I would have known where I was even if I didn’t recognize the brothers sitting on the bed instantly. It was the Lightfoot farmhouse, and I was staring at Owen and Sevie; my beloved and my betrothed.
My heart leaped as I took them in. Only a piece of me worried about what Owen had said: The next time I see you will be the day I kill you.
It was a small enough worry that I could push it away and focus on the unadulterated joy that came with seeing him again. After all, I was bucking the trend with about a half a dozen prophecies. What was one more?
I started to move toward them, ready to explain how happy I was to see that they were both okay, when I realized they couldn’t see me. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. I had done this sort of thing enough to know that when you’re magically transported to a mystery location, you don’t get to make your own rules.
“And you’re sure?” Sevie asked, sitting at the foot of the bed and staring at his hands.
Owen ran fingers through his hair, and cut his electric blue eyes toward his brother, taking my breath away without even knowing it. All I wanted to do as touch him, to hold him. I knew that if I could do that, if I could even let him know that I wanted to do that, then everything would be okay. But I couldn’t. I was stuck here; a silent observer to whatever was going on here.
“As sure as I can be about anything anymore,” Owen answered, giving his brother a pat on the shoulder. “I think it’s time we’re honest with ourselves, Sevie. The world is changing, and if we don’t adapt we won’t be able to keep up.”
“And that’s what this is, adapting?” Sevie’s face looked pained, like the words were a spear in his gut.
“It’s trying to live,” Owen answered. “Trying to have an actual life.” A splash of light from the window caused a sliver on Owen’s shirt to shimmer, and I realized that he was dressed pretty ridiculously. His shirt was overly elaborate, stained with fancy designs and at least three dozen shiny metal buttons. His pants were a matching theme, and a hat with similar markings sat on the bed beside him.
The only other time I had seen an outfit like that inside of the Hourglass was on Sevie on the day we were supposed to-
Oh no. Oh God no.
“And you think you can do that; have an actual life, I mean? You can do that with Merrin?”
Sevie’s words broke my heart into a thousand tiny, jagged pieces that seemed intent on working their way out of my chest in the most painful way possible.
“Fate above, Sevie. I truly hope so.”
And there it was. Owen was marrying Merrin. After everything that had happened, after all the promises we made each other, it was ending like this; with Owen promising himself to someone else, and me running for my life in an endless forest.
Whatever force threw me there pulled me back out, and I was once again standing in the woods with Royce in front of me. The weakest part of me wanted to say it was an illusion, a trick to try and break me. But I knew better. If there had been shade surrounding that, I would have sensed it. No. As much as I hated it, this was real. It was really happening. Owen wanted to move on. He wanted to try to build a life that meant something, and he had given up on me.
“Well?” Royce asked; his drawl thick on his voice. “What do you say?”
I suddenly remembered that he had just asked me out on a date. And not only that. Before that, he asked me not to leave, to stay with him, on this side of things, and give him a chance; a chance for a life that might mean something. And, with the thought of Owen and Merrin growing old together in some Hourglass farmhouse pounding at my mind, I answered.
“Okay, Royce. I’ll do it.”
Chapter 17
For The Rest of Your Days
Owen
I found Sevie pacing around my room, muttering something to himself that I couldn’t understand. It had been three days since the Council leveled their ultimatum at me; three days since I, of course, agreed to join myself to Merrin. She was my perfect, after all. But even if she wasn’t, even if she had been some stranger who had been scooped off the street, my answer would have been the same. I couldn’t let her die. I wouldn’t let anyone die. The fact that it was Merrin, someone I had hurt more deeply than I cared to remember, only solidified that.
“What’s wrong?” I asked my brother. The way he looked up at me; copper eyes filled with worry and confusion, told me all I needed to know.
“I spoke to Father,” he said, biting his nail almost to the hilt.
My heart lurched forward, but I kept my composure. While it was true that Father had always gone easier on Sevie, been kinder to him, I still didn’t like the sound of this. A wild animal could attack even the meekest of its neighbors if the right mood struck it.
“What did he say?” I asked, trying to sound very nonchalant.
“He thinks I should resubmit myself for coupling.” Sevie shook his head frantically. But I breathed a sigh of relief.
“But you don’t want to?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. Of all the things I might imagine Father saying, suggesting that Sevie move on with his life was far from the worst.
“I do not know, Brother,” he admitted to me, slumping down on my bed. “It is my decision after all, is it not? I am a grown man in the eyes of the Council, and it is well within my rights to dictate when, if ever, I choose to recouple.”
“That’s right,” I said, settling in front of him. Sevie didn’t need me to tell him about the rules. He knew them much better than I ever had. But what he did need was a bit of brotherly guidance, and I was more than willing to provide that. “Do you not think you’re ready? Is that it?”
“It is not I who need be ready,” he said matter-of-factly. “I have read the laws forward and backward since the day Cresta left.”
His voice broke when speaking her name, which was funny, given that my heart had a similar reaction.
“They are clear. Recoupling is only permitted after the death of a perfect where no genetic offspring have been produced.”
“Sevie,” I started.
“But she is not dead, Owen. She is far from dead and, as such, is it fair for me to assume rights that the laws themselves do not afford me?”
“The Council affords them to you,” I answered, using a tone one might when trying to convince a wounded puppy to eat out of their hand. “They annulled the results of the genetic testing. Besides, you were never married.”
“But one needs not be married!” He said, looking up at me. “The results of the testing are enough. You know that. And furthermore, who is the Council to make exceptions to laws that have existed for longer than any of us? Do these exceptions not call into question the validity of the laws themselves and, in turn, the validity of our very existence?”
I knelt in front of him. “What are you running from, Sebastian?” I used his name, his actual name, the way I only did when I meant business.
“Father knows that I helped her escape,” he said, letting his eyes rest on his lap.
“How did he find out?” I asked.
“He asked me,” he answered.
“And you told him?”
“I had to,” Sevie said. “To lie to Father would be a betrayal.”
I squeezed my brother’s hand. How was it possible for someone who was so innately good to go through things that were so horribly bad?
“It’s okay Sevie. I helped her too, much more than you. I’m sure Father will forgive you.”
“But what if I cannot forgive myself?” He said, tears welling up in his eyes. “She is my perfect, Owen. I have a sacred duty to protect her, to ensure her survival and her prosperity above that of all others. The law says that; that she is to come before all others; before you, before Mother and Father, before the Council themselves. My loyalties belong with her. Does the fact that I am here, the fact that I am, as we speak, allowing Father to coerce me into abandoning her memory, not make me a failure of the highest regard?”
Look at him, killing himself because fate had led him away
from the woman I loved. Meanwhile, here I was, dressed in a coupling suit, ready to join with someone else. Which one of us was supposed to be the failure again?
“You have to stop beating yourself up. You did the best you could. You did a hell of a lot more than anyone else would have. I’ll tell you that much. There’s nothing to ashamed of here, Sevie.” It pained me to see him like this. I loved him more than almost anyone else in the world, certainly more than I loved myself. And I would have given anything if I could have removed this pain from his eyes.
“Look,” I said, trying on my most soothing voice. “You’re a grown man, Sevie. Regardless of what Father thinks, the choice to reenter coupling is yours. If you want to do that, then fine. If you wish to remain a bachelor for the rest of your days, I’ll stand behind you too. But I will tell you this much. Life is what we make it. All the hurt, all the joy, every piece of love or pride, or fulfillment is born within us. But we have to allow ourselves to feel it. We have to be the people we were meant to be.” Tears started to fill the spaces behind my eyes. “You’re such a good person Sevie. Your heart; I’ve never seen it’s equal. It would be a shame for you not to share it with someone who might be able to truly appreciate it. But it would be even more of a shame if, for some reason, you allowed yourself not to be the person you were meant to.”
“You think I should do it then?” He asked, staring at me with those glassy trusting eyes.
“I think you should do what you want to do, and I think you shouldn’t let fear, or guilt, or some outdated sense of duty color that decision. I want you to be happy, Sevie. I want that more than anything.”
“And you’re sure?” He said, and I knew he meant more than he was letting on. He was asking me about everything; not only about whether or not he should move on, but whether I believed he was capable of doing it. He wanted to know if I thought he would be okay, if I thought that, in the face of this oncoming apocalypse, we might somehow manage to remain standing.
So I did what big brothers do. I ran my hand through my hair, smiled at him, and told him what he wanted to hear. But I didn’t lie to him. I thought way too much of him for that.
“As sure as I can be about anything anymore, I think it’s time we’re honest with ourselves Sevie. The world is changing, and if we don’t adapt we won’t be able to keep up.”
“And this is adapting?” He asked me. God, this was going to be harder than I thought.
“It’s trying to live,” I answered. “Trying to have an actual life.”
He was like a child, a frightened boy on the edge of a cliff as he answered. “And you think you can do that; have an actual life, I mean? You can do that with Merrin?”
“Fate above, Sevie. I truly hope so,” I answered. And the thing was, I did. Whether it was selfish or just plain chicken (as the baselines were fond of saying), a piece of me wanted this to be over. I loved Cresta, more than I could say, more than I could ever explain. But I could never be with her. The crone’s words made sure of that. I had left her in the care of another, in the arms of another- the person fate dictated would one day be her husband. Who knew, maybe it was my actions that would set that into motion. Maybe one day I’d be able to think about that, of Cresta in Royce’s arms, without feeling the urge to vomit up my breakfast. But today wasn’t that day. Today it broke my heart, and it shouldn’t have. I should have wanted her to have meaning in her life. I should have wanted her to have happiness. I loved her, for fate’s sake.
So maybe this was the best thing for both of us. Maybe joining myself to Merrin would help me move on; help me let go of a woman I knew without question I could never lay eyes upon again. And maybe, in some roundabout way, me moving on might help her move on too.
Something tickled at my neck like I was being watched or something. Of course, that was ridiculous.
***********
Merrin was gorgeous as I made my way into the Council’s chambers where we were to be joined. Of course, that only made it worse. Any Breaker would have given their eye teeth to have such a specimen for their perfect. Long black hair spilled down her back. Her dress, a swoosh of purple and yellow- the colors of her bloodline, sat off her shoulders and hugged her taut and tempting figure. Her face, as pleasing a visage as a man had ever laid eyes on, seemed fresh and without blemish. Gone were the bruises that had speckled them the last time I saw her. None of the evidence of those days, of the endless hours when Merrin had been tortured for my crimes, remained. It had all melted away in the face of such perfection.
Mother and Father sat on one side of her. Merrin’s parents, who I hadn’t seen since the day I left for Breaker training, sat on the other side. They had been so happy the day we were matched as perfects. Did her father hate me now? Was her mother ashamed to have her bloodline mixed with mine? I couldn’t blame them. But if they felt that way, they didn’t let it show. Instead, they sat there with their hands in their laps, looking forward, as was the custom.
Normally, couplings would happen outside, surrounded by onlookers in the Main Square. But the Council decided against that for us. This wasn’t a celebration. It was a strategic move; cementing my loyalties to their side of the fight and theoretically bringing about the future where I was capable of destroying the Blood Moon.
As such, no one aside from immediate family and the Council itself would bear witness to this ceremony. In fact, no one was even aware it was happening. And they wouldn’t until later on when Merrin and I would make our appearance as man and wife; no doubt to thunderous and misguided cheers.
Merrin’s eyes met mine with a flicker. Before I could read what was in them, they were back on the floor, seemingly pinned there. A vision of the way she looked the day I hurt her ran through my mind. She had been tied to a chair, bound, gagged, and afraid. I betrayed her. I had betrayed everyone it seemed, for the sake of Cresta. And now I was about to betray even her by marrying Merrin, But what could I do? We were where we were, and no amount of posturing would change that. All I could do now was try to make the best of things.
“I wish to speak to my intended privately before the ceremony, as is my right,” I said, looking to Merrin, who didn’t look up. The Council, decrepit man, stern woman, and demented toddler, sat behind the bride, glaring at me as my words spilled out.
“Very well,” Chant said, standing with the help of his cane and motioning for the few guests to do the same. “But we will be right outside these chambers, and our eyes are everywhere Dragon.”
“I’m not going to run,” I said, not bothering to cut my eyes over at him. “I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it.”
“Is that humor meant to shed a playful light on your past transgressions, I’m afraid it’s lost on me,” he scoffed. “You have three minutes to say what you need to say.” And with that, he left the room taking everyone but Merrin with him.
I shuffled toward her, nerves fluttering in my chest. I had thought about our coupling day many times as a youngling. Never had it been like this, with both of us so old, and so very distant from each other.
“You look nice,” I said, picking at my fingernail with my thumb and index finger.
“What do you want, Owen?” She asked. Though her face showed none of the hardship she had endured, her voice more than made up for it. It was a thin and tired thing
“I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” I stammered. It shouldn’t have, but her tone took me by surprise.
“That’s perhaps the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life. You want to make sure that I’m okay. You ruined me.”
My heart seemed to thud to a stop. “I know I hurt you. I know you could have died, and I have no right to expect your forgiveness, but-“
“Is that what you think this is about?!” She finally looked up at me, though her glares made me wish she hadn’t. “That was an injustice, an indignity to be sure. But I could have moved past that.” She swallowed hard. “I was in her mind, Owen. Did your beloved tell you that? I was trapped ins
ide of her brain, watching everything she saw, hearing everything she heard, and feeling everything she felt.”
“Merrin, I-”
“I know how she feels about you, and what’s worse, I know how you feel about her. She’s so damn sure of it. There isn’t even a question in her mind.” Merrin’s beautiful face twisted into a scowl. “So this; this right here, joining with me as you are, even now, so hopelessly and irreversibly in love with another woman; this is how you ruin me.” She shook her head and gave me a deep lingering look. “You thought I would be happy?” The question seemed to take her by surprise. I didn’t answer, but I didn’t need to. She took my silence as agreement. “You did, didn’t you? You actually believed that some piece of me would be relieved that this day had come; like I had won some great victory. There’s nothing here to win, Owen. It’s over now, and we all lose. Perhaps that’s what life does to us. It makes us sad, pathetic losers. Or maybe that’s just what you’ve done to me.”
The door swung open, and the Council and guests poured back in.
“I trust that chat was productive,” Chant said with a vicious smirk on his face like he knew what had been said. I didn’t care, though. My eyes were too trained on Merrin. My thoughts too entwined with what she had just laid on top of me.
“It was enlightening,” Merrin said, still staring at me. Lowering her voice, she took my hands in hers and muttered, “Let’s just get this over with.”
The world seemed to spin as Sevie entered the room along with our respective parents. The room shimmered as they took their seats; with our families behind us and the Council in front, watching us like the predatory hawks they were. The room changed, glistening and reshaping as the shade altered our atmosphere.
We were outside now. Well, we weren’t really outside. I knew that. Still, shade from the Council was good stock and, looking up at the clouds and birds that chirped as they flew high overhead, I grimaced at how realistic it truly was.
The Breakers Ultimatum (YA Urban Fantasy) (Fixed Points Book 3) Page 15
