by A. E. Murphy
He stalks towards me, his eyes a fiery blaze of fury and something else. I’m not sure what the something else is but I have a feeling I’m about to find out. “Pack your bags,” his voice is menacing, almost vicious. His face only an inch from mine, I almost cower. Almost but not quite. Although I do gulp. “And leave.”
“No.”
“Fine,” he says and moves his head side to side, causing his neck to crack. “Have it your way.”
“Okay,” I give him another smile and race up the stairs. “Be a sport and watch Dillan for me.”
“I have things…” I don’t hear the rest of what he’s saying because I’m in my room and searching through my closet for something to wear that he didn’t buy.
I can’t believe I just got undressed in the driveway in front of Nathan. I’ve officially lost the plot.
The next few days are the same. Nathan either ignores me or insults me. If he insults me I ignore him. It’s an endless cycle. It’s also making me miserable.
Nothing I say or do gets through to him.
I need to find a way to bring the old Nathan back. I have to do something.
With this thought in mind I drop Dillan off with Jeanine for a while and head to the supermarket as was her suggestion. She thinks I should try and remind him of the good times we’ve shared, so that’s what I’m going to do. Nathan got rid of all of my eggs and I’m going to need some if I want to get on his good side with food. This is the only weapon in my arsenal, baked goods. I’m keeping my fingers crossed but I’m also not holding out hope.
If only he’d tell me. If he’d just tell me then we could move past this. What’s so bad that he has to make out like he hates me?
I don’t want him to know what I’m doing so I spend the morning baking cake after cake and cookies after cookies and treat after treat, using Jeanine’s kitchen. By the time I’m done it’s almost two.
Jeanine insists I leave Dillan with her whilst I do this. I thank her profusely and after loading the baked goods into my car, I set off for home. The entire way I beg the skies for strength and help.
Now I just need to figure out what to say.
I gather as many cakes and things as possible and step into the house, relieved that the door isn’t locked.
“Nathan?” I shout as I place the last of the boxes on the kitchen side.
My phone alerts me to a text, I open it.
Nathan: I’m in the nursery.
Well, that’s an improvement already. Maybe he can smell my surprise treats and has decided to suddenly be civil.
The only thing I take up with me is the small bag of homemade donuts that taste way better than anything you’ll find at a theme park. In my mind this was the night that Nathan and I connected, this was the night we became friends and now I just have to remind him of that.
“Okay,” I start shouting as I head up stairs. “So I went slightly overboard on the baking but I thought we could…”
Nathan’s eyes meet mine, they wince at whatever he sees in them.
It’s heartbreak he sees.
My phone beeps as I stare at the empty room. No nursery furniture in sight.
He’s throwing me out.
Mum: Would you care to explain why a van full of yours and Dillan’s things has just arrived on my doorstep? Are you coming home?
It would appear so. “I told you I wanted you to leave,” he says but there’s no emotion to his tone. His hands tremble by his sides.
I don’t know what to say. I’m dazed, totally and completely dazed. I think I just lost my mind. “What about Dillan?” This is the only question I can manage to ask. I don’t want an answer to any of the others.
He shrugs noncommittally, “I’ll see him when I can. If you allow it.”
I nod quickly and a little frantically, my body tense as it struggles to keep my emotions bottled. I won’t give him the satisfaction. “Sure. You’re his uncle.”
“I appreciate that,” he chews on his cheek. “I warned you…”
My hand shoots up, silencing him immediately. “I know. I should have listened. I didn’t think you were serious. That’s my mistake.”
His eyes watch me warily for a moment, “Are you okay?”
A tingle erupts in my chest, forcing a lump up my throat. I swallow it down, “Fine. Are you sure they packed everything of ours?”
He looks at me in the eye, his face now one of concern, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Am I? I feel okay. Shocked and maybe a little sad but I’m otherwise okay. “Yeah.”
“I’m sor…”
My hand shoots up again, “You don’t owe me an explanation Nathan.”
“I…”
“No,” I throw the bag of donuts at him, he catches them with ease. Peeling the bag open I watch for his reaction. His eyes sparkle with the memory of that night.
“One of the best nights of my life,” he says quietly and looks at me, his gaze unsure. “Thank you for these.”
I ignore him and his strange look. “I have a bag of my things in your room, did you remember those?”
He cringes, “No. Sorry, I forgot about the time you stayed upstairs with me.” Yeah right. More like he wanted an excuse for me to come back. What game is he playing? Do I even care?
How do I even feel?
“I’ll just grab them now,” my voice sounds weird. Why does it sound so… hollow?
He follows me up the stairs and into his room. Unfortunately he doesn’t remain silent. “I expected you to be angry.” Yeah, me too. “I don’t like this.”
“You don’t like what?” I mutter and turn on the light. My bag is under the desk in the corner, I pull it out by the handle and sling it onto my back.
“This calm…” he waves a hand at me, as if referring to all of me rather than just my expression.
I give him a shrug, “Thanks for everything. Honestly. You’ve done so much for me. I guess I just can’t seem to blame you for wanting your life back.”
“That’s not what this is.” He takes a step towards me, almost as if wanting to touch me but thinks better of it and leans against the wall instead.
“Then what is it?”
He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it, lets out a frustrated growl and runs his hand through his hair.
A familiar cool disk taps the curves of my breasts. I’m so used to wearing it I forgot it was there. I wrap my hand around the circular pendent and pull it from my neck. The chain breaks, if this happened yesterday, I would have been devastated. Now I don’t care. “Here.” I hold it out for him to take.
The pain in his eyes does nothing to me. He shakes his head, looking like I’ve just killed his puppy. “I don’t want it back. I made it for you.”
“Exactly,” I toss it at him, he makes no move to grab it. We both watch as it flies past his arm and slides along the floor into the darkness of his closet. I feel nothing. “There are twelve boxes downstairs in the kitchen, all of them full of your favourites. You can freeze them because I doubt even you will be able to eat them all in two days.”
“Gwen,” he whispers softly.
“Don’t,” I say and rub my eyes. “I’m going to call for a taxi.”
“Take the car,” he implores, following me down the stairs to the first floor where my room resides. “That’s more for Dillan than it is for you. You said you’d keep stuff for Dillan, right?”
I blink at him like he’s stupid. Hell, he is stupid. “Nathan, how the hell do you expect me to afford it? The insurance is ridiculous, and it eats through fuel like we breathe air.” He opens his mouth to speak, I don’t let him. “I don’t have a job, I have no money and my mum won’t let me stay for longer than a month.” He opens his mouth again but like before, I cut him off. “And this isn’t a guilt trip. It’s the truth. I don’t want anything from you.”
“I’ll provide for you both until you get back on your feet.” His voice is barely there, I can see a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Is that remorse? “I’ll rent a
n apartment for you. There’s a really nice one in the…”
“Can you just call me a taxi? I need to go and pick up my son,” I show him my phone which has just this second died due to me failing to charge it last night. “No power.”
“Only if you promise to let me pay for it,” he demands, hiding his phone behind his back. “Or better yet, let me drive you to your mum’s.”
“No,” I refuse adamantly and check around my bedroom for anything that he may have left behind. “Thanks but you’ve done enough for me already.”
“Then let me do something more.”
A tiny zap of anger pierces through my bubble of numbness. “No. I don’t want anything from you anymore. You’ve made your feelings on us loud and clear.”
“Us?” He blinks in astonishment. “What do you mean us?”
“I meant me,” I correct myself, cursing for my idiotic slip up that he’ll no doubt read into.
“You said us.”
“Well excuse me if I’m a little out of sorts Nathan,” I hiss and prod him in the chest. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve just lost my entire life… yet again.”
His skin turns an odd shade of yellow, “That’s not what this is. You get to go back to your friends. You get to…”
“This is my home. No… sorry. This was my home.” My heart plummets, its beat no longer existent. “You were my home.”
He staggers back a step, his hand gripping hold of the desk, “Caleb was your home.”
“Yeah,” I laugh coldly. “He was. But he’s dead and I lost that.” I realise something and mentally kick myself for not realising it sooner. “You gave me that back. Just in a different way.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way. I thought…”
“Stop thinking, it doesn’t suit you.”
“Maybe we can talk about this. Maybe I’ve rushed my decision.”
“Maybe you can call me a taxi so I can get my son and find a way to get to my mum’s. A way that doesn’t involve you.”
He lets out a growl of frustration, “At least let me give you a ride to Jeanine’s.” I go to pass him but his hand wraps around my bicep. “Please.”
Sigh. “Fine. Give me a minute, I need to call my mum.” He nods and ducks out of the room.
“Explain,” my mum says, sounding curious rather than irritated or put upon.
“I’m coming home.”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I unpacked your things then,” I can hear the smile in her voice. “I’m looking forward to seeing you. Text me when you’re on your way.”
“I will. Thanks mum.” I hang up the phone and stare at my empty room.
I failed.
Nathan doesn’t say anything as he drives me to Jeanine’s. I don’t say anything either. I’m not entirely certain there is actually anything we can say. He’s made his feelings clear and I’m not sure what my feelings actually are right now.
He pulls up outside of Jeanine’s house which isn’t too far from Nathan’s, but is far enough for me to want to drive there.
Before I can reach for the handle the doors lock. I give it a tug, sigh and sit back in my seat. “Problem Nathan?”
He nods, his tongue creeping out to moisten his lower lip. “I promised you I’d never hurt you purposely.”
“That you did.” Where’s he going with this?
“I’m not doing this to purposely hurt you either.” He mutters conspiratorially. I really don’t have the brain power for this right now.
“Look…” I place my hand on his that rests on his thigh and give him a soft look. “I don’t blame you. You don’t need to feel guilty. Dillan and I aren’t your problem, we never were. Thank you for the ride.”
The look he gives me shows far too much regret than any person should have to deal with. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done it for you.”
“That’s why I’m not blaming you now.”
With one last lingering look at me, he finally flicks the locks on the doors. “I’ll miss you Gwen.”
My heavy heart pounds. “Why are you saying that like we’ll never see each other again?” Panic follows, I don’t like this. “What about Dillan?”
He doesn’t respond, he only twists his hands on the steering wheel and stares straight ahead.
Shaking my head with disappointment, mostly so I won’t cry, I lean over and press my lips to his cheek before climbing out of the car. He inhales a shuddering breath as I close the door and wave at him through the windscreen.
I’m grateful that he doesn’t leave until I’m inside, hearing the engine slowly quieten as it leaves the driveway is hard enough. Watching it would probably break me.
“It didn’t go well then,” Jeanine says as I step into her house. She’s stood near the window by the door so I’m assuming she was watching. I take Dillan from her arms and hold him at arm’s length.
“Did you miss me, baby? Did you miss me?” I coo in a baby voice. I look to Jeanine and shrug, “Unfortunately it didn’t.”
“He’ll come around,” she reassures me but I don’t need the reassurance. Right now I’m too angry with Nathan to even consider fighting for his friendship. “What did he say?”
“Not much, did you know he was going to move all of my things out?”
She shakes her head, “He told me he had some family business to deal with and needed the house free. So I told him I’d invite you round for the morning.”
I want to be mad at her betrayal but I can’t be, she was just looking out for someone she’s known since they were a child. I can’t blame her for her loyalty with him and not with me.
“If I’d known that he would do this, I would have told you,” her eyes hold sincerity and I believe her words. This brings me a small amount of relief. “What are you going to do now?”
I blow out a breath which accidentally catches Dillan in the face and makes him jerk around with fluttering eyelids. Giggling I take him into the room and lay him on the play mat. He stares up at the flashing lights that hover over his head and kicks his chunky little legs. “I’ll call my mum or Sasha and see if one of them can pick me up.”
“Well, if they can’t, I will take you.”
I shake my head, “I know how much you hate driving for long periods of time. We’ll be fine.”
“Where’s your necklace?” She asks and I wince in response. “Oh dear.”
“I had a moment of anger,” I whisper, feeling ashamed of myself. My fingers seek out the necklace which is no longer there. “I’ll be back. I’m going to make a few calls.”
Unfortunately Sasha can’t get me until tomorrow and my mum’s car is in for repair. That leaves me with no options. Maybe I should just accept that ride from Nathan.
It would give us a chance to talk.
Burying my pride I pick up my phone, having to lean over the couch as the cord for my charger isn’t long enough to reach and if I unplug it it’ll just die on me again.
Nathan answers after a few rings, “Forget something?” Yes. You.
“No… umm… Nobody can collect me until tomorrow,” I admit and chew on the inside of my cheek. “I’d go tomorrow, Jeanine has offered for me to stay but I only have enough nappies to last me until tonight.” I’m still breastfeeding so food isn’t a problem. “And he doesn’t have any pyjamas or even a place to sleep.”
He doesn’t speak for a long moment, “I’ll take you but it won’t be until later. I’m actually on my way to deal with a few things.”
“I also still have your house keys,” I tell him and pat my pocket for confirmation.
“I’ll pick them up when I pick you up.” He pauses for a moment. “I am sorry it has come to this, Guinevere.”
What do I say to that? “Me too.”
The longer I sit and think about my actions from earlier today, the more shamed I become. My neck feels bare and I want more than anything to have my necklace back and erase the pain that flitted through Nathan’s eyes when I ripped it from my neck.
Indecision clouds my brain. I want to fight for him, more than anything. I can’t bear the thought of losing him but I also can’t stand to be the brunt end of his anger whenever something gets tough.
Also is this person, who is clearly holding something over him, dangerous? This concerns me. I don’t just have myself to think about, I have Dillan now. Maybe I just have to put my faith in Nathan and trust that he’s dealt with it.
Or maybe I should panic and call the police. But what would I tell them?
I finally make a decision, it’s not a huge one and it won’t change much but it will help my conscience ease a little. “Can you watch Dillan for me again?” I ask Jeanine, hoping I’m not pushing my luck.
She throws me her car keys and waves me away. Great.
Chapter Twenty Four
The house is dark and empty when I arrive. The only car in the driveway is my beast of a BMW. I slide out from Jeanine’s car and pull out my keys.
All I want is my necklace back. I should never have ripped it off and the niggling in my mind is driving me crazy. Once I have it, I’ll repair it and send it back to him. Or I’ll keep it. I haven’t decided yet.
I tiptoe up the stairs, feeling like a criminal and praying that Nathan didn’t think to lock his bedroom door.
He didn’t. Thank god.
I don’t flick on the light, the room is dim but I can see where I’m going.
Using the camera flash as a torch, I drop down onto my knees in his closet and seek out the gold pendent.
Almost immediately, in the far corner, the tiny red jewel sparkles at me. I smile and shuffle forward before grasping it with one hand. I pick it up but the chain gets stuck on something, causing me to drop it. Must be a loose nail it has snagged on. There are clothes above making it pitch black, I feel for the end of the chain with difficulty.
