by Ari McKay
“Are you saying you think Asher is cheating on you?” she asked, frowning with disapproval.
“I think he might be,” Zach replied slowly. “I’ve always wondered what he saw in me. I didn’t think I could be enough to hold his interest for long.”
His mother sat up straight, seeming indignant on his behalf. “You’re smart, handsome, and hardworking. If you aren’t enough to keep his interest, no one ever will be,” she said, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “If that’s the case, then it’s definitely his problem, not any indication that something is wrong with you.”
Zach summoned up a smile. “You’ve always been my biggest cheerleader,” he said softly, and the smile faded. “But it hurts so much, and I don’t have any idea what to say to him. What if he is cheating on me? What if he isn’t and I have it all wrong?”
“Well, if he is cheating on you, I think it’s obvious what you should do,” she said. “You’ve been dating a month? If he’s stepping out this early, then he’s not a good choice, so you need to break it off and move on. But if you have any doubts, you need to find out for sure so you don’t end up with what-ifs or regrets. Do you have proof that would hold up in court?”
Zach thought about it as objectively as he could. “Circumstantial evidence only,” he admitted. “I guess that’s one reason I’m afraid to confront him. I’m not sure I can talk to him about it without losing it.”
“I know it won’t be easy, sweetheart,” she said, giving him a sympathetic smile. “But if you leave it like this, you’re going to wonder whether you did the right thing. Who knows? There might be an innocent explanation for whatever happened, but you won’t know until you talk to him. That’s the only way to resolve this, one way or another.”
Zach drew in a shuddering breath. “Of course you’re right. I’ve been avoiding his calls and not replying to his texts. I figure if he’s guilty, he’ll give up, right? It would mean he doesn’t really want me in the first place.”
“Or it means he’s a smart man who figured out you’re avoiding him and stopped calling because you don’t want to talk to him,” she pointed out. “I wouldn’t assume it means he’s guilty. He might be respecting your silence and waiting for you to contact him when you’re ready.”
Zach considered her point, then nodded and gave her hand a squeeze. “This is why I came home,” he said softly. “I knew you’d help me be fair and not fly off the handle.”
“Well, it’s easier for me since my heart isn’t involved.” She patted his hand. “For what it’s worth, I hope it’s all a misunderstanding. I like Asher, and he seemed quite smitten with you. I even got his ornament ready for you.”
Zach bit his lip, wondering what he should do about the ornament. He’d picked it out after Asher’s visit and sent it to his mother to have her write Asher’s name on it, as she’d done for all the family ornaments. He knew he risked pushing Asher too fast, but as soon as he saw the ornament, he’d wanted to give it to Asher for Christmas. He had also hoped Asher would come home with him and hang it on the Richardson family tree. Now Zach didn’t know what was going to happen, but if his mother could hope it was all a misunderstanding, so could he.
“I’ll take it with me,” he said, rising to his feet. “I’d better hit the road while I still have the courage to do it.”
“Good idea. I’ll get it for you.” His mother slid off her seat and left the room. When she returned, she was carrying a small ornament box, which she held out to him. “I didn’t have time to wrap it,” she said, which wasn’t a surprise. Somehow, she always ended up in a last-minute wrapping frenzy on Christmas Eve despite her vows to start earlier every year.
“That’s all right. I’ve got a gift bag for it,” Zach replied. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks again, Mom. You’re the best.”
“Anytime, sweetheart.” She shooed him toward the door. “Now go find Asher and get this mess straightened out. If you need to come home early, let me know, and I’ll have the comfort cookies in the oven.”
“Thanks.” Zach smiled at her, then turned to leave. He didn’t feel better, but at least he didn’t feel as though he was floundering at sea without a life jacket any longer. Whatever happened with Asher, he still had his family, and that helped.
He just wished that comfort cookies really were a remedy for a broken heart.
Chapter Eleven
THE HOTEL ballroom looked like a winter wonderland, but it didn’t help Asher feel festive at all. The decorations were winter-themed rather than holiday-themed in order to be as inclusive as possible, which meant the ballroom glittered with blue, white, and silver and lots of crystal bling. Under normal circumstances, Asher would have admired the decor and loitered around the buffet table, hoping the caterer would offer a sample, but this year, he wasn’t looking forward to the party. All he wanted was to get through it and go home.
But he was the representative Caldwell now, so he couldn’t blow off the party. Instead, he arrived well ahead of time to help his partner, Cal Monroe, oversee the final touches and make sure everything was going smoothly.
Cal was giving directions to a crew who was hanging a banner that read “Welcome Caldwell & Monroe Family,” and when it was adjusted to his satisfaction, he headed toward Asher with a big grin on his face. But the grin faded the closer he came until he was wearing a frown of concern by the time he reached Asher.
“Is something wrong?” Cal asked, resting his hand on Asher’s shoulder. “You look like you lost your best friend.”
“It’s a personal issue,” Asher said. Given that no one at the office knew he was seeing someone, he didn’t want to go into detail about how his first and only serious relationship had ended after only a month—and he didn’t even know why. “Nothing you need to worry about.”
Cal didn’t appear convinced, but he nodded. “All right. But if you ever need to talk, Asher, you know where to find me. I’m always willing to listen. Or I can be quiet and serve the booze if that’s what you need. If you want to vent about your father, trust me, I know what Ted is like, and I know what he put you through. It was like watching a train wreck and knowing there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.”
“Thanks, but this doesn’t have anything to do with my father. For once,” Asher said with a wry smile. “Our relationship has gotten so much better since we stopped speaking. I’m not even putting in an obligatory holiday visit anymore.”
Cal smiled crookedly. “I imagine Dane can sympathize with that quite a lot,” he replied, naming his husband, who’d made a public break from his own father. “Whatever it is, I hope it gets better in time for you to have a good Christmas. Being depressed during the holidays sucks.”
“It does,” Asher said, rubbing his chest, but a broken heart wasn’t so easily soothed. “But I’ll cope. I always do.” He glanced over and spotted Shelley standing guard by the secret exchange gift table, and he realized he needed to get his gift back. He felt a twinge of remorse that Zach wouldn’t receive a secret exchange gift, but Asher couldn’t let him open the gift. It was bad enough that Zach had ghosted on him without adding public humiliation in front of the whole firm to the mix. “Excuse me, Cal. I need to talk to Shelley.”
“Sure,” Cal replied, patting Asher on the shoulder again. “Hang in there.”
“Thanks.” Asher gave him a quick smile before heading to the gift table. “I need my gift back,” he said, scanning the presents to see if he could spot it. “Things have changed, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to give it to him in public.”
Shelley stared at him, then frowned. “Are you sure?” she asked, shaking her head and setting her menorah earrings swinging. “I mean, he won’t have a gift. How will I explain it to him?”
“Tell him the person who drew his name is an asshole who flaked. Tell him they promised to make up for it later. I don’t care.” Asher found his gift, which wasn’t difficult. He’d wrapped it himself with dubious results that stood out among the rest of
the gifts, which were far more neatly wrapped. He picked it up and tucked it under his arm. “I’m sorry. I really am. I know this throws things off, but I can’t give this to him in front of everyone else.” He offered her an apologetic smile. “I just can’t.”
Shelley looked at him with sympathy in her eyes. “Don’t worry, I always bring a few generic gifts—bottles of wine and gift certificates to restaurants. I’ll leave Zach until last, though… just in case.”
Asher breathed a quiet sigh of relief that Zach wouldn’t be embarrassed over being the only one not to receive a gift. “Thanks, Shelley. I appreciate it.”
“It’s not the first time this has happened,” she confided. “Go on, though, before someone notices. Nothing gets gossip going in the office faster than something weird going on with the gift exchange.”
Asher walked away from the table quickly, debating what he should do with the gift. He sure as hell didn’t want to carry it around all evening, so he headed to the lobby. He could leave it with the concierge until the party was over, and then…. Well, then he’d have to figure out whether to donate it or return it. Keeping it wasn’t an option.
He was about to exit the ballroom when someone called out to him from the shadows behind one of the potted evergreens that ringed the room. “Asher? Will you talk to me for a few minutes, please?”
Asher froze at the sound of Zach’s voice, and he turned slowly to see Zach standing there. He was dressed casually in jeans and a dark green sweater, which was a little informal for the party, and he was pale, with dark circles under his eyes.
“Now you want to talk?” Asher felt a little surge of annoyance that Zach had ignored him for days only to turn up at the most inconvenient time. He didn’t want to do a relationship postmortem right before the firm’s biggest event of the year.
Zach flinched, but he nodded. “I’ve been trying to call you, and I even went to your apartment, but Martha said you were already here. But if you don’t want to talk to me, I’ll go. Maybe it would be better that way.”
“I’ve had my phone turned off ever since I got here. I wasn’t expecting anyone to call.” Least of all you, Asher thought. But Zach was looking like a puppy that just had its nose swatted with a newspaper, and Asher felt remorse for his outburst. “There’s a small conference room down the hall,” he said. “We can talk there.”
“All right.” Zach bit his lip, his expression pensive, but he stepped out of the ballroom.
Asher led the way to the conference room, and as soon as they were inside with the door closed, he set his gift box down on the table and turned to Zach. “Is this where you explain why you’ve been ignoring me since I got back from DC? I was so worried, I almost called the police.”
“I’m sorry,” Zach murmured, running his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t reply because I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure if I was right or wrong about what I heard. I just knew it hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt.”
Asher stared at him, bewildered. He tried to think of something—anything—that matched up with what Zach was saying, but he couldn’t. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re going to have to be more specific than that.”
Zach looked at him, and his expression held sorrow and pain. “After I left your apartment that night, I realized I’d forgotten my briefcase,” he said. “I came back, and I heard you on the phone, asking someone to meet you. You said you’d pay double and they were worth it. It sounded….” Zach’s voice broke, and he looked away. “It sounded like you were arranging for an escort to come over,” he continued, his tone ragged. “I went down to the lobby, and this gorgeous blond showed up, and the guard said you were expecting him.”
Asher could do nothing but gape at Zach. Part of him was relieved the situation could be cleared up easily, but another part was deeply hurt that even after everything Asher had said about not wanting to behave like his father, Zach thought he was capable of betrayal. At last, he pulled out his wallet and retrieved Colin James’s business card, and he handed it to Zach.
“Colin is an artist. I commissioned him to make a Christmas present for me.”
In fact, the gift was in the box on the table, but Asher wasn’t going to admit that.
Zach stared at the card, then closed his eyes, his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I tried so hard not to push you, and I didn’t know if I was reading more into our relationship than was really there. Part of me never fully believed I was special. I didn’t think I could be enough for you.”
“I tried every way I knew how to show you that you were more than enough.” Asher shrugged and spread his hands. “But obviously you didn’t believe it. What’s more, you didn’t trust me. You didn’t ask me who Colin was. You just assumed I was cheating on you.”
“I’m sorry.” Zach’s voice was ragged. “You’re right. It’s my fault. I wish I could go back and do it all over again, but I can’t. I should have trusted you. Now I’ve wrecked everything, when all I wanted to do was make you happy.”
Some of Asher’s anger drained away, leaving him feeling tired and defeated. “I don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head. “What did I do—or not do—so wrong that made you think you weren’t enough? How did I make you distrust me so much?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Zach said, lifting his head to look at Asher. “It’s my own insecurity that got to me. I didn’t think I could be a substitute for an infinite supply of handsome men or that I was special enough to be the one who helped you get past your issues with commitment. I’m just… me. A guy who has always faded into the background. Maybe part of it was that you never noticed me before that night. I figured you’d wake up and realize I was that guy you’d never noticed before, and you’d wonder what you saw in me in the first place.”
Asher felt as if he’d been tossed into the deep end. “I don’t know why I didn’t notice you before. Maybe I’m just a shallow asshole, and it took tight jeans and a new haircut for me to see you. But it wasn’t the new look that kept me coming back after that first night. That was all you.”
Zach swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “Sorry I didn’t trust you. Sorry I didn’t talk to you about it right then. I hope you can forgive me one day, because I love you and I can’t bear the thought of you being angry at me.”
Asher’s breath caught in his throat at Zach’s admission. He’d hoped Zach would fall for him the way he’d been falling for Zach, but he hadn’t wanted to rush into any declarations, given his inexperience with relationships.
“Having your heart means nothing if I don’t have your trust as well,” he said, taking a step closer to Zach. “Can you trust me? Can you believe it when I say that you’re enough for me, and I haven’t even looked at another man since we’ve been together?”
“Yes,” Zach replied, his voice soft. “I’ve been an idiot, because I let my insecurity overwhelm my common sense. I won’t make that mistake ever again.”
“If you ever start doubting whether you’re special enough to keep my interest even when you aren’t wearing the tight jeans, I have something that might serve as a reminder.” Asher retrieved the box and held it out to Zach. “This was supposed to be your secret exchange present, but I thought we were broken up, so I took it back. For reasons that will become obvious, I didn’t want you to open it in front of everyone else.”
Zach’s eyes widened as he accepted the box. “You had my name in the exchange?” He turned his attention to the box, smiling slightly as he ran his finger over the wrapping paper. “You wrapped it yourself. Thank you.”
Slipping his finger under one edge, Zach opened it with care and folded the paper back to expose the box within. He lifted the lid, where a simple card with “From A to Z” rested atop the gift. Zach smiled at the card, then took it out and gasped when he saw what the box held. On a bed of white tissue rested a handmade stained glass heart, catching the light with shades of ruby, garnet, crimson, and scarlet glass. There was a loop
at the apex of the heart with a short length of red velvet ribbon through it so it could be hung on a tree. Zach lifted it out of the box and held up the heart to watch the play of light through the glass. When he looked at Asher, his eyes glimmered with unshed tears.
“It’s beautiful, Asher. I love it. Thank you.”
“That’s what I commissioned Colin to make,” Asher said, relieved Zach liked the ornament. “I bought a live tree and had it delivered while I was in DC so I could surprise you when I got back. I thought we could shop for ornaments together. I had this fantasy of it being our tree.”
“It can be reality, if you still want it to be,” Zach replied. He put the heart carefully back into the box and placed it on the table, then reached into the pocket of his overcoat, withdrawing a small, glittery blue gift bag. He held it out to Asher. “I won’t claim to be a great mind, but it seems we do think alike.”
Asher shot a curious look at Zach before opening the bag and pulling out the paper-wrapped object within. He put the bag aside and unwrapped the paper carefully, not wanting to drop whatever was in it. Finally, he uncovered a small, hand-blown glass ornament with a hole in the front and a tiny woodland landscape with a miniature tree house inside it. Along the top, his name had been painted on the glass in the elegant calligraphy that he recognized from the Richardson family ornaments.
“I’ve never gotten my own ornament before,” he said, feeling as if once again, Zach was giving him what his own family never had.
“I thought since you were deprived of a tree house as a child, maybe it wasn’t too late to give you a bit of the magic they hold,” Zach said. “I wanted to ask you to come home with me for Christmas and be a part of my family, because I think you belong with me.”
Such simple words, but ones Asher hadn’t heard—much less felt—before. He’d spent years keeping people at a distance when what he really craved were connections. Now he had a chance to build for himself what his father had never given him, and he wanted it more than anything.
