"My lady, I hope you slept well."
Suzume smiled, something she would never have done back at the palace. It was too familiar and too unrefined. But now she did not care. She was where she belonged. She tamped down her emotions, just barely, and said, "Well enough." What if this isn't real? I don't even remember arriving. She thought how to next frame her question. "Remind me, where am I again?"
The servant was well trained because she did not react but kept her head down. "You are at the home of Lord Tsubaki, my lady."
She resisted the urge to rub her hands together with glee. However she got here was not relevant. She was where she was meant to be. Which meant this dragon ordeal was well and truly over. "Excellent!" She marched over to the servant and threw up her arms in a T shape. "I am ready to be dressed," she said.
"Perhaps a bath first, my lady?"
Suzume looked down at her filthy hands and had to agree. Two more servants carried in a bath, and after soaking until the water was cool, they scrubbed her until her skin was raw. And when they were done, they brushed her hair.
She felt worlds away from how she had when she woke. Suzume could not keep the foolish grin from her face as the servant dressed her. The woman moved with delicate but assured movements, smoothing the fabric and pinning layers in place. She was glad she had taken that bath; otherwise she would have ruined this fine silk with her filth.
When the servant slid on the soft white socks, she swore to herself, I will never walk again. I will demand a palanquin, even if it is to go a short distance. The servant made no comment about the blisters on Suzume's feet, but she still feared she would get callouses from her brief stint walking. She wriggled her feet in the socks and marveled at how soft they were and how the silk of her robe glided against her skin. She sighed, content.
After dressing her, the servant left and returned with a sumptuous meal--all of Suzume's favorites. Daiki must have remembered and sent word ahead, she thought as she devoured her marinated fish. She ate without reservation, and then when her meal was finished, the servant opened up the doors onto a garden beyond. She went out onto the veranda and looked at the koi swimming in the pond. It was peaceful and perfect.
But like most things, the tranquil moment would not last forever. Unwelcome thoughts invaded. If I want to stay here, I'll have to marry Daiki. But it's my only way of returning to my place in the world. Before, that would have been the height of triumph, but that was before she had awoken a dragon and been claimed as his bride. After spending time with the Dragon, she felt like the koi in the pond, swimming in a small space, going in circles. As wonderful as these fine clothes were, and having servants attend to her every whim, everything was tainted.
The Yokai would not go away, and now that she knew they existed, she wasn't sure she could pretend any longer. Before, she would have been content to sit and gossip for hours; now she felt restless and worried. What had happened on her way to Daiki's home? What was the creature that attacked them and how had they escaped?
She was given an unexpected reprieve from her troubled thoughts when the servant appeared with an announcement. "The lieutenant wants to speak with you, my lady," the servant said.
As boorish as the man was, his visit was a welcome break in the monotony. She gave the servant leave to show him in. While she waited, she arranged her outer layer and placed a fan in front of her face. He may have seen her at her worst, but now that her star was on the rise, she would have him remember his place. The lieutenant came in briskly, still wearing his warrior mask. Does he ever take that thing off?
He bowed briefly before saying, "I have received word from General Tsubaki that I am to stay with you."
She pursed her lips. "You have?"
He nodded in reply.
If this was all he had to say, why not send a servant? It didn't matter. Now that he was here, she had a chance to get answers to some of the questions that had been troubling her. "What was that thing that attacked us, and how did we get away?"
He looked past her at the cherry tree when he answered, "I do not know." He's lying.
Fear grabbed a hold of her throat and she took a few gulping breaths to ease her racing heart. Even here she wasn't free of the Yokai. Was the lieutenant one of them? She peered at him, not having the slightest idea how to figure out if he was. She decided the direct approach was best. "I will be mistress here soon enough, it will not do well for you to lie to me."
He turned to face her straight on. "It was a Yokai, my lady. I did not want to frighten you. Forgive me, I did not know you could see them."
"How could I not, it was huge!"
He nodded. "We are safe within these walls, you have no need to fear."
She narrowed her eyes at him. There was something more he was not telling her. "And you defeated it?"
"I did."
She touched her neck, wondering how the wound had healed so quickly. She pinched her wrist again just to be sure. When she felt pain, she knew this could not be a hallucination. She could not see his expression beyond the mask, but she thought he must think she was insane. She turned her back to him; she did not want to drag out this discussion any further.
"You may go."
He left without a word, leaving Suzume with a bleak and boring garden to contemplate.
The day droned on much the same. At night, she was summoned to dine with the rest of Daiki's clan who were in residence. Daiki had a senile old mother, who stubbornly clung to life. When their original engagement had been announced, Suzume had come to visit as part of the arrangements for their soon-to-be wedding. That was when she had met the old witch, who looked down her nose at Suzume and loudly voiced her critiques of everything about Suzume, from the way she wore her hair to how she walked. Now she was being summoned once more.
It had been months since Suzume had left court, and this would in essence be her reemergence into court life. She dressed but with a hint of nervousness twisting her gut. The old woman had lived at court for a long time before retiring upon her husband's death. She was no stranger to scandal and not out of the loop despite living in the country. Would Suzume's mother's scandal follow her here? Everyone knew she had been exiled. If anyone was going to prevent her marriage to Daiki, it would be his mother.
The servant guided her into the large dining room. As the door slid open, the clan members, sitting in a horseshoe shape facing inward, turned to look at her. The butterflies turned into Yokai battling one another in her gut. She glided into the room, wearing false confidence as her shield. As she walked down the parallel rows of noblemen, she headed for the front, where one empty seat had been left next to Daiki's mother, Lady Tsubaki.
She looked even more old and feeble than the last time Suzume had seen her. Dark eyes were sunken into her skull, surrounded by layers of papery white skin in folds that hung down her jowls. Her neck was like loose rice dough and her white hair had started to thin on top. But her eyes were sharp and intent on Suzume.
She sat down next to the old woman with a polite bow of her head. "Mother," she said.
The old woman pursed her lips before taking a sip of her tea. Probably wetting her mouth so she can criticize the way I walked into the room.
"Daiki says he wants to marry you," she said in a reedy voice.
"Yes, Mother," Suzume replied. Her entire body felt on edge, waiting for the blade to fall.
"I don't approve, I am sure you're aware." The room was silent, everyone abandoning the pretense of eating.
She wanted to snap back an angry reply. But that was how she spoke with the Dragon; at court, she would never be so crass. It was more difficult to relearn the old habits than she thought it would be.
"Yes, Mother," she said again.
"I do not want a whore's blood in my line. It would be different if you were still the emperor's child, if you ever were at all."
"Yes, Mother."
"But your mother spread her legs to anyone who was willing. A shame. When she had the honor of bei
ng the emperor's wife. I was almost chosen as the previous emperor's bride. But fate worked out differently."
"Yes, Mother."
"Can you say anything other than 'yes, mother'?" the old woman snapped.
"If you stopped prattling, I might be able to contribute something more," Suzume shot back. And slapped her hand over her mouth. The silence that followed was deafening. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest. The guests took an inward breath, waiting to see how the old woman would react.
The old woman laughed. It was something akin to a cackle and it rang up to the rooftops. The others followed in nervous laughter. Then the old woman reached across and patted Suzume's hand.
"I think we will get along just fine, if you do not pretend to be anything other than who you are." She winked.
It shocked Suzume, the old woman she remembered would have struck her across the mouth for such insolence. But perhaps things had changed? She did not question it. Dinner went along smoothly after that. The clansmen made their greetings, giving her well wishes for her upcoming wedding. She should have delighted in their attention, she was back where she belonged. But there was an uneasy feeling in her gut, something telling her this was not right.
When dinner was over and she was being led back to her chamber, the lieutenant caught up with her.
"My lady, may I have a word?"
She stopped and turned to face him. She scowled, but he was undeterred.
"I wanted to congratulate you on winning over Lady Tsubaki. That is no easy feat. She thinks no one is good enough for her son."
The unexpected compliment shocked her. "Thank you--" she stuttered.
He lingered a moment longer. "Honestly, I was hoping she would reject you."
Suzume's hackles rose and she had to force her hand down or else she would have slapped him. "Are you ready to get rid of me?"
"No, I just hoped you would be free to marry whoever you liked. Not who your father chose."
She frowned at him. "Why would I marry anyone other than who my father chose for me?"
"You made a promise to someone once, do you remember it?"
She stared at him, uncomprehending. "What promise?"
He removed his mask and revealed a handsome face bisected by a diagonal scar from his right temple to the left end of his jaw.
"Do you remember me?"
She stared at him, squinting, trying to recall where she had met him, if ever.
"I don't." She shook her head.
"It has been a while, I suppose. And I am a different man than I was. You called me Akito."
The name unlocked a flood of memories, a handsome young man, stolen kisses when her chaperon was not looking, and a deep aching pain when he disappeared. The memories felt foreign but consumed her nonetheless. Where did these come from? It's as if they belong to someone else.
She closed the gap between them, overcome by emotion. Words fell from her lips unbidden. "Akito, you never said goodbye. I've been wondering where you've been all this time!"
"Well, I've returned now, but I suppose it's too late because you will marry another."
Her heart constricted. How could she choose between the love of her life and the man her father had chosen? What am I saying? When have I ever been in love? Who is he really?
"Hush, hush, listen to my song, it will not take long. Hush, hush, if you are strong, you will find where you belong," a voice crooned.
She looked around but could not find the source. "Do you hear that?"
Akito only looked at her in confusion. She glanced over her shoulder as a wordless song flooded over her. It was soothing, and she found as she listened, her worries disappeared. The foreign memories filled her head, lodging in place until she forgot about everything else but the man in front of her and the fabricated history he evoked in her.
Chapter Nineteen
Daiki returned in triumph. Banners flapped in the wind as the army in orderly rows marched into the outer courtyard of the palace, an army at his back. Suzume awaited his arrival with a heavy heart. Now more than ever she doubted her decision to marry the general. After being reunited with Akito, her heart was in torment.
Just a few days ago, she would have happily married Daiki and lived the life she was meant to live. But now she was not sure. Marrying for love had never been a part of the plan, but Akito filled up every space in her chest, making it difficult to breathe. When he entered a room, he drew her eye without trying, and in the halls when they would pass one another, he would brush her hand behind the back of her vigilant chaperon. These short encounters were bittersweet because they could never be together.
When Daiki pulled in through the gates, she plastered on a fake smile. His mother watched her like a hawk, and though she had passed the first test, she knew there was more to come. She could not risk faltering. She put aside her concerns about Akito. This was her future, and there would be no place for her in the world by Akito's side.
When Daiki walked up to her, she acted as a girl in love should. She lowered her eyes demurely and hid behind her fan. To her left, she felt Akito's eyes on her, full of withdrawn resentment. Should she have waited for him and hoped that they could beat the odds to be together? This melodrama is not like me at all. I chased after Daiki, and it took forever to win him over. There never was anyone serious before. But those thoughts surfaced only to be buried once more. You chased after Daiki to forget about Akito, don't you remember?
Competing memories warred inside her head, loud enough to split it in two. She resisted the urge to clamp her hands on her head to stop the chatter, and then suddenly it stopped.
"Hush, hush, listen to my song, it will not take long. Hush, hush, if you are strong, you will find where you belong," a voice crooned.
She looked again for the source. Did Yokai follow me here to Daiki's home? It would be just my luck for a bloodthirsty Yokai to want to put me under a spell and make me look like a lunatic in front of important people. No one noticed the singing but Suzume. As she looked about for the source, Daiki's mother frowned in her direction, probably thinking Suzume was impatient to have the greeting over with. She smiled and looked back forward.
Suzume's vision blurred, and for a moment she did not see Daiki and his marching army. Darkness enveloped her and a chill ran up her spine. She peered into the gloom and she swore she saw something move in a shadow, but as quickly as the darkness had descended, it disappeared. The song grew louder, drowning out all other thoughts and concerns.
"Do not worry," someone whispered in her ear. "I will take care of you."
She returned to a sunny day, and a sweaty army led by their pink-faced leader marched towards her.
Daiki bowed to her, and his topknot almost touched the ground. She had to bite down on a smirk. Focus on Daiki and nothing else. It felt good to have others bowing to her again, her father's general no less.
"I have returned triumphant!" he declared.
Suzume smiled patronizingly. "What was it you were going out to do?"
"We defeated a dragon!"
Her chest constricted, but she could not explain why. Dragons were not real.
"You joke, surely."
Daiki shook his head in confusion. "No, we went to defeat the Dragon. Your father heard that a dragon had been unleashed from the temple where you were staying. The one that killed all the priestesses."
Suzume scrunched her nose in concentration. That sounded familiar, but her brain felt muddled all the sudden. She looked to Akito, and he shrugged his shoulders. He had no idea either.
Daiki looked to Suzume and then looked to Akito. A frown fluttered across his face, but he hid it when Suzume looked back at him with a sweet smile.
"Let me greet you properly," she said. "Welcome home, husband," Suzume said with her best fake sweet voice.
His face flushed bright as a beet. She had managed to distract him from Akito, but who would distract her from dragons? It seemed like there was something important she should remember. She
showed Daiki inside, where they parted with promises to see one another later. She followed after her chaperon, wondering what Daiki had meant about killing a dragon. Strangely enough, she felt bad for the Dragon. Normally she did not care about these sorts of things, but this time it shook her.
A hand grabbed her wrist and tugged at her. She looked up in surprise to see Akito, his expression grim. She gave a fevered look to her chaperon, who continued on, oblivious. Akito pressed a finger to his lips and dragged her along after him into a nearby empty room. Her heart raced as he held onto her wrist without letting go. They stared at one another, locked in a silent contest. She did not want to ever take her eyes off him; even pretending she could give him up made her miserable.
"You cannot marry him," Akito declared.
She looked away, full of shame--which was very unlike her. She had never been ashamed of her ladder climbing before. Marrying Daiki would be a great match for her. It would return her to her place at the palace and remove the stain of her mother's infidelity.
"I have to. What do I have left if I don't have a place in this world?" she said to the ground.
She wanted to lift her head to say it to his face, but she couldn't make her body obey. Her limbs felt leaden as if they were bound up by something.
"You have a place by my side," Akito said.
She looked up now, shock written on her features as was a blush that stained her cheeks.
"We can't--" But before he could say more, he pushed her backwards and pressed her back against the wall. He leaned one hand against the wall, trapping her in place.
He moved in close; she could see all the stubble on his face. "You have the right to decide your own destiny."
She looked away. But he surrounded her, his body angled to press against hers just enough where it was not inappropriate but made her realize he was a man. The only thing was his scent. It was not quite right, it smelled too sweet, like burnt sugar cane. Shouldn't he have a more manly musk? She tried to remember what he smelled like, but other than that initial flood of memories, of passionate embraces and promised words beneath the moonlight, she had no other memories of Akito. Trying to find details was like trying to see through smoke.
The Priestess and the Dragon Page 13
