by Lynn Cahoon
“That’s my girl. Sounds like we have a shopping trip to plan.” Angie grinned. “I’ll drive.”
Lizzie grinned. At least someone would enjoy spending the money. She hesitated briefly, then gave JR’s grandmother a short awkward hug. When she pulled away, Angie’s eyes glistened with tears. “Angie? It’s nice to have you here.”
Angie’s voice caught, “Darling, that means more than you know.” She rose and patted Lizzie’s shoulder. “You go make up a list and I’ll freshen up.” Then she hurried into the cabin, letting the screen door slam behind her. “JR, get some clothes on. We’re going shopping.”
Alone, Lizzie thought about the check. Leave it to James to do the right thing awkwardly. Because if sending her a check for her “personal needs” was the right thing for him to do, how come it made her feel more hollowed out than his request for a paternity test?
Sex with benefits, she told herself, wanting to cry. That’s all they’d ever be.
• • •
Packing in the last bag from Angie’s rental Jeep filled Lizzie’s small home to overflowing and made the living room seem more like a storage shed or a very large linen closet.
Angie had organized the day like a professional. She’d talked Martha and Dad into watching JR until tomorrow. He’d be dropped off about two, which gave Lizzie time to distribute the flyers she and Angie had designed in minutes at the printers, their first stop when they arrived in Boise. The printing had been ready for them to pick up on their way out of town.
Angie’d also talked her into doing cute little bookmarks to stuff in the paperbacks they’d bought at yard sale to stock the cabins and the main lobby. Bookmarks that would encourage visitors to take the books with them and pass along the bookmarks advertising Hudson’s Hot Springs.
“I can’t believe we got this all done in what? Twelve hours? And that’s with four hours drive time.” Lizzie sank onto the couch and leaned her head back. She hadn’t been this bone weary for years. It felt good.
“We’re not done yet, girl.” Angie pulled off her two-inch stacked heels and rubbed her feet. “My dogs are barking tonight. I probably should have thought about ignoring the fashion gods and wearing some sensible shoes. Like those.” She pointed at Lizzie’s feet.
“Thanks, but I only own two pair of shoes, well, three.” Lizzie pulled up her legs and popped her worn tennies on the coffee table. A habit JR had started to pick up as well, even though she yelled each time she saw him with his feet on the table.
What was it Mom said? Monkey see, monkey do.
She grinned, thinking about her copycat son.
“Three pair of shoes? Girl, you’re deprived. How do you accessorize with only three pair of shoes?” Angie gave her a horrified stare.
“Easy. Tennis shoes with jeans and shorts. Boots with jeans when it’s raining or snowing. And finally flip flops in the summer with everything else.” Lizzie watched the dismay grow on Angie’s face.
“If I’d known your clothing situation was this bad, we would have stayed in town overnight and got you a decent wardrobe. How are you going to run a successful business in jeans and flip flops?” Angie’s tone made the words flip flops seem almost X-rated and not in a good way.
“My clothes are fine.” Lizzie didn’t want to argue, she wanted a beer or a glass of wine. “What are your plans? Are you in a hurry to get back?”
“To my empty hotel room? Not really.” Angie glanced out the open screen door to watch the sun set over the mountain. “I’d like to stay and help you get the cabins set up if you don’t mind.”
“You don’t have to work,” Lizzie said quickly. “I’ve had a bottle of white zin in the refrigerator for six months that I never felt like opening.” Lizzie kicked her shoes off and slipped her feet back on the table. “I think we have some sharp cheddar and crackers to go with the wine.”
“No wine for me, thanks.” Angie shook her head. “I’m off alcohol now. But tea or lemonade sounds like heaven.” She sighed. “I have to admit, I hoped to spend a little time with the boys on this trip. I got a full day with Jesse, but James … .” Another head shake. “What happened wasn’t even close to want I wanted.”
So she meant what she said about her meetings. Good.
“James is complicated. I don’t know if I’m the best one to advise you there. I sure don’t understand what goes on in his head.” Lizzie groaned. “Look at me, I’m a mess because of that stupid son of yours. I was doing fine not knowing where he was or who he was with. Now? I want to kill him.”
Angie smiled. “Sounds like he’s under your skin.”
“Not again. I won’t go through this again.” Lizzie shook herself like a wet dog, throwing all trace of James’s hands, kisses, and body off her skin and out of her mind. “So, I ask again? Ready to celebrate the soon to be grand reopening of the cabins?”
“Stay where you are. I’ve poured my fair share of wine and I can pull together iced tea and a snack tray.” Angie jumped up and headed to the kitchen. “This is like a teenage slumber party.”
A slumber party with a decorate-for-under-a-dime theme.
At least Angie was happy. She seemed to thrive under stress. Lizzie had to block every thought of James and his impromptu stop last night followed by his under cover of moonlight escape and his pay-for-sex way of thinking he could take care of her and JR. When she was in bed tonight, she’d let tears come, but for one night only. Tomorrow she’d be back to business. Part of that business was making sure JR had time to spend with his dad. Time that didn’t include her.
Cabinet doors slammed in the kitchen. At least James talked to JR. He’d ignored Angie from the time she’d arrived in town until his quick departure. Lizzie knew JR’s new grandmother must be crushed — much as she was herself. Angie wasn’t that bad. Of course she hadn’t left Lizzie to fend with a little brother and a useless father either. James had good reasons to be cautious in freely showing his affection.
Despite their earlier talk, Lizzie wondered if maybe she should protect JR from her vanishing, too. The same way she should have protected him from James leaving. She thought about making a list of questions to ask Angie when she came back, but before she could open her eyes, she heard a noise.
“Here we go.” Angie set a tray of wine, ice tea, and snacks on the coffee table then poured a glass of wine and passed it to Lizzie. She pushed the glass closer when Lizzie hesitated. “This is the right bottle, right? I didn’t see another bottle chilling.”
“It’s the only bottle.” Lizzie shook her head, thoughts of grilling Angie leaving for the night. She took the offered glass and smiled. “Shall we find a movie to watch?”
“Perfect. As long as it’s not a robot cartoon or action flick. My late husband loved war movies. I could care less if I ever saw another reenactment of World War II in my life.” Angie sat in the recliner.
“Romantic chick flick it is then.” Lizzie scanned the piles of DVDs on the bookshelf, found what she was looking for, and slipped the DVD into the machine. The evening passed with very little conversation and a lot of wine. Lizzie hadn’t felt this relaxed for years.
Then the phone rang.
Not recognizing the number, she answered in full business mode. “Hudson’s Hot Springs, this is Lizzie. May I help you?”
“Hey, Liz.” James’s husky voice filled her ear and made her toes curl.
Mad, stay mad.
“James. What do you want?” Lizzie shot a glance at Angie.
“Sorry about this morning, I had a meeting with Jesse’s sponsor in Boise. I had to leave.”
The explanation sounded plausible. But Lizzie knew James. She stood up and headed to the kitchen.
“You couldn’t wake me? You left me a note?” She turned on the faucet and started rinsing the few dishes in the sink.
“I don’t want to fight.”
“You never do.” Lizzie turned off the water. “What do you want James?”
“Did you get the check?”
“
I did.” Lizzie expected he wanted her to say thank you. She just didn’t have it in her.
The line was quiet. Finally, James said, “I’m seeing my attorney tomorrow.”
Fear gripped heart. “I’m scheduling the paternity tests next week. I only got the letter today, for god’s sake.”
“I want to get this arrangement formalized. JR deserves that, don’t you think?”
Lizzie’s emotions ran from fear to anger. “If that’s the way you want it.”
Neither spoke for what seemed like hours. Then James said, “I’ll be back in town next week. I’d like to see JR if that’s all right.”
“That will be fine. I’ve got someone here, I need to go.” Lizzie had to get off the phone before she asked what his plans were for her.
“You can’t even let the bed grow cold?” His words stung.
“It’s none of your business what I do with whom.” Old patterns, old words. Lizzie felt transported back to their senior year when they’d broken up over Jesse and she’d let a football player take her to a dance.
“Sorry, this time, you’re wrong. What you do in front of my son is definitely my business. If you’re going to act like a tramp, I’m going for full custody. JR doesn’t need this.”
“Neither do I, James.” Fury got the better of her. “I don’t need you dropping money on my table like I’m the tramp you want to believe I am, and neither JR nor I need you making threats like a child throwing a tantrum to get his way. Convincing a judge you can care for a five-year-old while you’re running from rodeo to rodeo will be a little tricky.” Her breath caught. James had the financial means to make this a battle and she’d spent the money he’d sent her on getting the cabins up and running. A bet that better pay off or she’d lose everything this time.
“Then I’ll hire a nanny for Jesse and take care of my son.” His voice was ice cold, petulant — and lost.
Damn it, James. If you were here, I could reason with you. Take care of you. Make things all right.
“You can’t take JR from me. He’s all I have,” she whispered.
“Tell Cash hi.”
Then like the teenage boy he couldn’t seem to stop being, James hung up before she could tell him it wasn’t Cash in her living room with her, but his mother.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The following morning James sat in his attorney’s office knowing he’d behaved badly with Lizzie the night before, but ready to follow through regardless. Now that he knew about JR, James would never let any other man but him parent his son.
“So what’s going on? My assistant’s notes are a little vague and your voice mail was surprising.” George leaned back in his chair and watched James select a muffin from the tray his assistant had left.
“I need you to draw up custody papers. And do a background check.” James popped half of the muffin into his mouth.
“Sorry.” George patted his mouth with a napkin. “So you think this woman is scamming you? If that’s the case, why did you have me send a check?”
“Not Lizzie.” James pulled out the scrap of paper on which he’d listed everything he remembered about Angie. “I want a background check on my mother. Make sure she’s not just after Jesse’s money or something. Find out if she’s … .” He hesitated because now that he was about to say it, it sounded like he was as paranoid as he felt. “I need to find out if she’s reliable,” he finished lamely.
George put down his coffee. “Let me get this straight. You have a kid, and your long lost mother shows up out of the blue? Must have been some weekend.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” James pushed the scrap of paper toward the other man. “Lizzie told me she’s been on welfare. I might have some problems with the state. Can you check that out for me as well?” James took a second muffin.
George glanced at the paperwork in front of him. “Elizabeth Hudson. Lizzie.” George grinned. “You have a son. Should I say congratulations? I might have a cigar around here somewhere.”
“JR’s five. I think the time for cigars has passed.” James imagined what it would have been like to witness JR’s birth. To watch him grow from a baby to the kid he’d met at the sheep pen. Lizzie might have kept him away then, but by God she wasn’t going to now. Even if she and Cash were planning a perfect little family of their own. Lizzie and Cash? No way did that track. She must be desperate. His resolved tightened. “How hard would it be to get full custody?”
“The courts often side with the mother in these cases, especially after all this time. If it can be worked out, joint custody is preferable. I’ve started the paternity process. The testing center is expecting you. It’s a walk-in process, you can go anytime. Making visitation arrangements is usually easier when the parents set up the custody plans themselves.” George paused. “Why full custody? Aren’t you on good terms with the mother?”
James shook his head, thinking about last night’s call. He’d screwed up any chance of this being an easy process by going off high-handed and half-cocked. “Would I be here if I was?”
George pulled out a notepad. “Okay then, here’s the plan.”
For the next hour, George explained the ins and outs of the child support system and what needed to be done to legally declare James as JR’s father. By the time they were done, James felt more concerned about getting visitation rights than ever.
“Just make it right.” James finished the last of his coffee and glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to run. Jesse’s riding in South Dakota this weekend and we need to get cracking.”
“All this would be moot if you married the woman. Two-parent families are all the rage.”
James shook his head. “I think she’s already closed applications for the job.”
“Well, if you don’t think you two can make it, then protecting your legal rights is critical. I want to warn you, it can get messy.” George sounded like an ambulance chaser from late night television. “Marry the girl if she’ll take you. It will make this process simpler and you won’t owe me so much money.”
“I’m the last man she’d want to marry.” James went out the door, hoping George didn’t hear the catch in his throat.
• • •
Two more stops and she’d be done marketing for the day. Lizzie had dropped letters and flyers off at the post office for the local travel agencies. A packet went to the local motel and condo rental for overflow guests. Now all she had to do was stop at The Pancake House and the grocery store.
So dump Cash or buy groceries first? Lizzie groaned and pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot. It was barely a third full — a sure sign the midday customer traffic was slow. Good time to get Cash alone. Bad news, she’d be alone with Cash. But this had to be done. He was a good man and she couldn’t keep stringing him along when she wasn’t in love with him.
Making love to James had made one fact clear: her heart belonged to James. Even with all his insecurities, impulsive overreactions, and the fact he’d turn tail and run. Again. He was JR’s father and she loved him. Until she didn’t, she had to quit pretending there might ever be someone else. Especially Cash.
She checked her makeup in the rearview mirror, ran her fingers through her hair and straightened the jacket she’d thrown over her blouse and jeans. Trying to look professional. Like the business owner she soon would be, if she’d understood her father correctly when she called to talk to JR today after she and Angie finished decorating the first two cabins.
Ready to beard dragons, but not Cash, she sat in the driver’s seat of her ancient import, eying the restaurant.
Maybe I should go get groceries.
Chicken, her other side called out. And pushed Lizzie out of the car. She took a packet she’d carefully made up for each of the small town business owners and grabbed her purse. Now or never.
She found Cash sitting in one of the booths, going over paperwork. She stood by the edge of the booth.
“Lizzie.” Cash stood and kissed her on the cheek. “You’re a welcome
sight. What brings you into town? You’re not trying to skip out on our date Friday are you?”
Lizzie slipped into the booth across from Cash and laid the packet on the table. “As a matter of fact … .” She smiled wryly, letting the statement hang.
“Ah, hell.” Cash leaned back into the booth and dropped his pen on the table. “Let me guess, you and James are running off together to live happily ever after.”
Lizzie winced. “Not quite. This isn’t about James. It’s about me.”
“Sure. It’s coincidence you’re breaking up with me right after he comes back town.” Cash shook his head.
Lizzie thought about denying the fact she was breaking up with him. But that would have been unfair to him and her. She jumped in with both feet.
“Cash, I like you more than I can possibly tell you. You’ve been good to me and to JR. But having James in town last weekend taught me that no matter how much longer you and I date I’m not going to fall in love with you.” Lizzie regretted the pain on Cash’s face, but she couldn’t go back now.
“And you are with him.”
“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.” Her lips twisted. “All of those. We have a son together and I know I need to close the door on whatever else there is between us before I move on.” She played with her folder. This wasn’t what she’d planned to tell him. Her well-practiced speech had escaped her mind and she was blowing it. She didn’t want to lose his friendship.
“He doesn’t love you. If he did, he’d be here. Hell, he would have been here all along.” Cash’s words stung. “Think about JR. Don’t you want his father to be stable? To be here with him? With you?”
She couldn’t meet his eyes. How many times had she had the same conversation with herself? Trying to convince herself that emotions like love would come in time. That Cash could be her future and if she left James in the past.
Your past that was back in your bed as soon as he hit town.
Thinking he saw a chink in her armor, Cash grabbed her hands. “I love you, you know. I love JR.”
“I’m sorry.” Lizzie picked up her purse and folder and stood. “I’ll see you around.”
