and gulped down half of it in one mouthful.
‘Hmm, well, let me think... I’m a whizz in the kitchen,’ retorted Ben promptly, and the group chuckled.
‘Sorry, mate, we mean the other Doc Abrams.’ Ron chuckled, polishing off the rest of the fruit.
‘Right,’ said Andy. ‘We reckon it’s time to find out.’
‘I’m not sure I like the sound of this...’ Thea feigned a frown at her friend.
‘Nah—you will,’ Andy assured her. ‘We’ve got a couple of days off from tomorrow night—how about we all go for a drink after work?’
‘Plus it’s time for you guys to tell us what’s been going on,’ Ron added pointedly. ‘And, Ben, we’ll tell you all the little fun stories we’ve got about your wife here.’
‘What stories?’ Thea wrinkled her nose.
Ron smiled broadly. ‘Like the fact that the first time she travelled on the chopper she threw up!’
‘Really?’ Ben turned to Thea as she turned beetroot-red. But at least she was starting to relax a little now the very personal questions were over.
‘Thanks for the loyalty, guys. Not.’
‘Come on, Ben, you’re new to the crew,’ urged Franco, another paramedic. ‘It’s a good way to get to know everyone without the stress of call-outs.’
Ben turned to Thea. ‘I reckon a night out would do us both good.’
He knew it wasn’t really her thing, and it wasn’t really his either, but it seemed like a good opportunity to try and create that distance he was considering. It would certainly beat going back to the cottage together and tiptoeing around her in the kitchen in an effort not to simply drag her into his arms and pin her back against the kitchen island.
‘Then tomorrow night it is,’ Ron confirmed, pleased when everyone nodded their agreement.
But when nobody was watching Thea shot Ben a confused glance, as though somehow he’d managed to upset her again. Before he could catch her attention to find out, another paramedic came running around the corner.
‘RTC just called in, guys. Big one. They’re asking for both Air Ambulances.’
‘Two? Hell, must be bad.’ Nic was up and moving before the paramedic had time to say more. Everyone else was right on his heels.
‘I want my whole team,’ Nic instructed as the two teams raced out onto the tarmac. ‘Franco, don’t stay behind this time—and, Ben, you’re coming too. Sounds like we could do with an extra trauma doc, and one of us can always ride in the road ambulance if necessary.’
* * *
Thea stood up from her fourth collision victim, circling her arm and stretching her neck from one side to the other. She had been working non-stop for the last few hours, first triaging, then tending. Her latest victim had a collapsed left thorax, both clavicles and numerous ribs broken, and Thea had been particularly concerned about internal aortic bleeding which might ultimately prove fatal. Until the other trauma team returned to airlift the woman to hospital Thea had been draining the chest cavity, but she knew she was just fighting to buy the woman enough time to get there.
With even a third team now here, she should transfer the woman to their care, and move on to the next casualty who urgently needed her help. Ron had already called her over a couple of times for the next one on their priority list—a list which just kept getting longer as they carefully extricated more victims from their cars. She, Ben and Nic were staying on site to stabilise as many as they could either for air transport or transfer by road crew, but it felt like a losing battle.
As she signalled to another trauma doctor she averted her eyes from the black bags dotted around. The accident had been horrific. Multiple cars—or what had once passed for cars—were scattered over a good mile of motorway, along with debris, people screaming for help, and those who were ominously quiet.
As they’d approached from the air the sheer scale of the collision had been evident, with the police struggling to close all six lanes of the motorway and clear the way. The biggest threat, however, was the two cars still smouldering despite efforts to control them. The fire brigade was still fighting to reach them up the packed motorway.
Both air teams had got to work as soon as they had landed, assessing and operating in tandem with the four rapid response vehicles which had made it through the traffic, with more on their way all the time. Working quickly, Thea had confirmed a spinal injury, a dislocated knee, a hip injury and a head injury, continually communicating with both Nic and Ben in order for them to assess the priority patients.
She prepared herself now to move on to her fifth casualty.
‘I think I’ve got the driver of the van,’ Thea calculated. ‘They’ve managed to get him out of the vehicle now, and initial assessment shows he has definite internal bleeding.’
‘I’m still with my motorcyclist.’ Nic ran across the motorway. ‘Ben took the woman with the head injury.’
‘Acknowledged.’
‘Whoever finishes first should move on to the passenger of that second car, though. They’re getting her out now, and I don’t like the way she’s progressing.’
‘Understood,’ Thea nodded, jogging to her driver and treating him as best she could before she bumped him to the top of the medevac list.
Ben appeared at her side without warning.
‘Take over my patient,’ he instructed, his voice oddly quiet.
‘Where are you going?’ Obediently Thea headed over to take his place, but Ben didn’t respond. Instead he raced towards the evacuated area where small fires still burned as the fire engines inched closer and closer through the backed-up traffic which was blocking even the hard shoulder with damaged vehicles hit by debris earlier on.
Where a car had been smouldering before, Thea could now see flames jumping and dancing and she realised it could blow at any time. What the hell was Ben thinking, running in there?
She ran forward to intercept him, thinking he mustn’t have realised, but he almost mowed her down as he sprinted past her and into the danger zone.
‘Ben!’ Thea shouted. ‘You can’t go in there.’
He ignored her, seemingly oblivious. It was useless. Ben either couldn’t—or wouldn’t—hear her. But the look on his face as he’d run past her had chilled Thea to her core. His expression had been one she didn’t recognise. A dangerous look, almost as if he hadn’t even seen her. Hadn’t necessarily even seen what she was seeing.
Dr Fields had said months ago that Ben’s PTSD was only mild, but was this an escalation? She saw the body bags with fresh eyes, through Ben’s eyes, wondering if they had triggered something for him.
Bang.
Thea screamed as a p
iece of flying debris landed a couple of metres behind Ben. He launched forward to protect her body, pushing her further away from the demarcation line and, mercifully bringing himself out of the danger area.
‘Stay out of here,’ he ordered, his voice oddly strangulated.
‘Ben, we don’t have time for this,’ she argued desperately. ‘You have your head injury casualty, and I have to get to my van driver.’
Boom.
One of the cars exploded and the sound was deafening. Thea barely had time to react before Ben threw her to the ground, his body covering hers. She heard the sound of metal slamming into the ground. Felt the Tarmac vibrate. But with Ben over her she had no idea how near or far the debris had fallen.
Then he was up, lifting her bodily into the air and throwing her well clear. The haunted look was more pronounced than ever. Then he was gone. Racing to the exploded car and dropping to the ground as he got closer to the intense heat. He began to move forward on his belly and elbows.
‘Ben!’
He crawled closer and closer to the flames. A loud bang came from the burning engine. There was going to be another explosion and there was absolutely nothing she could do to save Ben.
Nic ran to the edge of the zone, his hands cupped around his mouth as he bellowed Ben’s name.
‘What the hell is he thinking?’ Nic sounded frantic.
‘I think its PTSD,’ Thea whispered. This was why she’d needed to be there for Ben when he was discharged. Someone to talk to. But she hadn’t helped him. She hadn’t encouraged him to open up enough.
Why did the idea upset her so much? Because she’d thought they’d been getting on so well lately? Because she’d genuinely thought he was changing in the way he saw her, how much he trusted her?
And now he was in there, in the danger zone, risking his life. For what? She still didn’t understand him. It scared her.
‘I don’t know.’ Thea bit her lip. ‘He was working on that woman with the head injury one minute, then racing over there looking like death the next. A paramedic is still with her, and another is with my van driver, but we needs to get over there.’
Nic nodded grimly. ‘Right, I’ll go with you and check on them.’
Tearing her eyes from the last spot where she’d seen Ben, Thea ducked her head and raced after Nic. She didn’t have time for emotion, or these thoughts. She had patients—people who needed her and who wanted her help. Not like Ben. She needed to focus on them.
Nic looked up at her as she approached. ‘She keeps slipping in and out of consciousness. Apparently she was thrown clear of her car, but she had a two-month-old daughter in the back. Ben’s risking his life trying to save that woman’s baby.’
‘She has a baby?’
Thea felt numb. The irony wasn’t lost on her. It was as if all the fates were taunting her that she was judging Ben right now, but she still hadn’t been entirely honest herself. She felt a gurgle of hysterical laughter bubble up, so unlike her, and hastily swallowed it back down.
It must have been all over her face because Nic suddenly grabbed her hand, snapping her back into focus. ‘Yeah,’ he squeezed her hand quickly, as if to offer her comfort.
He didn’t know about the baby, but could he read her thoughts? See the guilt etched in her face?
‘If Ben’s going to give his life trying to save the baby, the least you can do is fight to save the mum. I’ll take your van driver.’
Nodding, but unable to speak, Thea took over.
‘Try not to worry. Ben must know what he’s doing—he’s a soldier. He’s trained to risk his life for others. I understand how scared you must be right now, it’s obvious how much you love him, but put it out of your head and focus,’ Nic advised gently.
He was right. She was still in love with Ben. After all this time she was no closer to getting over him than she had been five years ago. Well, she was damned if she was going to let fear take her over. Shutting out the black thoughts, Thea forced herself to work, to concentrate on the casualty in front of her, who had passed out again.
Head down, forcing herself not to be distracted, she worked steadily on the young woman, relieved when she’d alleviated the pressure in the patient’s chest and the mother of the baby finally regained consciousness.
‘Van driver’s stable. I’ll take over here.’ Nic suddenly appeared and drew her to one side. ‘Go and check on Ben. See if he’s saved the baby. If not try to get him out of there. Then move on to the next casualty.’
‘Understood,’ Thea choked out, hoping her legs wouldn’t buckle under her as she stood up.
He was still over there? How long had it been?
Thea gratefully passed the reins on to Nic and raced to the edge of the danger area. The remaining vehicle creaked and groaned distressingly. It sounded as if it was about to blow up at any moment. She resisted the urge to vomit.
‘Ben, you have to get out of there!’ she cried again. ‘Ben!’
She waited for what seemed like an eternity, and just as she was about to run to her next victim Thea saw his feet, then his legs, as he emerged painfully slowly.
‘Get out of there!’ she yelled.
Finally free of the wreckage, he stood up—and only then did she see the baby wrapped in his arms. Emotions tore through her without warning. Fear, relief, and the searing agony of the loss of her own baby—their own baby.
‘There’s a pulse!’ Ben shouted this confirmation, tearing out of the area as another bang—louder this time—could be heard. ‘Didn’t you say Nic had extensive paediatric experience?’
‘Give her to me.’ Nic had already raced over and Ben willingly handed over the bundle. ‘Nice going, Ben. That baby’s only alive because of what you’ve just done.’
Words froze in Thea’s mouth. She wanted to tell him how stupid he had been. But watching the tiny baby being raced safely away in Nic’s arms stopped the words from coming out. Instead she pressed her palms to her eyes, stemming the tears.
‘Are you okay?’ she managed, just as they heard a whoosh followed by a boom. Ben swept her into his arms and charged them both backwards. By the time he released her the car he’d crawled out from, carrying the precious bundle, was a fireball, and smoke was billowing out around the scene. All the debris, however, was still within the danger zone. A metre-long shard of metal had been driven into the ground exactly where Ben had been standing with the baby a few moments earlier.
‘I’m fine.’
Ben had dismissed her concerns. It felt as though he was dismissing her, in a way he never did with anyone else.
‘Who’s left to triage?’ he asked.
CHAPTER NINE
‘TO BEN,’ FRANCO announced quietly, raising his pint glass. ‘If it hadn’t been for his actions yesterday that baby wouldn’t be stable in hospital with his mother now.’
‘Ben,’ chorused the remainder of the two teams soberly.
Ben grunted but said nothing, trying to temper his displeasure. They had no idea how much he hated this. The undeserved praise. They had no idea how many lives he’d lost, how many dead bodies on the battlefield, men he’d failed to save. He was just lucky he’d got to the baby in time. Which was more than could be said for Dan.
He downed his drink in record time and took the opportunity of going to the bar for a refill just so that he could slip away for a few minutes to clear his head. He’d barely got his drink when a soft, female body pushed against him.
‘On the hard stuff, I see,’ Thea murmured, looking at the glass of water in his hand.
The crowd around the bar was three rows deep, and she didn’t exactly have the physique to push her way through. He pointed out as much.
‘Elbows.’ She smiled, holding them up as if for him to inspect. ‘And stop deflecting.’
‘I just don’t like the acco
lades,’ he admitted. ‘I don’t deserve them.’
‘Yesterday was horrible—we lost a lot of patients. We don’t even know if those we got to hospital will make it,’ Thea pointed out gently. ‘But you’re the one who risked his life to crawl into burning wreckage for a baby who might not have even been there.’
‘So we cheer that and forget the bad?’ Ben pulled a face.
‘No, we find a small victory in a hellish situation and celebrate that,’ she told him quietly. ‘Are you telling me that you never did that in all your time out in Afghanistan?’
Yeah, they’d definitely done that. He’d done that. Until it had been him they were celebrating. Then it hadn’t seemed so...appropriate.
Still, her calm reminder had eased the tension he’d been feeling. She’d made him feel stronger again. The crowd surged slightly and Ben pulled her towards him protectively, concerned about her getting pushed too hard. She barely resisted before slipping neatly into his arms.
Too neatly. As if she was meant to be there. They both stayed still, taking comfort in the closeness, the crush and clamour fading away until all he was really aware of was himself and Thea. It felt particularly intimate, and he knew that the tension of the day, the memories, meant he’d let his guard down. Suddenly he didn’t care.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ he asked softly. Could she hear his heartbeat accelerate?
‘I have one.’ She shook her head, but her voice sounded unusually throaty and he wondered if she was as aware of him as he was of her.
‘Thea—’
‘Can I ask you something—?’
They spoke at the same time, both stopping and offering a nervous laugh.
‘Go ahead,’ Ben said eventually, not caring about the crowd surging around them.
It occurred to him to ask Thea if she wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk, but he didn’t want to break the spell, and thought that maybe the crowd was somehow making her feel more secure than if it had just been the two of them. Too much pressure.
‘What happened yesterday?’ she asked tentatively.
He huffed out a hard breath. It wasn’t exactly a surprise question, but that didn’t make it any easier. Still, he was determined to be honest with her. They’d come so far he didn’t want to mess it up now. He cast around for the right words before realising there were none. There was just the truth.
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