by Clare Lydon
Just that slight touch made Sophie pulse anew. “I want you so much,” she said, having no control over the words coming out of her mouth. However, she didn’t care if she sounded trite, because she wasn’t trying to be cool. She was living in the moment, with surety pulsing through her veins. As she parted her legs beneath Tanya, Sophie’s whole body smouldered in the charcoal of the day.
Tanya’s hand was on her breast, then her hip, before settling between her legs. And as her fingers swept through Sophie’s soft hair and touched her lips, Sophie’s brain flicked through her album of top life moments, making way for this one.
She took a mental snapshot, looking up into Tanya’s green eyes that were fixed on her: this was their moment, their time to shine.
Tanya’s fingers circled her clit, and Sophie’s whole body shuddered, her world tinted red with delight. When Tanya slipped two fingers inside her, Sophie saw bright lights even though her eyes had flickered shut, the pulse of her heart thick in her ears. She threw her head back and drowned in the moment’s sweetness: it tasted of honeycomb and molasses, and Sophie simply couldn’t get enough. Two becoming one was sweeter than she could have imagined.
She pushed her legs open wider, and Tanya ground into her, Sophie’s body responding in kind. Their breasts were pressed together, just like their lips, and Tanya’s hand inside her was the most natural pose in the world: she never wanted it to end.
But if it had to, Sophie was leaving on a high. And so, as Tanya thrust into her, Sophie ground her teeth together, her ears filled with a rushing sound, her body alive like it hadn’t been in ages. She was holding nothing back with Tanya, and her actions were reciprocated. And when Tanya slid out, connecting with her clit, then back into her pussy, something deep down inside began to pulse, and within minutes, the fire in Sophie’s heart had taken control.
As her orgasm ripped through her, she came in an explosion of heat and juice, crying out, biting down on her lip, her hips and heart bucking like never before. And when she opened her eyes, the crazy parade of lust still rattling through her very core, she saw nothing but Tanya on top of her, under her, enveloping her.
Sophie wanted to pause, rewind, replay. She wanted to give Tanya her own DVD to watch back, too.
She reversed their positions, rolling Tanya under her with ease, her body long and lithe beneath her. Tanya didn’t put up a fight, her face baked red, her skin hot to the touch — just like the heat inside Sophie. Her body was still pulsing with pleasure as she slid down Tanya.
“My turn now,” she said, before pausing, holding the moment in her hands, cradling it, loving it. “By the way, that was incredible. You were incredible.”
Tanya let a lazy grin wander across her face. “I could say the same to you.”
Sophie put a finger to her lips.
Tanya’s breasts were fuller than she’d imagined, and they were glorious in her hands. As she swept her tongue around Tanya’s swollen nipples, she could feel Tanya spark beneath her, could feel that spark replicated within herself. She placed a line of kisses all the way from Tanya’s neck to her navel, as if leaving a trail to follow back later. Then finally, Sophie’s mouth came to rest just where she wanted it: between Tanya’s thighs.
She looked up and caught Tanya’s gaze, fully focused on her, Tanya’s tongue licking the corners of her mouth.
“Oh god,” Tanya said, and Sophie felt her whole body shudder as she hovered over Tanya’s pussy, blowing hot breath into her. This was her chance to show Tanya what she meant to her; to demonstrate that when she looked at her, something deep inside Sophie went boom, sending shockwaves to her very soul.
As Sophie dipped her head, flicked out her tongue and drank Tanya in, her lover moaned, making Sophie smile into her. She’d waited so long to taste her, and Tanya was everything she wanted and more. As Sophie began to push Tanya over the edge, letting her tongue roam free, she let go of everything that had held them back to now.
All the diversions, all the obstacles.
Sophie pushed it all aside for this one moment, instead sinking into the moment, into Tanya. Right now, she was a VIP in Tanya’s exclusive club: she was the only guest on the list and she was coming in.
Tanya groaned some more as Sophie added one finger, then two, before letting her tongue swoop through Tanya’s flowing juices, dancing on Tanya’s clit and Sophie’s heart. She and Tanya were off the scale.
Within moments, she felt her lover’s body shake: Sophie wasn’t surprised, because she was shaking, too. Their momentum was unstoppable, as were the feelings cascading through her right now.
Eventually, Tanya crumbled, releasing all her emotion, clamping down on Sophie’s fingers as an earthquake rocked her body. Sophie didn’t let up, lapping her lover until she felt Tanya’s hands in her hair, telling her she could take no more. She stopped and crawled up Tanya’s miles of skin, retracing her kisses from earlier. Sophie’s chin glistened, as did her heart.
Tanya looked at her, then shook her head. “Fuck me,” she said, then laughed. “It always amazes me how sex renders you completely bereft of language.”
“You just said the word bereft, so I don’t think you’re doing too badly.” Sophie kissed her again. “Whereas the only words going through my mind are wow, clit, pussy and shall we do it again.” She grinned. “What do you say, once more with feeling?”
Tanya let out a throaty laugh. “Can I get my breath back first?” she asked, smiling.
Sophie ground her body into her, a smile invading her face, too. “Okay then, but only because I like you.” And then she gazed at Tanya, a slow, steady gaze. “Because I really do like you,” she said, again seemingly having no control of what was coming out of her mouth.
But Tanya didn’t flinch; she simply nodded her head, her eyes cloudy with desire. “I kinda like you, too.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
They fell asleep in a tangle of limbs just after 3am, and Tanya felt more content than she had in ages. They’d clicked in a way she’d only dreamed of, leaving her wanting to get to know Sophie more.
But Tanya wasn’t feeling content when she woke up with sweat pooling all over her body at 5.30am, with Sophie snoring softly beside her. In contrast, Tanya’s heart was trampling through her body as she clutched her hands to her chest and tried to calm down. As normal, it was all her mother’s fault.
She’d had the dream about her mother again. And in her dream, Sophie and her gran had been standing beside her mother, agreeing with everything she said. That Tanya wasn’t capable of proper love without judgement. That Tanya would never settle for anything less than perfection. That nobody would ever measure up to her exacting standards.
And now Tanya was lying in bed, wishing this dream would go away — it was the third time she’d had it this week, although Sophie judging her too was a new addition.
She reached out and clasped one of the bars of her iron bed’s headboard, glancing at Sophie who looked angelic next to her. Was she up for this? Was Tanya to be trusted with her own heart, as well as Sophie’s?
She crept silently out of her bed, careful not to wake Sophie or Delilah who was curled up in her blanket, and tiptoed into the living room. There, she poured herself a glass of water from the tap and sat on her sofa, shivering as the chilled liquid filled her.
Was she like her mother? Was she doomed to a loveless life? She hadn’t thought so earlier on, when she and Sophie had sketched out their love, a blank sheet of paper suddenly filled with curves and shapes, shading and perspective. But the dream had been so vivid, and her mum’s face and resulting bile so realistic, she was finding it hard to shake.
Day to day, Tanya got on with her life so well, sailing through her career, surrounded by a handful of good friends and colleagues. She didn’t think about her parents often, and when she did, she made a concerted effort to push them to the back of her mind, because what good could come of them?
However, ever since she’d come back from Sturby, doubt had drizzled inside
her — the worst kind of internal weather — her entire body sluggish and drawn. She should be upbeat and dancing after the night she’d had, but this was one persistent narrative that wouldn’t go away: you’re turning into your mother. And, like clockwork, almost every night since she’d returned, the dream had come. Even Sophie hadn’t been able to stop it.
She looked up as a gentle padding broke her thoughts: Delilah was up and out of her bed, as if sensing Tanya’s turmoil. She’d heard dogs were good at that, and here it was in action. Delilah waddled over to her bowl, gulping down some water before sidling over to Tanya.
“Hey, girl,” Tanya whispered as she picked Delilah up and hugged her close: still sleepy, she was happy to oblige as Tanya’s very own hot water bottle. It was soothing, seeing as every part of her was wracked with self-doubt. And she hated that it had happened on the night Sophie was here.
She drank a little more water, then made a pact with herself.
She wouldn’t bow to this dream, or its resulting feelings. She and Sophie had shared something special, and she was going to go back to sleep and wake up happier.
With Sophie in her bed, the chances were high.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
A while later, Sophie stirred. She eased open her eyes and rolled over, letting a slow smile spread across her face as she recalled the previous evening. She was in Tanya’s bed, and their first time together had been everything she hoped for, and more.
However, now she was in bed alone — as it was a work day, she guessed Tanya was in the shower. She stretched out in the bed, flexing her calves and her toes. She was aching all over, but in such a decadent way, she couldn’t be happier. Tanya had been spectacular.
She checked her watch and saw it was just after 8am. Shit: her first dog walk was in an hour, and she had to get home and change first. But not without a kiss from Tanya first.
She hopped out of bed, grinning at her nakedness, slung on yesterday’s clothes and yanked open the door.
As she walked into the lounge, Delilah ran over, barking. Sophie bent down and gave her some love, before catching the back of Tanya on her balcony. She walked out into the morning sunshine and put an arm around her new lover, her hand grazing Tanya’s breast, her lips kissing her cheek. Tanya gripped her coffee a little bit tighter on contact, before turning.
Sophie paused: what was with her tight smile? Perhaps Tanya just wasn’t a morning person.
Undeterred, Sophie kissed her lips and they didn’t lie. Tanya might be off somewhere in her head, but Sophie was sure Tanya’s body was responding to her just like it had yesterday. Her lips were still delicious, tasting of promise and coffee.
“Morning,” she said, smiling at Tanya.
“Hey.”
“How’d you sleep?”
“Patchy.”
“Really? I slept like a log.”
“I noticed.”
“You wore me out,” Sophie said. Every muscle in her body was telling her so, with a satisfied grin. Nights like last night were ones Sophie would like to slot into her calendar on a regular basis.
Nights like last night made her feel alive.
But she wasn’t sure Tanya felt the same, because there was that tight smile again.
Sophie took in the scene below, the river sparkling in the early morning sun. But despite that, she couldn’t help picking up a slightly chilly air on the balcony. What had she missed?
When she’d fallen asleep last night, limbs entwined, Sophie would have put big money on them waking up all smiles. But Tanya had changed the rules overnight, and now she was sitting on her idyllic balcony like she’d just lost her house on the roulette wheel.
Sophie swallowed, her earlier elation now laced with fear. Had she done something wrong? Was she the only one to think their time together had been the start of something? She was beginning to have that nagging dread, just like she’d had with Helen. And if that was the case, she was going to bolt first, before she was kicked out of another flat before 9am.
Again.
“Everything okay?” she asked, sitting down on the chair beside Tanya, taking her hand and kissing it.
Tanya nodded slowly, not turning her head. “Yeah, fine. I just had a weird dream. It woke me up, then I went back to sleep, only to have it again.” Tanya shivered as she spoke. “It’s left me feeling a bit weird, sorry. And I’ve got a really busy day today.” She let go of Sophie’s hand, turning her body towards her. “But I am pleased to see you.” She looked into Sophie’s eyes. “I had a fabulous time last night.”
“I did, too,” Sophie replied, relief seeping through her. Tanya had a bad dream and no sleep — she could deal with that. Plus, she did have to get going. “I have to scoot — my first client’s at 9am and then I’m meeting Jess at the café to help her this week.” She paused. “You want me to pop in to check on Delilah today?”
Tanya shook her head. “Maybe, I’ll let you know. I’m working from home, but then I need to work out my schedule.” She gave Sophie a weak smile, then turned her gaze to the horizon. “Sorry, I’m just a bit… freaked out. It’s not to do with you, honest.”
Sophie didn’t want to press her anymore; she seemed upset. But was this really to do with a dream and nothing to do with her, with last night? Sophie had woken up this morning like a Disney cartoon bird: she’d wanted to whistle and dance. Now, if she were that same bird, she was in an angry farmer’s sightline, just about to be shot.
“Okay, just drop me a text. I can drop in whenever, you know that.” She paused, turning up the flirt in her voice, rippling it with honey. “Because you know what? I’ve got a lot of time for Delilah, and her owner.” Sophie reached for Tanya’s hand again.
Tanya glanced at her, then at their joined hands, before looking away, dropping their contact.
Shit, not even her flirtatious tone was working. Sophie checked her watch again: she didn’t have time to analyse. She got up, but when she turned back, Sophie swore she saw a hint of regret in Tanya’s deep green eyes — why that was, she couldn’t be sure. She swallowed down a 6ft tall sigh, instead putting on a chirpy smile.
“You want a coffee before you go?” Tanya asked, jumping up and walking ahead of her into the lounge.
No smile. No kiss. No nothing.
Sophie was stumped. “No, I better get going.” She paused, staring at Tanya’s back. “I’ll see you soon?”
Tanya turned and nodded her head. “I’ll call you,” she said, her eyes dead, her smile flattened into dust.
But Sophie wasn’t leaving it like that. She stepped forward and pressed her lips to Tanya’s, and just like that, the electricity was turned on again. No matter what was going on with Tanya this morning, she was going to make sure she left her with something to remind her of them. It seemed to work: as Sophie pulled away, Tanya’s breath quickened on her lips.
“Make sure you do,” Sophie said, adding a final kiss before squeezing Tanya’s hand.
She got out of the flat and pressed the lift, taking it all the way down to the ground floor. Then she walked towards the river, lighting up a cigarette as she went.
Without Tanya in her life, she’d have kicked this habit for good by now. She’d read the Allen Carr book like her dad told her, but she reckoned Allen must have been in a settled relationship, or single. Tanya was playing havoc with her willpower in more ways than one.
She took a long, deep drag on her cigarette and walked over to the river wall, clambering onto it and leaning back into the morning sun. She stretched, feeling all her muscles clench, then relax. Then she let go of the sigh she’d been storing, shaking her head at the sky, looking back up to their building.
Since meeting Tanya, Sophie had been on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. And now she’d added red-hot sex into the equation, it wasn’t about to get any easier, was it?
Sophie was just about holding it together, but she already knew she was in trouble.
Her heart was falling into Tanya’s hands, and there was nothing
she could do about it.
Chapter Forty
Tanya got in from work that night at 6pm, having been called into the office for an emergency meeting — just what she hadn’t needed on top of everything else. She’d snapped at her colleagues and her boss had asked if she was okay — that’s when she knew her open wound was bleeding into every part of her life.
She had to find a way to fix it, but who to talk to? She was at a loss. She needed someone who knew her and her parents, someone who could be objective. She’d even thought about calling Jonathan, but had stopped when she picked up the phone. She’d tried Alice, but got her answerphone. Maybe Alan was the answer. She threw her keys on their hook by the door as that answer hit her. Yes, she should talk to Alan.
Delilah was already at her feet, yapping as she did. Tanya bent down and petted her — and then spied a present Delilah had left for her on the lounge floor, just by the patio doors. A reminder to Tanya she didn’t like being left alone.
“Delilah!” Tanya said, her voice stern, storming over to the kitchen to get a poop bag and some detergent. She cleaned it up, with Delilah around her feet, but then she felt instantly guilty. It wasn’t Delilah’s fault, it was hers. Tanya got down on her haunches and made a fuss of her dog, but Delilah still looked hurt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted,” Tanya said, kissing the top of her head.
Her week was shaping up to be busy, which meant she was going to have to sort out a plan for Delilah. Which meant she needed to speak to Sophie.
Sophie. Just the thought of her made Tanya’s blood pump faster, but also made her cover her face with her hands. Was Sophie still speaking to her after she’d been so rude this morning? She guessed she’d find out. Today wasn’t getting any easier, was it?
Perhaps a walk would make her feel better. Tanya went into the bedroom to get out of her work gear, and was instantly hit by images from last night: Sophie naked, Sophie coming, Sophie inside her. She needed to talk to Sophie. She slipped on her jeans and a sweatshirt, then put the lead on a delighted Delilah and strode out of the flat, slamming the door behind her.
