Mollie felt her throat catch a little as Jamie put down the laptop and crawled across the floor until he was sitting at her feet, his chin resting on her knee and his hand creeping up to rest on her still flat stomach, ‘Everything’s going to be okay, Molls. As long as we’re there, that’s all that matters.’
Mollie clamped her jaw down to stop herself from getting emotional, ‘You know being a bit terrified would be more smart right now, right? Be scared, be freaking out.’
‘I am freaking out, I’ve made five lists about all the things I need to do to stop me freaking out!’ Jamie laughed, wiping his eyes on her skirt, ‘But you’ve got to trust me Molls, there is nowhere I would rather be.’
***
‘You look very different today.’
Mollie was standing at the school gates, waving Esme off. She had kept her close all of Sunday night, letting her sleep in her bed, so she could watch over her. Letting her walk through the school gates felt as painful as the first time she’d done it, knowing how fragile her daughter was feeling. One teasing comment from the wrong kid, and Esme would crumble. She watched as that little blonde head and the huge backpack disappeared from sight.
‘I’m sorry?’ she shook her head, turning to find Max standing next to her, hands in his pockets.
‘I said you look very different, very business-like.’
He grinned at her, standing there in his suit, and she wasn’t sure if he was honestly trying to give a compliment, or was just taking the piss.
‘Well, I run a business... so...’
‘Right,’ Max nodded, waving at Olivia as she left the playground and went into the school building, arms linked with Esme. ‘Well maybe you could tell me more about it over dinner, or a drink? You never replied to my message.’
Mollie had to admit, she felt flattered. Someone who actually asked you out, an old-fashioned guy. As she surveyed Max, she had to admit, yes, he was older, but he was in good shape. He could only be about thirty-eight, and he clearly looked after himself. He gave off a vibe that he was in control, and Mollie felt, with the way her life was going, maybe that was a good thing. He was solid.
Except...
‘Everything’s a bit complicated right now,’ Mollie said, thinking understatement of the century. ‘But I’m sorry I didn’t reply, that was rude of me. And thank you for the offer.’
His eyes scanned her, like he was looking for a lie, or a hint, some sort of game that she might be playing. He didn’t seem to find anything, because he shrugged.
‘You okay?’
He smiled softly at her, eyebrow raised, waiting for an answer.
‘What?’
‘You’ve got that look, Esme’s got that look,’ Max shrugged, his eyes following their kids across the playground. ‘It’s the look I saw in the mirror every day for months after Portia left – shell shocked. So I’m asking if you’re okay.’
‘We’re okay,’ Mollie nodded slowly. ‘Thanks though.’
They smiled at each other for a moment, Mollie feeling her cheeks warm as he looked at her.
‘Just remember, it won’t always feel like the bottom has dropped out of your world.’
Mollie looked at him, surprised.
‘It’s not that, it’s just...’
‘Complicated,’ Max nodded. ‘Well, I’ll ask again when things are less complicated.’ Max grinned, and nodded, ‘Have a good day Mollie.’
She stood blankly for a second, staring as he walked away and got into his sleek sports car. Of course. Internally rolling her eyes, Mollie started the walk back from the school, planning out a list in her head of what she needed for the first baking class that evening. It wasn’t as highly subscribed as she’d hoped, especially after the news segment, but...
Mollie’s phone was buzzing, and the name displaying was ‘Jamie MacAllister’. God, but that was weird to see on her mobile.
‘Hello?’
‘Hey Mollie, is this a bad time?’ Jamie sounded out of breath.
‘I just dropped Esme at school, are you okay?’
‘Well, I told my daughter I was her dad and then she burst into tears and ran away, so...’
‘No, I mean physically, you sound like you’re about to pass out.’
‘Oh,’ he started. ‘No, I just haven’t been sleeping so I’m running. A lot.’
Mollie nodded to herself, ‘Right, look, why don’t we get a coffee and chat about what we’re going to do?’
‘Do? What can we do? She doesn’t want to be around me, and I don’t blame her.’
Mollie rolled her eyes as she switched the phone to her other ear. She remembered these moments of helplessness with Jamie all too well. He was stubborn, but as stubborn as he could be in insisting everything was going to be all right, he was just as good at insisting everything was shit. And that everything was his fault.
‘Could you stop being so whiny for a second? I’m offering you a chance to be involved in your daughter’s life. Either you get involved, and realise that sometimes your kid isn’t going to like you, or you pack up and leave now, because I’m not letting you know her if you end up flittering off whenever things get hard.’
Just like last time, she added silently, then berated herself. After a decade of believing someone left you, it was pretty hard to just trust it was a case of misleading messages and terrible timing. Although she guessed that was Romeo and Juliet’s main problem. A terrible case of happenstance.
‘You’re right, where and when do we meet?’
Mollie told him the name of a cafe halfway between the two of them, and said she’d meet him at around lunchtime, hanging up the phone, feeling satisfaction at being in charge. She wondered if she’d always want to punish him in little ways, want to show off how wonderful Esme was and how brilliantly she’d done alone. Or if she’d ever ask him about that note. And the one thing that was truly bugging her, truly stopping her from welcoming him into their family, without doubts: she just couldn’t believe that Ruby would lie to send him away. Either her ex was a liar, or her best friend was. And there was no way to tell who was telling the truth.
Mollie didn’t want to think she was making an effort as she put on a little more make-up than usual. Just a little, some mascara to make her eyes look a little wider, a slash of coral on her lips. She was doing it for her. Not him. And yet her heart fluttered irritably, and she shook her head as she jumped on the bus. She was not a teenager any more. She was a mother. That’s all it was, a mother meeting up with a father, to discuss their daughter. Really, it was nothing more than if a woman had coffee with a sperm donor, to discuss rights and parenting techniques, visitation, all those words that kept it distant and professional. But somehow every time she looked Jamie in the eye, she was torn between remembering that moment he promised her they’d raise their child together, and the overwhelming rage that he had let her down.
Maybe she should take up kick-boxing, like Evie had. She needed to do something, because the anger and loss was fusing with affection and nostalgia, and quite frankly, it was pissing her off.
Mollie jumped off the bus and walked up to the cafe, seeing him through the window. She took the minute to just look at him, trace his outline. The square, sharp jaw, set in concentration as he sipped his coffee and read his book. He tapped his fingers on the table, frowning, until he suddenly looked up and saw her staring. Busted. Mollie waved halfheartedly, and went inside.
‘Hey,’ he half-stood as she approached, and gestured at the table, ‘I didn’t know what you liked, so I ordered a few things.’
She looked down at the latte, green tea and hot chocolate on the table and laughed, ‘Thanks.’
She picked up the green tea and smiled at him.
‘So, how do we... do this? How is she?’
Mollie smiled at his concern, ‘She’s... she’s Ez. She was figuring it out, and she wants to hang out with you.’
‘Hang out...’ Jamie smirked, ‘Which means...?’
‘Which means I don’t know
which phrase is appropriate when talking about spending time with a daughter you never knew you had,’ Mollie laughed, shrugging and watched those little lines emerge around his mouth as he grinned back at her. Cheshire cat.
‘But you’re... you’re okay with me spending time with her?’
‘What is with both of you asking me if I’m okay with things? She doesn’t want to upset me, you don’t want to upset me. I want this! I’m the one facilitating this!’ Mollie was smiling but she could hear her own voice shrieking a little.
‘I know, Molls,’ Jamie patted her hand briefly. ‘It’s just, well, weird. And hard, and difficult. Everyone’s trying to be polite and not step on anyone’s toes.’
‘Well, stop. It’s annoying,’ she grumbled, sipping at her tea. ‘If you’re going to be her dad, be her dad. Don’t be a friend who eventually becomes a dad. You never get respect that way.’
‘Do I need her to respect me?’
‘Unless you plan to just buy her love and affection?’
‘Do you think that would work?’ Jamie raised his eyebrows hopefully.
‘Nope, but she’s pretty damn pleased about that penguin, so what the hell do I know?’ Mollie laughed, then looked at her phone, noticing the number, ‘Oh, sorry, it’s a work thing, one sec.’
She walked off and took the call, one more booking for that evening’s cooking class. She grinned and punched the air a little as she walked back to the table.
‘Good news?’ Jamie leaned in as she sat again.
‘I’m running a kids-and-parents cooking course, and it starts tonight. It didn’t look like we were going to have enough people for it to be worth it, and there’s still not many bookings, but it’s enough! It’ll look full enough anyway.’ She shrugged and smiled.
‘You realise that’s the answer, right?’ Jamie grinned, ‘Me and Esme take your class together. You’re there, so we’re not by ourselves immediately, we’ve got an activity so it doesn’t get too awkward, and we help fill up space in the room.’
He looked at her with so much hope that Mollie had to stamp down on that sudden feeling of jealousy. Not cooking, that’s my thing! Our thing! She took a breath and pasted a smile on her face.
‘Sure.’
Suddenly the telephone rang again, and she smiled at Jamie, ‘Maybe that’s more people!’
She stood up and answered, the smile falling from her face as she realised it wasn’t about business at all.
‘Is that Mrs Williams?’
‘Miss Williams, actually yes. Can I help?’
The tinny voice at the end of the line snorted slightly, ‘Sorry, Miss Williams. You are the guardian of Esme Williams?’
‘I’m her mother. Who is this?’
‘I’m calling from her school, there has been an... issue. We’re going to need you to come in. Immediately.’
Mollie panicked. Immediately. ‘Is she okay? Is she hurt? What happened?’
The voice did not seem bothered, ‘She’s fine, there’s just been an issue and we need to speak to her parents. How soon do you think you can get here?’
Mollie looked at her watch, ‘Fifteen minutes.’
She hung up without waiting for a response, turning to see Jamie’s look of concern. He was already standing.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Your first chance to be a parent – our daughter is in trouble,’ Mollie said, lips a thin line as she picked up her bag, ‘Let’s go.’
‘So, essentially, what we’re saying is that Esme responded in an inappropriate manner, and the school does not tolerate violence.’
The headteacher, Mrs Clements, was not the softest woman. In fact, Ruby would have called her a hard-faced bitch with a poker up her arse.
‘Okay,’ Mollie leaned in, ‘I think we need some more clarity here. My daughter is not violent, and as I’m sure you’ve noticed in the time she’s been here, she’s a hard worker, she’s polite and trying hard to fit it –’
‘None of which has anything to do with her behaviour today,’ the older lady coughed and clasped her hands together on top of the table. ‘A couple of students said something she didn’t agree with, and she launched herself at them.’
‘Launched herself?’ Mollie snorted, ‘Really? She launched herself at two other students. Are they hurt?’
‘They are not happy, Miss Williams, and neither are their parents. As their children have been here a long time, and they have been part of the community here at Hillside Primary, we have to take their concerns into account.’
Mollie frowned, ‘So, you’re prioritising those children because their parents donate to the school?’
‘I’m prioritising those children because they didn’t attack anyone.’
The woman was evil, and Mollie huffed in indignation. Jamie looked like his eyes were about to bulge out of his head, but he stayed silent.
‘Attack is a word in need of clear description, Mrs Clements,’ Mollie blinked. ‘Were you aware that Esme was being made fun of by the other children?’
‘The other children mentioned that they had asked Esme, quite reasonably, where her father was, and that she reacted irrationally.’
‘Does that sound realistic to you? Children lie,’ Jamie said through gritted teeth, looking at the headteacher and back to Mollie.
‘It seems likely that Esme is acting out in response to a disappointing family situation, we see it quite often,’ she said directly to Mollie, her glasses falling lower on her nose. ‘You are obviously one of our youngest mothers, and if Esme has a problem with your boyfriend, it is your responsibility to deal with that at home. We will not tolerate such behaviour.’
‘Excuse me?’ Jamie slammed his hand on the table. The headteacher didn’t blink. ‘Are you trying to tell me you have been aware that my daughter – yes, my daughter – has been bullied, and you have done nothing about it? And you’re attempting to shame her mother because she’s unmarried and younger than your other mothers? Is that what’s happening here?’
‘Jamie–’ Mollie hissed.
‘–Because she doesn’t have to be here, Mrs Clements, our daughter has lots of options, and if you’re as small minded as your students about whether or not a child’s parents are married, well, in this day and age, I’d say you’re in the wrong profession.’
‘Well, thank you for your opinion, Mr...’
‘MacAllister,’ Jamie said breathlessly, red blotches forming on his neck.
‘MacAllister.’ Her lips curled around the name as if it left an unpleasant taste, ‘However, you’re not listed with a guardian with us, so how we proceed is really down to Miss Williams. If you’d like Esme to leave over this, then I assure you–’
‘No, my... he... tensions are high, obviously,’ Mollie babbled, her hands held up. ‘We’re just concerned for our daughter. She’s been upset at school recently, she mentioned some teasing but I didn’t think it was bad enough to report...’
‘Well,’ Mrs Clement shuffled some papers, ‘as I said, these things often start at home. I’d really look into what kind of environment you’re bringing her up in, often differences in the stability of the family home do set children apart and make them feel like outsiders.’
‘Excuse me?’ Jamie sputtered again, ‘You’re saying our daughter being bullied is our fault? Not your inability as an educator to teach children to be tolerant and accepting of differences? Are you fucking kidding me, lady?’
‘Jamie!’ Mollie hissed, glaring at him with venom, ‘Go and wait outside. I can handle this.’
‘You told me to be a dad or don’t, Molls. I’m being a dad.’
‘We can talk about it in private,’ she said through gritted teeth, ‘Go and see Esme outside whilst I finish up here.’
Jamie stood up, spared a look of derision for Mrs Clements, and walked from the room stiffly.
‘I’m so sorry about that, he’s just very protect–’ Mollie started.
‘This is exactly what I mean, Miss Williams. Esme is a lovely girl,
but she’s very different from anyone else here, and that’s not just her background. She’s reading books that are way above her age, she knows about bands and music that none of her peers have heard of. She doesn’t take an interest in any of the TV shows or video games they do. She’s making herself an outcast, and your volatile relationship with her father clearly isn’t helping.’
‘Volatile?’
‘Well, frankly,’ Mrs Clements pushed up her glasses again, and Mollie focused on the false eyelashes that were clamped in the corner of her eyes, spindly and falling apart as she talked, ‘her father clearly hasn’t been on the scene long, and Esme is going to suffer if you keep denying her stability.’
‘So... Olivia. Whose mother just left her father for the gardener. She’s okay, she has stability? Is that because her parents were married, or because they’re older than I am?’ Mollie narrowed her eyes.
‘Olivia has not hit anyone.’
‘And I’m assuming there are no other parents in here today because none of those kids hit back,’ Mollie said. ‘When I go outside to greet my daughter, I’m not going to see a scratch on her?’
‘I am assured that Esme was responsible.’
‘Oh really. Well, that’s very reassuring to hear. Were you in the playground yourself when this went on?’
Mrs Clements sighed, ‘There’s really no need for the aggression, Miss Williams. We all want what’s best for the children.’
‘I don’t – I want what’s best for my child. And if she’s getting picked on, I’m not likely to blame her parents or her upbringing, but look into what awful things those kids are saying to make a shy, quiet, hardworking girl snap like that. But, that’s not my job. So, what do you want to do about this?’
The headteacher sighed deeply and shook her head, ‘On this occasion, I will trust you to discipline Esme as you see fit, and aim to ensure she is happy at home. If this occurs again, we will have to discuss options.’
‘And in the meantime you will continue to be aware of what these other kids are doing and check if any more bullying seems to be occurring.’ Mollie didn’t phrase it as a question.
Be My Baby Page 9
