This Is Not About Love

by Carissa Ann Lynch

  “I’m only sorry I didn’t do something sooner,” Danny said, scratching his head sheepishly.

  “Me too,” she said.

  Danny opened the door wider. “Do you want to come in?” He seemed so handsome at first, but as she looked closer with her new, more perceptible eyes, she saw that he was tall and gangly, and the creases of his arms were marked with small, purplish patches. Lexi knew he’d saved her life and she should be kind, but she knew his type, and would run from the likes of any man that resembled him. “Come on, just for a minute,” he said, waving her in with a similarly patchy hand. “Why don’t you make it up to me for saving your life and all…” His eyes moved up and down the contours of her body, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

  “Sure,” Lexi said, quietly pulling a card from her pocket. “This is the name of a place where you can go to get help. The number is on the back. If you really want, I’ll drive you there now. It’s not far from here. I went there once, and it saved my life, and I would love an opportunity to return the favor.” He slapped at the card angrily, and Lexi left him to his misery but not before sliding the card through the slot in his door.

  Lexi jogged down the steps and was relieved to feel her shoes hit the asphalt. Elijah was waiting for her, but he was no longer in the driver’s seat. He looked so handsome sitting there in the old Malibu, his legs tucked up under him in the seat; he had sat that way since he was six; his posture was endearing, and it melted Lexi’s heart. She imagined him sitting close to the radiator in the run-down apartment near campus, doing his best to stay warm, as he looked at a picture book all by himself—the one that she bought but never once read to him; he just sat there, quiet as a mouse, as she lay strung out on the sofa bed, watching him, unable to move.

  His forgiveness was a blessing for Lexi, and she would never stop trying to make it up to him. Thinking of her past mistakes no longer triggered much guilt; her past was now a reminder of how far she had come, and she knew that her relationship with Elijah would only grow stronger. “So, you don’t want to drive, eh?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at him curiously.

  “Nah. I just want to enjoy the ride for a while. I want to enjoy this moment with you.”

  Elijah Sinclair looked at his mother, and he felt proud of her. He had always loved her, and despite her faults as a mother, his early memories of her were mostly good. He was only happy to have her back in his life.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Coach Elly Anderson saw Penelope approaching, and she braced herself for another lecture on why Angela should not be in the back of the formation. She was surprised to note that Penelope seemed to be smiling, and she was carrying what appeared to be a small gift in her palm.

  “Angela picked this out for you,” she offered, handing her a tiny box.

  The coach opened it to discover a small charm of a darling little girl with pompoms in her hands raising her arms in a V.

  “I’m not trying to butter you up so you’ll make Angie captain,” Penelope assured her with a clever smirk.

  “Well, I wasn’t going to say that, but I was wondering…” Coach Anderson admitted, a low chuckle emitting from her chest.

  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for acting like a royal pain. You are a terrific coach, and I have realized that it doesn’t matter where Angie stands within the squad; her smile and personality will shine through. Angie has been incredibly happy since she came to Riverside and joined your team, so I just want to thank you for that.”

  Elly smiled and thanked her for the gift.

  “Did you give her the charm?” Angela called out, running over to where her mother and coach stood near the sidelines of the basketball court.

  “Yes, she did! Thank you, Sweetheart!” Elly exclaimed, patting Angie on the shoulder.

  “I want you to know that I have decided that when I grow up, I want to be a coach like you,” Angie announced. Angie looked at her mother to gauge her reaction, concerned that the idea of becoming a coach might seem silly and unimportant to her. But Penelope was smiling, and she had never felt more proud of her daughter.

  Mother and daughter headed out of the gym; they walked arm in arm, just like they always had. As they got into the car, Penelope felt an overwhelming sense of sadness as she searched the rearview mirror for Elijah’s face, and he was no longer there. “I miss him,” Penelope said, and there was no need to explain, because Angie missed him too. Penelope and Angie had moved into their own flat now, and Elijah was still with his father.

  “Well, I have good news and bad news,” Angela said. “Which do you want first?”

  Penelope rolled her eyes at her daughter’s dramatics, and said, “I always like to hear the good news first.”

  “Okay. Well, even though Elijah does not live with us anymore, you’ll be seeing him quite often very soon. And the bad news,” she continued, “is that even though I’m not supposed to date, I have agreed to go to the prom with my new, steady boyfriend.”

  Despite Angie and Elijah’s belief that their parents were clueless when it came to teenagers, Penelope already knew what she was going to say. She smiled at her daughter. “I haven’t even told you who he is yet!” Angie whined, scowling at her mother.

  “I bet I can guess on the first try,” Penelope said slyly, and she patted her daughter on the knee lovingly.

  Chapter Forty

  “I cannot believe you turned that hunk down!” Violet exclaimed, shaking her head after hearing Penelope tell the story of how she turned down her shooting instructor when asked on a date.

  “I told him that I’m focusing on me and Angie right now, and I am,” Penelope said proudly.

  “Wow! I think we’re all turning a new leaf,” Lexi commented, thinking of how she had walked away from a hunk of her very own. “Speaking of Angie…” Lexi continued, “Do you know…?” she asked Penelope.

  Penelope smiled, “About your son asking my daughter to prom?”

  “Yes,” Lexi said. “How do you feel about it?”

  “I think it’s perfect,” Penelope said, and Lexi nodded in agreement.

  “And speaking of perfection…” Violet chimed in, “I saw your turn-out for the stripper-cise class. It was a real hit!”

  Lexi smiled. “Thanks for being my inspiration for it. Both of you,” she said, smiling at her two best friends. As she looked at them, Lexi could not help but think that having friends like these could trump having love any day of the week.

  The three friends were sitting together in a local nightclub, and the night was still young. Lexi lifted her champagne glass. “Let’s do a toast!”

  They all raised their glasses. “To Elijah and Angie,” Violet said. “And to us,” Lexi added.

  “And,” Penelope said, “to every woman I ever scorned in my senseless pursuit of a man.”

  “Let’s dance!” Violet called out, already making her way to the middle of the dance floor. Lexi and Penelope followed behind. “Wait,” Lexi stopped her, “do you ever wonder who it was?”

  “Who what was?” Penelope called out over the deafening sound of the amplifiers.

  “Who Michael would have chosen,” Lexi said.

  “Nah. Doesn’t matter.”

  Epilogue

  Five years later…

  The steps of the church were littered with paper confetti and rice. The bride and groom were long gone, but the memory of their extraordinary departure on this blissful day would be eternally etched in the mind of Lexi Ambrose. The ceremony was breathtaking, and Lexi had never felt so content, not in all of the years of her troublesome life. Today her son was married, and seeing him filled with such happiness in turn filled her with an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. She leaned against the hood of her new Volkswagen Beetle, taking in the scene one last time before heading to her eight o’clock class.

  “One of the most difficult aspects about leaving Michael was the realization that I would have to give up Elijah as my son,” Penelope said, looking at her friend and f
eeling a similar sense of joy.

  “Somehow, some way, fate has a way of correcting itself, because I finally have him back, as my son, and I am so happy for both of our children.”

  Penelope Pinkerton was thrilled about her daughter’s decision to marry Elijah. The young couple had stayed together all of these years despite their attendance to separate colleges and years of long distance correspondence. Elijah had pursued a business degree, following in the footsteps of his father at B & J Shipping, whereas Angela had obtained her teaching certificate, and she was teaching English and assisting Coach Elly Anderson with the Riverside cheerleading squad. “Just think,” Penelope said to Lexi, “if you had not come back, if you had just given up, you would not be enjoying this moment right now.”

  “I know,” Lexi replied. “I am so fortunate to have such a forgiving son. And,” she added, “I am extremely blessed to have such an exquisite daughter-in-law.” The two friends embraced, savoring the final moments of this unforgettable day before heading their separate ways.

  “Congrats, ladies!” Violet Cromwell declared, approaching her two best friends. Her soon-to-be-husband, Lucas Middleton, was by her side, and he shook the two ladies’ hands amicably. They could not help remarking how radiant Violet looked, with her round, swollen belly and puffy, red cheeks. Lucas and Violet’s baby girl was due any day now, and it was obvious that she felt uncomfortable as she attempted to shift the weight on her feet. “I don’t know how you guys did it. Being pregnant is miserable!” she complained, chuckling softly.

  “All of the pain and discomfort will seem worthwhile when you are holding your daughter tight in your arms,” Penelope assured her.

  Lexi thought about the day Elijah was born; she recalled how it felt holding him, and then she recalled how she felt during the time they were apart. “Never let her go,” she told Violet softly.

  “I won’t,” Violet said, and she looked at her friend knowingly. The three of them were so close now that they barely had to talk to each other; a simple look or gesture could speak volumes among these friends. They had an unbreakable connection, and their bond was stronger than steel.

  “Well, I have to get going. My class starts in a half hour, and I must change out of these clothes,” Lexi told them.

  There was another round of hugging, and then she got into her new car and pulled away from the church. “She’s doing so well,” Violet said. She smiled as Lexi’s Beetle descended the hill.

  “I agree! Her business is flourishing, and she’s happier than I have ever seen her,” Penelope concurred.

  “I think we are too,” Violet said, grinning at her friend.

  Penelope had to agree. Not only were the children happy, but all of the women were pleased with the current state of their lives. Violet had Lucas and a daughter on the way. By a stroke of fate, Lucas had returned to his childhood home, the place of his childhood recollections, and instead of being met by the haunting memories, he was instead introduced to the woman of his dreams. In some small way, the love he was building with Violet made up for the love he waited too long to build with his father. Violet’s panic attacks were few and far between, and her novels were so good that the local bookstores simply could not keep them stocked on the shelves.

  Penelope was dating, but mostly she was focusing on herself in a way she had not done since before meeting her first husband. Losing Brian was one of the most painful moments in her life, and leaving Michael was tough. For nearly a year, she had felt lost, and at times, depressed. If it was not for her two best friends, she never would have made it through.

  Violet and Lucas said their goodbyes to Penelope, and she was left on her own, staring at the grand, aging church. She had planned to marry Michael here in this very same church, and the memory seemed distant, an idea long forgotten. As she placed her bag of items in the backseat, she noticed one solitary car in the parking lot. It was hard to believe that merely an hour earlier, the lot had been filled to its maximum capacity. As she climbed behind the wheel, she heard the shrill creak of the church door, and she watched as her ex-fiancé trotted down the stone stairway, taking two steps at a time. She could have simply pulled away, but she waited for his approach, and then congratulated him on his son’s marriage.

  Their son and daughter were married now, and it was inevitable that their paths were going to cross, at least occasionally. Michael saw her waiting for him, and he started to jog toward her eagerly.

  He came to a halt beside her window, unsure now of what he would say.

  “Thank you,” she spoke first to him, smiling at his awkwardness. “The wedding was beautiful, and I want to thank you, Michael, for what you did today. Walking Angie down the aisle was such a kind act, and although I know she wishes her father could be here on the day of her wedding, I know that she is grateful for you. Even though you never became her stepfather in a literal sense, you played an important role in her life and were the closest thing she has ever had to a father since Brian died.”

  Her words were so thoughtful, and without thinking, Michael leaned into her and placed his lips on hers. She was startled by his suddenness, and she slapped him harder than she intended.

  Stunned, he placed a hand on his cheek, and then grinned sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Penn. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “It’s okay,” she said, touching her lips, still confused by the kiss.

  “I have missed you,” he explained, “and I need you to know that I’m sorry for hurting you. I’ve never had an opportunity to really say that, and I’m sorry that I haven’t tried harder to apologize to you.”

  “It’s okay, Michael,” she assured him. “I’m over it now. What is meant to happen will happen, and I now know that you and I were not meant to be. I forgave you years ago.”

  “Thank you,” he replied.

  Time seemed to stand still for a moment. But then she started the SUV and told him goodbye.

  “Wait,” he called out before she had a chance to pull away, “I want you to know that it was you,” he said. “That day in Chicago when I stood on the deck of the Willis Tower, it felt like I could see the whole world, and its greatness made me feel on top of the world, literally, and all I could think was how I wanted to share it with you and our children. There was no doubt in my mind that you were the one, and I came home as fast as I could to tell you. All that time, searching for something to fill some void…and that something was right there all along, right under my nose. You were that something, Penelope, and I am a fool for not seeing it sooner.”

  There was once a time when his words would have brought Penelope to tears, but those days were long gone. “It is too late, Michael. I’m sorry. Right around the same time you were realizing that you loved me, I think I was realizing that I no longer loved you. I will always care for you, Michael, but we cannot erase the past. Thank you for walking my daughter down the aisle. And thank you for leading me here—to this very moment in life, which is right where I’m supposed to be.”

  Penelope headed home to her new flat. It was not the grand home that she imagined in the dreams of her youth, but she loved it, and she loved being on her own. Hearing Michael say that she was the one he would have chosen should have given her a sense of satisfaction, and at one point in her life, it probably would have. But she no longer drew satisfaction from the misfortunes of others, especially not her closest allies. She would never tell them the truth; there was no need. Their relationship was not one of competition; they relished in each other’s achievements, and they rallied together to support each other’s losses.

  As a girl, Penelope loved nothing more than to tell stories that were all about love: fairy princesses falling in love and living happily ever after with princes. But the real beauty of her life story was not about love—at least not the kind of love shared between women and men. Her story was one of friendship, perseverance, and courage. She had grown as a mother and person, and although her story was not about love, it was filled with an abundance of it.
As a child, she naïvely believed that her happiness was dependent on finding love, and the truth be told, she was right. But sometimes love comes in the form of a bond with a friend, sister, teacher, or even one’s self. Penelope loved her friends, and she would not trade them for any man in the world. She loved her daughter and her career, and most importantly…she loved herself.

  BEFORE YOU GO…

  DON’T MISS OUT!

  Would you like to be a part of our FREEBIE FRIDAY LIST and get 5 FREE E-books sent to your inbox each week? Every week we send out different e-books including ALL different genres such as Romance, Suspense, Thriller, Westerns, Paranormal, New Adult, and much more! If you’d like to join over 9,500+ subscribers and growing, click below to be a part of FREEBIE FRIDAY…

  Join FREEBIE FRIDAY!

  Author’s Note and

  Acknowledgments

  All of my books are personal, in one way or another. But this book holds a special place in my heart because it is the first book I ever wrote. It’s not perfect. In fact, the very first version was a total wreck. But I wrote it during a hard time in my life and in its own way, this book helped save me. It also helped me discover my love for writing. I never planned on trying to get it published until a year later when I let my sister read it and she pressured me into submitting it to publishers. I was really embarrassed about it at the time, but I want to thank you, Vicki, for always pushing me to believe in myself and take chances, even when I don’t want to.

  Thank you to the original publisher of this book—Sarah Book Publishing. And thank you to Limitless Publishing, for letting me re-release This Is Not About Love into the world.

  Thank you to my husband and children for standing by me and for being my only fans in the beginning of this crazy writing journey.