by BWWM Club
“Hello?” She answered, hoping it was the doctor with her results.
For several months Bianca was having issues with her reproductive health. She would miss periods, have them for a long time or they would be so bad she had to call off from work due to cramping and excessive bleeding. Something was wrong and she had the desire to figure it out now so that having children wasn’t an obstacle later.
“Hello, is this Bianca Mason?” The person asked.
“Yes. What can I help you with?” Bianca wondered, getting nervous.
“This is Amanda calling from Dr. Gabriel’s office. I have some test results for you but the doctor would prefer for you to come in person to discuss everything and your options.” The woman explained without pausing or taking a breath.
“Um, okay. I’m at work now but I’ll see if I can get off a bit earlier for the appointment.” Bianca’s heart sank. This was not a good sign.
She talked with the nurse for a bit longer, making an appointment for late afternoon and hung up. Her heart was aching at the possibility that it was really bad news and she had cancer or something terrible. Unable to focus on work, Bianca floated through the morning with her head in the proverbial clouds. After over pouring juice in two of the children’s cups at lunch time Mrs. Jensen spoke up.
“Bianca, dear, what’s wrong?” She asked, resting her hand on Bianca’s forearm in a motherly fashion.
Bianca forced a smile, “I’m a bit distracted. I’m sorry. I have an important doctor’s appointment this afternoon and I’m a bit shook up about it.” She responded, her throat getting tight.
“Oh dear. Maybe you better head on home then. I think we will be okay without you the rest of the day,” Mrs. Jensen said, gesturing around the room.
“If you’re sure I think I’ll take you up on that,” Bianca agreed, walking to the back room to gather her things.
“I hope that everything turns out ok, dear. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mrs. Jensen waved goodbye as Bianca slid from the room.
On her way out, she stopped by the front office and spoke with the secretary about what was happening and they both agreed she would be better off at home. Smiling in thanks, Bianca waved goodbye and headed out the door, her heart aching at the possibility that something serious was wrong with her.
Chapter 3
Bianca walked out of the doctor’s office in a daze. She couldn’t believe what he had told her. It didn’t make sense, but she guessed it wasn’t supposed to make any sense; she was only thirty. Unfairness ringing through her, she thought back to when she walked out of the school and drove straight to her appointment, two hours early. She didn’t care that she was early. Being home alone and wondering if she was dying from cancer was not an option. Bianca needed to be in that office until they called her name, even if it meant she sat there fretting about what may or may not happen for two hours.
When she arrived at the doctor’s office, the receptionist greeted her with confusion; she was two hours early after all. Bianca waved to her and took a seat in the far corner, clutching her purse to her chest tightly. The purse was acting as a shield to her heart, protecting her rioting emotions and fear of the unknown. She stayed that way for almost an hour, her arms cramping. Only then did she relax a bit, her appointment time drawing nearer. Every so often the receptionists and nurses would give her a strange look but she ignored it. It’s not like she was doing anything wrong. The last time she checked it wasn’t illegal to show up for an appointment two hours early. Finally setting her purse down, Bianca stole another glance at the clock, forty-five minutes left. She had the sudden urge to call Alex. The odd stirring to call him for support surprised her. There were many reasons why she shouldn’t even consider calling him. First, they just met, she barely knew him and he her. What would he think if she called him and asked him to meet her at a doctor’s appointment? He would probably think that she must be desperate or that she doesn’t have any friends. The last reason was obvious, she told him to leave her alone for a while yet she wanted to contact him? It didn’t even make sense when she thought about it so it definitely wouldn’t make sense to him.
With a sigh, she settled back in her chair, resisting the urge to snatch her phone from her purse and dial his number. The next forty-five minutes passed with agitation and Bianca fighting the need to call Alex. She had given up on sitting still and paced and roamed the room and halls of the building until ten minutes before her appointment. Just as she returned into the office a nurse walked out and called her name. She didn’t miss the look of pity that crossed the woman’s face before she turned and began down the hall. Bianca followed, terror clenching her heart at the prospect that she could be dying from cancer. The nurse led her into a small, sparsely decorated, pastel walled exam room. She motioned for Bianca to sit on the exam table. In silence, the nurse took Bianca’s blood pressure and other vitals, told her to relax, and left the room. Bianca scowled at her back as she retreated. I’ll relax when this is all over, she thought, wringing her hands.
Another twenty minutes passed before the doctor entered the exam room. By that point Bianca was wound so tight with agitation she felt like she would snap at the slightest movement.
“Bianca,” Dr. Gabriel began, shuffling papers in the folder on her desk, “How are you?”
Bianca scowled; she had the nerve to make Bianca come all the way to the office, and scared her half to death to ask how she was doing? Fighting the desire to snap at her, Bianca took a deep breath before she answered.
“I’m not exactly doing well right now,” Bianca replied, wringing her hands in her lap again. “The call from the nurse rattled me a bit and I had to leave work extra early because I was so distracted. I’d appreciate if you would just let me know what is wrong with me.”
The edge in Bianca’s voice was noticeable, but she didn’t have time for pleasantries, she just wanted to know what the hell was wrong with her.
Dr. Gabriel cleared her throat and ran a hand through her short, salt and pepper hair, frowning. “Okay then, we’ll get right to it. After looking over all of the tests we ran, the results indicate that your body is going into early menopause.”
Relief swamped Bianca at the revelation that she didn’t have cancer, only to be followed by grief at the reality of what Dr. Gabriel had just said. Menopause? That meant no babies, which meant her dream wouldn’t be realized. Bianca bowed her head, a single tear trickling down her face and onto her lap. Taking a deep breath she looked up.
Choking back a sob, Bianca turned her attention back to the doctor, her head swimming with questions. “What does this mean for me and my reproductive future?” She asked, swiping under her eye at another wayward tear. Crying wouldn’t fix what was wrong with her.
“You have a few options,” Dr. Gabriel explained. “We can give you hormones and you can do invitro and get pregnant now, you can freeze your eggs, or you can do the hormone therapy and wait to see what will happen. I usually recommend freezing eggs in this situation and doing the hormone therapy just to keep your options open.” The doctor finished speaking and looked at Bianca expectantly.
She wants me to make a decision now? She thought, suddenly re-thinking her decision to see this doctor. She was awfully pushy.
“I think I’m going to need some time to think about this. I’ll call the office and make an appointment to do whatever it is I decide.” Bianca stood, gathering her purse and sweater, and started toward the door, “Thanks.”
The doctor nodded, “Take care.”
Bianca exited the room, heading towards reception to check out. She was on autopilot, her mind racing with the options and what it all meant. All the way home she tried to make a decision about what to do. She didn’t want to wait too long, even with the hormone therapy. The fear of not being able to have a child would weigh on her every day. The sperm donor option just wasn’t something she wanted. She wanted a father for her child and raising a baby alone wasn’t something she wanted
to do, although if that was her only option to have a child she would consider it. Freezing her eggs felt like the right choice, even if her body betrayed her even more and she couldn’t have a baby the traditional way in a few years, maybe freezing her eggs would give her and her future husband the option to have a baby anyway.
Bianca pulled into her tiny garage, shutting the car off. She sat there for a few minutes and didn’t move, the events of the day surrounding her. Taking a deep breath, she collected her things and headed into the house. Monster greeted her with a hungry meow, and wound his body around her legs. Bianca patted his head and filled his bowl with food for the evening. Absently she opened the refrigerator, but her appetite was nonexistent. Closing the door with a sigh, Bianca headed upstairs; she needed a hot bath and possibly a glass of wine. Filling the tub, Bianca pulled her phone from her purse checking her messages and email. Her mom called twice, but everything was so urgent to her mom. She had a few work related emails, which she read and discarded or responded to accordingly. Next she moved on to the text messages. Her mom had texted her two times as follow up to the phone calls. Bianca typed off a quick message that she would call her tomorrow and moved on. The next message made her heart stop. It was from Alex.
Alex: Thinking about you today. Just wanted to see how you were doing.
The message was sent around the same time she was at the doctor’s office. If she had taken her phone out of her purse and gave into her fight to call Alex she would have seen it, and likely called him. Bianca wasn’t sure how to proceed. She had momentarily forgotten about Alex when hit with the news from her doctor. A seed of an idea began to grow in Bianca’s mind, but she pushed it back as soon as it started. It was a ridiculous idea. Ignoring the desire to respond to Alex, Bianca slipped into the tub, setting her phone on the floor mat. She sank back, closing her eyes. The stress of the day began to slip away and with it came more thoughts of Alex. Despite her best efforts she couldn’t get him, or his kiss, out of her head.
Wishing to forget the bad news from today, Bianca focused on her thoughts of Alex, and they way his lips felt against hers. She pictured him, and her sex began to throb, moisture wetting her between her thighs, more than the bathwater had. She suddenly ached for him and what he offered her that night in the hospital. Bianca wanted to feel like a whole woman and this ordeal with her body made her feel lacking. Before she knew what she was doing her hand slipped between her shapely thighs, cupping her mound. She moaned, picturing her hand as Alex’s hand, pretending he was with her in the tub. Her eyes slipped closed as she parted her folds with her finger, finding her clit. Bianca could see Alex’s smooth pale skin, and rippling abs in her mind. Her mind’s eye traveled down to his crotch, and while she didn’t get a good look before they were interrupted, she remembered the feel and size of his erection as it pressed against the front of his jeans. Bianca slipped two fingers inside of herself, moaning with pleasure, imagining that it was Alex’s large cock.
A shrill ring sounded in the bathroom, echoing off of the walls and Bianca jumped, removing her hand from between her legs. Her phone was ringing. With an aggravated sigh, Bianca looked down at her phone’s display, fully prepared to cuss her mother out for not respecting her words. But it wasn’t her mom’s name that she read on the screen, it was Alex’s. Scrambling to dry her hands, Bianca snatched the phone from the mat regardless of her brain screaming at her to avoid him. She was done avoiding. After today’s news, she knew life could take time away from you at the drop of a pin.
“Hello?” She answered breathlessly. Hoping that what she had been doing earlier didn’t show in her voice. She was slightly embarrassed that she was so carried away in the moment.
“Bianca? Are you alright? I texted you earlier but you didn’t respond. I know I said I’d give you some time but…” Alex’s voice trailed off as Bianca cut in.
“No, it’s okay. I’m fine.” Bianca lied. She restrained herself from snorting at her falsehood. Fine was a gross understatement.
“Are you sure? You don’t sound fine.” Alex stated, his voice sounding entirely too sure that he was right.
Bianca sighed; if she wanted to pursue a relationship with this man lying was not the way to begin. But should she pursue it? After the news she received today, a relationship might not be an option right now, unless he wanted to have a baby with her. The thought that had been niggling at the back of her mind came to the fore and she gasped, not willing to entertain it. They had just met, after all.
“Bianca, please.” Alex muttered, all but begging her to open up to him.
Bianca sighed again, “So I wasn’t being completely honest,” She began, wanting to explain everything but not over the phone. “I think we should talk, in person.” Holding her breath she waited for him to respond.
“I’ll be right over,” He barked into the phone. The line went dead before she could even say goodbye. Bianca guessed now would be the perfect time to get out of the rapidly cooling bath.
*****
Alex yanked his jeans on, not taking the time for a belt. He’d been dying to see Bianca for days and finally succumbed to calling her. Now she wanted him to stop by at a moment’s notice but sounded like she had bad news. He was a bit concerned that she was going to break it off with him completely. Alex wasn’t sure what he would do with that news, but he wasn’t going down without a fight. He liked her, really liked her. Insecurity lodged itself in his gut. Alex wasn’t used to feeling so helpless about situations. He was a Lieutenant in the Air Force for Christ sake; he needed to pull himself together.
With a wince of uncertainty, Alex slid his feet into his boots, unlaced, and snatched his keys from the table. Making sure he had his phone, he dashed out the door to Bianca’s house, praying that she still wanted to be with him.
*****
Bianca frantically smoothed her hair with anxiety for the fourth time, nervousness assailing her. How would she tell him about her issue? Would he still want to be with her after he found out she may not be able to have children? Adjusting her oversized t-shirt to cover her leggings clad ass, Bianca looked out the window again to see if Alex’s car was pulling up. It had only been ten minutes but she was getting anxious that he wouldn’t show up. Anxiety bubbled in her stomach and she paced around the room. Why was this making her so crazy? She knew why. Alex was everything she wanted in a man, kind, funny, sexy, and he had a great job. Another thought made her stomach flutter again. What if he was going to re-enlist soon? Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.
On her second lap around the living room, Bianca heard the roar of an engine as it pulled into her driveway. Resisting the need to peek through the blinds again, Bianca waited, her hands clasped, in the center of the room. She didn’t want to seem too eager, but she really missed him those three days they hadn’t spoken and seeing him when she had this awful news to convey was more than she could take. A glimpse at her appearance in the mirror over her fireplace made her cringe. She really looked frazzled. A few deep breaths seemed to ease some of her tension just as the doorbell rang. Shaking the anxiety from her hands, Bianca made her way to the door slowly. She couldn’t let him see how shaken she was. With another deep breath she tugged the door open. Bianca almost groaned at how good Alex looked. His dirty blond hair was disheveled as if he just rolled out of bed, or was running his hands through his hair excessively. His five o’clock shadow didn’t make him look sloppy, but sexy, and Bianca ached to rub her cheek against his to feel the burn of the stubble. His sky blue eyes looked hungry with desire and it took all of Bianca’s nerve not to yank him inside by the belt loops and devour him.
Bianca backed up as he muscled his way into the house, the look in his eye made her want to steer clear of him but her body had other ideas. Alex’s eyes never left hers as he moved around her and into the living room. Bianca’s stomach clenched, deep inside, as Alex devoured her with his eyes that were darkened with lust. He sat down on the couch and crossed his leg over his knee; his
large boots were unlaced and screamed of a hasty departure from home. The reason for him coming slammed back to Bianca and broke the trance his stormy blue eyes held her under. Shaking her head to clear the fog of arousal, she moved toward him, perching on the arm of the sofa a good distance away from him. Alex noticed her retreat and hurt momentarily flashed across his face before it was replaced with a hard look. The desire of moments earlier was gone. That was when Bianca realized why he thought he was here. Panic raced through her at the thought. Maybe he would be more receptive to what she had to say if he wasn’t willing to lose her either.
“I, um,” Bianca started, the anxiety she managed to choke back before he entered the house returning.
“Just say it already,” Alex snapped, his light blue eyes clouded with anger.
This was going all wrong. Steeling herself for his reaction, Bianca just blurted it out. “I saw my doctor today and she told me I’m going into early menopause. This means I may not be able to have children. I’m sorry I avoided your text but I wasn’t quite ready to tell anyone yet because I was still digesting it myself.”
Alex’s face went from a hard mask of anger to one of sympathy. The way he looked at her made her want to cry and for a moment she thought she may prefer his anger instead. She hated to be vulnerable around anyone.
