‘You and Daniel were one of those teams?’ Her heart was practically battering down her chest wall.
‘Yes. We were ahead of the other teams. There was a small enemy section closing in on one flank that no one had seen. We got pinned down and Dan took a bullet. He couldn’t move. I was trying to drag him behind some rocks for cover when we fell into a foxhole in the dirt. We stayed there whilst I tried to stem the bleeding, but...he was badly hit.’
‘He was dying?’ Thea whispered, lifting her head to look at Ben.
‘I’m sorry.’ His eyes pinned her in place. Sincere and full of apology. ‘You asked for the truth.’
So help her, she had.
‘I was concentrating on stemming the wound. Trying to see if there was any way I could possibly get us out of there. But they were all around us. Searching for us. We could hear them passing less than a foot away. It was all Dan could do not to make a noise.’
No, Thea realised, because even if he’d known he was dying he would never have wanted to risk his best friend’s life.
‘When he realised he was dying he made me promise to take care of you. I think, deep down, he knew I hadn’t got over you. Just as I told you he knew that I’d used our “buddy code” as an excuse to back away.’
‘Yet he still trusted you enough to ask you to take care of me...as he died?’ she said, feeling rattled.
So this was why Ben had never been able to talk about it. The more he revealed, the more she understood why he found it so hard to talk about himself. She almost laughed at the absurdity of it.
Instead a tear escaped and slid down her cheek.
‘Thank you for telling me. It was...is...important to me.’
‘It doesn’t bring him back, though,’ Ben stated sadly.
‘No, it doesn’t.’
Aside from the promise, none of these facts about Dan’s death were a great revelation to her. But she could see the strides forward Ben had made in order to finally tell her all that. To finally begin to face up to the emotional toll it had taken on him.
‘Because he’d trusted me that much I was determined to set aside my own fears and support you whenever you needed me. Instead we slept together. I felt as though I’d failed even in that. I couldn’t talk to you about it—I couldn’t talk to anyone. So I did what I believed you wanted and I left. I let you down...over and over again. Just as I’d feared I would.’
‘I wanted to help you, when you were first injured, but you wouldn’t let me.’
‘How could I? I’d let you down and I’d shut you out—time and again. How could I accept your help and be so indebted to you when I couldn’t even tell you how I felt? It’s taken time, and an incredible amount of patience on your part, but you’ve begun to change all that.’
‘Really?’
She clearly desperately wanted to believe him, but he couldn’t blame her for holding back. It was almost ironic. She had helped him to open up about his emotions and his actions had caused her to become more guarded.
‘Yes,’ he said earnestly. ‘You have. And not only that you’ve taught me how to love, unconditionally, for the first time since my mother died.’
‘I have?’
Ben dipped his head in confirmation.
‘My father and I have had a...complicated relationship. Growing up, I learned that people weren’t capable of loving each other without hurting each other, or letting them down. So I overthought everything, always calculating the risk. But then you came along and taught me that love isn’t about risk calculations or logic. It’s about taking a leap of faith and trusting my heart. And I trust my heart when I’m with you.’
It took every last bit of Thea’s self-control not to let him gather her into the strong arms which she remembered too well. She wanted so much to believe Ben, but doubts still lurked.
‘I thought you were getting there on the ski trip, and then...’ She tailed off helplessly.
‘I was getting there,’ he assured her. ‘But things were so close to surface back then, I suppose. Then you told me about the baby and I think it just tipped things again.’
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘Of course you should have. I needed to know as much as you needed to tell me. I just wasn’t prepared. I hadn’t quite processed it. I was still reeling. Every time I turned around it seemed that my inability to open up to you had just caused more and more ripple effects, each one more devastating than the last. You’d lost a baby, our baby, and I’d left you to deal with it all on your own. The one person I was meant to look after and protect, and instead I’d made things worse for you.’
‘So when you saw that skier the next day you just reacted?’
‘I thought—stupidly—that it was one thing I could control. One thing I could do right and help someone.’
‘So what’s changed?’ It was difficult to believe it had been that easy.
‘I lost you,’ he answered simply. ‘You’d been there for me and I let the best thing in my life slip away from me. I knew I had to win you back, and the only way to do that was to deal with all the issues I’ve spent years—some twenty years—bottling up. And that’s because of you. You have helped me to heal.’
‘But your Medical Board...?’
‘I realised I didn’t want to go back on active duty a long time ago. I wanted a different life. A life with you in it. The only reason I took that assessment was so that I could turn it down. Simply to prove to you that making a life with you was my first choice. Not a fallback. The minute I lost you, out on that mountain, I knew I’d messed up. You are the only thing that matters, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to win you back.’
‘So you passed the Board so that you could leave the Army?’
‘Yes,’ Ben said simply. ‘And, for what it’s worth, the assessment was intensive, rigorous, and full of questions. Yet nothing fazed me. I didn’t have flashbacks, or moments of anxiety or anger, and I didn’t shut down. I just told the Board what they wanted to know. I recounted what had happened factually, but not with any need for clinical detachment. And that’s all down to you. Getting me to talk, to open up, to acknowledge how I was feeling. You’ve helped me to heal what I didn’t even know before was broken.’
Thea couldn’t help but begin to believe him as she considered the man in the chair opposite her. Sitting back comfortably, his hands resting together, his eyes meeting hers easily, he was a far cry from the man of several months ago who had sat ramrod-straight, his fists clenching and unclenching on his knees, refusing to meet her eye but staring fixedly out of the window as each word was wrenched from him.
‘So you’ve really left?’
‘I’ve really left,’ he confirmed. ‘I’ve given the Army twelve years of my life. I’ve served with honour and I’ve loved almost every minute. But now it’s time for a new chapter in my life. A chapter that includes you and hopefully our children.’
‘I’d like that too...’ Thea bit her lip.
He saw she still wasn’t sure about him, and the realisation felt like a punch in the guts. He focused on the hope flickering in her eyes.
‘But you still don’t believe me?’
He felt as if it was all sliding away, and he was frantically grasping at the remnants of what might have been.
‘I believe that you’re sincere, and that you’ve turned a corner. But, Ben, you don’t have to be in a war zone with the Army to find ways of risking your life. You ran towards a burning car when you were with the Air Ambulance. You crossed an avalanche-struck slope on a ski holiday.’
Ben stared at her incredulously. ‘To save lives. You and I both know that if I hadn’t that baby, and Tomas, would have been dead by the time anyone else got there. If someone’s life is in danger I have to help—that’s just who I am.’
‘I kno
w that,’ Thea assured him. ‘And I would never expect you to walk away from someone in need. But the way you do it—running blindly in, with no regard for your own safety—that scares me.’
‘Then what do you propose?’ He held his hands out desperately. He couldn’t lose her. Not now.
‘A trial period,’ she said at last. ‘For our relationship and for the Air Ambulance.’
‘What does that mean?’ Ben asked carefully.
‘At work you’re always going to be the one who risks his life for others—look at your Distinguished Service Order, look at the men you pulled to safety after that bomb blast even when you only had one arm. I’m not trying to change that. But just take a moment—one minute, thirty seconds, fifteen seconds—that’s all I ask. To talk to me, or anyone, so that I know you’ve assessed the danger. So that I know you’re taking calculated risks, not reckless ones. So that I don’t feel so helpless.’
‘I can do that,’ Ben agreed slowly.
He understood exactly where she was coming from, and he respected her strength of character. He was impetuous, she was right about that, and he needed someone who cared enough about him to pull him up over it. He knew Thea was that person.
‘And as for our relationship...’
This was the bit he really wanted to know. He had to convince Thea that she was all that mattered to him. Without her, his life was empty.
‘We spend time together,’ she said simply. ‘We get to know each other. Sometimes we do boring, mundane things, like going to the cinema, instead of you wanting me try base jumping or something equally adrenalin-fuelled.’
He nodded. He’d always used that kind of stuff as a distraction—especially around anniversaries—to avoid having to think about how he felt. But with Thea he didn’t feel he needed those safety nets any more.
‘Learning about each other...talking,’ he agreed with a grin. ‘I can do that.’
‘It doesn’t mean we can’t have fun together.’ She smiled.
‘Does this trial period include separate bedrooms?’ he asked, suddenly straight-faced. ‘Because if it does, I can tell you that’s a deal-breaker.’
‘It does not include separate rooms.’ She laughed softly.
‘OK, then.’ His gaze never left hers as he became serious again. ‘I’ll give you as long as you need. Until you know that you have nothing left to fear. I intend to put you—our family—first from now on.’
‘Then I think you’d better sign some new paperwork,’ she choked out, tears spilling over as Ben crossed the divide between them in one smooth movement and lifted her up from her chair into his arms, his mouth coming down to claim hers.
It was a kiss full of hope, full of promise, and one day soon he hoped it would turn into one free of any lingering reservations.
‘And when you finally trust me completely I promise you I’m going to carry you over that damned threshold, Mrs Abrams.’ His lips rumbled against hers as they finally came up for air.
‘I hope you can fulfil that promise, because I’d like that, Mr Abrams,’ Thea murmured. ‘I’d like that very much.’
EPILOGUE
Five years later
‘HAPPY TENTH ANNIVERSARY, Mrs Abrams.’ Ben kissed her gently awake as the first rays of dawn poured through a gap in the curtains.
‘Happy tenth anniversary,’ she mumbled sleepily, wrapping her arms around his neck and getting ready to pull him back into bed for a proper good morning celebration.
But Ben quickly detached her grip with a rumble of amusement.
‘Sorry, my love, but no time. You’d better brace yourself.’
‘Brace myself...?’
‘Happy Mummy’s day to you, Happy Mummy’s day to you...’
Their three-year-old burst excitedly into the room with a delightfully out of tune, improvised rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’. She stopped, glancing at him for guidance, and Ben was only too happy to jump into the fray and sing along with his daughter.
Then, waving a handmade card with a colourful, splodgy footprint on the front, she leapt onto the bed, and Ben felt a burst of pride as he watched his little girl snuggle up to her mummy, almost shoving the card up Thea’s nose in her eagerness.
‘I made it for you, Mummy. It’s my footprint—see?’
She waggled her foot in the air, as if fearing her mother wouldn’t recognise it otherwise, and Ben was amused to see Thea actually checking the foot. Mercifully, it was clean—which was more than could be said for the bathroom floor right now.
As Thea shifted up the bed to wrap her daughter in her arms Ben lurched forward to help her.
She batted him away good-naturedly. ‘I’m pregnant. I’m not ill.’
‘I know that, but you’re over a week overdue and you look ready to pop,’ he chastised her as a fresh surge of love crashed over him.
‘Which is why they’ll be inducing me on Wednesday if he hasn’t been born by then. I’d say he’s definitely your son.’ Thea shot him a wicked grin. ‘He won’t arrive until he’s good and ready.’
‘A brother, a brother... I’m getting a brother,’ came a sing-song cry of delight. Then the little girl stopped, a look of concern clouding her perfect features. ‘Do you think he’ll know that it’s my birthday next weekend?’
‘I’m pretty sure he will,’ Thea reassured her, with a quick glance to Ben.
He nodded in confirmation. He had collected a couple of gifts and some party supplies yesterday, knowing that it would reassure Thea. She was adamant that this would be the first party their three-year-old daughter would remember, so they were going to throw one this year.
With all the attention she knew was bound to be lavished on their new son by well-meaning friends, Thea was determined not to let their daughter feel even a little bit left out.
She was an incredible mother. An incredible woman. After the bad start their marriage had suffered, those first five years, Ben had been determined to ensure these last five years had been the best years of her life. They had certainly been the best of his.
They worked alongside each other occasionally, but staggered their shift patterns so that one of them was almost always home with their incredible little girl. He couldn’t be happier. Except, perhaps, when their new son joined them properly and they would be a foursome.
‘Come on, munchkin.’ Ben leaned over the bed and swung his daughter up. An excited shriek came from the little girl. ‘I promised you a morning in the park whilst your mummy sleeps. She might have a busy day ahead of her soon.’
‘Um, Ben—’
The catch in her voice made him spin around quickly.
‘I think that day is now. I’ve been having light contractions all night, and my waters have just broken.’
‘We’re going in?’ Ben confirmed.
Last time Thea had taken a bath and baked her favourite carrot cake before finally letting him drive her to the hospital.
Thea pushed herself out of bed and took her daughter for a last cuddle. ‘Phone the Colonel first.’
‘Colonel Grandpa! Colonel Grandpa!’ The little girl jiggled, delighted at the fulfilment of a long-standing promise of a day or two exclusively with her grandfather.
Ben grabbed her and tickled her, before she could kick Thea to bits in her excitement.
Funny how the term Colonel was now used affectionately to refer to his father. Ben had never expected to have a good relationship with him, but things had changed a lot over the last five years. And the old man positively doted on his granddaughter.
‘I’ll be back in a few minutes,’ Ben said, placing the wriggling three-year-old on the floor, She raced out through the door to find Ben’s phone. He cast Thea a glance. ‘And then we’ll get ready to welcome our son into the world.’
‘Our new bundle of joy.’ Thea smiled
softly.
‘To go with our beautiful daughter.’ Ben beamed proudly. ‘Have I told you yet today how much I love you, Mrs Abrams?’
‘No,’ Thea teased. ‘So tell me now.’
* * * * *
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ISBN-13: 9781488009716
The Army Doc’s Secret Wife
Copyright © 2016 by Charlotte Hawkes
All rights reserved. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
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