This Is Not About Love

by Carissa Ann Lynch

  Lexi’s feet ached as she walked to her pay-by-the-day motel room. Even though she was used to being on her feet all day, she wasn’t used to walking miles up and down the city of Oaksdale, especially with a set of broken ribs. She was unknown to most of its city’s residents, but she still feared being spotted by Michael or Elijah. So, she had worn a ball cap and thick sunglasses all day—probably not the best attire for a potential job candidate.

  As she neared the motel, she saw a small, brick building with a sign identifying it as the public library. She smiled. Perhaps looking for online job postings was the way to go!

  Lexi headed inside and made her way to the counter to inquire about using a computer terminal. The woman at the counter gave her a friendly smile and asked if she needed help. The name on her tag was Violet. “I was wondering if there’s a computer here I can use,” Lexi asked.

  “Sure. Just sign in, please,” Violet said, pushing a faded, sign-in sheet toward her. Lexi started to write her name, but thought better of it. She paused, then signed her name as Laura, just in case there was a possibility of being recognized. “Okay, let me take you to a computer,” Violet said, leading Lexi to a terminal located in the back corner by the children’s books. “Do you need help with anything in particular on the computer?” Violet asked politely.

  Lexi couldn’t help but notice the lady was staring at her bruises. “No, I can handle it. Thanks.”

  Lexi spent nearly an hour searching for online job postings. A few of them seemed promising, but most of them did not. She filled out some online applications and created a résumé to hand out to potential employers—if she ever found any. She printed out several copies and paid for them. As she was leaving, she scanned the local bulletin board for any other potential job leads.

  Lexi couldn’t help but notice a large, white flier with the words inscribed in bubbly, block letters:

  “ROOMMATE WANTED”

  The writer was seeking a female roommate to share space in a “grand, three-story, turn of the century home” and claimed that rent would be “very reasonably priced for a single woman’s budget.” Sounds too good to be true, Lexi thought, but she unpinned one of the fliers, folding it into her satchel.

  The sunlight was blinding as she stepped out of the library. She pulled out a cigarette and searched her bag for a lighter, coming up empty-handed. She heard the heavy library doors open and close behind her, and then a woman’s voice asking, “Do you need a light?”

  It was the woman from the counter…Violet or something like that, Lexi remembered.

  “Thanks,” Lexi replied, leaning forward with her cigarette, inviting the flame and nodding her thanks.

  “I couldn’t help but notice that you took one of my fliers,” Violet said.

  At first, Lexi was confused, and actually thought that this woman was accusing her of stealing something. “Oh,” she said, feeling foolish as she remembered the flier advertising for a roommate wanted. “Yeah, I did, but I can’t get a place right now, anyway. I have to get a job first.”

  “Are you new in town? I mean…if you don’t mind me asking…” Violet asked.

  “Yes,” Lexi replied, but offered no more information.

  “Are you leaving a bad relationship?” Violet asked quietly, again looking over Lexi’s bruises with a curious expression.

  Lexi was not fond of nosy people, but for some strange reason, she sensed this woman was not like most people. It didn’t seem like she was being judgmental, but it did not seem like pity, either. Lexi couldn’t put her finger on it, and for the life of her, she could not understand why she would open up to this woman. But she did.

  Lexi didn’t tell her about Michael or Elijah, but she did tell her about the Clamshell and about that bastard, Reggie. As strange as it was, it felt good to share her woes with this complete stranger.

  “Well, I have to go,” Lexi told her as she stubbed out her cigarette and gathered her bag on her shoulder. “It was nice talking to you, Violet.”

  As she started to walk away, Violet called out, “Wait…the address in the flier…why don’t you come by tonight? You can check the space out, see if you’re interested,” she offered.

  “Like I told you, I’m looking for work at the moment…” Lexi called back to her.

  “Come by anyway,” Violet replied. “We’ll figure something out.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Finding Michael was no difficult task. Penelope simply called his secretary again. She knew that if he wasn’t home, he was either with his mistress or at work. Michael had a tendency to throw himself into his work whenever he was stressed, and she wasn’t surprised when his secretary confirmed that Michael was indeed working today. “He just went to lunch with a business investor, but I expect him back in an hour,” Peppy informed her. “Shall I give him a message?”

  “No, thank you. I’ll catch up with him later,” Penelope assured her. And catching up with Michael was exactly what she planned to do.

  Penelope had to admit that sitting outside of Michael’s work felt slightly stalker-ish, but she loved him and felt compelled to fix things. At the very least, she had to try. Michael was a stickler for punctuality, and at one o’clock precisely, his Jeep Cherokee pulled into the front parking lot. Penelope was waiting for him. Before he could even step out of his vehicle, she was standing there at his side. Michael closed his eyes, bracing himself for another attack, but she surprised him by throwing her arms around him in a strong embrace.

  “I love you,” she whispered, holding on to him as long as she could. She searched his eyes questioningly, trying to gauge his reaction.

  Michael’s eyes were tearful, and his expression was riddled with guilt. He wiped his eyes with the back of his polo sleeve and said, “I never meant to hurt you, Penelope.”

  “Michael,” she began, “I know you’ve been through a lot when it comes to relationships. I know Lexi broke Elijah’s heart and yours when she left. And I know,” she continued, “that it’s been stressful, planning the wedding, getting a house that you didn’t really want…”

  He lifted his hand to stop her. “No, there’s no excuse for cheating on you. I had no right to do that.”

  His words resonated in Penelope’s heart and for a moment, she was certain that they could recover from this and move forward with the life they had planned. But then she heard the words that would stop her heart for what seemed like forever.

  “I think I love her, Penn.” Michael buried his face in his hands, unable to look at her. Once upon a time, he had loved Penelope. He had wanted to marry her. She was a great mother, and he had always been able to rely on her. But Violet…

  Part of Michael almost wished he’d never run into Violet that night at the bar. He would have been just fine raising his son and stepdaughter with Penelope. They had a happy life together, they really did. Such a thought surprised him, and he looked into the eyes of his fiancée, and for the first time in a long time, he remembered his reasons for asking her to marry him. She was kind and beautiful, and most of all, she loved him and his son unconditionally.

  Penelope was stunned by his proclamation, and he immediately wished he could take it back. He reached for her, but she cringed at his touch and stepped back.

  “Penelope, wait. I do love you,” he pleaded.

  “Well, which is it, Michael? Do you love her or me?” she demanded. The length of his silence was unbearable. Penelope threw up her hands and turned to walk away.

  “I know you don’t owe me any favors, but do you think you could wait?” Michael asked.

  “Wait for what?” she asked.

  “I have an opportunity to go to Chicago for a business deal. I’ll be back in a month. Will you give me some time to sort through my feelings?”

  Penelope felt an impulse to slap him just then, but somewhere deep inside, she could still feel a small glimmer of hope—hope that somehow, some way, this could all still be repaired. “Okay,” she agreed. “Should we tell the children?”


  “No. Let’s wait, shall we?” he pleaded.

  “I won’t tell them,” she promised. “I do love Elijah. You know that, right? I never would have abandoned him the way Lexi did.”

  “I know,” he replied.

  “At least I’ll get to spend one last month with him,” she concluded, more to herself than to him.

  Penelope turned around and walked back to her car. “Whatever you decide, Michael,” she called back to him, “I can live with it.” And she could.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Violet swung her hips from side to side, enjoying the beat of a familiar song. It was one of those catchy songs that radio stations love to play over and over because they never get old. Violet sang along as she twirled through the kitchen with a fresh pan of her famous pecan-crusted salmon. She mixed together butter, honey, pecans, and breadcrumbs, and then lightly spread the glaze on each filet.

  Violet felt slightly foolish for making so much food for one person, but in the back of her mind, she was sort of hoping that the girl from the library, Laura, might show up and take her up on her offer to be roommates. She kind of liked the idea of having a roommate, and she knew that Laura needed this too, after hearing her story at the library today. Violet was no stranger to domestic violence, having a sister who had endured similar circumstances to the ones Laura described. Violet also grew up with a father who was a mean drunk, and she knew what it felt like to be afraid and alone. Violet had few, if any, female friends, and perhaps she was being too idealistic, but she enjoyed the idea of a live-in female companion.

  Violet slid the pan into the broiler and turned the radio up for her favorite part.

  Maybe it was her feelings for Michael, or simply the airy smell of summer drifting in from the screen door, but she felt happy and free. She danced like no one was watching, and she finished the song with a clumsy twirl. She nearly jumped out of her skin as she came face-to-face with someone standing at the screen door.

  “Ummm…sorry,” Lexi stammered. She burst into a fit of giggles.

  Violet did the same. “Well, after that, you might as well come on in,” Violet offered, pushing open the screen door for her guest. “How long were you watching me?” she asked, feeling slightly embarrassed.

  “I just walked up,” Lexi reassured her. “I’m sorry. The door was open, and I was just about to knock on the screen…”

  “It’s okay. I hope my dance moves didn’t scare you away,” Violet joked, pulling out a chair to offer a seat.

  “Well, I am a professional dancer, you know. I could offer some pointers…” Lexi joked back.

  “Tempting,” Violet said with a smile and opened the refrigerator to retrieve a drink for her guest. “I’m glad you decided to come, Laura, I really am.”

  ***

  Violet made sure her guest liked salmon before fixing them both a plate. She took a seat next to Lexi, and they both dug into their food. “This is delicious!” Lexi complimented her, and they proceeded to make small talk as they finished their meal. Violet talked about her book series and part-time work at the library, and Lexi shared a few funny stories about the characters she had dealt with at the Clamshell. Lexi had worried that coming here would be awkward, but she felt at ease with this woman, and there was a natural sense of kinship between the two.

  “Well, now that I’ve enticed you with my cooking, let me show you the house so you can see where you would be staying,” Violet offered.

  Lexi thanked her again for the meal and followed her into an extraordinarily large great room. “It’s beautiful,” Lexi commented, awe-struck by the size of the place, not to mention its exquisiteness. “Why do you want a roommate when you could have this place all to yourself?” Lexi inquired.

  Violet told her about her recent separation from Alex, and explained that although she could afford the expenses on her own, it would be easier with a roommate.

  “Like I said, this place is gorgeous, Violet. And I would love to rent from you, but I just don’t have any income yet. I mean…who knows? It may take weeks or even months for me to get a job. Wouldn’t you be better off finding another roommate that can pay you now instead of waiting around on me?”

  “Honestly, I have no one else in mind,” Violet answered, “and I was thinking we could try it out, rent-free, for a couple months. If it doesn’t work out, or you can’t find employment, we’ll call it quits. But if you do find something, and do want to stay, you can just start paying on the third month.”

  It sounded too good to be true. With the way her luck was running, it was hard to believe that Lexi had met such a thoughtful person who was so willing to do her this favor.

  “Let me show you to your room,” Violet continued, and she led the way to the third floor attic space.

  “Wow! This place is spectacular,” Lexi marveled as she admired a beautiful, canopied bed in the center of the room. Violet also showed her an adjacent bathroom and a roomy, wardrobe closet that occupied the space. It was such a neat little room, and Lexi absolutely adored it.

  “My bedroom and office are on the second floor, as well as a few other bedrooms and a bathroom. If you need extra space for your personal items, feel free to use any of the additional bedrooms. I was thinking we could just share the kitchen and living room spaces on the first floor. We have our own bedrooms and bathrooms, so everywhere else can be sort-of like community areas for either of us to use,” Violet suggested.

  “Sounds wonderful,” Lexi responded. And it did. She felt overwhelmed with excitement about her new living quarters.

  “I almost forgot the best part!” Violet exclaimed. “You also have a balcony!” Violet used a small skeleton key to unlock a steel-framed door. It led onto an open balcony inside the turret.

  “It’s like being inside a tower!” Lexi exclaimed, looking out onto the town of Oaksdale. “Marvelous!”

  “In the old days,” Violet explained, “turrets were used to signify military fortification. Soldiers could mount their guns up here, and they were protected from returning fire.” Lexi smiled. “I feel safe here.”

  Violet smiled at her new roommate and potential friend. “Me too,” she added thoughtfully.

  Chapter Thirty

  “Let me help,” Penelope offered after observing Michael’s uncanny ability to cram everything he owned into a suitcase. Michael stepped aside and watched wordlessly as she refolded his clothes and organized them neatly. She really is beautiful, Michael thought, even when she’s doing the most mundane tasks.

  Today he was leaving for Chicago, and possibly leaving behind his relationship with Penelope for good. Michael loved both her and Violet, of this he felt certain. He wasn’t sure how running away for a month could solve his dilemma, but he felt that somehow, by removing himself from the situation, a decision would be made.

  ***

  Penelope watched him load his luggage into the Jeep. She remained silent as he hugged his son and kissed her daughter on the cheek. “Goodbye, Sweetheart,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek as well.

  Penelope watched the man she loved pull away. She could not help but feel as though he was taking her heart with him. She looked at her children and smiled. “Please don’t worry,” she tried to assure them. “He’ll be back before we know it.”

  ***

  As Elijah Sinclair watched his father pull away, he was not so sure. He knew his dad well enough to know when something was wrong. “What do you think?” he mumbled quietly to Angie, making sure Penelope was out of hearing range.

  Angie sighed. “I think you’re right. They really are splitting up,” she muttered glumly.

  “I have to go to work,” Penelope announced. “You two be good.”

  ***

  Angela watched her mother pull away after her stepfather. She frowned. Angela liked her stepfather, Michael, and she liked his son even more. She didn’t want to lose them.

  As though reading her mind, Elijah slipped his hand into hers. “You won’t lose me,” he promi
sed.

  Despite her concerns, Angie believed him, and she somehow knew that some way, she and Elijah would find a way to always stick together.

  ***

  Michael didn’t look back as he pulled away from Glenn Heights and headed toward Main Street. The airport was a thirty mile drive from Oaksdale. He still had hours before his flight, but he hated to rush and wanted to give himself plenty of time to check his bags and locate the correct terminal.

  As he approached Mandy’s Fruit Market, he could almost feel a sense of magnetic allure emanating from the house on the hill. The woman he loved was there, and he wanted nothing more than to see her before he left for Chicago. But he had made a promise to her and to Penelope, so he kept going.

  ***

  Unbeknownst to Michael, Penelope was following him. She had lied to the children about having to work, which was wrong, but she had to know. She had to be certain that Michael was, in fact, going to the airport and not running off for a rendezvous with his mistress. So far, so good, Penelope thought, observing that Michael was indeed heading to Interstate 65, which would ultimately take him straight to the airport.

  ***

  Michael was not going to stop at Violet’s, but he did slow his speed in hopes of catching a glimpse of her dark hair and incredible blue eyes. There she is! he realized excitedly as he noticed her standing on the balcony. God, she’s beautiful, Michael thought. He would recognize those eyes from a mile away. The woman he loved…the woman…suddenly Michael screeched to a halt, nearly causing the people behind him to wreck, including his fiancée. The woman standing on the balcony was his ex-wife, Lexi Ambrose.