by Shari Low
Stretching up on her tiptoes, Mona kissed Piers on the cheek, keeping her hips a safe distance from his swaying genitals. Her trousers were crepe and dry-clean only.
‘Good idea, darling,’ she agreed. ‘Why don’t I meet you back here for a pre-dinner cocktail? About six-ish? I think we sail at 8 p.m. tonight.’
His grunt said ‘clearly displeased, but too macho to appear needy’.
There was a smile on her face all the way along the corridor to Drew’s room.
He answered the door as soon as she knocked – great, no sign of Tess - his intense expression a complete contrast to his laid-back khaki T-shirt, cream chino shorts and bare feet. With the chiselled jaw and the wide shoulders, he looked like he’d just stepped out of an M&S advert for summer-wear for the mature man.
‘Un-fucking-believable!’ Exasperation oozed out of every syllable. ‘I’m out of the office for less than forty-eight hours and the biggest story of the year breaks.’
‘Do you want me to make arrangements for you to travel home?’ She was counting on him saying no. It was one thing her helping him on this while they were thousands of miles away from the office, but there would be no legitimate reason for her to travel back with him. Not even a four-page spread on Cindy Trenchant’s past fashion blunders would cut it.
To her horror, he stretched back in his chair, hands behind his head, and closed his eyes, giving her suggestion serious thought. Say no. Say no. Say no.
‘I can’t,’ he conceded eventually. ‘I’ve brought everyone here and I can’t just bugger off. Besides, how would that look to the guys in the office? I’ve got to show that I trust them to deal with this. They’re good guys, you know that. I just want to make a few phone calls, put in a couple of politically strategic calls to smooth the way. I’ll steer the big decisions and preview the copy from here.’
Yes! God, decisive action, power and control were such a turn on. Taking a coffee and a croissant from the room service tray, Mona pulled out a chair and slid into it, then opened her laptop and smiled. ‘I agree completely. It’s not going to win us a Pulitzer but if we get this right, we’ll blow everyone else out of the water. . Now, let’s look at the story from all angles. We’ll need a four-page spread on Cindy Trenchant’s fashion blunders.’
Sarah
‘Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? Palma has some great shops.’ Sarah threw in her best shot, but still Eliza was refusing to bite.
‘I’ll pass.’ Eliza groaned, barely able to open her eyes. Apparently her daughter had an appointment with her bed until at least lunchtime, and then planned to levitate her horizontal self to a sunlounger by the poolside.
Sarah could see her point. When she was that age she’d gone to Butlins with Patsy and they’d spent a week lying by the pool, wearing huge sunglasses so that they could unobtrusively stare at a gorgeous, mullet-haired lifeguard from Skegness. Patsy had even entered the talent show to get him to notice her. Tina Turner’s ‘Proud Mary’ had been murdered in the process.
The memory made her smile and the knock at the balcony door made her jump. John was standing there clutching a very cute Lavinia. Sarah slid the door open and immediately took her granddaughter for a cuddle.
‘Well, you’re looking so much better, my honey.’
‘She definitely is. Was obviously just something she’d eaten. We’ve just been down to the ship’s doctor and he agrees that she’s absolutely fine now.’
Sarah blew a raspberry on her shrieking granddaughter’s belly.
‘I was thinking of heading into Palma for the day, but I can stay and look after the kids if you and Penny want to go wander around by yourselves. I really don’t mind, it would be lovely to have them.’
‘Thanks, Mum, but the nanny Dad arranged is taking them to the kids’ club today and they’re enrolled in all sorts of activities. They’ve got swimming, yoga, painting and music before lunch. I’m guessing it’ll probably be Mandarin, the harp and advanced physics in the afternoon.’
Sarah laughed. There was an old saying that a girl was a daughter for life, but that a boy was only a son until he found a wife. Thankfully that hadn’t transpired in John’s case – they were still as close as they’d ever been and he never failed to cheer her up. “So we’re just going to stay on the boat and chill.”
Granddaughter safely returned to her dad, Eliza safely returned to sleep, she scooped up her white leather beach bag – big enough for shopping, cheap enough not to mind if it got stained by sun cream spillage. “Will you check on Sleeping Beauty every couple of hours? When she wakes up she’s going to go lie by one of the pools.”
“No probs, mum. You go enjoy yourself.”
She had every intention of it. Kissing him goodbye, she headed for the gangplank on level three. There were streams of people going in the same direction, so she just followed the crowd, glad that she’d opted for another of Patsy The Bullying Personal Shopper’s maxi dresses, this time a zebra-print one that disguised all the rogue lumps and bumps.
It was impossible not to feel excited at the prospect of wandering around all Palma’s little back streets and just being a free, independent grown-up for a day. She wasn’t wearing fleece and she wasn’t in her kitchen, so this was thrillingly close to a grand adventure.
Passport and Cruise Pass in hand, she was in one of the lines waiting to disembark when she noticed that Tess was twenty feet away in another queue. Where was Drew? She had a sudden flashback to many similar scenes from her distant past. Surely… No. She shrugged off the thought. There was no way Drew would have got caught up in a work thing, leaving Tess to spend the day alone. When they were married she lost count of the times that people asked her if she was single, because she showed up to every parents’ night, school show, birthday party, wedding, even funeral, without anyone by her side, because Drew was working.
Unable to stop herself, she cut out of her line and across to Tess.
‘Good morning!’ she greeted her warmly. Tess’s head went up with a start and Sarah could see that her eyes were red-rimmed and her smile forced.
‘Hi, Sarah. Gorgeous day isn’t it?’
Bless her, she was trying to seem cheery and normal. With the benefit of shared experience, Sarah could see right through it. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked softly.
‘Fine. Absolutely fine!’ Tess was many things, but fine was not one of them. Sarah knew she should probably drop this, but the younger woman looked so wretched and so deeply sad that she couldn’t just walk away.
‘And Drew?’
She noticed Tess began to chew on her bottom lip, before admitting, ‘He has to work today.’ With that Tess’s eyes filled up and she quickly put her head down so that no one would notice. Sarah’s heart went out to her. Bloody Drew. Some things just never changed.
‘Look, I’m going to wander around Palma – nothing too exciting, just a bit of shopping and lunch. Why don’t you come with me? I’d like the company.’
It wasn’t strictly true. She’d been looking forward to wandering around at her own pace, but maybe having someone to chat to would be fine. Besides, she liked Tess and it might be nice to spend time with her.
‘Oh, I couldn’t impose on you like…’ Tess was midway through a firm refusal when her eyes filled up again and she did a U-turn. ‘You know what, that would be great. If you don’t mind, that is.’ Her voice almost built up to firm resolve. ‘Thank you, Sarah,’ she added softly.
Before she realized what she was doing, Sarah gave her a quick squeeze. She’d always rubbed along fine with Tess and now – to a mixture of horror and surprise – she couldn’t help coming over all maternal towards her.
Tess’s shoulders went back and she visibly brightened as they made their way through security and off the ship into chaos. There were taxi touts everywhere, shouting, gesticulating, thrusting pamphlets into passing hands.
‘Shall we just jump in one of the taxis and hope for the best?’ Sarah suggested.
‘Where are you two
gorgeous girls off to then?’ There was no mistaking the booming voice behind them. They turned to see Piers with his son Max, both of them dressed in light chinos and polo shirts.
Sarah gave him an affectionate smile. ‘Shopping. Lunch. Bakeries. And if we get really daring, there may be activities involving a sombrero.’
Piers roared with laughter.
‘But first we’re going to risk life and limb in one of those taxis,’ Sarah continued.
‘Indeed you’re not. There’s no telling where you’d end up.’ Piers jested. ‘Tell you what, I’ve rented a car for the day to take us up to a golf course about twenty minutes from here. We’ll drop you off on the way.’
Sarah looked at Tess, who replied with a ‘why not?’ nod.
Two minutes later the four of them were in the cool, air-conditioned interior of a limousine, heading away from the docks.
‘You know what?’ Piers chuckled, cracking open a beer from the mini-fridge. ‘I’ve got another idea. Anyone fancy a bit of an adventure?’
7.
Mad Dogs And Scotsmen
Tess
It wasn’t how she’d planned to spend her first day in the sun, but if you were going to get rejected by your husband, dumped on your own, embarrassingly rescued by your husband’s ex-wife and ambushed by your husband’s second ex-wife’s husband and stepson – god it was even complicated to think about – who were in possession of a limousine, then this was the way to do it – a glass of wine in one hand, while snaking up a Majorcan hillside in the glorious sunshine. Today was definitely taking a surprising turn for the better.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind us tagging along?’ Tess asked Piers.
‘Of course not – I insist!’ He grinned. ‘Can’t bloody believe Drew and Mona pulled that crap, but since we’ve both been stood up, I reckon the least we can do is get filthy drunk and enjoy ourselves.’
It was all so wrong, but at that moment it seemed so right.
The original plan to drop the ladies at the cathedral had been scrapped when Piers persuaded them to join him and Max for brunch at some golf club he regularly frequented on the island. Then, while Piers and Max spent the afternoon golfing, the driver would take them to the best shopping areas and then return them to the ship. Sarah had seemed quite happy to go along with it, so Tess felt she couldn’t say no. Now she was glad. Piers was great company, keeping them going with tales of his last – by all accounts riotous – visit here.
They reached the stunning landscaped grounds of the golf club, to be greeted by a uniformed concierge. ‘Mr Delaney, good to see you again.’
‘All right, Camilo? How have you been?’
‘Good, Mr Delaney. Very good.’
Tess noticed euros passing hands and wasn’t in the least bit surprised by Piers’ generosity. In the short time they’d been on this trip, the dynamic between Piers and Mona had been puzzling her more and more. Piers treated everyone exactly the same, whether it was a fellow passenger or a bell boy in a Majorcan golf club. Mona made it quite clear she had no time at all for… well, anyone really. Other than Drew, she seemed resoundingly unimpressed with everyone else she met. The phrase ‘opposites attract’ had never been more evident.
They were shown to a table on the terrace, shaded from the burning sun by a thick cream awning. The only other guests in sight were a large table of Italian gents. They waved a greeting.
‘Just coffee for me, please,’ she told the waiter who arrived to take their drinks order. The wine in the car was already making her a little light-headed and it was barely ten o’clock. If she had a couple more her face would be in her brunch.
‘Tell you what, let’s have both. A bottle of your house rosé and a large pot of coffee, please. And Spanish omelettes all round?’ Piers looked quizzically at the others for their agreement.
‘Done. Four Spanish omelettes and a selection of pastries, please.’
Beside her, Max just shook his head and laughed. ‘Isn’t it supposed to be the kids that act recklessly?’
‘Has he always been like this?’ Tess asked conspiratorially.
‘Yep, always. It’s only in recent years that I’ve been able to handle the embarrassment,’ he replied with very obvious affection, causing a huge wave of longing for her parents to come crashing over her. What she wouldn’t give for Evelyn and Alan to walk in here right now. Of course, the management would probably request that they park the beat-up camper van behind the dumpsters out of sight of their more illustrious members.
Piers and Sarah fell into easy conversation about their favourite holiday destinations, leaving Max and Tess in a comfortable silence. He was an easy guy to be with.
‘Are you OK?’
The question snapped her to the present. ‘Yes! I mean… sorry, I was just thinking about my mum and dad and how much I miss them.’
His face clouded over. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said gently. It took her a second to click.
‘No! They’re not dead!’ Several of the Italians at the other table turned to stare. ‘They’re travelling around South America in a camper van. You think your dad’s off the wall? Last time I spoke to my mother, she asked me if I needed nipple tassels.’ A couple of the Italian gentlemen were now actually leaning in their direction, while Piers and Sarah had ceased conversing and were both staring at her open-mouthed.
‘Sometimes I forget I shouldn’t say things out loud.’
‘I think you should have another drink and tell us more,’ Piers said, pouring some sparkling rosé into her glass. She shouldn’t. She really shouldn’t. And she could see that Sarah was hesitating over drinking hers, too. Weren’t they going shopping this afternoon? They’d be a mess if they had too much wine now.
Sarah caught her eyes and immediately they both realized they were thinking the same thing. It was Sarah who made the decision. She held up her glass in Tess’s direction. ‘Cheers – may a day that started out badly get much, much better, thanks to the man with the limo.’
They all drank to that.
As Tess put her glass down she felt her shoulders relax and her mood improve hugely. Bugger it. Bugger everything. Drew. Cameron. Bugger it all. This was her holiday and she was damn well going to enjoy it.
‘So, we want to hear about these parents that are even more mortifying than mine,’ Max reminded her.
Two hours later she was still regaling them with stories, with Max matching every one with an even more bizarre one about Piers, who was clearly loving the ribbing. There was the time he showed up at Max’s school with four actors dressed as Power Rangers. The hot-air balloon trip that crash-landed in a bush. Bursting in on Max’s first date. Falling in the fountain at Max’s wedding.
Hang on, back up.
‘You’re married?” Tess asked. “I can’t believe you’ve left your poor wife at home.’
‘It’s complicated. A long story.’
‘Cow,’ Piers muttered.
‘Dad, you cannot call my wife a cow,’ Max said, his light-hearted tone coming with an edge of warning.
‘Trust me, the alternative is worse,’ Piers muttered. There was a couple of seconds’ stand-off between the two men, before Tess intervened.
‘Well, my parents have never fallen in a fountain. But my mum did once flood Tesco’s. Any good?’
The four of them collapsed with laughter and the awkward moment was forgotten.
A small, sharply dressed man approached their table and Tess watched as he put one hand on Piers’ shoulder.
‘Mr Delaney, welcome back to Palma Vida!’
‘Juan, my friend! I’ve told you before, stop bloody calling me Mr Delaney.’
The other man shook his head. ‘So demanding! I always get the guests who are so demanding.’
Piers stood up and they did an affectionate handshake/man hug thing.
‘This is Juan Abidos. He’s the manager of this five-star golf course in the sun, God help him. Must be hell. Juan, this is my son Max, and our friends Sarah and Tess.’
&
nbsp; Juan shook their hands and they complimented him on the wonderful surroundings and food.
‘Just a shame about the company, no?’ Juan joked, mocking Piers. ‘Piers, you know, I should be charging you rental.’
‘For what?’
‘You have a jet ski in my storeroom. From the auction last year. You could have bought Minorca for what you paid for that pile of tin.’
‘Too much wine, no one sitting on my hands – it happens.’ Piers accompanied the admission with a sheepish grin. ‘Tell me it was for a good charity. I can’t remember.’
‘The donkey sanctuary in the next village. I do believe that thanks to your kind gesture, all the donkeys are now living in the Hilton.’
Their shrieks of hilarity could be heard on the fourth hole.
God, this was fun. Tess couldn’t remember when she’d last laughed this hard or for this long. She was almost sorry that it was time for the men to golf and for her and Sarah to head for the shops.
‘I’ve got an idea,’ Piers announced. ‘Juan, can you get that jet ski down to the beach for me?’
‘Sure, I’ll have Camilo drive it down on our trailer.’
‘Fantastic! Girls, what do you say we take this party down to the beach?’
Perhaps the fun wasn’t going to be over anytime soon.
Mona
‘Noooooo! I said the photograph with the pink fucking Uggs. The one where she’s wearing the Juicy Couture tracksuit and she looks like a WAG on crack. It was 2010. September. No, maybe October.’
As she said that, she saw Drew’s eyes flicker to her and he gave her a knowing smile. Her encyclopaedic knowledge was legendary. Ask her what any celebrity was wearing to any function in the last ten years and she could recount the outfit down to the last detail. She often thought it was a gift Anna Wintour would kill for.
It had been a good morning so far. The story had leaked, but they were the only paper geared up and ready with the details and the pictures for tomorrow’s edition. The assistant editors back at the offices were blocking all furious calls to Drew, using the holiday as an excuse. The only one he’d taken was from Jeff McLean, a member of the shadow cabinet and a fellow Scot, whom Drew had known since they both played youth football in the seventies.
