by Jax Hart
I fade in and out. I’m lucid but floating away into the night. My mind’s separated from my body. Somehow protecting me from the pain. The storm must’ve passed when I was unconscious. Stars wink at me through the break in the clouds.
I try to lift my hand…wishing I could just float up and become one. He might’ve taken everything from me but if I do get there—I’ll shine bright.
“Ring around the rosy… pockets full of posy. Ashes… ashes... we all fall down.” I hum the rest under my breath, eyes never leaving the sky. A shooting star jumps through the milky way. I smile, falling back into the dark.
CHRISTOS
RAIN HITS THE WINDOW sounding like a hail of bullets. I drank half a bottle of whiskey by the fire last night. Getting drunk was the only thing keeping me away from her. I stumbled up the stairs buzzed. I hardly ever get drunk. A man with no emotions with alcohol running through him could very easily become a murderer.
“Christos!” Mrs. Fritz bangs on my door, then barges straight in not even waiting for me to reply. I’m up immediately despite barely sleeping. In all the years I’ve known her she’s never dared come in my room like this. All the blood rushes from my face as Will stands silently behind her. His soaked clothes drip on my carpet.
“Where is she? Is she hurt?”
“…we don’t know. Her bed wasn’t slept in. And Simone is gone.” I grab my cell phone, opening the tracker app. My heart pounds. She’s deep in the preserve and according to the GPS in the tracker she hasn’t moved in hours.
My heart is hammering harder than the thunderstorm the night before as I dress quickly barking out orders. “Call my private doctor, find Boris, get my satellite phone, blankets, and hot broth. She’s five miles away, deep in Exmoor Preserve.” I open my safe, taking the Glock out and check the chamber. Mrs. Fritz gasps. “It’s not for her. It’s in case the horse needs to be put down.”
Tucking the gun into the back of my cargo pants. I turn to Will, “Saddle up Zeus.”
“B-but you haven’t ridden in years.”
“She’s deep in the forest. Even the Rover can’t get in.” He hurries out, Mrs. Fritz follows, wringing her hands.
“Bring her back. I’ll never forgive myself for my part in what happened to that girl.”
“Don’t put my sins on you.”
“But they are. I’m complicit.”
“There’s no time for this. I need to go.” I sprint to the mud room I haven’t used in years, pulling on thick hiking boots and then grab a parka. The wind howls as I enter the storm. My injured dove is out there. I scan the woods while racing towards the barn. Will hands me the reins and I vault on Zeus’ back. He’s fifteen now, but still the strongest and fastest horse in this part of England. His bloodline dates back to Ancient Rome, just like mine. Together we gallop towards a fight I’m not sure isn’t already lost. And for the first time ever, El Diablo prays to his Christian God. Begs forgiveness and vows to be a better man if he just finds his dove alive.
CHRISTOS
THE REINS ARE IN ONE hand, my phone in the other as I race toward the coordinates coming from the tracker inside Jessie’s wrist.
Thank god, she never found out about it. Knowing her, she’d slit her own wrist trying to get it out.
“JESSIE!” I roar, calling out for her as the fog starts to lift. Zeus barrels over fallen logs and ducks his head under low hanging branches. Racing on the back of this powerful stallion helps me remember why I used to ride. Like sex, good food and wine—riding on the back of a powerful horse as it gallops is also a high I can actually feel. No wonder Jessie was attracted to it. Riding Simone was probably the only time she could come close to feeling free.
Zeus slows as a horse stands under a pine tree. Simone. She’s still, neighing softly as she recognizes her friend “Where is she?” I command. Momentarily forgetting animals don’t speak to El Diablo. I dismount, hurrying to the other horse looking for signs of tracks when I see them below me. The mystical wild pony herd of Exmoor. They stand protecting my dove. My heart stops beating. She’s laying in a creek at the bottom of a ravine. Not moving. Not even breathing. I point the gun at the horse…hands shaking as her brown eyes stare back at me apologizing. I turn the gun, placing the muzzle to my skull. She won’t go alone. I’ll go with her. I promised her my dark forever. But I don’t pull the trigger. She deserves peace. Following her into the next world won’t give her that.
“Jessie! My love! I’m so sorry.” I slide down the muddy bank. The ponies don’t budge. “Let me in! Let me see her.” The black one raises his head. We lock eyes. Then he neighs, walking backwards while watching me. I cradle her in my arms, she’s so cold. Her hair is streaked with dried blood. She’s limp. A beautiful, broken, cold doll. I sob, pressing my lips to her throat, stunned as I feel a weak pulse.
“Jessie! Wake up, agápe!”
Her eyes flutter open, then roll back in her head. She’s barely alive. If I don’t get her help soon, she won’t make it. I gamble that she doesn’t have a spinal injury. Getting her out of the creek and dry is paramount.
With her cradled in my arms, I climb the hill, and place her onto Zeus’ back. Simone comes forward nickering softly. Jessie loves this horse. I can’t just leave her out here. Quickly taking off the saddle and tack. I smack her rump hard. “Go!” She whinnies, then canters through the woods, in the direction of home. I vault up in Zeus’ saddle arranging Jessie in my arms like a child, radioing Boris on the walkie talkie telling him where I’m taking her and to bring the doctor. Kicking Zeus into a gallop, we race towards the old hunting cabin that my father used. It’s closer than the house and I need to get her warm. She’s barely breathing. I urge Zeus to go faster, but if he slips on the wet grass we’re both as good as dead.
Zeus takes me right up to the door. I dismount first then take my precious dove off. I leave him breathing hard as I kick the door to the cabin open. I set her on the couch, using my knife to cut the soaked clothes off her body. I wrap her in the old plaid blanket someone left then carry her to the floor by the hearth. The wood left on the floor is dried. The flames catch instantly. I rub her feet, trying to get her circulation going while pouring out my heart to her in Greek. “I was a fool. The biggest fool alive for giving up on love the second I found it. The truth is I’m not an evil monster—I’m terrified of you. Little Jessie Montgomery with the golden hair and stubborn streak. It’s you agápe mou that always held all the power. I’m nothing without you. Please don’t leave me. If you leave me—you’ll take all the light of the world with you. And I’m so sick of the dark. Don’t leave me in the dark.”
“I won’t. Ch-ch-ristos. I-I’m s-soo cold.”
“Shhh. I know my love. Hang on. Just hang on. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
“Yes. You always rescue me…just when I need you to.”
I’m not sure who is more shocked her or me as a tear slips from my eye, falling onto her face. I hold her close only putting her down to strip my own soaked clothes off. Skin to skin, I try to warm her, using my body to give instead of take this time. To love instead of coerce. But it might be too late.
The powerful engine of the Rover comes closer. Seconds later slamming doors are followed by Boris and the local doctor barging in.
“You shouldn’t have moved her.”
“I had no choice. She’d be dead. She’s frozen.”
Reluctantly, I give her up. Forced to watch him examine her. He shines a light in her eyes, pokes her ribs. “She definitely has a concussion, probably bruised a few ribs.”
“I found her laying in a creek.”
“Well that’s a miracle. The freezing water kept her brain from swelling. Kind of like lying in an ice pack. She’ll be okay. But she’s not out of the woods yet. We need to get her body temperature up. Make sure she doesn’t fall asleep.”
“How do I do that?” Jessie’s practically already slipping back into unconsciousness.
“Talk to her. Sing to her…do what it takes. I’ll come back
to check on her later. I have a baby to deliver in town. She needs a hospital but all the roads are flooded out. Keep her warm and keep her awake. If her condition worsens, call for a helicopter.”
“I’ll do everything it takes. Boris will drive you.”
They leave us alone and I carry her back to the fire. “Don’t fall asleep Jessie. Fight it. I need you to use all that stubbornness you have. Dig deep agápe.”
I rub her body hard, using circular motions. When she starts to fade I smack her tits hard. “OW!”
“Good,” I grunt. “Stay awake.”
“Are you turning back into a DOM, Christos?” She smiles weakly, with her eyes-half opened.
“I never stopped being one. Now stay awake!” I smack her again, noticing the small blush breaking out on her cheeks. Good. At least her color is coming back. I place her down to pick up the supplies Boris brought from the main house. Mrs. Fritz packed a thermos of hot broth, pain killer, sandwiches and fresh clothes.
I hold the hot liquid to her lips, making her take small sips. I hum pop songs in Greek. Make her say the alphabet backwards. “Tell me about the ponies,” she asks. I sit in front of the fire, place her on my naked lap, holding her back until the top of her head rests under my chin. Her legs lay on top mine and I wrap the blanket over us.
Cocooned in my embrace I whisper against her hair, “Legend is they survived the ice age. Their bloodline is the oldest in the world. The herd you saw are the wild ponies of Exmoor…” Her heart beat gets stronger, she’s relaxed against me. Trusting me like she did before. It seems like years have past instead of months.
I knew he wouldn’t let me slip from this life. Truthfully, I wasn’t ready to die. But when I was out there—in the forest, I felt peace. A deep sense of peace that I’ve never felt before. The sturdy wild pony who never left my side had an old soul. He spoke to me. His wise eyes looked into mine. He told me to fight, not just to live but to remember who I am. What I want out of life. I want to be free like him. If my heart chooses to love Christos, despite everything he’s done—it’s my prerogative. He’s mine to either run from or stay with. I won’t run; deny my feelings anymore. Sometimes things just are. Even if it’s not rational. Even if others would judge me if they knew the truth.
As I stared at the sky after the fall; my mind disconnected. All that was left was feelings. My heart. My soul. As they both tried to leave me body and float away I knew where they both belonged, with the man holding me tight, the man who always knew where his missing soul was. It was in me.
The blaze from the fire heats my feet. His arms hold me tightly in his lap as he starts reciting every line to Shakespeare’s Hamlet in an effort to keep me awake. “I love you, Christos.”
His hands still. He was rubbing me, but clinically not in the least sexual. But my body warmed to his touch. His hands always did have the magic to make me come alive.
“I wish that were true, agápe.”
“It is. My heart’s always been yours. Even when you threw it back, saying you didn’t want it.” I turn in his embrace, wincing in pain but my need to be close to him is strong. Cupping his chiseled jaw with the palm of my hand, I stare at him speaking the truth in my heart so he can see it. “I love you.”
“Impossible. No one could love me after the things I’ve done.”
“Maybe I’m stupid; a foolish girl from California without a proper education. But I know what’s in my heart. Don’t question it. I love you.”
“It’s not real love, little one. It’s Stockholm Syndrome.”
“No.” I shake my head, reaching up to kiss him. My ribs hurt, but I ignore it. He tries to move his head from me, but my other hand comes up to twine in his silky hair. The blanket comes undone as I move to straddle his strong thighs.
“You’re injured. Stop.” He tries to catch my hands.
I pull back grinning at him, “Where’s my big bad DOM? Or El Diablo? Are you suddenly scared of me?” I let my legs fall open, letting him feel my folds as I slowly glide my hips back and forth over him. I’m in pain, half-dead, but know his touch brings me back every time.
He’s hard as a rock but hesitant. His nostrils flair. “Are you sure? I won’t ask again or be able to stop.”
I bite my lip as he slips a hand between my legs, finding his brand. “Yes, Christos.”
“Theos. I’ve waited forever to hear you say those words.”
He rocks against me and we both moan at how good it feels. He bends his head catching a nipple while his hands slide up and down my hips. One reaches around to massage my ass while the other moves to pinch the bar in my clit.
“No more games. You’re mine forever. Do you understand?”
“Yes! Oh God, Christos!” I moan as he slips a finger inside me.
I love this man.
Right or wrong.
It is what it is.
I’d do anything for him.
My head falls back as his hot lips trail a path of fire. “Theos. I’m going to come just from looking at you.” He picks me up, placing me on the couch, then bends my knees, lowering his head. My scream rattles the windows as he pulls my clit into his hot mouth, rolling the diamond stud with his tongue. He pulls and sucks, mutters in Greek as I writhe for him, just as I always did.
“That’s it agápe. Let go. I’ll catch you. Come for me my dove.” He slips a few fingers inside me curling up to stroke my G-Spot. My body bows, pulls tight like a string then snaps as he hums against my clit. The deep vibration making it sing.
“Christos!” I scream, coming for him just like he asked.
He flips me over while I’m still coming, slaps my ass hard then places his lips to my ear. “When you heal. I’m dragging you to the tower room.” He smacks me again, then rams himself in.
“Fuck!” He bellows. “You feel so fucking good.” He shudders against my back. “It’s been too long. Don’t ever deny me this again.” He warns, turning back into my demanding DOM. It turns me on. As he pounds into me, twining my hair around his wrists, the thick head of him touching me so deep, where I needed him this whole time—I realize he’s perfect for me. I need both sides of him. The dark and the light. The forceful DOM that makes me wet and weak and the man who gives pony rides to special needs kids.
He pulls my head back tighter his hand presses down on the small of my back, forcing me to bend to him so he can move deeper inside me. He pushes me against the cushions, hammering my G-Spot, my swollen clit hits the cushions every down thrust, I feel him tighten, his breathing comes in harsh rasps of Greek curses as he spills his load. “Mine!” he roars, spurting his release, my walls clench, milking more from him as my body answers.
“Yours,” I breathe.
He collapses against my back, refusing to pull out. “Did I hurt you more?”
“I’m fine. You’ve taught me that the pleasure is always worth the pain.”
“Is it?” And I know he’s not talking about how rough he is with foreplay.
“Yes. I’m so tired. You fucked me very thoroughly.” I yawn as he moves to slip behind and spoon me. We both hiss as he reluctantly slips from my body still half-hard.
“You can’t sleep. I forbid it.”
“What should we do then?” I play, moving my hips back, ass bumping against the sensitive tip of him.
He hisses, “My dove is playing dirty, eh?”
“Maybe, I just decided to play to win.”
“Win what?”
“You.”
“That’s hardly a prize.”
“Funny, that’s what I said. But I was wrong.” I turn in his arms, needing to ask him, needing to know. “Will you do anything for me? Anything to make me stay forever…not as your prisoner or pet but as your equal?”
His eyes burn with what I swear is love for me, but I know that’s impossible. “If I could, I’d fly to the heavens and bring a dark star back for you.”
I swallow hard. “Do you remember the day we spent at the beach? We napped, talked…you fed me figs?”
“Of course. It was the best day of my life.”
“We could have that again.” I look down, entwining our fingers together. “I napped in your arms dreaming of golden-skinned babies with dark curly hair.” He inhales sharply. But I press forward. With our fingers still locked together I move from the couch to kneel on the floor. With my eyes forward, head bent, I kneel giving him my absolute, complete submission. “Take the medicine. Do it right this time. Find a therapist, go to counseling with me, use all the help we have available. Do that for me and I’ll give everything I have to you. I want a baby… a family…but I want them all with you.”
He swallows thickly. “What if it doesn’t work? What if I’m still a soulless monster?”
“You’re not. Stop thinking that. Besides, I still want the dark side of you. Just—” I pause biting my lip, “in the bedroom.”
He blows out a breath. “That’s a deal agápe. That’s a deal I’ll take. Your smile lights up the room.” But he’s wrong, when he smiles the lights in the whole world come on.
CHRISTOS
“ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE UP FOR THIS?”
“Yes,” she answers, but her hand shakes in mine. Her chin lifts. My Jessie is tough as nails. Only she could tame EL Diablo. Any other woman would’ve broken a long time ago. I did my worst; wreaked havoc dismantled her life the same I would a global company. But she’s still here. Standing by my side. Determined to see her fears through.
“I told you…we didn’t have to come.”
“I know. But I’m curious about this woman Alex is married to. Besides,” she bites her lip, “I haven’t been out in public in months.”
“I’m not sure Alex’s holiday party is the appropriate place to get you out again.”
“It’s the perfect place.” I nod, hoping she’s right. We’ve spent the past month making love by day and playing master/slave at night. She’s more than I could have ever hoped for. Her ribs are almost completely healed. But the scars on her heart from what I’ve done to her will always be there. I’ve kept my word. I’m back on my medication, found a good therapist and paid handsomely for a counselor who doesn’t judge our fucked-up love.
