“When I snap my fingers, you will find each other so irresistible that you will make sweet love to each other right here on the stage. 3…2…1 *snap*”
Lo and behold, the two audience members did just that. As soon as the finger snapping took place, they ravished each other. It was at that moment that Timothy realised that he had happened upon an adult channel when he recognised that the channel’s number was in the nine hundreds. Yet, he felt inspired, amongst other things, and so pledged to find a hypnotist without delay, but there was one other thing he had planned to do considering that he had suddenly gotten in the mood.
After quite enough excitement for one day, Timothy laid back savouring the intakes of air until his heart rate had calmed down. He cleaned up the resulting mess and found his copy of the phonebook in the process. Timothy was the type of man who liked to keep things simple, as such he had avoided most new technological advancements, not because he was a technophobe, he had tried a smart phone once but couldn’t figure out how to actually make a call. His main phone was of the variety that had a cord and a phonebook next to it, Timothy had a monthly subscription. He thumbed through the pages until he got to the section for hypnotists, his finger rested upon a somewhat large ad for a local hypnotist by the name of Abigail. It wasn’t the bohemian kind of ad with baroque designs that come across as rather sinister, it was a more subtle and professional affair, the kind of ad created by someone who is aware of the stigma attached to hypnotism and is trying their best to overcome it. Bless them for trying.
Timothy punched in the number and awaited a response.
“Hello, you’ve reached Abigail. How may I help you?” Her voice was silky smooth, seductive and sultry, a whole host of adjectives that can be found in the S pages. Timothy got nervous and started to panic so he slammed the phone back down without so much as a How do you do?
He couldn’t pick up the phone and try again, that was not Timothy’s style and he knew it. Mostly because he knew that he would only slam it back down again upon hearing her seductive tones. Perhaps he’d read the advertisement wrong, he thought, however, when he glanced at it again it was as clear as day that this was an advert for a professional hypnotist. The TV show had certainly left its impression on Timothy.
He vowed that he would visit the office in person the next day, figuring that if he was actually at the location then he would have no choice but to enter.
Birds surrounded Timothy as he became enveloped in clouds, breaking through their pristineness alongside his new avian friends to reveal a spectacular sunrise. The land below was not visible from above the clouds, it was serene, peaceful. Timothy couldn’t resist flying that bit closer to this breath-taking sight. He could feel the sun’s rays on him. Then he fell.
A sudden slam into his bed woke Timothy up rather rudely. He was a little dazed but noticed that the sun’s rays were indeed shining through the window of his lonely apartment heralding a new day, a day where he vowed to conquer his fear once and for all and embrace his new power. But first, breakfast. Porridge. Plain. Yum. The coffee was alright though.
Timothy tore Abigail’s ad from the phonebook, he cringed as the paper tore out of the book but was soothed somewhat upon realisation that he’d receive a new copy in a few days. He neatly folded and placed it in his wallet before taking his coat and heading in the general direction of where he thought Abigail’s office to be.
Upon reaching the stairs, he paused. Nobody was around, nobody would know, the cameras were merely for show. So he jumped. He landed rather haphazardly, a 4 out of 10, on the floor below having cleared the stairs in one mighty leap. Timothy was satisfied with himself for having not slammed into the wall but sensible enough not to try it again. After all, the landing hadn’t been kind to his ankles.
Taking one last look at the ad and returning it to the safety of his wallet, Timothy headed west, and then realised that his destination was in fact east and so turned around and headed in the opposite direction before realising that he needed to cross the road in order to catch the correct bus. His knowledge of the city wasn’t great, he didn’t know any of the local hotspots or fine restaurants, but he did know the bus routes. Partially.
He liked buses, they didn’t go very high off of the ground usually – except in the case of those flying buses he’d heard of, nasty abominations – and they offered a superb location to observe people in their unnatural habitats as they go about their unnatural lives. It was peaceful but not eternal, as with life as with the buses, everyone has a destination, everyone gets off somewhere, everyone forgets to bring the correct change with them and so forces the driver to sacrifice what little change they have in order to change a twenty. Life and buses, kinda the same thing.
It was fortunate for Timothy that Abigail’s office was located opposite a bus stop, he knew this as it was clearly written on the ad in the phonebook, even so, he loitered outside the office for a little while to pluck up the courage to go inside. If he was wearing a hoodie then he’d likely have been reported to the police. He looked up to the skies and saw a flock of birds all in sync with each other encircling what looked like a rather large bird of the kind that he had never seen before. He wanted to be like them, without a care and with the whole world open to them. He entered the building. At the point of Timothy entering, the large bird broke away from the group of birds and landed on the building’s roof.
It was a bizarrely bland office, the receptionist signalled for Timothy to take a seat on one of the similarly bland chairs to await Abigail’s arrival. When she exited the elevator, her hair was a little windswept as she brushed a feather from her shoulder.
“Hello” She said in her seductive tones “I’m Abigail, I understand you have a fear of heights, is that correct?” Timothy nodded but was unsure of how she arrived at the accurate conclusion without him so much as opening his mouth.
“Follow me to my office” Timothy had no other choice but to follow the woman, he had come this far, it would look a little strange if he bolted out of the door, not that the thought hadn’t entered his mind. The elevator doors closed and Timothy could feel the anxiety rise within him as it climbed.
“Come this way” The elevator had stopped on the nineteenth floor, Timothy had to walk in the exact centre of the windowed hallway to avoid peering through at the abyss below. When he entered the office he noticed that it was in stark contrast to the drabness throughout the building. There was a beautifully upholstered red leather futon, the kind he always envisaged there to be in such an establishment, and array of plants in just as many different plant pots.
“Lie down here and let me work my magic” Flashes of the previous night’s television viewing raced in his mind, as he had been subtly ordered to lie down, he hoped nothing would do the opposite and stand to attention. Abigail didn’t pull out a stopwatch, much to Timothy’s disappointment, but instead used her voice to lull him into a trance. The words she spoke were inaudible to him in this fugue state but he could feel as though a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. Abigail had stopped speaking a while ago and was observing the perplexing happenings unfolding before her.
When she snapped her fingers, Timothy’s eyes shot open and he was slammed back onto the futon.
“I see this is a more challenging phobia than I first thought. Perhaps it requires a change in tact” Abigail got up from her chair and beckoned Timothy to follow. They headed back into the elevator and to Timothy’s shock, Abigail pressed the button leading right up to the top floor.
The wind buffeted him as they stepped out onto the roof, but Abigail seemed forever calm. She led him to the edge of the roof and pushed.
There was a slightly lower roof about a floor below that Abigail had pushed Timothy onto, from that height it wouldn’t have killed him, broken a few bones quite possibly, left him in utter terror about heights for eternity most certainly. But Timothy didn’t break any bones, he may have wet himself slightly but at least nothing was broken except his pride and that had br
oken many years ago. He opened his eyes to see the roof mere centimetres from his vision. Almost instantly after this revelation he slammed face first into the ground breaking his nose and leaving a little pool of blood where it once was. Before he could get up, Abigail was already by his side and setting his nose back in place with a loud crack.
“We’ve reached an important milestone today, Timothy. Come back tomorrow and we’ll explore this further” Timothy headed for the door, eager to get back to ground level as he held his nose up high to stop the bleeding, leaving Abigail stood on the rooftop gazing at the birds. When Timothy got on the bus home it dawned on him that he hadn’t paid for Abigail’s services, which as a former accountant comforted him to know that he didn’t have to log it in his financial journals. The broken nose almost seemed worth it for that reason. He was a strange little man. After realising about the financial gain, Timothy realised that Abigail had almost tried to kill him by pushing him off of a roof. Hypnotism truly wasn’t what Timothy had expected.
The strange little man was pacing in his pokey apartment, wrestling with the decision to go see Abigail again or not. He felt as though the first meeting was more of a sparring match where he was the punching bag, still, there was a brief moment where Timothy truly believed that he had overcome his fear of heights. Perhaps it was good for him to talk to someone about it, perhaps it would truly help. In all of his waning years, not once had he spoken to someone about his fears, all it took was him losing his job, the sudden development of super powers and a raunchy hypnotism show, heck if that’s all it took then anyone could do it. That settled it, Timothy decided that he would give it another shot with Abigail, who knows, maybe he had a chance with her he thought – he didn’t of course as she was way out of his league but at least it motivated him and was sufficient to overlook the attempted murder.
When he reached the stairs he felt more confident than before, perhaps over confident. He took a run up and effortlessly cleared the stairs in a single bound warranting a 5 out of 10, could’ve been a 6 but despite the impressive feat of agility, Timothy forgot to straighten himself and hold his arms outstretched like a true gymnast, because that will dock points no matter how many flips and spins one does. Timothy did, however, straighten his jacket and took a brief look from left to right to ensure that nobody was watching before heading off to Abigail’s office.
As he got off the bus, he took another look at the large flock of birds circling the bigger bird above Abigail’s office. Timothy took a closer look at the large bird and could swear that it was a peculiar shape, almost human like. But that’s silly, he thought, humans can’t fly… wait.
“Ah Timothy, welcome back. I feared I may have been to forthright yesterday. I do hope your nose is ok” She sounded sincere as she greeted Timothy in the lobby. “Come with me” The last time she uttered those words Timothy was thrown off a roof and broke his nose so it’s understandable why he was hesitant to repeat it. “Don’t worry, I have something to show you. Come” Timothy wasn’t thinking with his brain at this point, the combination of Abigail’s sultry tones and the suggestiveness of her promise fired up his curiosity and his twisted imagination. That damn TV show again.
It wasn’t so windy on that day, merely a pleasant breeze welcomed the pair onto the roof. Timothy made sure that there was ample distance separating him from the edge, but Abigail was simply walking right to it. The edge of the roof was rapidly approaching and yet Abigail showed no signs of slowing down. Then she got to the edge, took a single step over it and remained there.
“I knew I couldn’t be the only one”
Timothy stood in awe at the floating woman before him. Even though Abigail was certain she wasn’t alone in having powers, the thought hadn’t crossed Timothy’s mind. He simply stood, eyes bulging, mouth gaping, urine trickling down his leg and pooling. He really needed to get that checked out.
“I’ve been practicing, in secret of course, and I think I’ve got a hold of it. I’ve wanted to tell someone for so long now but there was nobody to tell. They’d all think I was crazy, and frankly, they’d be justified in thinking that but now I’ve found you” Abigail’s tone went from slow and silky smooth to excitable like a giddy schoolgirl. “Figured there’s billions of people on the planet, it’d be arrogant of me to think that I was the only one with such gifts. I was right all along! I’ll be honest, I was kinda hoping for someone a bit more… well… more but it doesn’t matter anymore, I can finally tell someone and share this incredible gift” Abigail’s excitement was getting a little jarring for Timothy, the pool by his right shoe had swelled considerably by this point. Abigail stepped back on the roof and took Timothy by the hands, not once taking her eyes from his. They weren’t blinking either which alarmed Timothy somewhat, but all qualms were alleviated when he felt Abigail’s soft palms grasp his sweaty ones.
“That’s it Timothy! Keep looking into my eyes. Don’t look around the eyes” She said to him “don’t look around the eyes. Look into my eyes” He was under her spell, blissfully unaware of the fact that they were gently floating upwards. The urine was now splashing down from some height into the pool below.
The pair went on upwards, Abigail still firmly clenching Timothy’s hands and staring him in the eyes psychotically. “You’re doing great Timothy, can you feel the fear rushing out of you?” Timothy nodded, his eyes were gazing longingly into Abigail’s. They were at quite a height now, passing through the elegant clouds and closer to the sun.
“Timothy, do you trust me?” Another nod “I’m going to let go now, Timothy. I want you to soar, overcome your fear and become the person you wish to be” After Abigail had filled poor Timothy’s head with more pseudo-philosophical and motivational diatribe more becoming of a Hang in there kitty poster, she let go.
Abigail’s smile would’ve lit up the room if she was in one, the pride welling inside her was intense as she watched Timothy climb to new heights effortlessly and without fear. A small drop of urine landed on her forehead.
“What the f…” It just so happened that at that time, Abigail was flying in the flight path of a plane returning to the airport. The pilot of said plane saw the woman coming but dismissed it as a drunken hallucination because his brain determined that that was a more reasonable assumption considering he had guzzled down twelve of those cutesy little bottles of gin. Alas, the woman was not a drunken hallucination but an actual flying woman, and so the plane collided with her. The impact of the collision caused the flight attendant to look up from the pilot’s crotch.
“What was that?” He asked.
“Nothing, nothing at all” the pilot responded.
Timothy was flying higher and higher without a care in the world. He was finally free. Free to go anywhere, anytime and do anyone. He was a superhero now, they’d be worshipping the ground he doesn’t walk on. Timothy closed his eyes and took deep breaths, noting that the air was getting a little thinner, come to think of it, it was getting a little colder too. But Timothy kept on going up reasoning that he could fly now so nothing else matters, he had defiled the laws of physics therefore he was above the laws of physics, nothing could hurt him now. It was getting a little chillier though.
Timothy’s breaths were getting fewer and fewer until he was gasping for air. He had lost all sensation in his limbs and yet he continued to float skyward. As he reached his zenith, the air was so thin, so cold, that Timothy passed out and began his rapid descent back to Earth.
His body was hurtling downwards at such velocity that Timothy regained the sensations in his limbs, shame he wasn’t conscious to enjoy it. It was a whole three weeks before anybody discovered the bodies on the office roof. They were both so incredibly mangled that it was difficult to identify them. It didn’t help that one of them landed face first in a pool of piss.
Being scared of heights is a common and rational fear, some people say that it’s not the falling that’s scary but the landing, those people have clearly never flown so high that they’ve passed
out due to lacking oxygen and frozen solid before. Idiots.
STEVE
Steve had never sleep walked before, which is why the morning after the comet was odd. He was certain that he tucked himself into his bed after reading the latest comic book, turned out the light and slept soundly on his pillow as with every other night before. Yet, when he woke the next morning, he found himself lying on the sofa downstairs. It was earlier than his normal waking time of 11:20am, several hours early, as such his parents hadn’t gotten out of bed yet to see their son sleeping naked on the sofa. Steve hadn’t fully woken up yet and simply headed towards the fridge for a glass of milk and a slice of cheese. In his dazed state he hadn’t realised that he was naked until he could feel the cold air touch his nether regions. This had the astonishing effect of waking Steve up fully. His cheeks crimsoned as the cheese dangled from his mouth. He hurried upstairs and into the sanctity of his room to put on a questionable pair of underwear from the mass of clothes on the floor. As he was now awake at a much early time than scheduled, Steve was at a loss for what to do. School was out for the summer, therefore mornings were no longer applicable to the life of a student. Given his circumstances, and the fact that he was already in his underwear and his parents were still asleep, Steve reasoned that there was only one logical thing to do.
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