by A. E. Murphy
Stop it, Gwen. Stop it!
Then he turns. “Holy…” I cover my eyes and turn, ignore his laugh as he walks towards the door which I now know is the bathroom.
“I did warn you.”
I peek between my eyes when I hear the door close, he’s still there. Tented boxers and all. Christ he’s big… I mean… look away damn it! “Get out,” I squeal and turn around.
I can’t see it but I know it’s there, a smug smile is definitely on his face. Arsehole. What’s he playing at?
I quickly remake his bed and grab the towels and sheets before exiting his room.
As soon as I have them in the washing machine I make soup. He needs it and I enjoy soup so it’s all good. Although it’ll probably take a while. I’m sure he’ll be okay for the next hour or so.
Should I check on him? What if he fell in the shower?
No. I’ll leave him to rest before bothering him again.
The chicken simmers in the pot of water, almost ready to eat, as the bread warms and rises in the oven, filling the house with a delicious scent that makes your mouth water. Jeanine arrived not long after I began cooking, I didn’t realise how early it was. She took over the soup for a moment whilst I had a shower and got dressed. No need to walk around in my pyjamas all day, smelling of Nathan’s sweat.
Not that his sweat stinks or anything, just that… well… it’s Nathan.
I serve the soup into two bowls as the bread cools and place them both on a tray with two glasses of water and a bottle of cough medicine for the man upstairs. Jeanine cleans around me as I cut the bread and place the slices on the tray. I also grab a table cloth and go on my merry way.
My cheeks heat as soon as I step into the room, he’s half asleep on his front, looking pale and weak. “Nathan?” I whisper into the silence and place the tray on the small table beside him.
“Yeah?” He sits up and glances at the silver tray. “Soup? What am I, a child?”
“I’m still debating,” I mutter and fluff the pillows behind his back, which he frowns at.
“I can do that myself.”
Sigh. “You shouldn’t be doing much of anything.”
“Which I wouldn’t be if you’d leave me alone.”
Touché. “Okay grumpy, just eat and I’ll leave you alone.”
I open the table cloth and fan it out over the bedding, Nathan smoothes it down with his hands. Climbing in beside him, I reach over and carefully pick up the tray before placing it on his lap. I take my own bowl and immediately soak a corner of the bread in it.
Nathan grimaces as he swallows the first bite, “I wish I could taste it.”
“It’s fabulous,” I brag with a smile. “And full of protein and vitamins.”
“Is there any left?”
“Yes, plenty.”
He nods, “Freeze some, so I can try it when my tongue isn’t as thick as a foot and as dry as sand.”
“Sure,” it really does taste good. “Is there anything you need me to do whilst you’re out of commission?”
He thinks on it for a moment, swallowing the food in his mouth so his long, corded neck bobs; causing my eyes to zoom in on that area. My mouth has just gone dry. “No, but thank you for offering, Guinevere.”
“I’m sorry for coming into your room without your permission,” I blurt, curse my conscience. “I got really worried when I hadn’t seen you all day.”
He shakes his head and waves me off, before sliding the tray onto my lap. “Thank you for the food, I’m full.”
“Okay.” I stare down at his almost full bowl and frown. Nathan can eat like a starving horse. He’ll lose weight if he goes through another day like this. He’s already lean and obviously toned but any more off him and you’ll be able to see his ribs. “I’ll just take these away and leave you to rest.”
He nods, his eyes watching me as I gather up the table cloth, careful to keep the crumbs inside, and pick up the tray. I switch out the light with my elbow and use my belly to balance the tray with one hand as I shut the door behind me.
Now what can I do?
I don’t want to leave the house just in case. Oh shit, I should have made sure he had his phone and that it was fully charged. I doubt I’ll be able to hear him yelling from all the way up there. Although I’d probably hear something if I were in my room.
That’s what I’ll do. I’ll do another jigsaw puzzle on my bedroom floor, there are a few in the closet in the room next to mine. I grab one at random and waddle back into my room, I tip the pieces on the floor after sitting on a pillow.
This is going to be a dull few hours until dinner time.
“More soup?” Nathan sounds awful. We situate ourselves on the bed like we did earlier at lunch. “Vegetable?”
“Leek and potato.”
We eat in amiable silence for a while, I’m pleased when he finishes the last of it with his bread. I remove the tray and table cloth and leave the room silently.
Nathan texts for me to go upstairs not long after I retire to my room and get ready for bed. I don’t hesitate to race to him like a lioness to her cub. Probably a weird comparison.
“What’s wrong?” I’m out of breath just a little and the baby doesn’t appreciate the jostling around. If its insistent kicking of my internal organs are anything to go by, I’d say he’s pretty darn pissed at being disturbed.
I see his hand in the dark, covered in black leather and it pats the bed beside him where the blanket is pulled back, almost doubled over on his side.
My mind tells me not to sit so I don’t, I look down at him, only a few inches from the bed. “What?”
“Sit,” he mumbles, his eyes closed.
“Why?”
His eyes open, the light brown almost glowing in the dark. “Sit.”
“Kay,” I sit. I don’t feel comfortable because for some reason I feel way too comfortable. Part of me is clenching inside, whispering things to my brain. Telling me to fill it with a forbidden tool.
I’m a slut.
His arm snags me around the waist, forcing me back into the pillow. My body tenses, “What are you doing, Nathan?”
“Using you as my radiator,” he lies and I know he’s lying because he’s making no attempt to hide the fact that he’s hard.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” It’s wrong, so wrong.
“I know,” he doesn’t sound like he cares though. “I like having you with me like this.”
“Nathan…” I warn.
He continues, ignorant of my tone. “Just while I’m ill. Just tonight. I won’t have the courage to ask you again.”
“This is a bad idea.” I sigh but find myself relaxing into him. “But it’s nice too.”
“Yeah,” he nuzzles the back of my neck, causing me to tense. “Relax.”
“Your thing is between my legs, Nathan.” I try to frown but it doesn’t come, especially when I feel him twitch. A fit of nervous giggles bubbles up from within. Nathan’s body starts shaking with mine, his laughter is silent. “Stop it, it’s not funny.”
“My head hurts,” he moans and seems to bury his face in my hair.
“Have you had any painkillers yet?”
“Yes Mum.”
I shudder, “Calling me that, right at this point in time, makes this even seedier.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Go to sleep Nathan,” I snort and place my hand on the pillow by my head and let out a long breath. “Nathan?” I call quietly into the darkness, my head swimming with thoughts.
He doesn’t respond, the only sound that can be heard from him is his soft breathing.
A line has been crossed. A line that should never have been crossed.
I sit at my vanity table freshly showered and preparing for the day, the mascara brush is held tightly between my fingers as I pull it along my long lashes. Green eyes stare back at me in the mirror. Troubled eyes with a million secrets and emotions hiding behind the clear irises.
I place the wand down on the desk and che
w on my lip as I gather my thoughts.
This morning I snuck out of bed before Nathan awoke, it’s now only seven fifteen and I doubt he’ll be up any time soon. I feel the need to flee before he wakes. At least I have a plan on how to handle this situation. Albeit not a very good one.
My hopes are dashed when my bedroom door swings open and he strolls in, looking freshly showered and ready for the day. “We need to talk.”
“Yeah,” I agree because we really do need to talk. Even though I don’t want to address anything that has happened between us lately.
His long legs carry him to me in three quick strides, his hand reaches for the desk drawer. I watch him pull out the envelope that has been the cause of my nightmares as of late. “You haven’t brought this up, but I can see you’ve read it.”
My eyes meet his in the mirror, my mouth falls open. I have no words to explain why I’ve not said anything. Other than the fact I just don’t want to. That and he’s been poorly.
“I can only assume this means you’re thinking about it?” His sentence is a question, I notice his nerves. Nathan is nervous. He lets out a laugh, “Or by the looks of your panicked eyes and trembling hands I’d say you already have an answer. And I’m guessing it’s not the answer I want to hear.”
My mouth closes, then opens and then closes again. I let out a sigh and let my head fall forward, my hair follows, creating a curtain between me and the room.
“You won’t even consider it?” My eyes are once again drawn to him when I hear the sadness to his tone.
Honestly? “I can’t.”
He stands silent, his stare unwavering, “Very well.”
“Nathan,” I reach out, twisting on the bench so I can grab his wrist. “It’s not you.”
“No,” he snarls and tugs his wrist free. “It’s Caleb.”
What the hell is that supposed to mean? “I love Caleb. I’m his fiancée Nathan.” I follow him out of my room and practically chase him down the stairs and into the living room. He stops at the window, his hands gripping the frame as he stares through the rain splattered glass.
“It’s time for you to move on Guinevere.” I daren’t open my mouth for fear of crying or verbally attacking him. “I’m sorry he’s gone, truly I am but you need to let go.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I say to the floor, wishing I could curl my legs to my chest. Stupid fat belly.
“You need to talk about it sooner or later.”
I shake my head slowly, closing my eyes for a moment, “Yes and when I do, it won’t be with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He sounds genuinely affronted. “He was my brother, if you should talk to anyone it should be me.”
“You have no tact,” I look him dead in the eye. “You have no tact and no compassion. I’m his fiancée, this is my decision. When I’m ready to let go, I’ll let go.”
“Therein lies your problem,” why is he speaking to me like this? “You said, I’m his fiancée. You were his fiancée. Past tense.”
“Christ, you’re a dick,” I snarl and instantly realise my mistake.
He’s away from the window and in seconds he’s in front of me. I cower under his harsh glare and scramble away from him. Darting for the hall, I don’t even make it through the archway as an arm wraps around my waist directly above my stomach. It doesn’t hurt and he’s not rough but it’s strong enough to stop me in my tracks.
I feel the cool leather of his gloved hand as it moves my hair from my shoulder. His chest is pressed against my back and his lips slightly touch the shell of my ear.
“Let this be your last warning,” he whispers dangerously into my ear. “If you disobey me again, I will put you over my knee, pregnant or not.”
“That’s not even possible, have you seen the size of my belly?”
I feel him tense.
“I’m not a child, if you hit me I will report you.”
He tenses further.
My body is trembling, I can’t stop it. I’ve never been so scared in my life.
I feel his chest shaking and for a moment I think he’s crying. I’m wrong, he’s laughing. What the hell is wrong with this guy? “If you say so Gwen.”
“This isn’t funny.”
He stops laughing and his body stills, “No, it’s not funny, you’re right.”
“We need to get past this and we needed to do it yesterday.” Pulling away from him I walk a few steps before turning, my body tense in preparation of the argument that we’re no doubt going to have. “I don’t know what’s going through your mind and I don’t know how you’ve rationalised this, but it doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense,” he responds, his sure tone loud and a little smug.
Okay, let’s try this another way. “You’re his brother. This is the twenty first century. Things like this don’t happen any longer and if they do, they’re frowned upon.”
“You genuinely care what people think?”
I scowl, my annoyance turning into anger, “I care what Caleb thinks.”
“Caleb is dead,” why does he have to be so cold? “Don’t give me that look, it’s the truth.”
“And one day I’ll be dead and I’ll have to go up there and deal with the pain he feels knowing that after his life ended so quickly, a few months later I was sharing a bed with his brother.”
He rolls his eyes, “You’re romanticising reality. He’s gone, I’m here. It’s that simple.”
“You’re tarnishing your brother’s memory by even suggesting I marry you,” I shout, my hands in fists by my sides. My face feels warm. “I won’t.”
His eyes darken, “And why not? Just because of my brother?”
“Because I don’t think of you in that way!”
He laughs cruelly, “I’d believe you if your eyes weren’t flickering all over the place Guinevere. You don’t lie very well. You’re too honest to lie.”
A growl like noise escapes me. “You are unbelievable! And deluded.”
“I’m realistic, an attractive woman and an attractive man spend their time at home alone, sharing meal times and conversation. I don’t have female friends. I have female acquaintances,” he steps into me, his eyes boring down into mine. “And I have females that I fuck.”
“Oh, so you’re allowed to swear? I’m done with this conversation.” I try to step around him but he dominates my space, his arms come up and cage me in. I feel the hard muscles of his stomach press against my belly. “Christ, you are really driving me crazy. Seriously, I’m ready to… to… Gah.” My hands press against his chest but he doesn’t budge. “I’m going back to live with my mum.”
His smile becomes cocky, “No you’re not.”
“Yes I am.”
He leans in close, I can smell the cleanliness of his skin. Soap and Nathan. “You’re not.”
“Please move,” I look over his shoulder, refusing to make eye contact. “I don’t know why you’re doing this to me but it’s not fair. I’ve done nothing to you.” Now I do look him in the eye, in an attempt to make him understand me. “I just want to be friends, but now I don’t even want that.”
“I’ll let us remain friends for now, but things will change.” My lip vanishes behind my teeth, his heated eyes darken and stare at that area. “Maybe I should just kiss you now. We both know you won’t resist.”
I want to argue with this but I can’t. I’m like a rabbit in headlights.
“But I won’t. I won’t kiss you until you’re ready,” his fingers tuck my hair behind my ear and his thumb swipes across my cheekbone. “But make no mistake, I don’t want to be your friend, Gwen. You know this now, you know my intentions. One day I will kiss you and one day you will be mine.” His smile softens. “Until then I’ll play along.”
“I hate you right now.” I whisper, tired of this game and this conversation.
“Hate is an emotion I can live with,” he smiles wickedly and straightens, his arms now by his sides. “There’s a very thin lin
e between love and hate, and the opposite to love is indifference. So…” Soft lips touch my forehead for an endless moment. “You can still love me, and hate me at the same time.”
“Deluded,” my legs finally do their job and march me past him. “I’m leaving.”
“You’re not.” Grr. He is really pissing me off now. “If you try, I will drag you back kicking and screaming if I have to.”
“You need help. Mental help.”
His smug grin flickers, “Perhaps.”
I leave the room and lock my arms together across my belly, it doesn’t stop them from trembling but it helps me feel a little bit safer.
I’m about to grab the keys from their usual spot when memories of the last time I did this seem to crash through my brain like endless angry waves against a cliff. There’s no way I’m going through that again.
As I ponder on what I’m going to do, coming up with zero answers, there’s a knock at the door. Maybe Jeanine forgot to bring her keys.
Before I get a chance to open it more than an inch, it’s being pushed with a force that sends it flying into the wall. It there weren’t a doorstopper at the base the handle would have left a nasty indent in the plaster. “NATHAN!” I shout when his father storms past me and up the stairs. “NATHAN!”
His father isn’t interested in me, he completely ignores me. Should I call the police? I don’t know what to do.
Mr Weston reaches the top of the stairs but Nathan is stood there already. “You absolute cunt.”
His father’s words shock me, Nathan doesn’t seem affected. “Leave.”
“You absolute cunt, it’s not enough that you’re suing me but now you’re trying to take my business as well?”
Nathan’s body goes tight, “I assure you I’m not touching the family business. I’m starting my own.”
“Same fucking thing!” His father rages, his face purpling with anger and spit flying from his mouth.
