‘And beg as you walk till you reach your destination. That’s the idea, isn’t it? You don’t want to be too deeply in debt—even to me.’
‘It’s not the first time, gosain. I’ve walked—’ She glanced up at my face and said simply, ‘Buy me a ticket to Vrindavan, then.’
‘Let’s go together.’
‘Are you going the same way?’
‘No, but I’ll go with you as far as I can.’
We took our places in the train. I dusted the bench and made a bed for her with my own hands.
‘What are you doing, gosain?’ Kamal Lata said agitatedly.
‘I’m doing that which I’ve never done for anyone before. I’m doing it so that I may never forget this journey.’
‘Do you really wish to remember it all your life?’
‘I do, Kamal Lata. Only, no one will know of it. Only you and I.’
‘But it is not right for me—’
‘It is. Sit in peace and let me do what I must.’
She obeyed. The train passed through many villages and towns, green fields and stretches of wasteland. They revived many memories which Kamal Lata shared with me in her low, sweet voice. She spoke of her many pilgrimages to Vrindavan, Mathura, Govardhan and Radha Kundu and her experiences with sadhus and Vaishnavs. And, then, her meeting with Dwarika Das which had brought her to the akhra. I remembered my conversation of the morning and cried eagerly, ‘Do you know, Kamal Lata? Bara gosainji believes that you are innocent.’
‘He does?’
‘Yes. He wept when I took leave of him and said, “I can’t drive out an innocent woman and stay within these walls. My years of service to Radha Govinda will cease to have meaning, if I do.” He’s leaving the akhra too. Our little ashram, so simple and sweet, will fall to pieces.’
‘No, it won’t. God will show a way.’
‘If you are ever called back—will you go?’
‘No.’
‘If they are genuinely repentant? If they truly need you?’
‘Not even then.’ She thought for a moment and added, ‘I’ll go back only if you want me to. Not for anyone else in the world.’
‘But where can I find you?’
She didn’t reply. There was a long silence.
‘Kamal Lata!’ I called and saw that her eyes were shut and her head rested on the window. ‘She’s fatigued with the strain of the last few days,’ I thought, and let her go on sleeping. Then, I don’t know when, I fell asleep myself.
‘Natun gosain!’ Someone was shaking me awake. ‘You’ll have to get off. The train has arrived at Sainthia station.’ I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Kishen came in from the next compartment and took down my bag and bedding. I found the sheet and pillow with which I had made a bed for Kamal Lata, neatly rolled up and put away with the rest of my luggage.
‘It was such a small thing, Kamal Lata. Yet you returned it.’
‘I’ll have to walk mile after mile. I can’t carry a load.’
‘You don’t even have a change of clothing with you. Shall I give you a dhoti?’
‘You don’t understand, gosain. Your dhoti will look strange on a beggar.’
‘Perhaps it will,’ I sighed. ‘But even beggars must eat. You have two days of travel ahead of you. Will you keep the food I brought or shall I throw it away before I go?’
Kamal Lata burst out laughing. ‘Ma go! How angry you are! I’ll keep the food and eat a huge hearty meal after you leave.’
The interval between arrival and departure drew to a close. It was time to descend. As I rose to do so, Kamal Lata came up to me and whispered, ‘There’s no one around. Give me the dust of your feet, quickly, before anyone sees us.’ She bent and touched my feet for the first time.
It was still dark when I stepped off the train and stood on the platform. I looked up at the sky. Even as I did, a thin band of pearly light appeared in the middle and spread upwards and outwards, slicing away the darkness in two halves. A crescent moon—pale and worn with thirteen nights of waning—gleamed dully from one end and, from the other, the first haze of dawn appeared, shimmering like a mist. I remembered the time I had gone picking flowers with the Vaishnavi. The hour had been the same but the feelings—how different!
The whistle blew. The guard waved his green light and gave the signal. Kamal Lata put out her hand from the window and, for the first time in our acquaintance, she took mine and held it close. ‘I’ve never asked anything of you, ever, gosain,’ she said in a voice, humble and pleading. ‘Will you do something for me?’
‘I will.’
‘I know how much you love me! How you suffer for me! Don’t—anymore. Put your faith in Him. Surrender me in his hands and be free.’
The train moved with a jerk. Her hand was still in mine. I walked a few paces holding it. ‘I surrender you, Kamal Lata,’ I said. ‘May He have the caring of you and may the path you’ve chosen be wide and free. I shall not insult you by calling you mine—ever again.’
The train moved away. Our hands fell apart. The lights of the station flashed into her face, one by one, through the window in which it was framed. Then all was dark and empty but I thought I saw her waving her hand in a last farewell.
Introduction
* This and all other castes mentioned in the book are explained in the Glossary.
One
* A plant similar to Indian hemp.
* An exclamation common among Bengalis, usually used to ward off evil.
** Devotional songs composed by Ram Prasad Sen—a great devotee of Kali.
* The brother just preceding oneself.
* A term of courtesy used for men.
** A term of contempt used by Bengalis for the people of Bihar.
* An itinerant showman who entertains people by assuming different guises.
Four
* The hibiscus flower.
Twelve
* See Glossary.
One
* See Glossary.
Three
* ‘Oh my mother!’—an exclamation common among Bengalis.
* Food offered to Radha and Krishna in an earthen basin—a custom among Vaishnavs.
Four
* O hé: Oh you!
Mian: A term of respect used for Muslim men.
Nine
* A term of courtesy used for men.
* A Burmese goddess.
Fifteen
* This is Srikanta’s great-uncle, though the word means ‘grandfather’.
* to make obeisance
Three
* Elder brother’s wife.
* Husband’s younger brother.
Four
* A term of respect used for Brahmin cooks from UP and Bihar.
Six
* Youngest daughter-in-law of the house.
* The last day of the fifth month of the Bengali calendar, falls in mid September.
Eight
* Oh! My mother!
Twelve
* The ancient name for the part of Bengal lying on the western bank of the Ganga.
** Maternal uncle.
Thirteen
* Mistress of the house.
* Husked but whole lentils.
** A Brahmin who performs funeral rites for a living and is, in consequence, socially degraded.
One
* The first month of the Bengali calendar (mid April to mid May)
Two
* The last month of the Bengali calendar (mid March to mid April).
* The word mian is normally a term of respect used to address Muslim men. However, Gahar uses it here to imply ‘Mussalman’.
Five
* A place where Vaishnavs assemble for religious worship.
** A religious mendicant.
+ A wandering minstrel.
* Sri Chaitanya Dev.
* A term of address used for Vaishnav men.
** A term of address used for gurus.
* A Vaishnav anchorite.
* Gour is one of the names of Mahaprabh
u Sri Chaitanya Dev.
Six
* The Vaishnavite ritual of exchanging basil garlands to signify marriage.
Seven
* A term of respect used for the young mistress of the house.
* The philosophy of love.
Nine
* Ratan uses the word prasad to imply the leftovers from Srikanta’s meal.
Ten
* See Glossary.
** A Brahmin priest who acts as a guide to pilgrims.
Eleven
* See Glossary.
* A rice offering.
* A wild flower with a foul smell.
** Religious verses—usually sung.
* See Glossary.
Twelve
* The giving away of a daughter in marriage.
** The ritual of putting sindoor in the parting of the bride’s hair.
Thirteen
* The third month of the Bengali calendar (mid June to mid July).
Glossary
Barui:
Those who grow betel leaves.
Bauri:
A socially backward caste, usually palanquin-bearers.
Bharatvarsha:
This was a journal to which Saratchandra contributed regularly.
Boshtom/Boshtomi:
Colloquial corruption of Vaishnav and Vaishnavi.
Dom:
A person whose caste duty was to cremate the dead and therefore was considered an “Untouchable”.
Durbasha muni:
One of the ancient rishis reputed to have a violent temper.
Gangajal:
Women in Bengal formed lasting friendships by using symbolic names for each other, such as Sai, Moner Katha, Gangajal, etc.
Goala:
The cowherd caste order.
Jal Achal:
The caste orders considered to be low, therefore water touched by them was not acceptable to Brahmins.
Kaibarta:
The caste order which consists of peasants.
Kamar:
Colloquial corruption of Karmakar.
Karmakar:
The caste order of blacksmiths.
Kayastha:
A Hindu caste considered lower than the Brahmins in nineteenth century Bengal.
Kulin:
Of the lineage of Brahmins on whom an order of honour was bestowed by King Ballal Sen of ancient Bengal.
Kumahar:
The caste order of potters.
Kumbhakarna:
One of the brothers of King Ravana. His capacity for eating and sleeping are legendary.
Kurmi:
A socially backward caste of rural Bengal.
Nabasakh:
The potter, weaver, milkman, barber, spice dealer, garland-maker, blacksmith, confectioners and those who grow betel leaves collectively make up the Hindu caste order of Nabasakh; literally, ‘nine branches’.
Neelkanth:
One of the many names of Shiva. The legend goes that when the asuras and devas were churning the ocean for the life-giving amrita, they churned up a very destructive poison. Shiva took in the poison to prevent it from destroying the universe—but instead of swallowing it, held it in his throat. Thus, his throat turned blue, and he was called Neelkanth, i.e. ‘blue-necked’.
Sadgope:
The milkman caste order.
Sonar Bene:
A person belonging to the caste order of goldsmiths.
Sunri:
A person belonging to the caste order of wine distillers.
Tili:
A person belonging to the caste order of oil crushers.
PENGUIN BOOKS
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi 110 017, India
Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA
Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)
Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd)
Penguin Group (Australia), 707 Collins Street, Melbourne, Victoria 3008, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd)
Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd)
Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, Block D, Rosebank Office Park, 181 Jan Smuts Avenue, Parktown North, Johannesburg 2193, South Africa
First published by Penguin Books India 1993
This edition published by Penguin Books India 2009
This translation copyright © Aruna Chakravarti 1993
Cover photograph © Saibal Das
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved
ISBN: 9780-1-430-6647-7
This digital edition published in 2013.
e-ISBN: 978-9-3511-8110-1
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser and without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the abovementioned publisher of this book.
Srikanta Page 53
