I’d tell Randy, but he might slip up and tell Lance, and Lance can’t keep his mouth shut about anything.
I want to tell someone, though. I find my phone, which ended up on the floor a long ways away from my pants. Cuing up my contacts, I call Violet. It’s after eleven, so she’s definitely awake. Sadly, it goes to voice mail.
“Hey, sis. Call me when you get this. I hat tricked last night, and my hat trick kicks Waters’ hat trick’s ass.”
My phone rings in the middle of my message, so I end my call with Violet to answer the one coming through. I can tell it’s my PA by the ring tone. I get it before it goes to voice mail.
“Hey, ’sup, Amber? How’s the portage trip going? You do battle with any bears yet?”
“No battle of the bears, thankfully. We got rained on last night. We’re taking a break for lunch. I thought I’d call you since we have decent reception on this leg of the trip. I’m so sorry you missed your flight. I thought I’d put enough reminders in your calendar, and then Violet told me you mixed up the times.”
“It’s cool. It’s not your fault. My phone died, and I had it in my head that I was leaving at nine, not six. You know how I am.”
“I should’ve been on top of that. I feel awful. I saw the social media insanity. How much trouble are you in with Sunny?”
“We’re good. We got things sorted.”
“Talked your way out of it, did you?” She doesn’t sound all that surprised.
I think about all the ways I made Sunny come last night. “It always looks worse than it is. But yeah, I managed to smooth things over.”
“So you found the box of condoms in the bag of gifts, then?”
“Box of condoms?”
“I got you two, in case you were extra busy.”
“No shit. You’re the best, Amber.”
“Remember that when the bill for my birthday present comes in this year.”
I don’t think she’s joking. “You’re always saving my ass, so you deserve whatever you choose—as long as it’s not a car.”
“Well, there goes that plan.” She sighs dramatically. “So I wanted to talk to you about the camp and some possible promotion opportunities.”
“You know how I feel about that—”
“Hear me out before you say no.”
I sigh, but give her the chance to try to sell me on whatever she’s planning before I shut her down.
“I think it would be a good idea for you to let one of the local papers come up and interview you.”
“You know I don’t do well in interviews.”
“You don’t do well in scripted interviews. You’re fine when there aren’t any lines to learn. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just a few questions about your role at the camp.”
“It’ll be a circus.”
“It won’t. It’s small town out there, Miller. It’s not like being in Chicago where everyone goes crazy over you guys.”
“Okay. I’ll think about it. Oh, hey, Randy emailed me something about a car wash fundraiser out near the camp. I’m probably going to go with him if the timing works out.”
“Do you know who’s hosting it?” Amber asks.
“No. Some guy Randy knows from when he played for Toronto. Randy says he puts on a lot of events.”
“What’s the charity? Can you forward me any information?”
“It’s for breast cancer. And sure, I’ve got an email I can flip you.”
“Okay. Sounds good. I’ll make sure it’s on the up and up.”
Any cancer fundraiser gets me, and Amber knows it; so does Vi. “Okay. Yeah. And I’ll check with Balls.”
“Great. Perfect. Don’t forget you’re picking him up from the airport, either. I’m sending you his flight details. You’ll have time to connect with him before Sunday?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Just checking. You might be busy blowing through all those condoms.”
Amber has a sense of humor. She has to if she wants to work with guys like me. “Ha ha. I’ll take a ten-minute break to deal with details.”
“Have fun with Sunny.”
“I plan to. Repeatedly. Enjoy the bears.”
“Fuck you, Miller.”
I get a dial tone and smile. Amber’s an awesome PA.
Before I go looking for Sunny, I decide now is a good time to get the trimmer out. I’ll be off to camp soon enough, and mosquitoes have a tendency to get caught in my arm hair and bite the shit out of me if I don’t take it down to a number three.
I’m not as hairy as Vi makes me out to be with her mythical fur-covered creature comparisons. Some of the guys on my team are way hairier, especially around playoff time when the beards are in effect and the neck hair meets the chest. Being blond means I can get away with a little less in the personal grooming department than the average guy.
Trimming is messy business, so I step out on the balcony overlooking the backyard. There’s lattice for privacy, but I don’t want to flash the neighbors, so I leave my shorts on.
I check the trimmer blade to make sure it’s the right one. The two lasts longer, but it makes things prickly, and I’m going for soft, not efficient, tonight. When I first started seeing Sunny, I tried the number two. Vi had been making the usual yeti jokes, and I got self-conscious. But I had to wear long sleeves on my date with Sunny during a heat wave. My arms felt like a cactus for a good week before the hair grew out.
Resting my foot on the railing, I start on my left leg. I go over everything twice. My shorts prove to be a problem, though. They’re in the way. I don’t want to end up with the equivalent of a reverse farmer’s tan, except with fuzzy thighs instead of overly white skin. I peek around the lattice. I can see the edge of the pool. On the other side is the neighbor’s patio. An old dude sits in a lounge chair, drinking iced tea and reading the paper in his bathrobe. There’s a pair of binoculars on the table beside his drink. This has to be Sunny’s pervy neighbor. But he can’t see me, so I’m safe to drop the shorts.
After I finish round two with my legs, I run a hand against the grain. The resulting semi-smoothness is gratifying.
Once I shaved my legs with a real razor. Actually, I used four of them. I wanted to see what it felt like. It was winter when I did it, so I didn’t think anyone would see them. Unfortunately, I forgot about the part where I’m an NHL player and I get changed in a locker room with other guys who would notice my hairless legs and razz me about them. Which is what happened.
I lied and said one of the bunnies I’d been with must have done it while I was sleeping. It seemed believable. Some bunnies get territorial. Those are the ones I cut loose in a hurry. Or used to cut loose. Before Sunny.
Moving on to my arms, I resume my mission to tone down the fur. When the breeze picks up, the trimmed hairs swirls around in the air before they go over the edge, floating toward the neighbor’s yard. I bet the birds will love it. Sunny says it makes great nests.
On the final pass with the trimmer, a strong gust of wind lifts the liberated hairs, and the cross-breeze from inside the house creates a cataclysmic weather system. A mini-tornado spins the fluff around in a circle. The tumbleweed of blond rises into the air, disappearing over the edge of the balcony.
There’s some sputtering and clanging from the patio next door. “What is that?” A yippy dog barks in distress as the yelling continues. “Thor! You made me spill my tea!”
I turn off the trimmer and flatten myself against the sliding door. Shimmying over a couple of steps, I peek through the lattice. Sunny’s neighbor has knocked over his chair and drink. His dog, Thor—which, incidentally, is tiny—chases after one of my fuzz tumbleweeds.
“Is everything okay?” That’s Sunny checking on her neighbor.
“Oh, hello, Sunshine. Thor’s chasing fluffs.”
“That’s nice—Oh! Mr. Woodcock! It looks like you forgot to put on your pants again.”
I take another peek through the lattice. Mr. Woodcock’s robe has come undone, his sagg
y nuts and his wrinkled wang hanging out. I hope my nuts never droop that low.
I slip back into the house and return to Sunny’s room. I still need to trim around the cannon. Last night all I managed to do was clean up my balls. I can’t take care of everything else and leave my dick the way it is.
I lock myself in her bathroom, keeping the number three for the treasure trail. I want to be groomed, not look like my dick is attached to the body of a twelve year old. I’m thoughtful enough to do it over Sunny’s toilet so I can contain the worst of the fuzz droppings.
Once I’ve cleaned up around the junk, I switch out the number three attachment and straddle the toilet seat. I flatten my dick against my stomach and wrap my nuts around like it’s a hot dog so I can make sure I did a good enough job last night.
I snicker to myself at the way half my cock sticks out the top like an oversized wiener. I run the trimmer over the sensitive skin. I flick the loose hair off and inspect my work. Everything looks good. My chest I leave alone. Sunny likes it.
I do a quick rinse-off in the shower and throw on a pair of swim shorts. I find the condoms Amber was talking about and shove a couple into my back pocket, just in case.
On my way to find Sunny I cut through the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. I go in search of sugar, but all I can find is organic maple flakes. I guess they’ll do. I dump half a spoon in and stir. It smells decent. My next mission is checking for cream.
Sunny’s a vegan, which is like a hardcore vegetarian. She doesn’t even eat cheese or drink milk. Everything she puts in her super-tight, extra-bendy body comes from plants. Thankfully, Robbie and Daisy indulge in the cow juice. I pour in some cream and go outside.
Sunny’s sitting in a lounge chair with her laptop in her lap. She’s wearing a pale green bikini and a sheer white cover-up. Now that I’ve been up in that, it’s all I want to do for the rest of the weekend. I’m already sporting a semi.
Titan and Andy are sleeping at her feet. She’s wearing headphones and concentrating on whatever she’s reading, so she doesn’t hear me.
She’s so engrossed that she still hasn’t noticed me standing behind her. Her hair is twisted up in a clip, but a few strands have fallen loose, and they sweep across her shoulders when the breeze picks up. I glance around the backyard, checking to see how visible we are to Mr. Woodcock. It seems protected. Only the second-floor windows of his house have a view of the pool. I decide it’s safe to announce my presence.
First I set my coffee on the ground next to the side table. Then I unfasten my shorts. Coming around beside her, I pull out my semi and tap it on her shoulder. Sunny screams and swats at my dick. Thankfully she doesn’t hit it. Her high-pitched scream wakes up Andy and Titan, who both start barking. She swivels in her chair, her face at the same level as my crotch.
“What the heck, Miller!”
“I was getting your attention.” I can’t keep a straight face. She looks mortified. It’s seriously awesome.
She covers her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking. Peeking out from behind them she tells Andy and Titan to shush through her laughter.
“It worked didn’t it?” I take the laptop from her and set it on the side table.
“You’re ridiculous!”
“You love it.” I uncross her ankles and kneel at the end of the chair between them.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m saying good morning.”
“It’s almost noon.”
“So it’s still morning.” I run my hands up the outside of her legs and fit myself between them. Without tucking myself back into my shorts, I lie down on top of her. Bathing suit material is all that separates us. “And I woke up to an empty bed.” I kiss her collarbone and make a path with my lips all the way to her mouth.
“My ancient neighbors are probably watching.”
“He flashed you. It’s only fair I flash him back.” I reach behind me and shove my shorts down past my ass, grabbing the condoms while I’m at it.
“You saw that?”
“If he’s creeping on us, we might as well give him something to look at.” I slap the condoms on the side table.
She glances over. “Miller! We’re outside!”
“You don’t have to lose any clothes.” I slip a hand between us, moving her bathing suit to the side and drag the head of my cock over her clit. “You just have to be quiet.”
***
An hour later we’re still hanging out by the pool. I have a bite mark on my shoulder from when Sunny came. She’s extra relaxed.
“You should let me put some sunscreen on your back.” I’m looking for an excuse to touch her again.
“Am I getting burned?” She glances at her shoulder.
“You’re okay for now.” I pat the space between my legs, inviting her in.
She eases between them, sitting too far forward for any of our body parts to rub together. Her shoulders are dotted with freckles from being out in the sun so much already. Sunny spent a few days last month volunteering at a community garden, planting flowers as part of a revitalization project. She’s into stuff like that. It’s one of the things we have in common.
“So I head out to that camp tomorrow,” I tell her, smoothing lotion over her skin.
“I think it’s a great thing you’re doing.”
“Thanks. It’s fun. And I have the time right now.” I make sure I get under the halter strap on her bikini. I love this bathing suit. She was wearing it the first time I copped a quick feel.
“Anyway, I was thinking maybe you’d want to come up and visit while I’m there?” At her silence, I rush on. “You could come at the end if you’re not into the whole hockey camp deal. You could even meet some of the kids if you wanted to, or not. They have cabins, so you wouldn’t have to tent it. Then we could rent a cottage for a few days if you can get the time off from work and volunteering.”
She’s quiet for another moment. “That sounds fun. I wish you would’ve asked me sooner.” Sunny turns so she’s mostly facing me.
Oh shit. I know this look. It’s a bad one. It reminds me of what I probably look like when I’m getting ready to let a honey down easy.
“If getting time off work is a problem maybe I can take care of it—”
“Getting time off work isn’t the issue, Miller.”
“So it shouldn’t be a problem, right? You can come, then. Unless you don’t want to.”
She puts a hand on my knee, squeezing softly. “So . . . you know how all those pictures showed up on the Internet.”
“You said you were over those.” I don’t get it. Last night was awesome, and this morning was awesomer. I haven’t had a chance to mess anything else up yet.
“I am, now, but when I saw them, I was upset. It seemed like you were playing me, and then there was the drunk dialing and—”
“I thought we sorted this out.”
“We did. I’m trying to explain. I’d love to come visit you, but I can’t.”
“Because of the stuff on Instagram?”
“No. Well, kind of. Lily invited me to come camping with her. She asked a long time ago, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. Then those pictures showed up, and I decided maybe I should. Just to get away from everything for a while. I already had a light schedule because I knew I was seeing you this weekend. I had my volunteer shifts covered.”
Sunny isn’t used to actual camping. I know this because she’s grown up doing the cottage thing. It’s big in Canada. People buy houses on lakes and drive through terrible traffic on the weekends so they can get shitfaced on a dock and hang out in the water and have campfires.
“So go camping with her for a few days and then come visit me.”
“I’ve already committed to it. I don’t want to back out.”
This doesn’t work with my plan. I should’ve asked before I came, but I wasn’t sure what this weekend was going to look like. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, and now I’m screwed. Things start to wind back up for
training soon. I have a bunch of endorsement stuff to do. I want to find a way to get her to ditch Lily and come with me instead.
“There’s no way you can cut it short?”
Her eyes drop, and she traces a circle around my kneecap. “Lily’s been supportive through this whole thing. I’m constantly bombarded with all the social media stuff.”
I tuck a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. “I’ll be better about that.”
“It’s not just you, Miller. It’s my brother, too. It’s not all bad, but sometimes I need a break from it. I try not to let it affect me, but it’s hard. Lily and I want some time away, get perspective and stuff.”
Lily isn’t my biggest fan. I’m sure she worked hard to get Sunny to agree to go. “Well, where are you going? I could meet you up there afterward. Can I drive?”
“It’s called Chapleau. It’s about eight hours by car, I think.”
“What about flying? Can I do that instead?”
“There isn’t an airport nearby. We could plan another visit for a few weeks from now, before my fall semester starts.”
No way am I leaving it that long. I need to see more of Sunny, not less. “I’ll drive out there after I’m done at the camp. We can spend a few days doing whatever. Then we can drive back together. I just need to know where it is.”
I’ll take whatever time I can get with Sunny, even if it means having to deal with her bitchy bestie. That chick isn’t going away, so I’ll have to find a way to get her to like me.
“That might be an issue, too. We won’t have an actual campsite or anything. It’s, like, out in the wilderness. I’m not sure how great my reception will be while I’m there.”
“Everywhere has reception. Even the rain forest.” Okay, so that’s not true, but this is Canada. Everyone should be able to use a cell phone, even in the damn forest.
“It’s really far north. People don’t do the cell phone thing out there. It’s all real landlines and stuff. That’s the whole point of getting back to nature, Miller. We’re going to put up tents in the middle of nowhere.”
PUCKED Up Page 11
