by Tia Lewis
23
Abby
“How do you like Pittsburgh?” Chad asked, leaning in a little.
I giggled. “It looks like the inside of a hotel bar right now.”
He laughed, touching my leg. “We could get out of here, you know. Really see the town. It’s a great place—I grew up not far from here.”
“Oh, really?” His touch made my heart flutter a little.
“Yeah, in a coal town a little further north. The middle of nowhere. This was the big city to us back then. I guess it still kinda is—I’m just a small-town boy.”
“Bullshit,” I smirked, waving him off. “I’ve seen the kind of house you live in down in Miami. Nothing small-town about it, but nice try.”
He laughed again. “You’re a firecracker sometimes.”
“Sometimes? Try all the time.” I winked, trying to be cute, but it probably came off kind of weird and awkward. I would never be great at flirting. Maybe because it all felt sort of flat for me, even with the alcohol buzzing in my system. I was pretending to like Chad a lot more than I really did, mostly because I wanted to get back at that stupid son of a bitch I used to think I loved. Or maybe I was the stupid one for thinking it. Either way, one of us was stupid.
“It takes a special kind of man to understand a woman like you,” he murmured, touching my hair with a gentle hand. “But I do.”
“So you’re special?” I teased.
“I’ve never gotten any complaints.” He winked, and with that wink came a promise. I knew what he wanted, what he had wanted since the first game of the season. Max had stopped him then. I wouldn’t let that happen again. I deserved to be happy and wanted. If Chad wanted me, why shouldn’t I let him have me for the night?
I leaned closer to him, breathing in the scent of his woodsy cologne, giggling as his hand caressed my thigh and his breath fell warm on my neck. Then, in an instance, everything changed.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I looked up to find Max glaring down at the two of us.
“Um, we’re here for the same reason you’re here, buddy.” Chad chuckled, trying to play it off. But I knew what Max meant. Chad knew it, too.
“What are you two doing together?” He glared at me, brutal accusation in his eyes.
“That’s none of your business,” I said, doing my best to stay calm. We were attracting unwanted attention as it was. “You’re acting like a spoiled child, so please, leave us alone. Go off and find somebody else, okay?” I turned my attention back to Chad, who seemed more than eager to have it. For once, someone wanted to be with me. Chad was interested in me, wanted to know all about me. He wouldn’t use me and throw me away like Max had.
“You think he wants you?” Max laughed bitterly, standing there in front of us with his arms crossed. “Think again. He wants to fuck you tonight, and that’s it.”
“You’re outta line, man.” Chad stood, and the two of them faced off. They were around the same size. Just about eye-to-eye. My heart took off at a gallop. I wasn’t sure if the excitement was from knowing they would fight, or knowing they would fight over me. Maybe a little bit of both.
“Go somewhere else and let us settle this, okay? You know she’s not like one of the other women,” Max said.
“Where do you get off?” Chad asked. “You strut around like you own the team, like what you say goes. And for the most part. We’re all happy to let you think that because you help us win games. But when we’re off the field, I have to draw the line. What’s happening here is none of your fucking business.”
“Guys, please …” I might as well have been talking to myself. I stood, a little shaky on my feet, and tried to pry them apart. It was the most useless gesture I’d ever wasted time on. “We’re going to start attracting even more attention. Can you please let this go?”
“Not until he admits why he’s here with you,” Max muttered. “Admit it.”
“Would you let it go, man? She doesn’t belong to you. She’s not yours. You don’t get to decide who she’s with.”
“He’s right,” I said, getting Max’s attention. I was so mad at him, I didn’t know what to do. He was the most arrogant, self-centered, egotistical person I’d ever met in my life and I was at the end of my rope with his attitude. “You should mind your own business, Max.”
He turned to me, confusion on his face. How he had the right to be confused, I would never understand. “What?”
“I mean it. Get out of here and let me live my life.” I did the best I could to speak with dignity, to be truthful and forthcoming. I was a grown woman, not the little kid he used to know. I couldn’t keep playing a role I didn’t want to play anymore. I was done playing his games, getting my hopes up to only feel a fool afterwards.
“So, what then? You don’t want me anymore? And you go off with him?” He pointed at Chad, who was still standing right in front of him.
“Why not? You can go around screwing cheerleaders whenever you want to, so why can’t I spend time with who I want to?”
His face contorted with rage. “So that’s why you were so upset. I knew it. That wasn’t even me—I didn’t know it happened until tonight. It was Garrett with her, not me.”
“Oh, I get it now.” Chad took a step back, hands on hips. He looked from one of us to the other. “I was pretty stupid not to see this already. So the two of you, huh? And that’s why you’re so fucking bent outta shape.”
There was too much going on in my head to make heads or tails of anything. It had been Garrett with Layla? Why was she wearing Max’s jersey? It didn’t matter because Max didn’t respect me. It was as simple as that.
“No, Chad. It’s not like that. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” I glared at Max. “Let this go, Max. Now. Because you don’t want me to remind you of how things really went.”
“Oh, you wanna remind me?” He cocked his head to the side. “How, then? How did they go?”
“I swear, Max. You want to leave this alone.” I turned to the bar, picked up what was left of my drink and gulped it down. If he wanted a fight, I was more than willing to give him one.
“No, really. Tell me how things happened between us.”
“Fine. I was never good enough for you. Not when we were young, not now. Not ever. Sure, it was all right to be friends with me, because you knew I adored you. You knew I would do anything for you. And it made you feel good, didn’t it? It stroked your ego. You felt like a big man when I followed you around like a puppy dog.”
“That’s not true,” he said. I saw him glance at Chad out of the corner of his eye, nervous. Like he was embarrassed all of a sudden. I was glad he was because he deserved to be. He was the one who had started the fight.
“But I wasn’t good enough for anything else, right? And whenever somebody better came along, you would forget I existed. Because you knew I was there when you needed me again. I would always be there. And you used me, just like you’re using me again. As long as there’s nobody else around and nobody else needs to know, I’m okay to be with.”
“I never used you.”
“Yes, you did. It made you feel good about yourself. And you didn’t even have to try, that was the best part, wasn’t it? You didn’t have to be anybody else but yourself. You didn’t have to pretend to be the big man you knew you weren’t.”
“Enough!” He turned and stormed out of the bar, but I wouldn’t let him get away that easy.
“You started this, and you’re not man enough to finish it. Why am I not surprised?” I followed him down the hall, calling after him. He finally turned around in the lobby, glaring at me.
“Watch what you say.”
“You watch what you say! You’re fucking pathetic. I wasn’t good enough, but nobody else can have me. Isn’t that it? Why don’t you just man up and admit it, Max? You’re a little boy. That’s all you’ve ever been. And you can’t stand the idea of another man playing with your toys!” I didn’t care who was watching or listening. I couldn’t pay attentio
n to them. I could only see him. I hoped I did shame him in front of everybody in that place—everybody in the world, even. He deserved it. I wasn’t good enough for him, but I wasn’t good enough to be happy, either.
“Shut your mouth! Just stop talking. You’re drunk,” he spat.
“Yeah, I am. I was having fun, Max. For once, I was having a good time. Poor plain little Abby, always good enough for a fuck but never good enough for anything else. Right? You can’t handle the thought of another man wanting me—me, regular old me. Maybe there’s a man out there who isn’t such a pussy that he can admit his feelings and know when he has a good thing right in front of him. You could never do that, could you? You’re so blind, you don’t see what’s right in front of you.”
“Shut up.” It was all he could say. He was that pathetic.
I laughed. “You know I’m right. You just wanted to string me along. Did you think I would wait forever, while you fucked other women?”
“Excuse me, miss.” One of the hotel’s employees approached. “I have to ask that you keep your voice down and watch your language for the sake of other guests.”
I turned to the little man with the thin mustache. He seemed to shrink a little under my glare. That was enough to calm me, at least a little. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.” But he didn’t walk away. Max took me by the arm, then, dragging me into a restroom. He nearly flung me into the otherwise empty room. There wasn’t much space in there—it was about the size of a large closet. We had no choice but to stand there, facing each other. I couldn’t get around him, his large frame blocking the door.
“You wanna talk? Let’s talk.” He planted his feet like he was getting ready for battle. “Maybe I got you away from Chad because I know what a user he is. I know all he wants from you is a quick fuck.”
I laughed. “Maybe that was all I wanted from him! Did you ever think that? Women can be that way, too. We don’t need a damned commitment every time a man sticks his dick in us.”
“Really? Because it seemed like you wanted a commitment from me.”
“Bullshit.”
“No, it’s not. You wanted me to change for you, to commit to you. You wanted to be the only woman in my life. And I had to be on a leash, and listen to everything you said because you thought you owned me.”
“I never said that. Not once. You’re making that shit up.”
“Am I?” His eyes searched mine. “Tell me that’s not what you truly wanted.”
I wanted to, but I couldn’t. “Even if it was, I never once put that on you. I didn’t make it your problem. And you know why? Because I was too fucking stupid to walk away. I would have done anything to be close to you, just to be with you. How pathetic am I? Still in love with you, after all this time.”
I gasped when the words came out. I didn’t mean for them to. His eyes went wide as he took a half-step away from me.
“You’re what?”
I glared, defiant. “I was in love with you,” I said, recovering. “But I got over that mistake. It was a waste of time, a waste of my heart. There’s somebody out there who will want my heart, Max, even if you don’t.”
“You loved me?”
“Oh, would you get over yourself? You would get stuck on that one little thing, wouldn’t you? Pathetic to the end.” I wanted to kill myself for saying it. I shouldn’t have. He didn’t need to know how I felt. He would only use it against me, only twist me up some more. “I might have loved you, and I might still love you if you would just let yourself be the person you are inside. I know who’s in there, and it’s not the cocky asshole who keeps showing up. It’s the nice guy, the one who cares about people. What’s wrong with caring? What’s wrong with saying, ‘Abby, I don’t like that you’re with another man because I want you for myself?’ Huh?”
He didn’t answer, just like I knew he wouldn’t. I laughed bitterly, unable to see anything good in him anymore. “Forget it. I’m so done with you. And as soon as this season is over, I’m through with the team. I need to move on with my life—I’ll never be able to do it as long as you’re around, holding me back. I was foolish to fall for a man who didn’t share the same feelings. I’m done.”
It wasn’t hard to push him aside. Maybe he was still too surprised to stand his ground. I had to get away. Anywhere he wasn’t. I dashed through the lobby, out to the valet stand. “Please, my car.” I handed my ticket to the attendant. Moments later, I was behind the wheel, peeling out of the hotel turnabout. I caught a glimpse of Max running out of the hotel in my rearview, but I didn’t care. Let him try to follow me. I wouldn’t let him catch up. I wouldn’t let him sweet talk me ever again. It’s over.
24
Max
She had no business driving, not in the condition she was in. I ran after her, but it was too late. Damn, my stupid fucking pride. I should have gone after her right way, but no. I had been too busy worrying about how it would look if I did.
“Where is she?” I asked the valet. “Did you give her the car yet?”
“The girl who was just here? The redhead?” Totally oblivious. I wondered if he had ever been punched out by an NFL quarterback before.
“Yes, her. Jesus. The drunk one.” I glared at him.
“She didn’t look drunk to me.” He shrugged.
“Get me my fucking car, and hurry! Shit!” I paced for the minute it took for them to bring the vehicle to me, then got behind the wheel. Where the hell would she have gone? It’s not like she was familiar with the area. I tried calling her.
“What?” She snapped. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least she had picked up the phone.
“Where are you? I wanna talk.”
“It’s too late for that, Max. You’ve had your whole fucking life to talk to me, and what did you do? You wasted what we had.” I could tell she was crying—even more reason for her to not be driving. It was late and dark, and she didn’t know where she was.
“Please, just stop where you are and let me meet you. You don’t realize how much you’re scaring me right now, driving when you’re upset, and you’ve been drinking.”
“Stop pretending you care,” she spat. God, there was so much resentment in her voice. So much bitterness. It washed over me in a wave. I deserved it. I deserved for her to hate me. As long as she hated me while pulling the car over, I wouldn’t mind.
“Don’t say I don’t care. If I didn’t care, I would have let you go and not done anything about it.” Where could she be? I drove around town, looking for her rental car. It was blue, I remembered. A four-door car, but I didn’t remember the brand. Probably because I didn’t pay attention to anything but myself. She was so right about me in so many ways, but there wasn’t any time to think about that. Not when I had to find her before she killed herself.
“You only care right now because it makes you look bad that I ran out on you,” she said.
“That’s not true! Is that what you think of me?” Traffic. Fuck. Well, maybe it wasn’t so bad. If she was stuck in it, too, then she wasn’t speeding down some dark road. Who the hell booked a hotel in the middle of nowhere?
“Yes, that’s what I think of you, and that’s the nice stuff. Just wait until you hear the other stuff.”
“Fine, tell me the other stuff, but tell me outside the car. Come on. Just stop somewhere and we’ll talk. Or you’ll talk, or yell, or throw things at me. Whatever you wanna do, only let’s do it outside of the car. Okay?”
“Fuck you, Max. I don’t want to play these games. You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore.” She hung up. I screamed out loud, banging my hands against the steering wheel. I tried calling back on the hands-free, but no luck. She wouldn’t answer anymore.
From my vantage point in the SUV, I could see a little further ahead than I would in a lower car. There weren’t many cars ahead of me, waiting for the light. I tried to make out the color of the cars, hoping that one of them was hers. I was losing hope when, four cars up, I saw a blue four-door make a left turn a
nd swerve a bit when it did. Abby. And she had almost gotten into an accident.
I didn’t have a choice but to jump the line, flooring the gas pedal as I drove into the oncoming lane—luckily the turning lane had an extended green, and the oncoming traffic had just started coming toward me. I leaned on the horn, waving my arms to signal them to stay out of my way. The sound of blaring can horns rang in my ears as I made the left turn onto a dark road. I breathed a sigh of deep relief once the turn was made and I was on my way. At least I hadn’t hurt anybody.
Abby. I sped up, praying I could catch her car. If only she weren't driving too fast, but I knew her and the mood she was in. Anything to get far away from me, anything to show me that she could do what she wanted.
The road was a winding one. My eyes cut back and forth in the dark, looking to the sides of the road, waiting to find her car parked on the side of the road. I tried calling her again, desperate to hear her voice. I didn’t even know if I was behind her or some other driver in a blue car.
“Leave me the fuck along!” she screamed.
“Where are you? Is it a dark road with almost no lights and these roads are curvy.”
Pause. “How did you know that?”
“I’m behind you. Please, slow down and pull over. Let’s talk this out.” I thought I saw a blink of red upon the horizon, just at the top of a hill. They disappeared as the car went over.
“Just let me go, Max. I’m done.”
“Fine, fine. If that’s what you truly want then I won’t bother you again. All I ask from you is to just take care of yourself. That’s all I want you to do. Okay?”
She didn’t answer right away.
“Hello? You can ignore me, Abby all you want. I just wish you would have listened to me for a few seconds. But I get it. You’re done.”
Still no answer.
“Hello?”
Just then I heard a scream. An ear-shattering crash. It was enough to make me swerve. Had it come from over the phone or somewhere around me?
