by Tori Kayson
“I don’t know what to do. I thought I had it all figured out, but now—” Hawk rubbed his face, scraping against a healthy smattering of whiskers.
“What were you going to do?”
“Stay here. Build a life for us in Coldwater Ridge with a steady job and a reliable income. Prove to the judge that living in one place is better for Cody than moving all over the country every few months with his mother.”
“Why can’t you still do that?”
“Because what if she takes my son somewhere and I can’t find him?” Anguish rippled from his profile, in the tight clench of his jaw, the purple hollows rimming his cheeks, the mussed hair from ramming his fingers through it.
With her stable upbringing, Kierra couldn’t even imagine the fear Hawk faced on a daily basis. She hid her horror, injected confidence into her tone. “That’s always a possibility, right?”
He nodded. Another big exhale, and her heart puddled.
“But she hasn’t done that yet, so what makes you think she would do that now?”
“Cody and I have talked about staying here for good, many times. He’s all for it. So much that I’m afraid he might cause trouble for Brigit. Even though he knows to respect his mama, he’s getting older and is starting to express his independence. That, plus he doesn’t like the current boyfriend. That worries me.”
“Has the boyfriend ever hurt Cody?”
“Nothing other than yelling a lot. Other than that, Cody’s never put into words what it is about this guy that he doesn’t like.”
“That’s understandable. He’s not you.”
Earned her another smile and a tighter grip around her shoulder. He rested his cheek against her head. They sat like that for a few minutes. Just soaking in the glow of the fire. Soaking in each other.
Finally, he said, “Makes me a bit uneasy, though.”
“So, what are your options?” She held her breath, the tremors kicking into gear again.
“Stay the course.”
She exhaled. That meant he’d be sticking around for the long haul. She was good with that.
“Leave at daybreak.”
“Leave?” She jerked away from him, away from the warmth, away from the pleasure of his touch. “Just like that? One phone call would make you leave?”
He huffed. “Not my first choice, but yeah.”
“What would that accomplish?”
“I could try to talk her out of it.”
“And if you can’t?”
“Then, I’m right back to where I started.”
“Exactly.” She hiked her chin, stiffened her spine and folded arms over her chest. “So that option doesn’t sound reasonable.”
“It doesn’t, does it?” Smiling, he reached out and curled an arm around her back, scooted her rump closer.
She snuggled against his side, her hand resuming its position over his heart. Much better. “Mmmm.”
“I kinda like it here myself.”
“Here or here?”
He chuckled and scraped his jaw whiskers against her hair. “Both. You know what I mean.”
She wanted more. Needed more. “No, I don’t. Tell me.”
His palm framed her cheek, his silver eyes alight with passion. Or was it just the flicker from the fire’s glow? He leaned in close, coffee scented words wafting to tickle her lips. “I like being here. With you. Cuddling. Your hand over my heart. Just like this.” He covered her hand with his then brought her palm to his lips. “And I want that for later too. When we get home.”
“Home. I love that word.” She lifted her face, needing another taste of him. What if he left? This moment was all she’d have.
“Me too.” Long lashes shuttered the passion flaring in his eyes. His lips met hers, his kiss slow and teasing. Then he nibbled the tender skin behind her ears, down her neck and along her shoulder blade, blazing a trail of fire with his mouth.
His slow, intentional meandering about drove her mad! When he scooped her up and onto his lap, his hand connecting with bare skin of her thigh, a gurgle of pleasure escaped her lips. Sweet heaven above!
His whole body stiffened, and his mouth stilled. As if he’d only meant to take the kiss so far, and he’d just sailed past an invisible boundary.
Disappointment swamped her.
She’d lost him. Again.
****
Hawk jerked his hand back from the fiery patch of Kierra’s skin and forced the kiss into something tamer, soothing. Giving his hammering pulse a chance to resume a manageable rhythm. He couldn’t prove he was a better man if he kept acting like the old one.
He was a heel for leading her on with this kiss. Couldn’t offer any promises. Not when he didn’t know what today or tomorrow or the next day would bring, or how far he’d need to go to track his son.
Discouragement swirled in the pit of his gut, churning with regret and frustration. A toxic mixture.
One last sweet taste and he disengaged from her lips. His particular poison was contagious, and she was too sweet to hurt again.
Hawk settled her back against his side. Where she couldn’t hold him hostage anymore to the desire raging through him.
Ha! Who was he kidding? Like the arms hugging his waist, the silky strands of hair tickling his skin, and the clean fruity scent that lingered on her clothes didn’t tempt him to drag her deep into the woods.
He blew out a frustrated breath, and her torso moved with him in perfect harmony. Would the timing ever be right for the two of them? Could he ever hope to carve out a life with her if he kept chasing Brigit? “You’re not making this easy.”
She didn’t respond. Only tightened her grip around his back and burrowed deeper into his side.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, I think you do.” His shirt muffled her words. Was that resentment in her tone?
He leaned around to peer down at her. “You want to tell me, then?”
“You’ll figure it out.” She patted his chest. As if confident in his judgment, his decisions.
Wish he was as confident. “No, seriously. I’d like to know your thoughts.”
Her arms fell away from him, and she scooted that cute rump over, putting a mile back between them. Might as well be a thousand at this point.
She scooped up a twig and snapped it in half, tossed one of the pieces into the fire. “You want to prove to the judge that you’re stable. You can’t do that if you keep uprooting yourself.”
He nodded. “Fact.”
She tossed the second half into the flames. “Fargo is very understanding with the ranch employees, particularly when it comes to family matters, but even he has limits. Are you willing to sacrifice your job on the basis of a phone call from your ex saying she might move?”
He ground his teeth. “But what if she does?”
“What if she doesn’t?”
“Point taken. But you’re not looking at this from a parent’s perspective.”
She flung the last twig in the fire and shoved to her feet. “No. I’m not.” She brushed off her hands, her soft cherry red lips now set in a firm line.
Now he’d ticked her off. “I’m sorry. That sounded cruel, and I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that…it’s not only me I’m fighting for. It’s Cody. It’s us.”
With her back to him, she flicked a palm across her cheek.
Now he’d made her cry. For the love of—
In one move he was off the ground and in two steps, circled her waist from behind and tugged her back against his chest. He rested his chin on her head. “This is where I want to be, sweetheart. Right here, with you. Now. Tomorrow. The next day.”
“Then fight for us, too.”
“Us?” He nuzzled his lips against her neck. Did she really mean it?
“Yes. Us.”
His mouth stilled. Shoot, everything stopped working, including his lungs. The huge lump finally worked its way down his throat and he managed to give a voice to his wildest dreams. “There’s a possibili
ty of us?”
“There’s always been a possibility.” Her voice was so small, so tiny, he almost couldn’t make out the words.
He gripped her arms and turned her around so she faced him, but she didn’t look up. He nudged her chin up with a thumb then grazed her cheek, brushing the trail of moisture away with his knuckles.
“I’m not the man I was back then.”
She nodded, spearing him with dewy soft eyes. “I know.”
“But you still deserve better.” More than what he had to offer. More than a life on the road, continual upheavals, living away from her family. That’s all he had to offer right now. That, and Cody, to her, a constant reminder of his unfaithfulness, his failure. “I don’t know if I can be the man you need, the man you deserve.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her.
“If you’re going to give up without a fight, then maybe you’re not.” She wrapped arms around her chest and poked her chin out toward the darkness.
The words, the broken tone, pierced his heart. What did she want from him? He couldn’t be everything to everybody, and he was just so stinking tired. Tired of moving around, lugging boxes, filling out change of address forms. Tired of fighting his ex-wife, dreading that next phone call. Tired of facing his son’s endless questions.
Tired of feeling like a failure for not giving his son a heritage to be proud of, instead of passing on his ugly childhood. A stepfather, the only father he’d ever really known, who rotted and died in prison. A mother who waited tables at night, who finally abandoned Hawk for a trucker just shy of his high school graduation.
Some heritage. And history was repeating itself.
“Who said I was giving up? But, Cody needs me. He can’t fight for himself.” Hawk thumped his heart. “I feel like a war’s going on inside. I wanted so much more for him than the mess I grew up with.” And, yeah, maybe his voice wavered a bit too.
She flicked her head once, her lips quivering. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. This mess is my fault.”
“I wasn’t enough for you.” She didn’t say it like a question. More a statement of fact.
What?
“Hey.” He gripped her arms and stared into those espresso eyes, liquid with emotion. How could she ever think that? “Don’t you ever believe that lie! I was young and stupid. I should have waited for you to come around.”
“But, I broke up with you. How could you have known I’d come around?”
“Doesn’t matter. I love—” No! Now was not the time or place. He rubbed his jaw, the whiskers scratching his palm. “I should’ve exercised more self-control. Should’ve appreciated the glorious grassy meadow instead of going after the tiny patch of dry grass on the other side of the fence.” He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
But would it cost him his son?
11
“Can’t say I’m sorry to leave this sorry hunk of leather behind.” Sterling hoisted the saddle onto the tack room hanger with a grunt, then pivoted to face her, sliding his arms up and down his backside.
Kierra jerked her gaze away. The man didn’t need any encouragement in that regard. “You get used to it.”
She hung her saddle in the usual spot. Anxiety to catch up with Hawk before he left chewed a hole in her belly, but she had to see to the guests first. “Like wearing a brand new pair of shoes. In the beginning, they may be uncomfortable and you get those awful blisters, but after a few times wearing them, they’re your favorites.” She glanced over her shoulder. Startled to peer right at his straight white teeth, the smile he’d forked over big bucks to achieve.
Awkward! She moved her legs in reverse, but two steps and a stirrup pressed into her back. The end of the road.
“Hmmm.” The magazine editor didn’t look convinced. He rubbed the denim between his upper thighs. “Not sure I like the idea of blisters anywhere near this machine.” His raised eyebrows and uplifted chin issued a come hither invitation.
Oh for the love of—
Not a chance, buddy! Was a feature really worth this harassment? She tipped her hat down to hide the roll of her eyes. Anger and embarrassment tracked up her neck.
Subtlety had never been one of her virtues. Nor putting up with crap like this. Her three brothers had seen to that. How could she get out of this predicament without kicking the guy in the “machine?”
Exotic crocodile skin boots appeared in her line of vision.
She lifted her head, collided with his hooded gaze. Burrowing her brows together, she folded her arms to keep him from invading any more of her space. Really, dude? That’s the way you want to play?
A mole dotted the bottom corner of his lip. A lip that curved in anticipation. “You know, I could use some more intimate details for the feature. Something a bit more…personal.”
Seriously? The man was bribing her?
Footsteps skidded to a stop at the tack room’s entrance. “Whoa! Didn’t mean to interrupt something,” Shana drawled.
The dude never moved, except the smile expanded. At least he’d tucked his hands in his pockets.
Kierra mashed a palm against his chest and shoved the jerk away. A woman had limits, and this was hers. She would not lower herself or disrespect her family or the ranch just to snag the cover of a magazine. Not even!
Shana blocked the doorway, arms crossed over her ample chest, smirking. Hawk towered over Shana’s shoulder. His silver eyes widened, his gaze flitting between her and Sterling, appraising the situation before his stony face shut down. He swiveled and disappeared.
Kierra shuttered her eyes. A misunderstanding was so not how she wanted to leave things with him.
Especially not since he’d stuck with the job all day, not uttering a single complaint about their later than expected arrival back at the ranch. But he had to be itching to get to his son, to make sure his ex-wife hadn’t moved yet.
She took a step forward, but a hand curled around her arm and jerked her back.
“Not so fast. We were just getting warmed up.” Sterling’s high-pitched whine screeched up her spine, jarring worse than fingernails climbing a chalk board.
Her glare spoke louder than her words. “Get. Your. Hand. Off. Me.”
Sterling might outweigh her, but she had strength and grit on her side. A woman didn’t grow up on a ranch with three brothers, an overprotective daddy and an uncle, and not learn how to defend herself.
“Hey, no problem.” He released her and threw his hands up in the air in surrender, but his expression hardened, his nose jerked to a haughty slant. “So, the woman doesn’t want to play. That’s all right. Because, believe me, there are plenty of beautiful ladies who would jump on the chance.” His gaze shifted to a point over her shoulder. Eyes wide and nostrils flaring, fear flickered across his face.
What spooked him? She angled back around.
Fargo. And her brother did not look happy. Spine straight, legs squared off under his wide shoulders, arms crossed, Stetson shadowing slitted eyes.
Nope. Not happy.
She might’ve laughed if her knees weren’t quaking with anger.
Shana breezed into the tack room and cozied up next to Sterling, snaking an arm around the jerk’s back. The blonde tilted her head up and flashed a flirty smile. “You wanna play, cowboy? Game on!”
Sterling smirked, shooting her a victory glance as the two sashayed from the small space, arms locked around each other, steering clear of her giant of a brother.
Fargo watched them leave, only his head moving to track their progress, arms still folded over his massive chest.
“I believe those two were made for each other.” She joined her brother, waited until his gaze swung her way. “I could’ve handled that, you know.”
“I know.” He still didn’t unlace his arms, but his cheeks softened and jaw relaxed. Pride?
“Then why the big brother act?” she asked, now more than a bit annoyed with the whole situation. Especially since she really wante
d to catch up with—
“Hawk came and got me.”
Hawk.
“Yeah. He was worried about you.”
Had she said his name aloud? “Worried? He looked mad.”
“That, too, I think.”
“He has no right to be mad.” She took off her hat and whacked it against her thigh. The adrenaline rush, the excitement and stress over the last few days drained every last ounce of energy. And the disappointment over the magazine spotlight? She didn’t even want to go there.
As soon as this batch of guests cleared out today, she’d fill her bathtub to the rim with hot water and suds. Then, she’d crawl in with a paperback and her mug of coffee and soak away the evening. That is, if her mother hadn’t ignored the two x’d out dates on their booking calendar.
“You sure about that?” Fargo asked, concern darkening his face. “Because I don’t want you hurt again. From City Boy or from—”
“Come on.” She clamped her hat back on her head and gave his hand a slight jerk. “You have a wife and kids to get back to. Enough with the protective brother routine. I’m good.” She tugged him toward the barn exit, satisfied when he kept pace.
Was she? Good?
If Hawk discovered that Brigit had up and moved already, and he had to track his son to bring him back, would she be good? Would he blame her for talking him into staying?
And what if he left Coldwater Ridge for good? Then what?
****
“Hawk. Hold up!”
Hawk gritted his teeth and stopped his frantic scramble toward the truck. He’d already stayed later to unload the equipment and brush down the horses. And look where that got him? A first row seat for the Kierra and City Boy show. Did she really want the magazine piece that badly?
Why hadn’t he left at sunup? Hands wedged deep in his pockets, impatience made his whole body jagged, on edge.
Fargo caught up to him, Hope and Charity circling. Even after days on the trail, those Koolies never tired of herding.
Unlike him. Bone tired didn’t begin to describe how he felt.
