‘You living here, next door to us, that’s not a coincidence. I don’t know who or what is up there, orchestrating this, but there’s something bigger than us, than our understanding, bringing us all together,’ Rea said.
‘When did you change your name?’ Luca asked gently.
‘At university. Stella is my middle name. Mam wanted us to have two names – one a little different, one less so. So we had a choice, if we ever wanted to switch. You know, Stella means the stars. Dad used to say that on the night I was born, the sky was littered with them. That’s why they chose Skye Stella Madden for me.’
‘That’s so beautiful,’ Rea said.
‘I used to love my name. But it’s hard to disappear into nothing with an unusual name that people instantly identify as the girl that lost everything in the tsunami. I couldn’t cope any more with people looking at me with big sympathetic eyes when they made that association. And, if I’m honest, I lost everything on that beach. It was easier to be someone else.’
‘And did it help? Changing your name?’ Luca asked.
Stella shrugged. ‘I used to think so. But, in all honesty, how I felt inside, my grief and pain, that doesn’t leave you. I didn’t suddenly stop feeling all of that.’
‘No, I don’t suppose you did.’
Rea said. ‘Both are beautiful names, but I think Skye suits you perfectly.’
‘Once upon a time, maybe. But Skye doesn’t exist any more. That person was fearless and brave. She was loved. Her whole life was mapped out ahead of her. Sometimes, I play a game in my head. It’s the sliding doors game. What is life like for Skye now? The version of her that never went to Thailand with her family. It’s a pretty cool version too. Her parents are retired and spend their life cruising around the Mediterranean. But despite that, they are always there for Skye and Eli, whenever they need them. Her mam is great. She helps Skye muddle her way through her relationships, reminding her that she shouldn’t accept anyone who doesn’t treat her well. Skye never married Matt, of course. She walked away shortly after they met, because she would never let a man tell her what she could or couldn’t eat and do. Eli owns his own bespoke furniture business. He’s married with a boy and a girl, who look a lot like Eli and Skye did when they were young. They are inseparable too. And Skye, well, she’s hopeful that one day she will meet a guy who loves her unconditionally. And when she gets married, her dad will be there to walk her down the aisle. And she’ll wear her mam’s wedding dress, as she always planned. Not something that was forced on her by a controlling fiancé. And there’s so much love and laughter in her life. She’s happy.’
‘It sounds perfect,’ Luca murmured.
Stella shook her head. ‘Oh no. It’s not perfect. And that’s what makes it just right. Because life isn’t perfect. There’s rain and sunshine in it. The odd hurricane even. But when the sun does shine, it’s quite wonderful.’
‘Maybe Elise is there too, in that imperfect, wonderful world,’ Rea said. ‘I think you and her would be great friends if you met.’
Stella nodded, ‘I think so too.’
‘It must have been hard when you came home. I can’t imagine … going on holiday as a family, coming home, without one,’ Rea said.
‘It was … difficult. At first, I don’t think I caught breath because we had so much to organise, the funerals and everything. And the media was all over us.’
‘Same for us. It’s very hard to mourn when you feel like the world is watching your every move,’ Luca said.
‘The next few years afterwards went badly. I missed a few months of school, couldn’t face it, then went back in March. But my memory was terrible. It was as if every single thing I’d learnt before the tsunami got swept away with the waves too. To this day, it’s awful. I can’t remember pin numbers if it were to save my life. As for phone numbers …’
‘Did you get any counselling?’ Luca asked.
‘For a while. But, to be honest, I found it didn’t help me. I felt so isolated. Nobody in my circle knew what I was going through. They tried to understand, they really did. But unless you’ve experienced it, you’ll never comprehend the horror. And the few times I did speak about it truthfully, I then had to deal with the tears and trauma that my memories were inflicting on others. It became easier to hide it away, somewhere deep inside of me.’
‘So you were on your own in every sense,’ Luca said. He got up and walked over to Stella, then pulled her into his arms, holding her close. She looked up at him, then allowed herself to relax into him. How long since she’d felt safe in the arms of a man?
Rea stood up and said, ‘I’m going to need one too.’ So she pulled Stella in close and hugged her. For the first time in over a decade, Stella felt loved and safe.
‘You mentioned you went to university?’ Luca asked.
‘Yeah. I was lucky to get a spot there to be honest. I think, for a while, my mind just shut down and I found it hard to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. But my Aunty Paula laid shedloads of emotional guilt on me when I barely passed my mocks for the Leaving Certificate. She reminded me that it had always been my parents’ dream that both Eli and I graduated from university. Something that neither of them had been able to do. I knuckled down and, by some miracle, I managed to pass my exams and get my degree.’
‘Good for you,’ Rea said.
‘The day that I graduated was a difficult one. I was on my own, looking at my friends’ parents beam with pride at their children. I just wanted to get the day over and done with.’
‘Where was your aunt?’ Charlie asked.
‘She met a French guy a few months after the funeral and they got married, adopted a child. They moved to France; they’re still there now. For a while, I drifted in and out of jobs. Drifted in and out of friendships. I don’t think I was really living. I decided to travel. I had money, income from the rent of my family home. I hadn’t been home in years, until two years ago. And that’s when I met Matt. He made me laugh, he made me forget that I was alone. I thought, maybe the universe had sent me someone incredible, to make up for the fact that it had thrown me some pretty awful curve balls.’
Stella looked around the room and saw varying degrees of shock on each of her friends’ faces. She was reeling herself. So much had happened in such a short space of time.
‘Mam always used to say plot twist whenever complications arose and we had to divert from our plan. She’d say, “Let’s improvise. Move on to Plan B and make the best of it.” The problem is, I’ve made so many new plans, I’m running out of alphabet.’
‘Maybe it’s time to go back to the beginning,’ Luca said. ‘That’s what I do.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Will we ever get closure from all of this?’ Rea asked.
Luca stood up and said, ‘The word closure irritates me. There’s no closure when someone dies. I’ll never see Elise again. I think the best we can do is to try and stop living our lives ruled by “what ifs”.’
‘Roald Dahl said that. The author. He said, “You’ll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that,’’’ Rea said. ‘I used to read his books to you both when you were kids, do you remember?’
Luca smiled and nodded. ‘One more chapter, that’s what Elise used to say every night! I’ll do you a deal, Mam, if you read one more chapter now, I’ll go to bed early tomorrow.’
‘She was always making deals with us,’ Rea laughed.
‘No more what-iffing. I’ll try that,’ Stella said. ‘Have you ever gone back to Thailand?’
‘I went for the one-year anniversary. Dad came with me,’ Luca said.
‘I couldn’t face it,’ Rea added.
‘Me neither,’ Stella agreed. ‘I’m not that brave. I only have to see the ocean and memories so powerful overcome me. I used to think, that, with time, they would become less raw, less real, but they haven’t. This irrational fear that the water will finish me off attacks me every time I get too close to it.’
‘Irrational
fears. I wouldn’t understand those at all,’ Rea joked, without any merriment.
‘I live close to the ocean. And how I deal with it is that I’ve realised that the world is all connected by its water. No matter where we live, we all need it. It can kill, but it also gives life. I think about that,’ Luca said.
Stella wished it were that easy. Somehow or other she thought she’d never be able to swim in the ocean again. And that was okay with her.
Chapter 52
STELLA
Matt had been charged with three misdemeanours. False imprisonment, GBH and menace.
Charlie took the day off from the salon and drove Stella to Matt’s work. She was met with only mild resistance from his secretary, who quickly gave her access to his office when she mentioned the charges that had been made against him.
There she found a treasure trove of information. A folder that contained all of her missing documents, her passport and also bank statements. There was nearly two hundred thousand pounds in an account in his name. The rent from her parents’ house had been going into this since they got married.
Her next stop was her solicitor. She passed over the bank statements and details of the two properties they owned. He would begin the task of sorting out a separation agreement with Matt’s solicitor. Then, last of all, Stella went back to number 70, to pack a bag, Charlie never leaving her side.
She packed a large suitcase, leaving half a wardrobe full of clothes behind her. They were from a life she no longer wanted a part of.
‘You can’t leave this behind!’ Charlie was outraged to see the cashmere wool coat lying on the bed.
‘Take anything you want. I don’t want them,’ Stella said. ‘Honestly, take them, wear them, sell them, give them to your friends, but the things I’ve left behind I don’t need. I have all I want.’
Charlie’s squeals as he rummaged through her designer dresses made the job of packing up her life a little easier. Stella might only have one case of clothes, with some jewellery and cosmetics to show for her life here with Matt, but she realised she was leaving with something far more precious than anything else that was in this house. She was leaving with her life.
She walked to the wardrobe and reached up high to the back of the shelf, until she found what she was looking for.
‘What’s that?’ Charlie asked, looking at the beautiful wooden carved box with a copper clasp in front of it.
‘It’s my memory box. My tsunami memory box. It’s where I keep all I have left of my family.’
Charlie touched it lightly, then said, ‘Well, that’s the only thing that’s really important to bring, isn’t it?’
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ she whispered.
‘Where else would I be?’ Charlie replied.
Holding hands, they walked around the house, moving from room to room. Stella waited to feel something as she went. But the overriding feeling she was experiencing was relief. It was time to leave. And she knew that she never wanted to come back.
‘Ready?’ Charlie asked.
‘Never more so.’ She pulled her case behind her and held her precious box in her arms. Charlie followed with a case of his own and they slammed the door shut, not looking back even once.
‘There’s post here for you,’ Rea said. ‘It’s from the passport office.’
‘Are you sure you want to go to your aunt’s straight away?’ Luca asked. ‘Would you not stay here for a bit?’
‘I can’t be next door to … to that man,’ Stella said. ‘I’ve been emailing my aunt and she’s expecting me. I haven’t seen her in a long time. Too long. The first flight I can get out tomorrow, I’m gonna take.’
‘Did she know about Matt and how he treated you?’ Rea asked.
Stella shook her head. ‘No. She was horrified when I confessed. Paula’s living the good life in Nice. She got busy with her baby and we kind of drifted apart. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Mine, more so than hers. She did try to keep in touch at first with calls and emails.’
‘Do you need money to set yourself up over there?’ George asked.
‘You are kind to ask. But no. I’ll transfer half of the money from our joint account over to my new one. It’s more than enough to keep me going. And the rent from my parents’ house will start being paid into the new account I’ve set up. So with that, I’ll be fine.’
‘Well done you,’ Rea said with approval. ‘What’s that box you’ve got there?’
‘It’s my memory box. Of what happened.’ She paused for a moment, then said, ‘Would you like to see a photograph of my family?’
She placed the box on the kitchen table and unlocked the clasp with trembling hands. Inside were small plastic bags. A passport, discoloured with water, in one. A braided bracelet, in black leather, in another. Droplets of sand glistened in the plastic, transported from another country, another time. Two Santa sacks, with Eli’s and her name on them. A pair of red-silk pyjamas.
She gently moved the items away and lifted up a camera. ‘My parents loved this. Eli and I bought it for them, for Christmas. They never stopped taking photographs.’ Stella smiled as she remembered them laughing and posing for the lens.
‘It was still wrapped around Daddy’s wrist when I found him,’ Stella said, her body shaking as she went back in time to that horrible day. ‘I’m grateful for that. At least I have the photographs.’
She opened up a Photobox pack and pulled out a stack, flicking through them till she came to the one she wanted. She placed it on the table in front of them all, so that they could see it.
‘This is the last photograph taken of us, moments before the wave came. I can remember it so clearly. I thought at the time that it was one of the most perfect moments of my life.’
‘You all look so happy,’ Luca said.
‘We were. Blissfully. Ignorantly. We had no idea what was coming our way.’
‘You look just like your mam,’ Rea said. ‘The image of her.’
That made Stella happy.
‘George, will you get that photograph of Elise? The one that her friends took earlier the morning she died?’
He walked to the sideboard and pulled out a shoe box. ‘Not quite as fancy as yours, Stella, but we’ve kept anything that Luca found when he was out there looking, in this.’
He placed it beside Stella’s box and lifted the lid.
‘That’s pretty.’ She pointed to a bright-orange bracelet.
‘She loved orange. She nearly always had something on, in some shade of it. It suited her colouring, she was so sallow,’ Rea said, with pride. ‘Here it is.’
She placed the photograph of Elise on the table. Her braids, she had braids in. And a bright-orange swimsuit.
‘She’s like one of the Baywatch girls. So pretty.’ Stella said.
‘I joked that when she bought that swimsuit the Hoff would be offering her a job,’ Rea said.
It was George who spoke first. ‘It’s the not knowing that’s the hardest to live with.’
She nodded. She would never stop imagining what Eli’s last moments were like. And even though her head knew the truth that he was dead, her heart still played tricks on her. A voice, that sounded like him would make her stop in her tracks. The back of a head that tilted to one side as the man talked, in the exact way that Eli did, would make her scream his name. She spent nearly ten years travelling the world looking for a ghost. Would she ever have the strength to say goodbye?
‘I hope she wasn’t on her own when she died.’ Rea whispered. ‘She always hated to be on her own. That’s why she was forever following you around, Luca. Her big brother.’
They’d never know what happened to Eli and Elise. Somehow they all had to accept this.
Stella felt tears rack her body once more, her grief as fresh today as it had been ten years previously.
‘I know I’m not your mam. I would never want to take her place. But Stella, I promise you, for everyone to hear, that in her place, I’ll be here for you. Always.’
&
nbsp; Stella looked at Rea’s kind face twisted in pain and grief, but also, love. And she felt hope dance inside of her. She’d not felt that for such a long time.
Charlie grabbed Stella’s hands and said, ‘I don’t have a little sister. I always wanted one, if you know anyone who might like the job?’
Stella couldn’t speak, overwhelmed with the events of the past few days. She looked around the room and saw only love and concern in the eyes of her friends. Yes, she had lost her family. But she realised that, at long last, she had finally found something new.
Chapter 53
STELLA
They watched his car pull up outside number 70 Derry Lane. He looked up and down the street, then directed his eyes to number 72.
‘He looks shite,’ Charlie said.
‘He shouldn’t be out,’ Rea complained.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Stella said mildly. ‘He’ll have his day in court. I’m going next door.’
‘You are not,’ Rea replied.
Stella turned to her friend and smiled. She could understand why she was afraid to let her go, but Stella had to see him, to have her say.
‘I’ve got to stop feeling like I’m drowning,’ she said. ‘You’ve been outside, pushing your boundaries. I’ve got to do the same. Do you understand?’
‘At least wait until George and Luca come home from the shops,’ Charlie agreed. ‘They’ll only be another few minutes.’
‘I don’t need any bodyguards. It’s fine. He won’t try anything, not with the case hanging over his head.’ Stella grabbed an envelope from her bag and walked out the door.
‘We’ll be watching from here,’ Rea said. ‘Any funny business and …’
‘Of that I’ve no doubt,’ Stella smiled, blowing a kiss at them.
The front door was ajar, as if he was expecting her. She walked into the kitchen, where he was standing against the granite island with a beer in his hand.
‘Why did you buy this house?’ Stella asked, forgoing any pleasantries.
‘I don’t understand the question.’
‘It’s simple enough. Why this house in particular?’
The Woman at 72 Derry Lane Page 30
