Kael gave her a friendly smile. “Of course.” After some mutual stretching, he gestured to the clearing. “You ready?”
“Sure thing.” Anna bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, shaking out her arms. “Let’s go.”
Facing Kael, she took in his relaxed posture, his confident half-smile, and met his gaze in silent challenge. I need to show him that I can do this. I need to show him that I can hold my own in this group.
“Why don’t you show me what you’ve got?” Kael said. “Standard sparring rules apply. No elbow or knee strikes, attacks to the neck, spine, or eyes. Obviously I’m going to avoid that ankle.”
Anna nodded. “Okay.”
“Now, I want you to work around your pain, not fight through it. You got that? In a perfect world, you’d be able to rest up before needing to use that ankle again. I know this isn’t a perfect world, and I understand why you need to get back on your feet. But take it easy. Concentrate on using your arms, your hands. Try to keep that ankle out of the strike zone. Try to get an early advantage by going for vulnerable areas—
crotch, eyes, throat.”
“Wait. I thought there were no attacks to the neck or eyes?”
Kael gave her a small smile. “I don’t expect you to go full-out, but you can try to hit me. If you want to avoid those areas, go for my feet or my head.”
Anna’s upper lip twitched at his utter calm. “Deal.”
Kael beckoned her with his hand. “Come on. Knock me down.”
Anna hesitated only briefly, then threw a punch at Kael’s face. She pulled it before it could connect and used her good foot to stomp on his instep. He grunted at the move, and she stepped forward to bring her knee into his crotch. He moved sideways, avoiding her, and she spun around to give him a wicked smile.
“Nice. Try again.”
Anna exhaled, then swung at Kael’s head. He ducked her fist and countered with a light punch to her shoulder. Anna scowled. “You can hit me for real, you know.”
“That’s not what this is about. Listen, let’s concentrate on self-defense. What’s normally your first reaction to a threat?”
“I listen,” Anna said. “I don’t normally get surprised. I’m very good at listening.”
“Good. That’s important. But what if you’re in a situation already? The threat is approaching. You know a confrontation is imminent.”
Anna considered. “I try to catch them off guard. Attack before they have a chance to realize I’m not just going to let myself be taken.”
Kael frowned. “Your first move should always be to try for an escape. First, be alert to your surroundings.
Second, run away from danger if you can.”
Anna let out a disgusted snort. Taking advantage of Kael’s distraction, she jabbed at his midsection. He absorbed the blow and grabbed her arm as she retreated. She jerked back to escape his grasp, but he spun them around so that he was behind her. Wrapping muscular arms around her chest, he pulled her to his body and immobilized her with startling strength.
“If you get into a fight, you can lose. If you escape from needing to have to fight, you win no matter what.”
Kael’s lips brushed her ear; his warm breath tickled her neck.
Anna shivered at the sensation, remembering her confusing flash of attraction for him earlier. Stiffening in discomfort, she squirmed in an attempt to get out of his hold. “What if I can’t run away? What if I’m trying to protect my tribe from slavers who are attacking us?” Her voice rose, and her heart pounded at the unwelcome assault of nightmarish memories that overtook her at the words. “What if women and children are depending on me?”
“Then you fight.” Kael’s voice was calm, his grip sure.
Anna seethed at being restrained. She continued to struggle for a moment, her heart rate rising as panic set in. “Goddamn you, Kael,” she growled, kicking back at him with her uninjured foot.
“So fight.” Kael lifted her off her feet, and she flailed her legs uselessly. “Get out of this.”
Anna closed her eyes, trying hard not to focus on the way his crotch pressed into her bottom. Her breathing increased as she remembered the smell of blood and male sweat, the sound of her tribe mates screaming in the distance. Summoning all of her righteous fear and anger, she went limp in Kael’s arms.
Obviously surprised, Kael shifted and Anna immediately drew her foot forward then kicked back hard, striking him in the shin to cause him to loosen his hold. She pressed her advantage, slipping down through his grip as her feet hit the ground. Turning her left hip forward, she drove her elbow into his solar plexus, escaped from his stranglehold, and stumbled backwards away from him.
He bent over at the waist, holding his stomach with one hand. “Christ,” he gasped. “You pack one hell of a punch when you’re pissed off.”
Anna shook out her arms and rolled her head from side to side. Facing him, she tried to push back her lingering fear. She didn’t want him to see how much he’d terrified her with his physical dominance.
Somehow she managed a cocky grin. “So don’t piss me off.”
“Nah, it’s good to get mad. If someone is attacking you, and especially if you find yourself overpowered, you need to feel that anger. Get pissed off. Use that rage. Sometimes it’s the only thing that’ll save you.”
Kael straightened, his hand lingering over his belly. “Use your fear, too.”
“Who say’s I’m afraid?”
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid.” He took a careful step closer. “All animals, including humans, need to feel fear. Those without fear don’t live very long.”
Anna blinked rapidly as her eyes flooded. I’ve spent a year trying to block out my fear. Don’t tell me I should just live with it.
“And right now, we’re not going to worry about protecting others. This is about protecting yourself.” Kael feinted left, as though he were going to attack, then danced backwards. “Fight me off.”
“I’m not afraid of you.” Anna threw her shoulders back and raised her chin in defiance.
“Prove it.” Kael lunged forward and grabbed her arm, pulling her to him.
Startled, she allowed her body to be moved forward, using the momentum to drive her shoulder into his chest. He jumped backwards, clearly shaken by the blow, then grabbed her around the waist to pull her to the ground. Anna stumbled, going down with a muted cry of despair.
Kael followed her as she fell, quickly scrambled on top of her body, and pinned her wrists above her head.
“Tell me you wouldn’t be afraid if someone got you into this position,” he said into her ear.
“Fuck you, Kael,” she spat, squirming beneath his heavier bulk.
“It’s okay, Anna.” He kept her arms pinned on the ground, his hips pressed hard against hers. “But I want you to use what you’re feeling right now. It’s not about the right moves or the perfect strategy. It’s about channeling everything inside of you into getting out of this situation.”
Anna closed her eyes, no longer able to focus on Kael’s voice through her panic. She felt the hard ground beneath her back, rocks and plants digging into her skin through her T-shirt. She felt his heart pounding against her breasts, his thigh insinuating itself between her legs as she struggled.
“Fight me off,” he said. “Go crazy. Do whatever you need to do, just get me off of you. I can do anything to you right now. You need to get out of this, Anna.”
“Don’t,” Anna whispered. Every move she made left her feeling more vulnerable than before.
“Look to press any advantage you can,” Kael continued, seemingly oblivious to her rising panic. He transferred both of her wrists to one hand and used the other to reach between their bodies. “Changes in my position, distractions, fumbling with clothing—”
Pure, animal terror rampaged through her. Her entire body stiffened at the familiarity of Kael’s movements.
She no longer had control over her reactions to his words and actions. Razor-sharp memories of the last time sh
e’d been overpowered and held down on the ground flashed through her mind.
The first one had lank, greasy hair that hung down and tickled her face as he moved on top of her. The pain had been traumatic, a shocking entry into a whole new world of agony. The second had a chin full of overgrown stubble that had scratched her tender cheek as his face rubbed against hers. He whispered to her, filthy words, the entire time. The third one, she swore, would kill her.
All of a sudden the weight above her was gone, and Anna instinctively drew her knees up to her chest and rolled onto her side, blind fear leaving her uncertain and confused. She felt tears streaming down her cheeks, heard the harshness of her gasping as she struggled to breathe. A worried voice penetrated the frantic hammer of her pulse in her ears. Elin was there.
“My God, Kael. What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Anna heard Kael answer. “We were wrestling, and I was trying to get her to use her fear and…maybe I went a little too far.”
Anna squinted her eyes closed, face hot with shame. Her entire body shook with the power of the flashbacks that had consumed her. Caught up in memories, she was unable to relax and assure her companions that she was all right. She choked back a sob and curled into a tighter ball.
A soft hand landed on her back, and she cringed instinctively away before she realized that it was Elin and allowed herself to be pulled up into a tender embrace.
“Anna, baby. It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re okay. You’re safe.” Elin rubbed her hands up and down Anna’s back.
“I’m sorry,” Anna mumbled into Elin’s T-shirt. “I don’t know what…I’m sorry.”
“Anna, you know Kael would never hurt you for real. Right?” Elin asked in a gentle voice.
Anna gave a miserable nod. “I know.” She tried to back out of Elin’s embrace, utterly mortified that she had broken down in front of Kael. And this after I tell him that I’m not afraid. She stole a cautious look at Kael and was shocked by the pain in his indigo eyes.
He sat on the ground, arms resting on his legs, looking wholly devastated by her distress. As she watched, he swiped at the dampness on his face with the back of his hand. When he saw her looking, he dropped his gaze to the leaves and murmured, “I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet, tremulous, and he sounded more vulnerable than Anna had ever heard him before. “I didn’t mean to…I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay, Kael,” Elin said. “Anna knows you didn’t mean to scare her like that.”
“But I did mean to scare her,” Kael mumbled, looking so miserable that Anna couldn’t suppress a tentative smile. “I just didn’t know—”
“Kael,” Anna interrupted in a whisper, “I know you were only trying to help me fight back. You had no reason to think I would react like that. I’m sorry, I—” Her words died away as she struggled for a way to explain what had happened. She had never talked about it with anyone, and Kael wasn’t going to be the first.
“Okay,” Elin soothed. “Both of you stop apologizing. Nobody meant for that to happen. There are no hard feelings, right?”
“Right.” Anna remained within Elin’s embrace, too exhausted to even think about moving away anymore.
After a moment, Kael added his agreement. “Right.”
Elin gave each of them a tender smile. “Breakfast is ready. Can you go back to the fire and take care of it, Kael? We’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?”
“Right. No problem.” Kael got to his feet and brushed his hands over the seat of his jeans. He hesitated a moment, then said, “I really am sorry, Anna. I never want to make you feel unsafe like that.”
Anna tipped her head in acknowledgement. Her entire body burned with her humiliation. “It’s not your fault,”
she said, voice breaking. “Please, let’s just forget it, okay?”
“Okay.” Kael gathered his things and exited the clearing without another word.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Elin asked after they were left alone.
“No.” That’s not something I talk about.
“Have you ever talked about it?”
A bead of sweat rolled down Anna’s spine, tickling her back. She shifted within the circle of Elin’s arms.
“No.”
“Maybe it would help.” Elin rubbed one hand over Anna’s side, while the other combed through her hair.
“Do you think?”
“I can’t.” Anna closed her eyes, shuddering at the idea of putting words to the images that still assaulted her so many months later. “I can’t right now, Elin.” Her panic began to rise again, forcing her breathing to come out in harsh gasps.
“Shh.” Elin pressed her lips to Anna’s forehead. “It’s okay, baby. Really. I was just asking. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. But if you ever do—”
“It’ll be you.” Anna eased out of Elin’s lap, and they both stood.
“Do you want to visit the stream and clean up before you come to breakfast?” Elin asked.
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
“Okay. We’ll see you back at the campsite.”
Anna stopped Elin from leaving with a hand on her arm. “Elin, could you…tell Kael again that I’m sorry?”
Elin caressed the side of Anna’s face with her hand. “You have nothing to be sorry about, baby. I will make sure that he’s all right, though. Don’t worry.”
“Thanks.”
Minutes later, Anna felt refreshed enough to consider rejoining her friends and crept through the forest, lost in thought. I’ve never had a flashback that bad before. Nightmares, sure, but never something like that. I felt like it was happening all over again.
Approaching the campsite, she heard Elin’s voice first. She couldn’t make out the words, but the tone was low, soothing, and insistent. With her emotion still close to the surface, fear sent her slipping into stealth mode and she slowed her steps and tiptoed closer, peering through the branches to see what was going on before she made her presence known.
She saw Elin first, facing Kael, and for a moment Anna could only see his boots, planted on the ground on either side of Elin’s legs. Then Elin moved, revealing Kael sitting on a rolled double sleeping bag with his head in his hands. From where Anna was standing, she could see the almost uncontrollable trembling of Kael’s fingers where they were pressed against his shaven scalp. Tears slid down his cheeks unchecked, drawing a silent gasp from Anna.
Elin knelt down and encircled Kael’s broad shoulders with one arm, leaning her head against his, speaking to him in a low voice that Anna couldn’t hear. Is this because of me? she wondered, thunderstruck. She knew her breakdown must have been startling for Kael, but she’d never dreamed the depth of the effect it would have on him. I never could have imagined Kael losing control like this. Over anything.
Kael shook his head at something Elin said. “I’ll be okay,” he said, loud enough for Anna to hear. “I just…it triggered so much—”
Elin placed her whole hand on top of Kael’s head, caressing his shaven scalp with her palm. She kept whispering and trailed a string of kisses along his jaw.
His posture was tense, ramrod straight. “I wanted to comfort her so bad, but I couldn’t—”
Anna couldn’t hear the rest and blushed when Kael captured Elin’s mouth in a long, slow kiss. She crept backwards into the woods, then rustled leaves and stomped around as she approached their campsite. By the time she walked into the clearing, Elin was tending to breakfast and Kael was sitting on the rolled sleeping bag with stoic eyes pinned on the fire.
“Ready to eat, Anna?” Elin greeted her with an affectionate smile.
Anna nodded and gave Kael a nervous glance. “Yeah. Your man over there worked up my appetite, kicking my ass.”
The corner of Kael’s mouth twitched in amusement. “I don’t know. You got a couple of good hits in there. I think my belly is going to ache all day.”
“As long as you don’t blame breakfast,” Elin said playfully.
> Anna chuckled, dropping down to sit beside the fire. “It looks great,” she said, as Elin spooned breakfast into the plastic bowls they carried with them. Rabbit again, and fresh vegetables they’d snagged from a field. “You know, maybe if Kael gets good enough with that bow, we could have deer for dinner sometime.”
Kael lifted his head. “That would be awesome.” He shot her a smile full of grateful wonder. “You’re right. I bet I could totally do that.”
Elin frowned. “But deer are so cute.”
“And tasty,” Anna said, sharing a knowledgeable nod with Kael.
Elin scowled. “Well, I’m not cleaning it.”
“That’s fine. I’ve got to be good for something around here. Kael can shoot it, I can clean it, and you can enjoy the fruits of our labors.”
“Because we love you,” Kael said.
Anna gave Elin a serious nod. “It’s true.”
Elin handed Kael his bowl, and Anna hers, then picked up her fork with a resigned sigh. “All right. Go kill your deer. You boys,” she said, and turned to Anna, “and warriors…I’ll never understand you.”
By instinct, Anna turned to share a conspiratorial grin with Kael. As their eyes met, she saw recognition in his, the knowledge of what she was thinking, and he opened his gaze to her, truly, for the first time since she had known him. She read such depth of emotion, such sorrow and quiet empathy, that her heart momentarily stopped in her chest. They both broke their gaze then, turning to listen to Elin as she launched into a story about the book she was reading.
She was living it again. That day.
She saw the blue sky, smelled the acrid smoke as their belongings burned. She heard the screams of the women who were being attacked and captured by the large group of men who had raided their community.
She felt the thrum of combat in the ground beneath her feet. The fighters of her tribe were locked in a fierce struggle with men carrying weapons. There were more than twenty of the raiders.
She was one of only nine trying to protect her people. She carried a wooden baseball bat. It was the only weapon she had ever used in training. She gripped it with her right hand, so hard that her knuckles turned white with tension. Next to her, Pete Jamison grunted as a bearded man thrust a long blade into his gut.
The Three Page 5
