by Lynn Cahoon
You’re playing with fire here, Lizzie.
James barked out a laugh breaking into her thoughts. “Not if my dreams are any indication. I shouldn’t say this but I’ve thought of nothing but you since last night.”
Lizzie stared at the man in front of her. The feelings he’d woken inside her last night reminded her of the woman she was. A woman she’d kept under wraps since that summer evening long ago when she realized she’d never be first in his life. Jesse held the place with an iron fist.
“It’s complicated,” she whispered, even as another part of her said, This is what you’ve been wanting. A father for JR. A partner for you.
Panic struck her. What if James tried to take her son away from her?
Suddenly feeling like breakfast would never stay down, she stood. “I’ve-I’ve… ” Clutching her stomach, she bolted.
“Lizzie?” James called after her.
Once in front of the sink, she forced herself to calm down. Maybe James finding out about JR wouldn’t be the end of the world. And maybe JR could be convinced that a summer of visiting rodeos wasn’t better than a summer at home, gardening and working the cabins with his mom. Who was she kidding? Of course he would be convinced! Hell, she’d take a summer without chores if she had the chance. No. Somehow she’d get through Sunday without James finding out and then she and JR would be safe. All they had to do was get through the weekend. Then the Sullivan brothers would be gone and her life would go back to normal.
She nodded to the mirror. Keep James in the dark about JR. Nice, clean, simple. Good. She had a plan. On a deep breath, she left to return to the table —
Where she found Jesse sitting in her spot eating her untouched pancakes.
Speak of the damned devil.
“Good morning, Lizard.” Jesse smiled up at her.
“Don’t call me Lizard. It’s Elizabeth to you.” She slipped into the booth next to James. Of course he was the devil she knew.
She grabbed the fork from Jesse’s hands. “You know that’s my food, right?”
Grinning, Jesse nodded. “What James said, seemed like you weren’t feeling too well. Couldn’t let these beautiful things go to waste.”
“Insufferable.”
James leaned toward her. “Jesse’s right. Are you okay?”
“Fine.” She glared at James.
Jesse’s right. Jesse’s always right.
Sighing, she gave in. She was too tired to fight this fight. All she had to do was keep James from learning about JR before he left and everything would be back to normal.
“Dude, let’s go check out the bulls. We need to talk.” Jesse pushed the plates of food at Lizzie and stood.
She rose, too, to let James out of the booth.
He put his hand on her arm, a question forming on his face. “I’ll see you at the parade?”
“Sure, why not.”
James stood and pulled her close. “I don’t have to go with him. I’ll can stay so we can finish this.”
“Right, you say no to Jesse?” She glared at him. “Go. I need some time to think anyway.”
“You guys know I’m standing here and can hear you, right?” Jesse joked.
“Jesse, shut up.” James leaned down, put his lips near Lizzie’s ear.
She jerked away and slipped back into her seat. “I’ll see you at the parade.”
“I’ll see you at the parade then.”
James walked away but not before Lizzie heard Jesse’s parting shot, “Man, what’s got her goat?”
Cash brought over the coffee pot and filled her cup. “Walking through the past is a pain, isn’t it?”
She laughed bitterly. “You have no idea.”
“I might. More than you know. I do it every day.” Cash’s half-grin was bittersweet. “You want me to tell him to back off? That we’re serious? I can be that guy, Lizzie. I want to.”
Lizzie looked hard at him, tempted. Then she shook her head. “Thanks, Cash, but no. It’s gotta be done, I’m going to do it without that kind of help.”
“So you know, the offer stands.” Cash smiled. “Now come on and let me put a smile back on your pretty face. Dinner and the play. I’ll buy ice cream.”
Lizzie pursed her lips. A week from now this emotional crisis would be a memory, James and the rodeo would be history and the world as she lived it would again be right side up. What did she have to lose? “Sure. Call me this week and we’ll finalize plans.”
For some reason as Cash walked away her mom’s favorite quote kept coming into her head: The devil you know, Lizzie, the devil you know.
Sucking in a breath, she pulled out her cell phone. Speaking of devils, how was she going to keep JR home and out of sight for the two days before James would be on his way to Sioux Falls? The answering machine picked up her call.
“Hey guys, pick up.” She waited for a few seconds then left a brief message asking them to stay home. She didn’t hold out much hope they’d get it before they left for town, but she’d tried. She had even less hope of them actually listening to her plea if they did hear the message. Sighing, Lizzie signed for the check and finished her coffee. It was time to find Barb and see if had any ideas on how to keep JR and James separated.
There had to be a way. She uttered a silent prayer.
God, I know liars never prosper and it’s breaking one of your commandments, but please help me keep my secret.
• • •
“Lizzie looks great.” Jesse sped toward the rodeo grounds. He glanced over at his brother, slumped in the passenger seat. “Okay, I give, what’s up with you?”
“Besides the fact I can’t get you to commit to a summer schedule? And the fact the one woman I could see spending my life with is here, in town, and I’m screwing it up again by catering to your every whim?” James could feel his neck getting hot under the collar of his western shirt.
“Whoa, buddy. You make me sound like a needy old lady.” Jesse grinned. His eyes were covered by another pair of the three hundred dollar sunglasses he bought and lost like cheap toys.
“You are a needy old woman.” James shot back. He settled into the seat. This wasn’t Jesse’s fault. How could he prove to Lizzie how much he’d changed when he still let Jesse run him ragged every waking moment of the day? Jesse didn’t need him running his life. Time to make his own life. Whether here or the place he owned near Boise. But he couldn’t keep running around like a teenager. He didn’t want to. Not when he remembered everything he’d wanted with Lizzie. “Sorry Jess, I have a lot on my mind.”
“Like I said, Lizzie looks great. You’d think she was still Homecoming Queen. A lot of the girls we graduated with have kids and a few extra pounds. They look like moms. Not Lizzie. She looks amazing.” Jesse turned up the radio, humming along with an old Garth Brooks song.
“How do you know I’m thinking about Lizzie?”
“Dude.” Jesse turned and lowered his sunglasses. “Seriously, did you see how hot she looked this morning in those Ropers? I can’t believe you could eat sitting next to that.”
“You don’t need to be looking.” James slugged his brother. Lizzie always looked amazing — and damn it now the heat under his collar had less to do with being pissed at Jesse and more to do with wanting Lizzie.
The truck cab quieted for a few minutes. Jesse pulled the truck off the highway onto the dirt road leading up the hill to the rodeo grounds. Then —
“Angie wants to spend some time with you.” Jesse’s comment came from nowhere.
“I don’t even know why she’s here. I told her and I’ve told you, I’m not interested in a conversation or a relationship.” James grabbed his hat as they parked, the dust still flying from the road.
“Give her a chance, James. She wants to get to know us.”
“Maybe she should have thought of that when she took off,” James bit out. Three months ago Jesse had returned from a night of carousing accompanied by the surprise of a lifetime: their runaway mother. “Angie,” as she called her
self now, had apparently been following the rodeo circuit looking for them since she’d seen Jesse’s name listed among the riders a season or so ago. Wanting to make amends. James shook his head. “Jesus, what were you thinking having her come here of all places?”
“I thought it might be nice for all of us to be home together.” Jesse leaned over the hood of the truck. “Aren’t you even going to talk to her?”
James glared at his brother. His world kept shifting under his feet and he hated being jerked around. “This isn’t home. And no, I’m not.”
“Well, I am. She’s part of our lives, like it or not.” Jesse shook his head. He slipped his black hat on his head while he walked, then tucked his thumbs in his front pockets. “Let’s go check out the stock. We can gab later. Jeez, and you call me an old woman.”
Gritting his teeth, James followed his brother passed the stands. The rodeo arena was small, circled with stands on one side and the staging area on the other. James saw more trucks and trailers parked back behind the corral in what appeared to be a pasture. People came from all over Idaho and the Northwest for this tiny rodeo, not for the pitiful prize money but for the prestige. This was the first rodeo of the season and the town put its heart and soul into making it a success.
To James’s left a pen of sheep awaited the evening’s activities. The smell of dirt and hay hung in the sun-filled corral. One small, black-faced sheep stuck his head out between the rails, bleating at the brothers.
“Too bad you’re too tall for mutton busting. You’d fit right in with those kids.” Jesse elbowed his brother, reaching to pet the sheep’s head.
“If we’re going on emotional age, that’s more your competition,” James fired back. Both boys had started in mutton busting. Getting all dressed up, polishing their boots, wearing new straw hats — they’d won the competition each year until they were too old to compete. By then, James had been working a cutting horse. Jesse had fallen in love with bull riding. He’d won Junior Champion too many years to count, then gone on to the hard stuff.
Then James’s horse died and he didn’t have the heart to start training a new one. Soon after he’d become his brother’s biggest fan and assistant. Or, as Lizzie referred to him, Jesse’s wife. Manager, wife, secretary, keeper — they were all the same difference, right?
A young boy stood looking at the pen of sheep. Jesse headed toward the bullpen.
“Are you coming?” he called back.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” James knelt down next to the kid. He had a new straw hat. Staring at the sheep, James picked up a piece of straw and put it in his mouth like a toothpick.
The kid watched James and mirrored his actions. He, too, picked up a piece of straw and started chewing.
James grinned. “You riding tonight?”
“Yep.”
“First time?”
“Yep. Gramps bought me a new hat. He says I’m big enough.”
“I rode at your age.” James laid his arms on the rails of the pen.
“You did?” The boy cast a glance downward and away, kicking the dirt with his toe before he asked, “Were you scared?”
“Heck, yeah. I worried I’d fall. Then I was scared I’d make a fool of myself and bawl my eyes out.” James peered at the barn toward where his brother stood talking to group of men. “I didn’t want my brother to tease me.”
“My mom doesn’t know. Gramps said it was our secret.” The kid bent his head towards one of the men talking to Jesse. “Do you think it’s okay to have a secret from your mom?”
“As long as it’s a good secret. Is she coming to the rodeo? Will she be here to watch you?”
“Yep. Gramps says she’ll shit a brick when she sees me.” The boy grinned.
“She probably will.” James laughed and held out his hand. “I’m James.”
“I’m JR.” The boy shook his hand, stood up from his crouch and headed toward the men near Jesse. Turning around, he called, “Are you going to the parade?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“I’ll see you then. They throw lots of candy and you even get an ice cream cone at the end.” He waved and took off at a run. When he reached the crowd around Jesse, he grabbed an older man by the knees.
Now that’s love.
James felt his heart swell at the sight. He hadn’t been close to his father, but times like this, he missed the old guy. His dad would never know the joy of grandchildren. JR’s gramps was a lucky man. James watched closer, trying to identify JR’s grandfather, but the man and boy were walking away. Hell, he’d probably met him sometime or other. He’d grown up here for God’s sake. Something about the man niggled at the edge of James’s mind.
“James, can you help me with this saddle?” Bud Carpenter, an old friend, dragged what looked like all the tack he owned through the middle of the barn.
“Where are we going?” James grabbed one of the saddles throwing it over his shoulder. Bud had sponsored the rodeo club when the boys were in high school. From the looks of things, he still took an active part. “Don’t tell me you’re still riding?”
“Out to the truck, where do you think? And what, you think I’m too old?” Bud offered him a grin that was missing two bottom teeth. “I’m joshing you. My kid’s in the barrel racing. She’s pretty good.”
“Of course she is. You probably had her training as soon as she could walk.”
“Like you and your kid. Think he’ll be able to win the mutton bustin’ tonight? There are a lot of kids entered this year.”
“My kid?” James blinked, confused for a second. Then he realized Bud must have seen him talking to JR. He lifted the saddle into the back of the truck. “Oh, that’s not my kid.”
“Could have fooled me.” Bud shook his head. “He looked exactly like you the first time your dad brought you here. You had the same look of fear.”
“It’s like jumping into a cool river on a hot day. You never forget the shock.” James leaned on the truck and glanced back at the barn. “I don’t know how Jesse keeps going. I stopped competing years ago.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to say uncle and get out altogether?” Bud slapped James on the back. “It’s nice to have you boys home, even if it’s only for the weekend.”
“I’ll see you tonight around town?” James started walking back to the barn to find Jesse.
“I’ll be there. A cold beer will sound good after today.” Bud waved and got in his truck.
James heard the truck chug to life as he walked through the cloud of dust and smoke Bud left in his wake. The man never had a truck that ran worth a damn. Funny, Bud thinking JR was his kid. Sure the kid had brown hair and eyes like him, but seriously, so did half the population.
“Where you been?” Jesse stood at the barn entrance, leaning against the oversized redwood door.
“Helping Bud move some saddles.” James pointed after the faded red truck.
“Ah.” Jesse turned. “Let’s get back to town. The parade starts in an hour and Lizzie’s pancakes made me hungry.”
The two men walked back through the stands to where they’d left the truck.
“Hey,” James asked suddenly, “who were you talking to in the barn?”
Jesse started and shot him glance then dug a hand into a pocked for his keys. Eyes on the ground he said, “Just some guys.”
Seriously? Jesse was going to lie to him? “Who was the one with the grandson?”
Jesse unlocked the door and climbed into the cab. “A local. We were talking about the bulls.”
“Does the local have a name?” James pressed. He loved seeing Jesse squirm, even on something as minor as this. For some reason, Jesse hadn’t wanted James to see him talking to the guy and now he was trying to weasel out of it.
Jesse started the truck, ignoring the question. “Want to hit Daisy’s Café for lunch?”
“Sounds good.” James still couldn’t put a name with the old man’s face and it bugged him. His stomach growled. “Guess I’m hungrier th
an I thought. I hope they still serve those huge burgers and homemade onion rings.”
“You lived on Daisy’s food senior year. That’s all you wanted when Dad asked where we were eating.”
James snorted. He remembered. His father’s drinking escalated once their mom left while the boys were in grade school. By the time the boys graduated high school, Dad had given up. He even came to their graduations sloshed, standing up with a drunken cheer when their names were called.
“Good times,” he said quietly.
“Hey, don’t get down. At least we had each other. You would have sat there all alone without a great brother like me.”
“Yeah, and I probably wouldn’t have sat in Sheriff Colson’s jail after letting you talk me into going all Willie Mayes on those mail boxes graduation night.”
Jesse grinned. “We didn’t get arrested.”
“No, but I had to spend the money I’d saved to buy five mailboxes and posts.”
“Good thing you weren’t a better shot then.” Jesse pulled into the café’s parking lot. “Let’s eat.”
James climbed out of the truck, shaking his head. Jesse’s life had always been an adventure. And following him meant James paid the price. His thoughts went to the little boy by the mutton pen. At least he had one man in his life who gave a crap. James felt the kid’s dad should be the one calming him down before the big event — even though he knew having a dad around wasn’t always in the cards.
Thinking about JR had opened a hole in his own heart. As he followed Jesse into the crowded café another thought beat in his head.
Maybe it was time to build a family. His own life.
CHAPTER THREE
“Hurry and get dressed. The parade’s about to start,” Barb called from the bathroom where she’d been touching up her makeup for the last twenty minutes. Lizzie had found her friend sitting on a bench in the sunshine outside The Pancake House. Barb had eaten at Daisy’s a few doors down.
“Ahem, I am dressed.” Lizzie stood at the door of the bathroom and examining her tank top and jeans.
