She seemed uncomfortable with his display.
Sometimes, his human side and all other humans perplexed him. Communicating as a wolf was simple and honest. Direct. Wolves didn’t lie. Wolves weren’t ashamed of their needs and wolves didn’t deny themselves, not unless it was what was best for their pack or their mate.
To Blake, wolves were noble.
He’d seen nobility in humans as well, ones like David Rutger.
His determination to find the man’s killer doubled in on itself, making it heavy and leaden. The weight of it dropped like an anchor between them, locking them together, but in such a way so he knew they could go no farther together until it was addressed.
She touched the place on his neck where she’d bitten him. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me.”
He had some suspicions, but he wasn’t sure if it was the right time to address them. Especially not when sensation kept roiling through him at her touch. It tingled there, where she’d bitten him, doubly so with her fingers gently probing the slight bruise. If his cock got any harder, he was sure it would break. He still didn’t want her to stop.
“But you do, don’t you?”
“Is it as annoying to you when I do that?” He looked down at her.
“You mean knowing that there’s something I don’t want to talk about, but making me do it anyway? That? Yeah.” She nodded.
“I’ll work on that.” His lips curved in a smile.
“No, I mean, why would you? It’s a good super power to have. And if you’re not doing it to me, it means I can’t pry this answer out of you. Whatever is going on in your lupine brain, share it with me. I think I deserve to know.”
“I think if you search yourself, you’ll figure it out on your own.”
“This isn’t Star Wars. I don’t want to search my feelings. I want you to tell me.” She pulled back from him and crossed her arms over her chest.
“I should’ve taken your shirt off, too. I’d enjoy that pose much more if you were naked.”
She rolled her eyes. “Are you going to tell me, or do I have to get creative?”
Blake laughed and found himself intrigued considering just what her creativity might entail. “Another tidbit? Wolves are curious creatures. Don’t tempt me with a what if. It’s too much like chasing down prey.”
“Damn it, Blake.” Her frustration was obvious in her tone.
“Look, Randi.” He sighed. “You’re not going to like what I have to tell you. I think you’ll fight it less if you realize it on your own.”
Her shoulders slumped. “I’m going to be like you no matter what I do, aren’t I?” Her voice was small, resigned, and miserable.
Blake took her in his arms again, holding her close. “That’s what I believe. We can have Medical run some tests to be sure.”
“Part of me wants to blame you for doing this to me, but you didn’t do it to me. It’s just what was in my DNA, isn’t it?” She looked up at him, eyes luminous.
“You can blame me. I can take it.” He steeled himself for the telling of the next part. Blake wasn’t going to lie or let her discover it on her own. “Sometimes wolf DNA can lie dormant through many generations, especially if they’re separated from a pack. It’s a way to protect our kind. Lone wolves don’t generally do well, especially if they have no one teach them control.” He wet his lips. “Or that they don’t have to be monsters.”
“I don’t want this,” she whispered.
Even though, the very idea of what he was about to suggest tore his heart out, he spoke anyway. “I’ll get you into Medical in the morning. They’ll need your DNA to work out a suppressant specific to you.” He touched her face, his thumb stroking over her cheek. “And you need to tell me where you want to go.”
“Go?” She canted her head.
“You need to stay far away from the packs, especially me. Choose somewhere that will make you happy, give you the life you want, and I’ll make sure you get it.” He turned away from her, unable to contain his own pain any longer.
“Blake?” Randi’s query was so soft, he wouldn’t have heard it if not for his supernatural hearing.
“What?” He steeled himself for her answer, for facing his pack afterward. He didn’t turn to look at her, he couldn’t. Instead, he found his slacks and dressed.
“What does it mean for you, if I have this suppression done?”
Endless pain and emptiness. A loneliness like that of which no human mind could comprehend. “That’s not your problem. You don’t want to be a wolf. This is about your freedom. Take it. Let Mrs. Westwood know tonight.”
“Why can’t I let you know?”
“No one is going to hurt you, Randi. Not my brothers, not Mrs. Westwood. You have the plasma gun if you’re afraid.” He couldn’t talk about it right then.
“You’re just never going to see me again?” She was incredulous, hurt—he could see the pain in her eyes.
His wolf wanted to growl and snap at her, bite her tender places so she hurt like he did. No, no—that wasn’t his wolf. That was the human side of him. It wanted his wolf to hurt her like she’d hurt them. His wolf only wanted his mate to be cared for and safe.
“Goddess above, Randi, what do you want from me? I’m an Alpha, not a saint. I can’t be around you. I want you too much, and you have made it clear that you don’t want what you get with me. This change your body is going through, it’s preparing you to be my mate. With me gone, it will help stop the process.”
“What about my father?” She squared her jaw, as if preparing for a fight.
“I swore to you I’d find and punish the guilty party or parties. I will keep my promise.” He could feel his wolf rising once again to the surface, and he knew his eyes shifted to amber—the first stage of his Change.
“I can’t think about any of this until that’s done.”
“Is finding your father’s killer worth trading your mortal lifetime? Worth trading your humanity? Because that’s what you’re doing. Every second, every breath you take inhaling my pheromones, is changing you. By the time we catch your father’s killer, your body will be ready to Change, but your mind won’t.”
“Yes, okay? It’s worth it,” she cried.
“I don’t want to be the consolation prize, Randi.” He snarled, his face shifting through a half Change and then back again. She blanched, but didn’t run. “After you’re a wolf, there’s no way I can let you go. My wolf won’t let you go. Don’t you understand?”
She slid off the table and padded toward him. “I thought I wanted to destroy you, Blake. I can see I’m doing it, one word at a time. You don’t deserve this. You deserve to be free, too.”
Randi still didn’t understand. “While you draw breath, I will never be free.” He touched her hair, carding his fingers through the long strands. “Perhaps not for a long time until after your breath ceases.”
“Why are you so sure you’ll outlive me?”
He knew she was trying to lighten the tone, but he just shook his head. “Tell Mrs. Westwood where you wish to go. I’ll make sure someone keeps you up to date on our progress.”
Blake wouldn’t abandon her, but he couldn’t be close to her now. He thought for sure that after they’d mated, it would change something for her. But it hadn’t and, faced with the loss he knew was coming, he needed some distance. He climbed the stairs and headed for the boardroom. Hopefully, Mrs. Westwood’s magic wards would gift him with a new shirt.
Maybe he was wrong, maybe she didn’t have wolf DNA, but the way she’d torn into his throat with her blunt little teeth at the height of her pleasure? His cock responded to the memory, and he growled at it. This was not the time. His cock got him into this trouble to start with.
No, that wasn’t true.
Wishing, hoping and regretting did nothing to change his current circumstances. So it didn’t matter. Not really.
When he arrived in the boardroom, Warner and Drew awaited him.
“Where the hell
is Parker?” he asked.
“He went to Vegas. He wasn’t kidding,” Drew said.
“Sonofabitch.” His fingers turned into claws in his frustration.
“No, it’s a good thing. He’s going to secure our peace with DeVaughn. Man, we need it.” Drew nodded slowly. “They’ve called an emergency meeting of the Great Council. I don’t know if you’ve checked your phone, but Marchessa de la Luna has been trying to get in touch with you.”
“Business or personal?” Blake wouldn’t discount her just because they used to have sex. Marchessa was shrewd as hell.
“A bit of both, I think. They’re calling the meeting in Rome. She’s there now.”
“And Parker has the jet. Spoiled brat,” Warner said, without any real heat.
“If I know Marchessa—”
“What about Marchessa?” Randi said, strolling into the boardroom, clothes rumpled, hair a mess, and feet bare. She smelled of sex—of their mating.
“Randi, I don’t have time for this.” He dragged his hand across his jaw.
“There are bigger things on your plate than this?” She nodded slowly. “I knew I couldn’t trust you.”
Blake clenched his jaw. In his frustration and fury, he started to Change out of sequence. His teeth tore into his cheek and the copper tang of blood filled his mouth. “Damn it, Randi.” He spat blood which the magic wards immediately cleansed before it even hit the floor.
Warner sighed, grabbed Drew and headed for the door.
“No,” he commanded. “Randi will be leaving us, not the other way around. Charter a jet, tell the pilot to be ready for wheels up as soon as we get to the airport.”
“No, I won’t.” She put her hands on her hips and lifted her chin in defiance. “If you think that you can dump that on me and leave me here to go running to Marchessa de la fucking Luna, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“Were you not paying attention to the rest of the conversation?” He tried not to snarl.
“You said I had a choice. I choose to stay with you.”
He narrowed his eyes.
“Until we catch my father’s killer.” Her eyes fairly burned with her passion.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Warner grumbled. “Youth makes my fangs hurt.”
It made more than Blake’s fangs hurt. It made the dark, secret places in him ache. He wanted to grab her, shake her, to make her understand that what she was doing to him was slowly stripping the meat from his bones from the inside out. He wanted to say that he didn’t care what happened to her father as it wasn’t fair that she’d put her father’s death above Blake’s life.
But he was at war with himself.
The Alpha in him didn’t care how this tore him apart, it only wanted to meet her needs. Only wanted her safe and happy.
“Fine. Your choice, Randi. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” This would go down in flames that he was sure would burn them both long after the fire was nothing but dust and ash.
Chapter Twelve
Randi was turning into a werewolf.
That, in and of itself, wasn’t something she’d ever thought to hear rattling around in the spaces of her own head like it belonged there. As if it were a serious thought which should be given its due.
This was not what she wanted.
Blake Woolven was not what she wanted.
All she wanted was to find her father’s killer.
Except that was a lie.
A dark, secret part of her wanted to be with Blake and everything the choice entailed. She wanted to believe she could marry the handsome billionaire playboy who changed his ways for her, that this kind of thing happened in real life. That they’d live happily ever after.
But something else, something dark writhing beneath her skin, too. Something inhuman that didn’t belong. Only maybe it did, because he said it had been inside of her all along. Sleeping, lurking.
The question that haunted her now was if her father knew about it all along. Was that why he’d agreed to work on the plasma gun?
She pressed her lips together hard and exhaled. Maybe he hadn’t known. Or if he had, maybe he didn’t care. She knew her father loved her. The plasma gun—it didn’t have to be about her.
Still, what if it was?
“You okay?” Drew asked from across the aisle.
Part of her wished it Blake asked, but he’d elected to sit as far away from her as possible. She supposed she was lucky she’d managed to get on the plane at all.
“Yeah,” she lied. Already, she needed Blake to feel safe, to feel strong. The very idea of needing another person for those things completely disgusted her. Self-reliance was important to her, but apparently, it was how the wolf-thing worked— gross dependence on one another.
“No, you’re not. But that’s okay.” Drew handed her his tumbler of bourbon. “Good medicine for your nerves. I hope you understand that you need to stay at the hotel during the meeting.”
“Why is that?” Of course they would try to keep her as far away as possible. “Secret wolfie business?” Randi tried to make light of it, to hide the fact she was terrified.
Drew nodded slowly. “That, among other things. You know our secret, Randi. Council law requires we Turn you or kill you. I don’t think either of those options really appeal to you.”
“And it’s obvious I know because I’m afraid. I can’t hide that.” She sank down in the chair then turned her head to look out at the clouds and wide expanse of sky.
“Fear, to our kind, is like blood in the water to a shark.” Drew was silent for several moments before he spoke again. “And you make him weak.”
“Me?” She turned to face him sharply.
“I’ll lay it out for you. His priority is you. Over himself. Over the pack. At any perceived threat to you, he won’t hesitate to take us to war. I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what the de la Lunas want.”
“Who knew that werewolves were concerned with geopolitics?” The sound of those words was completely and utterly mad. She downed the bourbon.
Equally mad was the underlying meaning in Drew’s words—that Blake would put everything on the line for her. Not just his own life, but those of his brothers, his pack. Those people who depended on him for their safety and well-being.
Randi suddenly needed to see him, just to study him, to assure herself he was the same man she’d faced when she stormed into his office and threatened to take him down. He’d invited her to try with a cocky grin that made her panties melt. She was on the other side of that now. Threats coming at them from all sides, yet he stood proud and immovable—fierce.
He would protect her no matter what.
Somehow, even though he’d said those things, they weren’t real. Not even when she’d seen him put them in action. Hearing it from Drew was different. He was someone Blake held dear, not part of their game.
“Goddess,” Drew exclaimed, wrinkling his nose. “Your distress is not a pleasant perfume.” He poured her another bourbon. “Have another.”
She accepted it gratefully and downed it. “Did you know my father?”
“I’d like to think so.”
“If he knew what you were, how did that apply?”
“I don’t follow.” Drew raised a brow.
“Blake said that if someone knows your secret, you have to kill them or Turn them.” She left the rest of the question hang, unasked—but the moment was gravid with the expectation of an answer nonetheless.
“No.” Drew shook his head. “Your father was a special case. If he was ever afraid of us, he never smelled like it. His pheromones were always even and steady.”
“Did he ever see you Change?”
Drew looked uncomfortable. “You should be talking to Blake about this.”
“He doesn’t want to talk to me right now, and I can’t say I blame him.” She knew she’d hurt him and hated that she’d hurt him, but she was too close to stop now. He talked about going to war, but she was already at war with herself.
; “Look, Randi.” He turned to face her. “I get your devotion to your family, come hell, high water and anything in between. I really do. But—”
“Is this the part where you warn me if I keep hurting your brother you’ll rip my heart out and eat it or something?” She was half-afraid, even with Blake’s promise that no one would hurt her, that Drew would just lean over and tear her apart anyway.
“My brother’s word is my bond. Of course I wouldn’t hurt you. But Goddess above, there is so much on his shoulders right now. If you want to succeed in destroying Woolven, stay on this path. You’re halfway there.”
“You have to believe me when I say I don’t want that.”
He pulled no punches. “Everything up until now has been about what you don’t want. What do you want?”
“My father.”
“Goddessdamnit, you’re like a spoiled fucking child.” Drew shook his head slowly. “Stop asking for the impossible and look around at what’s real. Then choose your path because the rest of us are damned to follow you down it whether we wish it or not.”
“What’s real? That whole dynamic changed for me, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Don’t play the damsel in distress card with me, Randi. My brother may let you get away with that because it’s his job to save you. Makes him feel fancy in his pantsy.” He snarled low, his wolf just below the surface. “And he’s made it my job too, all of us. But do me the fucking courtesy of being worth it.”
His words struck home sharper than any blade and dug deeper than she’d thought possible. It was like a physical pain. She swallowed hard.
“You better not cry, Randi.”
She sniffed.
“Don’t do it,” he warned.
She sniffed with a bit more force, trying to stop the burning behind her eyes and the twitch in her nose that felt like a punch. Randi couldn’t help it. For all her bravado, she knew she wasn’t worth it. She wasn’t worthy of him. She was so fucking afraid.
Marchessa de la Luna wouldn’t be afraid, not even if she’d been human. Randi wished she was more like her in every way.
Big Bad Billionaire (The Woolven Secret Book 1) Page 10
