by Lexy Timms
And when a law firm in Napa Valley popped up, my stomach tumbled in on itself.
Gray had told me he would talk to his lawyers when he left Stillsville. But I didn’t think that was still on the table. Things had been going so well between us, I figured he had tabled the idea. I tucked my phone away in my pocket and walked into the kitchen, tearing open the envelope as quickly as I could.
I didn’t want to believe anything was about to go wrong, but I knew in the back of my mind what was coming.
It was what always came with Gray.
I chastised myself even before I slid the papers out. But once I got a good look at them, I felt as if I was going to be sick. My eyes scanned the outline of the document, clocking every single thing Gray had outlined he wanted from his lawyer in formal writing.
Tears sprang to my eyes as my hands began to tremble.
The envelope fell from my hand and my back leaned against the kitchen island. The marble dug into my back as the entire dream state around me crumbled into dust. The papers in my hand outlined a sole custody agreement. After the birth of our child, Gray would take over full custody in exchange for providing me with one million dollars.
Holy shit.
He was trying to buy this child off me.
I couldn’t believe it. How in the hell could I have been so blind? That was what all of this was about. Ripping me from my hometown. Dragging me away from my brother. Teasing me into making future plans with him. It was probably his attempt to prove to a court of law that he could take better care of this child than I could. It was his way of garnering information to throw in my face and take my child away from me.
I slammed the papers down onto the counter as I wiped at my eyes.
Did he really think he could buy this child off me? Well, if he thought I was staying another second with him in his damn mansion on a hilltop, he was sorely mistaken. I should’ve listened to my brother. I should’ve taken his advice instead of allowing my mother to wiggle underneath my skin. Betrayal and hurt unlike anything I could ever explain pooled in my stomach, and I rushed over to the sink and vomited into the stainless-steel cavern.
How could I have allowed myself to hope that, through all the shit we’d been through, we could somehow build a life together? How could I have allowed myself to believe that Gray wanted to really build a life with me and our baby? He accused me of being a gold digger, and now he was throwing money at me to get me to go away.
Well, he would get his wish.
Just not in the way he had planned.
I rinsed my mouth out and scooped the papers off the counter. I marched to my room and began to pack my things, then went and sat in his office. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t thirsty. I wasn’t tired. But I was, however, was done. Fed up. Exhausted of the game we were playing. I’d look him straight in his eyes, tell him exactly what I thought of him, then tell him if he wanted rights to his child he could see me in court. I’d gladly dig myself into debt I’d never be able to get out of if it meant keeping my child at my side.
He had decided to go to war with a mother bear, and I was looking to draw blood.
“Michelle?” Gray called out as he came into the house.
I stood from his chair in his office and slung my bag over my shoulder.
“Michelle? You home?”
Home. What a disgusting word to attribute to this place.
“Michelle?” Gray asked as he came around the corner. “There you are. What are you—?”
I held up the papers in my hand before I tossed them at him, watching them flutter to the ground at his feet.
“Did you really think it was going to work?” I asked.
Gray’s face paled as his eyes darted from the papers to the bag over my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’ll never give this child away. Not for five hundred million dollars,” I said. “Not for all the money in the world, despite the gold digger you think I am.”
“Michelle, this isn’t what you think. Things have changed.”
“But not enough for you to alert your lawyer about it, right?” I asked.
“Michelle, calm down.”
“Don’t you tell me to calm down!”
I shocked even myself with out loud that statement came out.
“After everything I’ve endured with you and every promise I’ve hung onto that came flowing from your mouth, you want me to calm down!? After slaughtering my name and storming out and leaving me behind in your dust twice you think I should calm the fuck down!?”
“Michelle, you need to listen. Nothing in those papers is what I want anymore,” he said.
“Like hell you do,” I said. “I don’t give a shit what is going on anymore. And I don’t give a shit about the words coming out of your face. I’ll be damned if I’m giving this child up to you. A damaged, broken, angry man who has nothing better to do than destroy the hopes and dreams of somebody just trying to carve out some semblance of a life for herself!”
“Michelle—”
“I swear to hell and high water, if you tell me to calm down or listen one more time you won’t have eyes to see with once I’m done clawing them out.”
Gray clamped his mouth shut, but I saw the fury rising in his eyes.
“At every turn, I’ve believed you. Listened to you. Sought comfort in you in the hopes that if I stuck around long enough—if I became the embodiment of fidelity—that you would see my worth. See my passion for you. See the love I have grown to have for you. And at every turn, you show me exactly where you stand. Exactly what you think about me. Exactly what I mean to you.”
“Michelle, you—”
“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
The office fell silent as I drew in a deep breath.
“I want you listen very carefully to me, because you are no longer in control of this, Grayson MacDonald. I’m leaving.”
“Like hell you are,” he said.
“I’m leaving and our agreement is broken.”
“You’re not going anywhere with my child!”
“As far as I’m concerned you’re nowhere near capable of being a father, Gray! Hell, you’re not even capable of being a decent man. You tricked me. Again! And I allowed it because I refuse to see the bad in you. Because I refuse to only see the good I know is trapped underneath the pain and the heartache and the fear you experience on a daily basis. But I can’t fix you, Gray! Only you can! You stand here in my presence with a custody agreement at your feet that essentially buys this child off me and it doesn’t occur to you for a split second that fatherhood extends beyond that! It’s more than custody. It’s more than fighting. It’s more than the initial moment of birth or some heartbeat in a doctor’s office. It’s forever, Gray. A lifetime of work and sacrifice. You can’t even give me the opportunity to get close to you, so why the hell should I believe you’ll allow your child the same thing!?”
He winced at my words, like I’d slapped him across the face.
“I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back. And if you attempt to stop me, I’ll have you arrested. And if you come after me with your lawyers, I’ll come after you with more. It takes more than money and power and seduction to be a parent, Gray. And I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trusting you and having my soul crushed. I’m tired of the lies and the smokescreens and the unspoken truths and the stolen moments of passion that seem to convince my mind that, for a single moment, a man like you could love a woman like me.”
His eyes whipped up to mine as his fists clenched at his sides.
“You can’t leave,” he said. “Not until you listen to what I have to say!”
“I can, and I am. You aren’t going to tell me what to do any longer, Gray. I’ll be damned if you’re going to take this child from me, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you break my heart again.”
Then I stormed past him, wrenching my wrist out of his grasp as I made my way for the front door. Tears flooded my eyes, but I
refused to cry them any longer. I refused to let that man have any more of my emotions. My world crumbled around me with every step I took, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was powerless to stop it, and I hated that feeling. I hated feeling as if nothing was in my control. I hated knowing that, yet again, I’d opened myself up to the idea of a beautiful life in this world, but had been rejected from the application process again.
My child was worthy of it, but apparently I wasn’t.
But that didn’t mean I had to stick around for any more abuse. For any more of the mind games. Or any more sleepless nights wondering what would become of all this.
Because I finally knew the answer, and I wanted no part of it for myself—or my child.
Chapter 25
Grayson
She wrenched her wrist out of my hand and stormed out of the office. Like lightning, she made her way down the stairs. Holy hell, Michelle was serious. She was about to walk out on me, and this time it wouldn’t be possible to coax her back. Her muscles twitched with anger as I looked down at the papers at my feet. So much had changed and I had been so busy working and planning the perfect night for us to dedicate ourselves to one another that I’d forgotten to call my fucking lawyer.
Damn it!
I felt like a complete asshole. I’d gone about all of this the wrong way. But how in the world would I convince Michelle to listen to me? The only way I could think to do that was to be honest with her. Be open with her. To finally explain to her the one story I’d never told anyone in full. I kept my past close to my chest for a reason. It hurt to talk about it. It hurt to relive it. But the biggest pain of all was the thought of what came after. Would she be disgusted with me? With the life I’d led as a child? Would she want someone as damaged and broken as me once she found out how deep those scars went?
It was the only shot I had at getting her to stay, so I couldn’t afford to stand there and debate any longer.
“My mom left when I was a boy!” I exclaimed.
I listened out for Michelle’s footsteps, but I heard none.
“She came and she went constantly because of my drunken father, but one day I woke up and she was gone for real. Tired of his shit. But she left me behind to deal with it,” I said.
I turned around and walked to the balcony, praying and hoping I wasn’t shouting into the void of my lonely, cavernous mansion. I walked up to the railing and peered over, watching Michelle as she stood at the front door. Her hand was on the doorknob and her back was turned to me, but she wasn’t moving.
She wasn’t turning the knob to leave.
“My father beat me black and blue most days,” I said. “Whenever the urge arose, or whenever he couldn’t handle his life any longer. He drank up the little bit of money he got from disability and social security, so I had to learn how to fend for myself.”
Michelle’s hand dropped from the doorknob and a bit of relief filled my stomach.
“I learned how to make fires in the backyard to keep myself warm, whenever the fire inside went out. I learned how to determine whether or not roadkill was safe to eat whenever we ran out of food. I learned how to make meals out of uncooked Ramen noodles and ketchup to try and fill my stomach whenever the dirt in the backyard started to look appetizing.”
Michelle’s bag dropped from her shoulder as my heart soared in my chest.
“As a result of all that, I was a sullen child. An angry child. A bully who didn’t give a shit about who I hurt because no one cared about the fact that I was being hurt. My teachers saw me walk in with black eyes, bandages on my arms and bruises everywhere, but no one reported my father. No one batted an eye. No one pulled me aside to ask me what the fuck was going on in my home.”
“Until Anton.”
The sound of her voice filled the living room as she turned around to look at me. My Michelle, with emerald eyes that sparkled even in her sadness. My Michelle, whose body held the one thing I knew was more precious than anything on this earth.
I started for the stairs and walked down them, taking great care in approaching her so as to not spook her.
“He took me in the summer before my senior year of high school and completely changed my life. My worldview. My diet. Everything. That old man showed me what it meant to be a father. What it meant to be a good man. And because of him, I was able to go to college. I was able to play football. I was able to carve out a life for myself in the NFL and build the life I have now.”
I walked until I stood in front of her, forcing myself not to reach out and touch her as she looked up at me with her beautiful stare.
I didn’t know what I would do if I couldn’t wake up to that stare any longer.
“But I’m broken, Michelle. When I made it to the big leagues, I spent the first paycheck at a plastic surgeon’s office where they used a laser to get as many scars off as I could, then tattooing over the rest. My entire life has been spent trying to shove that part of my life behind me so I don’t have to look back at it. And even though I walk around with a high head and a pocket full of cash, I’m still an asshole with trust issues. I still question everyone that comes around me. I still see the worst in people because that was all I was shown my entire life.
“Until Anton,” Michelle said.
“Until Anton,” I said. “Michelle, I’m sorry for the things I’ve put you through. For the turmoil I’ve caused you. I should’ve trusted you instead of assuming you were like everyone else. Because it was clear as day when you slid into that bed beside me that first night I met you that you were unlike anyone else in this world. Those papers up there? That custody agreement? It was the only thing I could think to do as a father in the moment. Operating underneath the mindset I allowed myself to fall into. I know what it means to be a shitty father, because I was raised with one, and I want to do right by my child. I want to protect my child, Michelle. Our child.”
I took a chance and rose my hand to cup her cheek, fully prepared for her to pull away. She didn’t nuzzle into it, but she didn’t pull away from it, and I got a chance to soak up the glorious warmth I’d come to associate with her.
My Michelle.
The woman I loved.
“I’ve gone about all of this the wrong way, and I’m sorry,” I said. “But when I told you circumstances have changed, I meant it. You’re going to be a fantastic mother, Michelle. I know it. And I’d never dream of taking our child away from you. There’s no woman better to raise it. There’s no woman on this planet who possesses the love and affection and patience needed to raise a child more than you. And I admit, a part of me that is scared you’ll turn out to be just like my mother and leave. There’s a part of me that is still worried you’re doing this to get to my money instead of me. And there’s a part of me that fears I’ll turn out to be just like my father. I will always battle against those voices. I’ll always deal with that part of my past. But it doesn’t change what I want, and it doesn’t change how I feel, and it doesn’t change the fact that if you walk out that door I’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth to try to keep our family together.”
I felt her jaw quiver before a tear slipped from the corner of her eye. I caught it on the tip of my thumb as she drew in a ragged breath and everything inside of me came falling to the ground. The walls. The darkness. The questions. The voices. They all buckled and fell to the floor at our feet as my eyes danced between hers.
“What about the paperwork?” Michelle asked, with a whisper.
“Ancient history,” I said. “I’d never ask you to sign something like that now.”
I traced my wet thumb over her lower lip and watched her flush. Her chest rose and fell with her heavy breaths as she took a step towards me. Michelle was the most beautiful woman in the world. The most seductive woman I’d ever come across. And the closer she stepped to me, the more I became convinced that she wasn’t walking out. That she wasn’t leaving.
“I’ve been an asshole,” I said. “But I swear to you, I’ll make it right.”
Then, I pulled her into my arms and crashed my lips against hers.
Her arms slid effortlessly around me and I pressed her back into the front door. I reached out and locked it, feeling her smile into my lips. Our tongues collided and fire raced through my veins. But I wasn’t going to toss her over the couch and take her lewdly. I wasn’t going to fuck her against the door and make her cry out my name.
I wanted to make sure she knew how I felt about her with every move I made. With every roll of my hips and every stroke of my tongue. My hand slid down her body, gently cupping her breast and playing with her nipple until I felt it pucker underneath her bra. I kissed languidly down her cheek. Down her neck. Down to her shoulder. I pulled her shirt off to the side and nibbled against her skin, lapping at it and nuzzling into it as her breathing grew deep.
“I love you,” she said, breathlessly.
I slowly rose my head and hooked my eyes with hers as my hands slid to her ass.
“I love you too, Michelle. More than I’ll ever be able to verbalize.”
Effortlessly, I picked her up as she wrapped her legs around me. I suckled on her lower lip and bathed myself in her whimpers. I held her close to me as I walked through the living room and down the hallway, making my way to her bedroom. I pushed us in and went straight for the bathroom, knowing exactly where I wanted her. I wanted to treat her like the queen she was. Like the beautiful woman she had become to me.
Like the graceful and strong mother of my child.
Her lips fell to my chest as she peeled my clothes from my body, and the feeling of her fingertips racing along my skin made my toes curl. Clothes fell to the floor of her bathroom before I backed her into the shower, then I reached over to turn on the water. Hot water combined with cold to blanket us in the waterfall pouring over our heads. I turned on the misters to blanket us in a thick steam as our hands explored one another.
