“Do I have a choice, doctor?”
“Of course you do, Ana. We always have choices.”
“So if I say no?”
He furrowed his brow for a second. “Then we just keep medicating you until we can come up with an alternate form of therapy.” He sat back in the chair.
Ana glanced over the doctor’s shoulder at the orderly. She thought he was glaring at her. She returned her attention to the doctor. “Well, when you put it like that, doc, what have I got to lose?” Ana gave him her most disarming smile, her soft ruby lips exposing nearly perfect teeth. She batted her lashes at him playfully over her sapphire eyes. He smiled and offered a chuckle in reply.
“I’m glad you still have your sense of humor, Ana. That’s more important than you know. Now here’s what I’m proposing, sit down with me in my office for a few sessions and let me give you my perspective on your situation.”
“Situation? Don’t you mean neuroses?”
He looked at her for a moment, pinching his ear lobe between his thumb and index finger. Again, she thought how familiar he seemed, the smile, his mannerisms.
“I’m not entirely convinced that your problems are based in neuroses.”
“You’re not?”
“So does that mean you’ll agree to some sessions with me?”
Ana narrowed her eyes. “I don’t see how it will really help, but it sounds better than being drugged out of my mind.”
“That’s the spirit, Ana. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the kind of progress we can make together. I’ll put in an order to have your meds cut back tonight.”
“That would be nice, doctor. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet, Ana. It’s not entirely altruistic on my part. I want your mind and body to be free of some of these narcotics so that we can talk candidly.” The doctor rose and went to work unfastening her restraints.
Ana rubbed her wrists and watched as he undid the strap around her ankles. He glanced back at the orderly who had begun moving closer. He stopped when he caught the doctor’s gaze. Ana wondered if any of the orderlies she had roughed up were friends of his.
“Joe, tell Betty to call the cafeteria and have them send Ana her breakfast. Oh, and Joe?”
“Yes, doc?”
“No one lays a hand on my patient. Are we clear?” The warm, gentle tone left his voice, but it retained an unwavering evenness.
Joe gave a curt nod. “Of course, doctor. Is that all?”
“Yes, you can go now. I’ll handle things from here.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, doctor. You don’t know how strong she is.” Joe looked as though he was going to protest further, but another look from the doctor seemed to make him think better of it. He turned quickly and left them alone in the room.
“Okay, Ana, I’m going to set aside some time for our first session this afternoon. In the meantime, take a shower and get into some fresh clothes.” He gestured toward a small dresser on the opposite wall. “You’re breakfast should be here soon. I’ll send Joe to collect you later.”
“Okay, doctor. How long will I be locked in my room? Will I be able to go out in the lounge again?” Ana sat up and dropped her feet over the edge of the bed. Her toes barely touched the cold floor. Her head swam as she looked up at the doctor. She braced herself.
“In time, Ana. I have to show the administration that you can be trusted. I can’t honestly give them a good feeling about that until we’ve had a few productive sessions.”
Ana hung her head and looked down at his shiny black shoes.
“Don’t fret, Ana. I think we’re going to make a great team, and before you know it, you’ll be back amongst the others in the ward.” He smiled again.
Without looking up she asked, “Will I ever be able to get out of this hospital?”
“Just give me some time, Ana. We need to take things slowly. Don’t worry, we're going to get through this storm.” He paused as if waiting for her to reply. When she didn’t, he left the room.
She knew she didn’t have the kind of time the doctor was talking about, but for the moment she’d play along.
***
After a shower that washed away the traces of the last few days, but not the memory, Ana put on a fresh pair of scrubs that the doctor had left for her. They were blue, the nurses all wore white. No chance of sneaking out disguised as a nurse. She laughed to herself.
She gave the breakfast a cursory glance, decided against the runny eggs and dry toast, and settled on a glass of orange juice. She sat on the edge of the bed and noticed for the first time that someone had brought a few of her things into this new room. A picture of her mother stood atop the dresser alongside a pile of books. Whoever had brought her things must not have known her well, otherwise they would have known there was a reason the picture of her mother was at the bottom of a drawer.
She crossed the room and placed her mother’s picture face down. It was then that she noticed the small red book lying on top of the others. The book was no bigger than a deck of cards. In fact, she wasn’t quite sure it was a book until she picked it up. The cover was blood red and was intricately inscribed in Chinese. Chinese, not Japanese, not Korean, definitely Chinese. How she knew this, she wasn’t entirely certain. Ana couldn’t read it, she just knew. Something about the book felt right in her hands. She leafed through the delicate pages. They were impossibly thin and delicate. Each one contained row after row of vertical characters. Why had this been left in her room?
The lock on her door clicked and the door swung open. She set the book back down. Joe was holding the door open for her. She could see another orderly behind him.
“Come on out, Ana,” said Joe. “It’s time for your first session with Doctor Gabriel.” Joe looked as if he wanted to say something more, but he didn’t.
Ana made her way to the door and stopped. Nordic stood in the hall in all of his hulking glory. Had she really taken this man down so easily?
“Don’t worry, Ana, Hans is just a precaution. Although, considering how you handled him before, I’m not sure if it would make much difference.” Joe chuckled. Hans didn’t seem amused, but he didn’t say a word.
“Hans. That figures.” Ana gave him a smile that only garnered a roll of the eyes. “Sorry about your nose. It wasn’t anything personal, you were just in my way.”
“Let’s just get moving. I have other patients to deal with today,” said Hans. He motioned for her to follow Joe. Ana complied, taking up a space between the two men.
They passed through two more sets of doors just like the ones she had breached on her escape attempt. They were heading farther into the facility than Ana had ever been. She noticed there were no windows along any of the halls and the air seemed colder.
“Are we underground, Joe?”
Joe replied without looking at her. “You’re pretty smart for a crazy person.” Ana just laughed. Hans gave a disapproving grunt, but otherwise said nothing.
“How many floors below ground are there?”
“Just two,” said Joe.
“Is there an underground garage or anything?”
“There’s one on the—“
“That’s enough, Joe,” said Hans. “She doesn’t need to know any of that. Did it ever occur to you that she might be thinking about trying to escape again?” Ana didn’t look back at Hans, but she could hear the irritation in his voice. Apparently he had taken it personally.
“Lighten up, Hans. I don’t think she’d be able to get out so easily, what with all the beefed up security.”
“No sense taking chances,” said Hans. Joe didn’t reply, he just shrugged and opened up the next set of doors. Ana noted that this was the third set of doors.
“End of the line, Ana.” Joe gestured down the hall. “Doctor Gabriel’s office is the third door on the right. Just let yourself in.”
Hans prodded her with a quick push on the shoulder. She flinched reflexively, but continued forward.
“Aren’
t you going to escort me in, Joe?”
“No, doc said to let you come in alone. Besides, all of the other doors are locked, so you don’t really have anywhere else to go.”
“So much for choices, doctor.” Joe gave her a quizzical look before ushering Hans back out the way they came. She tested the next two doors before she reached Doctor Gabriel’s. Apparently Joe was right, she had nowhere else to go. Maybe for now, Joe.
***
“Have a seat, Ana,” said Doctor Gabriel. He motioned her toward an overstuffed red leather couch opposite his desk. She plopped down, sinking into the cushions. She wondered if the couch was designed to make patients feel small and insignificant. You don’t need a couch for that, she thought.
“You’re looking much better, Ana.” He sat behind an impressive desk with his hands folded. Rows and rows of leather bound medical volumes filled the mahogany shelves behind him. There were no traces of family on the walls or his desk, just degrees on the wall and a brass lamp and nameplate on the desk. Simple, clean, organized. The whole room gave the impression of never being used, while at the same time, inviting her to relax. It must have been the books, she thought. She loved books.
“Have you felt disoriented or nauseous at all today?” he asked.
“A little, actually.” Ana patted her stomach.
“That’s perfectly normal under the circumstances.” He opened a small notebook and made a few notes with a silver ballpoint pen, the kind that came engraved in a set.
“Under what circumstances, doctor?”
“It’s really a combination of things,” he said. “First, the orderlies gave you a rather powerful tranquilizer the night of your…episode, which took some time to wear off. Second, I’ve had the pharmacist cut back on your regular meds since you were moved to this ward, and I plan to have them cut back even farther pretty soon. Your body is already reacting to the change.”
“Why are you so interested in cutting back my meds? I’ve been on them for a long time.”
“I think that’s part of the problem as of late, Ana. These drugs have had a cumulative affect in your system. It’s my belief that they’ve actually worsened your hallucinations rather than helping to reduce them.”
“You think I’m hallucinating? So you do think I’m crazy?” Ana pushed herself back into the couch and folded her arms.
He waved his hand as if to wave away her concerns. “You misunderstand me, Ana. I’ve reviewed your case extensively and I’m afraid we can’t really know the root of your problems until these large doses of medication aren’t allowed to cloud your mind.”
“So you’re going to take me off the meds, and let the real crazy come out? Haven’t you talked to the others here? I’ll bet that they don’t agree with your assessment, doctor.” She looked directly into his eyes. They betrayed nothing.
“There’s no need to be so negative. I’m on your side, Ana. I want you to get better, and I think getting you off of these drugs will go a long way toward getting down to the heart of the matter. I’ll still be giving you a mild sedative to help you sleep at night, of course.” He pinched his ear lobe between his thumb and index finger. Was that a tell?
“You mean to keep me from running away in the night?”
The doctor laughed and got up from his chair and took a position on the corner of his desk. He leaned against it and folded his arms.
“You’re almost too smart for your own good, Ana. I’ll admit that the administration wouldn’t allow me to take you completely off your meds for that reason, but I also believe the lighter dose of sedatives will help you sleep, and sleep is important to our mental health. Besides, if I just take you off of these medications cold turkey, you’re going to fall hard.”
“Just so you know, doc, when I sleep I dream, and that’s when I see the stuff that makes everyone here think I’m crazy.”
He nodded. “I want you to dream. Your dreams will be our window into what really brought you here.” He rolled the ballpoint pen back and forth between his fingers. So familiar.
“My mother is what brought me here.” She cast her eyes down to her lap and began fidgeting with her fingers.
“I know your mother brought you to this facility fifteen years ago, but I don’t know much more about the incident that sparked events. By the way, what is your mother’s name?”
“Marriane.”
“Bertrand?”
“Yes. Her maiden name was Montgomery.”
“According to your file, your father’s name is Michael Scott.”
“He’s not my father,” she said through clenched teeth. “My father is dead.”
He touched her knee delicately. “I’m sorry, Ana…Anastasie Eloise.” He said her name as if he were seeking a confession. “Was your father French?”
Ana repositioned herself on the couch. The doctor removed his hand and sat back against the desk, rolling the pen between his fingers.
“Yes. He met my mother at the embassy in Toulouse.”
“What brought your family back to the states?”
“My father was killed when I was six.” She wiped her eyes and avoided the doctor’s gaze.
“That’s terrible, Ana. Were you close to your father?”
“Of course. He was my world.”
“May I ask how he died?” She could feel him looking at her.
“I don’t really know. My mother just told me he was murdered, but she wouldn’t ever give me any details. She just said they couldn’t find his killer. She never talked about it. Ever. Then we moved back to Annapolis.” Ana sat back up and looked absently at the row of books behind the desk.
“Is that where your mother met your stepfather?”
Ana nodded. “He’s in the navy.”
“How is your relationship with your stepfather?”
“What relationship?”
“Do the two of you not get along?”
“He’s the reason I’m here,” said Ana, barely masking the contempt in her voice.
The doctor furrowed his brow. “Are you being completely honest about that, Ana?”
“What’s the point? You already know how I got here. It’s all in my file.” Ana looked into his eyes, challenging him to push the issue.
“I know it’s all in your file, Ana, but the file doesn’t tell me your side of things. I want to hear your perspective. I’m here to help, not to judge.” He rolled the pen between his fingers then attempted to put it in his coat pocket. He missed. The pen fell to the plushly carpeted floor without a sound. Ana glanced reflexively then looked back into his eyes trying not to draw attention. Had he not noticed?
Ana looked back at the books.
“Truth be told, I guess I attacked Mike,” she said.
“Your stepfather?”
“Yes. I was arguing with my mother about my dreams…my visions. It was getting pretty loud and Mike put his hands on me. I don’t really remember what happened after that. I must have blacked out or something. When I came back to myself, Mike was on the floor with a broken nose, and my mother was calling the police.”
“So they brought you here, and you’ve been here ever since?”
“Pretty much. I mean, they had me evaluated a couple of times, but all of the doctors agreed that I was a danger to myself and others. They said I was schizophrenic and I needed to be institutionalized.”
“That must have been pretty rough. How old were you at the time?”
“Fifteen.”
“So you’ve spent half of your life here?”
“Just about.”
“How often does your family visit?”
“My family doesn’t visit. Mike stopped coming with my mother around the third year I was here.”
“And your mother?”
“Until recently, she came at least once a month.” Ana crossed her arms again.
“Until recently?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“You’re right, we’ve covered enough ground for our fi
rst session. I need to speak with the pharmacist about your medication again anyway. I want you to try and get some rest. There’s no need for us to press too hard right out of the gate.”
The doctor smiled and turned to go back to the other side of his desk. Ana seized the opportunity, She stretched her leg out and rolled the ballpoint pen closer to the couch with the tip of her foot. Before the doctor made it to his chair, she had already palmed the pen and hidden it in her waistband.
Sixth Seal Page 2
