I planned to make me something to eat that would be fairly quick and easy to prepare, and I grabbed me some bread I had made and some jam and that would satisfy my hunger through the night.
As I was preparing my meal I decided that from now on, I would only prepare something to eat during the daylight hours as I was traveling. This would not only save time, but it would save me from having to get supplies out during the night and I could stay in the wagon. I also decided that I would always leave one of the horses unhooked from the wagon in case I would have to take off in an emergency.
That way I could just jump on him and get out quickly. Nathaniel had taught me to ride along the way and I was not afraid of leaving my wagon and riding a horse if I had to. I kept a small bag on my saddle as well with some supplies I may need in case I got away from my wagon, which would help in case of an emergency exit.
I enjoyed my bread and jam and found myself crawling inside my wagon and sitting in a corner. We had shotguns, so I pulled them over close to me and I prayed I would never have to use them, but they gave me some relief as well. I am not sure when I finally fell asleep in the night, but I recall waking up with a shotgun spread out beside me with my arm wrapped around it.
It is amazing the things you can do when you need to and I found it odd that you can sleep with a gun without endangering yourself, and this pleased me indeed.
My first night alone went well and there were no emergencies, but I took quite some time to fall into a peaceful sleep. Every sound I heard I was on alert and spent much time peeking from the covered wagon. I guess my body finally became tired enough to pass out from exhaustion.
I knew one thing that morning and that was that I would be so glad to get to where I was headed. The strange thing was, by now, I did not even know where I was headed. All I knew was our destination was Nebraska and Nathaniel had changed his mind along the trail, saying that it would be a very good choice because we could look for work on a cattle ranch, or we could settle down on a farm as well.
Nebraska had beautiful land and much to offer newcomers and this is where I was heading. What I would do when I got there, I was not sure since Nathaniel was no longer here and he was the one with all the ideas.
I supposed that when I did get somewhere, it would be better than out here alone in the wilderness on a trail to nowhere. My husband’s excitement kept me going much of my traveling alone. I would sit and drive the team, thinking about things Nathaniel would talk about and his excitement would give me the strength to carry on a few more miles at a time.
I did find that I could travel just as many miles alone as I did with Nathaniel and that helped I suppose. I felt like the less I had to stop, the better off I was. At times I had to keep in mind that the team needed to stop just as much, if not more than I did.
Sometimes I think I could have just kept going and going, but I would remember that the team needed to get drink, rest and eat; and I would pull off to stop for them.
Day after day I would arise from the wagon with a refreshed sense of courage and each night I would lay down crying myself to sleep. I had used all my courage up throughout the day and then somehow as I slept I would find a renewing of the mind and body. I started each morning with prayer and ended each night with prayer.
I still had not given myself back to the Lord fully, but I was finding my way back to Him. It took a beating that I nearly gave my horses to bring me to my knees and I hoped that would be the ending of my pain and anger.
It was still lingering ‘round and I could feel it at times as it would try to surface. I wanted someone to blame for Nathaniel’s death and for leaving me alone to the elements and the wild.
I carried on taking the day and stretching it out as long as I could. I did not want to stop traveling because I was so afraid of the nights and the darkness. I kept telling myself that the further along I got, would somehow make the nights less frightening.
I found out that it did not matter whether I was left to the dark for a couple hours or for six hours, the fear was the same, overbearing. Inch by inch turned into mile after mile and I began feeling better about traveling along until early evening and would settle in for the night, giving the horses more time to rest between travels.
Tears were beginning to fall a little less often and I would find myself being somewhat content as I sat upon the wagon seat alone. I would enjoy conversation with the horses, as well as little animals that passed by. I guess the hardest part of losing Nathaniel that day was beginning to soften some, but I still found myself having either little tears roll down my cheeks or I would have bouts of crying spasms that would last a few minutes.
I knew the pain would never go away completely and I found comfort in that as well. Keeping him fresh in my mind and deep in my heart was part of how I intended to live the rest of my life, and tears are not that bad anyhow.
I thought of how many families that traveled before me must have dumped their tears in places where mine fell and I would find myself trying to imagine what pain was felt along that trail.
After being on this trail, the chances at being stricken with an accident or a disease was high, and I knew that I may never get off that trail myself, but I kept traveling along believing that I would make it off the trail and onto whatever life would be left for me.
I must have been traveling alone for at least a month when I awoke to the neighing of one of the team and I grabbed my shotgun and peeked out the back of the wagon. Surprised to see a small bear cub standing sniffing the nose of one of my horses, I laughed like a school girl. He was so adorable and just when I was about to step out of the wagon I quickly remembered Nathaniel telling me that if we were to run into a cute bear cub, to stay away from it, because its mother was not far away.
I quickly got back into the wagon and just hoped the little thing would just wander off. I must have sat for a good hour or so, waiting for the cub to run off, and then finally I heard it. It was the scariest sound I had ever heard.
The mama bear had come into camp to collect her cub and it was hollering with all its might. I sat as quiet as I could and prayed for the lives of my horses, holding my gun and prepared to shoot the bear if I had to.
I was not going to stand by to watch it kill one of my horses. Nothing happened with the bear and I sat counting my blessings. She was able to call her cub over to her and she gave one huge long growl again and then they disappeared off into the woods.
I was grateful that I didn’t have to shoot a bear that morning and even more grateful that my team was not hurt. But, I realized that I then had a bear story to tell someone if I ever got off this beaten path.
I noticed one evening that my food supply looked to be running low and not being sure how far I had to go yet, I realized it was time to try my hand at catching animals for food. I first had to get over the fact that I would be taking the lives of small living things and it took me a few days to accept that.
Then, I had to gather myself up to go into the woods to get the critters, and when I found them I would find myself sitting there and not being able to pull the trigger. This went on for a couple of weeks. I could not bring myself to shoot anything, and it looked like I would be left to use up the rest of my food and then starve to death.
One afternoon as I sat under an old Maple tree, a larger animal came into my view. I believe the Lord sent me a larger one for starters thinking it would not bother me as much to take the life of a larger animal, rather than some tiny one.
This animal looked to be a buck deer, with antlers and all. If I was ever to try a shot, it had to be now while it was a larger animal. As the deer weaved its way around a line of trees, I sat as quiet and still as I could.
I was not sure if I was even breathing. I brought the shotgun up to my face and I sat very still watching the deer to see what his movements were. He had a pattern of walking a pace and then pausing for a few seconds and I realized this would give me the time in which to shoot. I tried to tell myself to aim for
the head so he would not suffer, but I quickly was content with hitting him anywhere and then I would handle the next step of putting him completely down with another shot to the head when the time came.
As I sat there, the opportunity came to me when he had walked to the right for a time and then he took a good long pause, only lifting his head a few times as he settled in eating something from the ground.
I slowly and gently allowed myself to squeeze the trigger and the shot rang out through the air leaving me with a stinging in my ear and an arm that felt it was hit by a train. The job was done and I managed to put him down with a single bullet.
He hit the ground and hadn’t moved within a few minutes, so I began walking towards him, praying that he was already dead so I would not have to finish him off. The closer I got, the harder I prayed and by the time I reached where he lay, I soon realized that he was already dead and I found myself praising God.
I whistled for my horse and he came running as he always did for Nathaniel. I had loaded him down with my saddle bag and in it I had put knives, rags and a rope as well. Tying the deer to the saddle, I was able to pull the deer back to the front of the woods, but I remembered what Nathaniel had told me about never bringing fresh meat into the camp because of the bears and wild animals that it would draw in.
So I left the deer in the woods and went to my camp to get all I needed and returned. I took with me as much water as I could carry, a gunny sack, knives and some salt. I did not know what else to use but I figured this would work fine. Then I sat down to clean and cut up the deer. This was a horrible first time experience as I cut away at the deer and my thoughts kept running back to the horror of having to remove Nathaniel’s leg.
I honestly got up several times walking away from the deer, not thinking I could go through with it. I was very low on food and I knew that I would need the meat and I would sit back down and make myself begin again at slicing away. I was literally sick to my stomach and several times removed myself to running behind a tree and getting sick.
I also cried the rest of the way through the task, pleading with God to give me the strength I needed to be finished with it. When I was finally done, I got up and began to pile the meat, after salting it, into a gunny sack that I had brought to the woods so I could carry it back to the camp.
There I was able to empty the meat into a barrel for its storage. By the time I was finished, night time was beginning to roll in and I then prepared to retire to the wagon. I did not get much sleep at night when I would try to sleep.
I usually would get only a few hours that would come by complete exhaustion from being awake so long. It is a fearful thing to be alone in total darkness, listening to the branches and twigs rustle all around you. I also stayed very tuned in to the horses and I had learned what was normal and what was not with their sounds. I could always tell if animals had come creeping around and I just continued to pray that nothing too big would come into my camp.
I was glad that I could recall everything that Nathaniel had taught me regarding disposing of the meat and the rest of the deer. He always told me to never bring any of the leftover meat into the camp.
What I had brought was what I was keeping and I had covered it with salt and it was now stored in a barrel with a lid. The leftover meat and the remains of the deer I dragged behind the horse, deeper into the woods.
That night I heard animals as they found the remains and you could clearly tell they were fighting over it. Nathaniel was so smart and I thank God every day that he shared so much with me since I have been left alone out here.
After rebuilding my supply of food I was thankful for such a blessing and I began at once to slice the meat up into fine jerky for me to eat quickly and on the trail. I made sure I filled a gunny sack with a linen cloth wrapped around much of the meat and I put it into my saddle bag in case I had to escape quickly on horseback and I arranged the rest of it in the barrel in quick to go bags for the future.
I also was able to restock my water supply with good fresh clean water and tried my hand at filtering water over rocks the way Nathaniel had shown me. This would help me remember how to do that later when I would have to know how.
Being alone out on the trail wasn’t so bad at all times and I enjoyed much of the journey. It had its moments and the loneliness could get to me on certain days. I had the horses to visit with and tiny animals as they would come across my path and that kept me sane.
What I did have a hard time with quite often is deciding which way to go, in what direction. I mostly tried to just follow alongside the streams and rivers. I would not let myself wander off too far from good sources of water.
By now, my clothes were becoming very worn out and I began digging through some of Nathaniel’s clothes and sewing them to fit me. I was also able to double up on socks so that I could wear some of his boots that were in the wagon.
I must have been a sight out there wearing his boots and clothes at times. I was just grateful to have them.
I really had no idea how long I had been out on the trail since Nathaniel passed, but it did not matter to me that much. I knew when the sun would rise and when it would fall and that was enough. I knew that I was beginning to age as I could see it in my skin and I wondered at times how old I would look by the time I came out of these wilds.
My hair had gotten fairly dried out from the sun and I tried to wear bonnets or some of Nathaniel’s hats, but they were becoming ragged as well. I started considering that when the worse came and my clothes wore completely out, that there were always gunny sacks that I could sew together and make clothes, but I wasn’t looking forward to having them next to my skin because they would be so itchy.
I began to save some of my clothes and not wear them so if I had to wear gunny sacks I would still have other clothes I could wear under them so it would not be so uncomfortable. Nathaniel had brought plenty of his long underwear and these came in very handy in many ways.
I loved sleeping and wearing his old shirts all along the way. I washed clothes at nearly every stop I made so that I would always have plenty of clean clothes in case of emergencies where I would not be able to wash clothes for days.
It came in handy one day when I discovered that I was pretty much stuck inside the wagon for a couple days.
I had come into a shady area where I was going to make a lunch on the fire instead of eating jerky as I traveled and I had already unleashed the horses so they could graze and the wagon was sitting unattached. I had gotten into the wagon to get some supplies and when I started to step down from the wagon, I nearly stepped into the middle of bunch of snakes.
I grabbed my gun thinking I could shoot a few, but when I looked there were way too many. I would count twenty and then twenty more and so on and they just kept coming. I could not jump down from the wagon and I could not shoot them all so I remained in the wagon, keeping an eye on them.
It seemed like I had parked the wagon in a path the snakes were taking down to the river.
It was scary, but all was well after a few hours, so I stayed quiet and just had more jerky for supper in the wagon. The horses were all right as they were grazing far enough away where the snakes had no interest in being, so we were in no danger, but I had to wait them out.
This is one example why I always made sure I had clothes cleaned as much as possible, as well as plenty of water inside the wagon. I figured I would be running into storms as well and that would be another occasion when I might be glad I had everything I needed in the wagon.
It sure was not any fun watching all those snakes as they crawled around just under my wagon, making their way down to the river and I was as quiet as a mouse as I sat there watching. I knew I wasn’t getting out of the wagon until I was forced to.
Being in the wilderness was making me stronger and I began finding myself to be braver than I ever dreamed I could be.
There were times I came into contact with wild cats and coyotes and wolves and I was able to stand still with my g
un in hand, ready to protect my horses and myself. I was very fortunate many times that I did not get myself in serious situations without having my shotgun with me, or enough bullets.
I made sure it was glued to my side anytime I was away from the wagon. The horses were such a blessing to me because they have great ears to hear with and many times they awakened me in the night and were my alarm clock in the mornings as well.
As tired as I was most of the time, I would have wasted many day time hours if it wasn’t for the team of horses. They would get to stirring outside my wagon and it seemed they knew when we should be getting back on the trail and they would stir around brushing their tails against the wagon cover and this would wake me up to start the day.
They only brushed their tails in the mornings when they would wake me up, so it was like an alarm clock for me. They were such a joy to take care of and to have with me for companionship as well. We had become very close after the incident that took place when I lost my temper with them when I was in such pain from the loss of Nathaniel.
There were days when I would get myself so discouraged thinking about how far I had yet to go before I could get off this lonely trail and get onto roads where then I would be coming upon farmers and ranchers.
Nathaniel had talked about this as well and so glad he did because I would have found myself so lost if I had done as I wanted to do and wandered off the trail. I know that it will be several days before I can get off this rugged trail because he had talked about how far we would be going.
He also gave me ideas of landmarks to look for as we would travel along so we would know it would be safe to get off. So, as I travel along I keep my eyes open for roads that will be paved out a little wider and they will be cutting off in different directions which will then lead to where people have settled into farms.
That will be a wonderful day when I begin to see more of those cutoffs, because then I will be able to get off the trail and travel on and will run across people eventually. I look so forward to seeing other people and I can only pray that they will be friendly and take a little pity upon me in my condition.
Alone on the Oregon Trail Page 4
