by BWWM Club
*****
Bianca’s symptoms continued to get worse over the next couple of days. The nausea was so bad it was becoming increasingly hard to hide from Alex. Luckily, he seemed a bit distracted himself and Bianca could use the excuse of Christmas shopping to get out of the house without him. Bianca couldn’t face her mom, especially since she wasn’t aware of Bianca’s first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage so she didn’t go shopping with her. Instead she called Andrea and had her meet her at the mall. She needed someone to talk to, and since Andrea had her own child, little Jay was just four months old, she knew her friend would understand. Bianca met Andrea at her car in front of the main entrance just before noon.
“So where do you want to start?” Andrea asked, strapping Jay into his baby carrier and adjusting him on her chest.
When Bianca just stood, watching Andrea and the baby, who she hadn’t seen since she miscarried, Andrea paused. “What’s wrong, Bianca?” Andrea asked, sensing a change in her demeanor.
“I’m pregnant,” Bianca blurted, without thinking. Realizing what she said, she slapped a hand over her mouth.
“What? When did this happen?” Andrea asked a look of shock on her face.
“I’m guessing about eight weeks ago,” Bianca answered, “But I haven’t told Alex. There’s a lot more to the story.” She began.
As they walked into the mall, Bianca recounted the whole story, from finding out she was pregnant the first time, to the miscarriage and finally the current pregnancy. Andrea looked so confused, and mildly hurt that she was just finding out, that Bianca felt she needed to stop to let her say her piece.
“I can’t believe this, Bianca. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Andrea asked with hurt in her voice. She looked so upset that she was kept out of the loop about it all that Bianca felt she owed her an explanation.
“I’m sorry, Andrea. I didn’t really get a chance to tell anyone about the pregnancy before I lost it. Then I was so lost myself I didn’t speak to anyone. I barely spoke to Alex. You were so busy with little Jay I didn’t want to burden you with this,” Bianca said, leaning forward to hug her friend.
They had stopped outside of a department store, and other shoppers eyed them as they passed by. Releasing her friend, Bianca stepped back, wiping tears from her eyes.
“When do you see the doctor?” Andrea wondered as they walked into the store.
“I haven’t made an appointment yet. I’m scared,” Bianca admitted reluctantly.
Andrea hugged her again, little Jay squirming between them. Bianca laughed, and gave him a tiny kiss. The rest of the shopping trip went by without drama and Andrea convinced Bianca to see her doctor as soon as possible, practically forcing Bianca to make the appointment right then and there. Caving in, Bianca called, setting up an appointment for two days later. After the shopping trip, and loaded down with bags, Bianca said goodbye to Andrea as she strapped little Jay into his car seat.
“Promise me you’ll call me and let me know what’s going on?” Andrea said before hopping into her minivan.
Bianca nodded, “I will. I can’t go through this alone, one way or another.”
They said their goodbyes and Bianca drove home feeling better than she had in awhile. Maybe it would all be okay after all.
*****
The next time Bianca told Alex she was going shopping she actually went to the doctor’s appointment. Sitting in the waiting room for her appointment, Bianca never felt so alone. She almost called Alex, only to put her phone away with a shake of her head. It was too soon, he couldn’t know until she found out if the baby was okay. Instead, she called Andrea and talked to her for fifteen minutes which calmed her nerves. Andrea even offered to come down to the doctor’s office but Bianca told her it was okay, knowing she would have to drag the baby out in the cold to meet her. Bianca considered pacing the room but stayed seated, unable to stop jiggling her foot with nerves. This time was nothing like her last initial prenatal visit. She was nauseous and exhausted, not cramping in pain. Bianca’s phone buzzed with a new message just as the nurse called her back to see the doctor. Butterflies rioted in her stomach and she wrung her hands nervously as she followed the nurse back to the exam room. Forcing memories of the last time out of her mind, Bianca put on the gown and sat down. Remembering the message on her phone Bianca pulled it out.
Alex: I’m headed to the mall, want to meet for lunch?
Bianca panicked at the message. What could she tell him? He’d want to meet her somewhere near the mall for lunch but she was a good thirty minutes away. Fighting back a panic attack, Bianca forced herself to slow her breathing. She had to think of something to keep him from getting suspicious.
Bianca: I’m not at the mall right now, I’m headed there in about an hour. Want to meet then?
She just hoped he wouldn’t ask her where she was.
*****
Alex looked at Bianca’s message with confusion. Where was she if she wasn’t at the mall? She had told him she was going Christmas shopping again today with Andrea but didn’t say where and she was acting strangely the last week. Alex was getting nervous that he was losing her again and began to panic.
Alex: Where are you? I’ll meet you somewhere closer instead?
Bianca’s return message took several minutes to come and Alex began to sweat in anticipation.
Bianca: I’m in Delaware, I wanted some tax free shopping. I’ll meet you in Philly in an hour.
Delaware? What the fuck? Alex was almost angry enough to go there to find her. Bianca was keeping something from him, but what? Pacing the living room, Alex decided to take a different route. He scrolled through his phone for the number he wanted and then pressed send.
“Hello?” Andrea answered after the second ring.
“Andrea? Can I talk to Bianca, it’s important?” Alex began without saying hello.
“Uh, I’m not, I mean, Bianca’s not here,” Andrea stuttered, the sound of a fussy baby in the background.
“What? She told me she was going shopping with you,” Alex asked with confusion.
Where the fuck was she? Nausea suddenly gripped Alex’s gut as he thought about the possibilities of what could be happening. He didn’t even want to think of the worst of them.
“Look, Alex, I can’t really talk right now, but I think you and Bianca need to talk.” Andrea said, the baby crying louder.
“Why? What’s going on Andrea?” Alex asked with anxiety.
“I can’t, it’s not my place to say. Please, talk to Bianca,” She muttered.
Alex said goodbye, his gut churning with worry. Where the hell was Bianca and what was she keeping from him?
*****
Bianca’s anxiety level soared when Alex didn’t text back. He knew she was lying and he was angry. Pushing that thought to the back of her mind for the moment, Bianca focused on waiting for the doctor and relaxing. After the longest twenty minutes of her life, Dr. Gabriel came in, clipboard in hand.
“So, Bianca, what’s going on with you today?” Dr. Gabriel asked. Doesn’t she read the damn forms?
“I’m pregnant again,” Bianca said without mincing words.
“Hmmm, I thought we discussed not getting pregnant again for a few months?” The doctor answered, her brows knitting with frustration.
Bianca sighed. “We did. This was not planned,” she said, anger creeping into her voice.
After taking her blood pressure and a few other vitals, the doctor got right down to the exam. She wheeled in the portable ultrasound and Bianca’s heart almost stopped, the images of her empty womb flashing through her mind.
“Relax, Bianca,” Dr. Gabriel said, patting her arm. “Worrying won’t help anything.”
Bianca took a deep breath and laid back, staring at the ceiling.
“Let’s take a look at this baby,” the doctor said, beginning the ultrasound.
Bianca took some more deep breaths but didn’t say anything. After several moment
s the doctor spoke.
“How far along did you say you were?” She asked Bianca.
“I think eight weeks,” Bianca answered, nerves creeping in. Was something wrong?
“Well, this definitely doesn’t look like an eight week fetus,” Dr. Gabriel answered and Bianca’s heart sank. It was happening again.
“What, what does that mean?” She asked, unable to mask her panic. Maybe it was wrong of her to not tell Alex. She suddenly wanted him there to catch her when she fell apart. Again.
“I’d say this fetus is at least ten weeks. Sometimes a miscarriage can throw off your cycles,” Dr. Gabriel replied.
Bianca’s head snapped up, the tears that began to fall on their own, dried almost instantly. “What did you say?”
“I said, you’re ten weeks pregnant. Congratulations, Bianca.”
Bianca released the breath she was holding, a smile spreading across her face. She was finally pregnant and this time her baby was okay. A sudden idea came to her about how to tell Alex. It was going to be a Merry Christmas after all.
Chapter 10
Alex pulled into the driveway at Bianca’s house. He was so angry that she lied, his face felt like it was on fire and his blood pressure was probably through the roof. Taking a deep breath he rang the bell. That wasn’t what he usually did since he had a key, but seeing as how Bianca was lying to him about where she was, he didn’t think he’d be keeping it for much longer. There was a light on in the living room that he could see through the window. He knew that was on a timer however and he didn’t see any other lights on in the house. He knocked, hard. After ten minutes and still no answer Alex deduced that Bianca wasn’t at home. It was after five and he texted with her hours ago. Where the hell was she? The possibility that she was seeing someone else behind his back popped into his head; something he pushed far out of his brain until that moment. Where else would she be so late?
Deciding to let himself in anyway, Alex produced the key from his coat pocket and unlocked the door. Monster rushed to greet him, another sign that Bianca wasn’t home. Alex leaned down to scratch behind his ears before moving through the house to see if Bianca was in fact out. As he wandered around he noticed that it seemed Bianca wasn’t home most of the day. There were few dishes in the sink; the ones they used for breakfast and the house looked as it did when he left that morning. Worry suddenly began to overtake his anger and he sprinted back towards the door, determined to find out what the hell was going on.
*****
Bianca watched as the gift she picked out to announce her pregnancy was engraved with the words ‘Merry Christmas Daddy.’ Her heart swelled with joy and her hand flew to her lower abdomen, where there was still no visible bump, as she smiled widely at the clerk. It had been a long day and despite the exhaustion that was eating at her, Bianca knew she had to get the present tonight. Alex would be glued to her for the next few days as they prepared for their first Christmas together and she needed the alone time to pick out the perfect gift. Luckily it came to her as she was pulling into a parking spot at the mall. Practically bouncing from foot to foot, Bianca waited impatiently for the clerk to finish. When she was done she gathered her gift and set out for home.
Just as she was climbing into her car her phone buzzed.
Andrea: Alex is looking for you. He called me.
Panic seized Bianca. He couldn’t find out this way, she wanted it to be perfect, especially after what they went through, it had to be. Snagging her phone from the passenger seat she dialed Andrea as she clicked on her Bluetooth.
“What’s going on?” Bianca asked, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly it hurt.
“I’m not sure. He called me about two hours ago looking for you. I was getting baby Jay down for a nap otherwise I’d have texted you sooner. Jason just got home from work so I had a free moment.” Andrea said quickly.
“He didn’t respond when I texted him back but I didn’t have time to think about it because the doctor came in. I hope he isn’t mad,” Bianca replied picking up speed. She had to get home before Alex got there.
“He sounded mad,” Andrea said, “How did the appointment go?” She added warily.
“Great! I forgot to tell you. She did an ultrasound and I’m ten weeks pregnant. Andrea I’m so happy. She told me at this point and with my symptoms there was little chance of miscarrying. I feel so relieved.” Bianca gushed, telling Andrea all about her appointment.
She hung up the phone just as she pulled into the driveway. Alex’s car wasn’t there and she breathed a sigh of relief. She had to hide the gift before he got there. Walking in, she realized that it was awfully late and Alex probably should have been there. Sighing with worry, she pulled out her phone. With all of the excitement earlier she didn’t even think about the fact that he hadn’t called or texted her back. A frown creased Bianca’s brow as she dialed Alex’s number. After two rings it went to voicemail. She tried again and the same thing. Finally she texted him that she was home and he could come over whenever he was ready, not that he needed an invitation. Once she fed Monster, she headed upstairs and changed into her pajamas. Her bedtime routine was completed and still no word from Alex. Getting nervous, Bianca tried calling him again.
“Where are you!?!” He yelled at her as soon as he answered.
“Uh, hi to you too,” she said a bit put off by his tone.
“Well? Are you going to answer me?” He snapped.
Bianca pulled the phone away from her ear, reeling at the way Alex was speaking to her. He had never spoken to her that way before and she knew something was off.
“Alex, calm down. I’m at home.” She said calmly, trying not to escalate the situation. Clearly something was wrong.
“Don’t tell me to calm down. Where have you been all day? I was just at your house and you weren’t there. Now all of a sudden you’re home. How do I know if you’re even telling the truth?” He continued to shout at her angrily.
“What?!” Bianca exclaimed, clearly trying to keep calm was out the window.
“I’ve been trying to find you since two o’clock when you texted me that you were out shopping an hour away with Andrea. Which was clearly a lie since Andrea didn’t even know where you were. So where were you, Bianca and who were you with?”
Bianca gasped; did he think she was cheating on him? What was going on? She went out for a few hours and Alex thought she was lying to him. How would this relationship work without trust? Maybe her miscarriage broke them and they would never be able to fully heal?
“Alex, please slow down. I wasn’t with anyone. Just come over so we can talk…”
“I don’t want to talk right now. You’ve been shutting me out for weeks since you lost the baby and now I can’t even get a hold of you during the day and I find out you’re lying to me about where you’ve been. This miscarriage devastated me just as much as it did you and I’ve done nothing but wait around for you to heal so we could move on. But it doesn’t seem like you want to move on, Bianca. Two steps forward and one step back. I gave up a promising career in the Air Force for you and this charade of a relationship,” He sighed, his voice getting lower and lower with each word he spoke.
Bianca laid her head back against the headboard. She had no idea he felt that way and hearing it now caused her to second guess the timing of this pregnancy. He would be angry and think she did it on purpose to replace the baby they lost. Bianca suddenly felt sick to her stomach and it wasn’t from the pregnancy. Why not let him go now and let him be happy with someone else? He obviously wasn’t happy with her and if he found out she was pregnant again he would try to make it work because he was a good guy.
Sighing, Bianca began, trying to keep the tears from her voice, “Alex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were feeling that way. You never told me and you could have. I don’t know what else to say.” She stopped, clearing her throat to break up the lump that gathered there, “If you want a break from me, from us, I’ll und
erstand.”
Silence greeted her on the other end and she almost wondered if the phone had disconnected.
“If that’s what you want, Bianca then I don’t see any other reason to stick around,” he muttered softly, sounding defeated.
Bianca almost yelled at him, that no, she didn’t want that, but it was better this way. He would go on to find someone who made him happy not lonely and lied to.
“Goodbye, Alex,” Bianca croaked, stifling a sob.
“Goodbye, Bianca, “Alex all but whispered.
The line went dead and Bianca laid down on the bed, still clutching the phone to her chest. Just when she thought they were finally going to be happy and have a family she had to go and ruin the one good thing that ever came her way.
*****
Alex hung up the phone and almost threw it against the wall of his apartment. What the hell just happened? Did they break up? Running a hand over his face, the stubble rasping against his hand, Alex wondered why he even agreed to let Bianca call it quits. One minute he was running around frantic trying to find her and the next it was over. But why? He only half meant what he said to her. The miscarriage did break him down but despite her pulling away at first, it seemed she was trying harder to be her normal self. The last few days were weird though and it seemed like he was losing her all over again. The thought that she was with someone else made Alex want to smash a hole in the wall. Why else would she lie to him about where she was? Why else would she be acting so strangely?
Alex began to pace around the room, feeling like a caged animal. He wanted Bianca, that was for damn sure, but did she still want him? He would get to the bottom of this one way or another, even if it meant losing her forever. Maybe it was for the better. Alex shook his head. No, Bianca was the only woman he wanted but how did he mend what he just broke?
