Darren led the way. We dropped all of the supplies outside his room and I slumped to the ground. I think I would have fallen asleep right there except Darren lifted me and brought me into his room.
“Stay here tonight Lizzie. You’re too tired to sleep in the bunk.”
“Yes, thank you Darren,” I told him, stifling a yawn.
I was too tired to argue or protest. He left to make sure the others were settled as I stood beside his bed. I took everything off but my tank top and gym shorts and climbed under the covers. I was out before my head hit the pillow, dreaming of gray eyes that clouded over like the mist above the ocean waves and arms so strong they could shield me against any storm.
We hit a large shipment during that time, way out on Refugee Road. It was strange for me, going back. So many memories, so many firsts. They flooded through my mind. Many of our attacks happened on that little stretch of pavement. This road had seen more than its fair share of death, blood, and violence. The hanging trees in the distance still sported ropes, used occasionally by the militia who were never afraid to frighten and intimidate us.
A part of me was afraid to return. Fearful of that night we bombed the caravan and the soldiers rained gunfire down on our people. I was afraid to find nothing but death and carnage. Over the years I had become almost desensitized to the violence and gore, but it always ate at me, lingering in the back of my mind.
Not all memories of Refugee Road were bad. It was the place I had crawled out of my despair after my sister’s death and took my first stand against the militia. I had been filled with delight, knowing I was causing chaos and destruction to the enemy. My sworn enemy. The feeling of vengeance had filled me like a drug, invigorating me, and I became addicted to its seductive lure.
I rushed Darren, determined, aching to be involved in every way I could. Pushing my body to the breaking point, training as often as I could, always holding on to the pain of that brutal deadly night. Always remembering my sister’s face in the haunting darkness. Always focused on the hard and angry part of me that never let go.
Remembering now, I could still picture Darren’s reaction when I told him I wanted to be more involved. He had smiled and hugged me, promising the world. And yet, the world was unattainable. All I wanted was to look the people in the face who were responsible and be the one to pull the trigger. Satisfaction like that, the undeniable cruelty and violence, changed you. I became a person I hardly recognized.
Today the target on Refugee Road was another large shipment of ammunition and supplies. The surprise attack seemed almost too easy. So easy, in fact, that I began to doubt it was a surprise at all. We were met with hardly any resistance. Very few militia soldiers. Light detail. None of the big guns were among the truck’s inventory. No RPGs. No machine guns. No large food crates. It was not typical of the militia. The trucks were half empty. Something was off.
I had an uneasy feeling in my gut. “Darren!” I called, a few feet away.
He reloaded his pistol, standing guard for the looters. “Yeah Lizzie?”
“Don’t you think this was a little too easy?” I asked, my eyes darting to the trees and back to the trucks.
“Not really, just another successful heist.”
I raised an eyebrow. Really? “I’m not so sure. What if we are being watched? Observed?”
It was a possibility.
“Lizzie, you are paranoid. It’s how things are when everyone works together and does their part.” He looked me over briefly and glanced away, his eyes narrowed.
What was that about?
“Are you saying I’m not contributing enough?” I asked, irritated that he would suggest that. Since meeting Alec he had been different with me. Almost like I was being punished although I had done nothing wrong.
He frowned. “I’m not fighting with you. Just keep to your post Lizzie…please.”
I nodded and looked away, having nothing else to say.
We left minutes later, heading back to headquarters swiftly. When we reached base I dropped my supplies and ignored Darren. I didn’t speak to him or see him for days after that. Mostly I kept to my bunk or the obstacle course, training hard until fatigue wore out my mind as much as my body. I could care less if he knew I was avoiding him. His attitude and insinuation bothered me. I was a good soldier. We both knew that.
At lunch one day we bumped into each other at the pit. Standing in line for chow, he walked in surrounded by his constant sycophants. I hadn’t realized before how ridiculous some of the girls were around him. It was like he was some rock star and they were the groupies. Why wouldn’t he date one of them? Believe me, I would not have minded in the least.
He noticed me instantly, his eyes locking with mine almost the moment he stepped in the room. It was always like that. Darren never missed my presence, not since the day I met him. In the last three years, I had never been irritated about it. Not once. Until now. Lots of things irritated me now.
I ignored his nod, suddenly preoccupied with putting lunch on my tray. I sat down quickly at a crowded table. There wasn’t enough space for him to join us. It was devious of me. I knew that but I didn’t care. I’m sure he would have been annoyed had I looked at his face but I never did. Let him stew in his anger and unfounded emotions.
After lunch I left the cafeteria quickly. I didn’t dare glance around me. There wasn’t a chance I would be able to ignore him if our eyes locked again. Rushing through the double doors of the pit, I ran straight into him.
Damn, I thought. I sighed. “Darren.”
I finally looked into his eyes, having no choice. They were hurt.
“Lizzie…please talk to me,” he pleaded.
I knew he was angry that I had avoided him but I was also angry that he was accusing me of not doing my fair share of the work. Something had to give and it wasn’t going to be me.
“Ok, fine,” I relinquished. “Five minutes.”
He took my hand and led me into a vacant building not far away. I let go of his hand when we entered and turned to face him.
“I know you are angry with me,” he admitted.
Gee, what clued you into that? I thought. Duh.
“Yes, you didn’t listen to what I had to say at all. Doesn’t a good leader listen to his people?”
His eyes narrowed, flashing fire briefly. “I am a good leader Lizzie.”
His voice was dangerously low. Instantly angry. It surprised me. Wasn’t he supposed to be talking this through with me?
“Why are you angry? I’m the one that should be angry,” I yelled in my defense.
He folded his arms across his chest. “You are behaving childish. I didn’t mean it that way. You didn’t let me explain.”
I didn’t miss the fact that he hadn’t answered my question. He was avoiding it by focusing on me. Great. Nice tactic.
“What is your problem Darren?” I blurted, unable to contain my frustration.
He sighed and dropped his arms. “I feel like I’m losing you…and it scares me.”
My eyes widened. I wasn’t expecting that answer. It deflated some of my anger.
“Darren…that’s ridiculous,” I told him, opening my arms wide.
He moved closer to me. “Is it? I don’t think so.”
I looked up at his face. He seemed genuine. “You aren’t losing me.”
He seemed relieved. “Good, because you know how I feel about you.”
I nodded. Yes, yes, yes already. I knew. I knew. “I know Darren.”
He slipped his arms around me, holding me close. I let him hug me. He needed to believe everything was all right between us. For now, I played the game. The effort of it all was starting to really grind on my nerves. My own feelings seemed to be irrelevant. He never asked how I felt at all. I would have a difficult time if I wasn’t playing my part to keep Darren happy. Word had spread fast through the refugees. I didn’t need any additional stress or pressure.
The last thing I wanted to do was kiss him. It gave him the wrong im
pression. It encouraged him but I felt like I had no choice. I raised my lips and kissed him softly on the cheek before I left quietly. Damage control was now a daily chore of mine with Darren. I was becoming increasingly upset about it. And increasingly agitated.
Things did not improve after that.
Chapter Seven
For the next four months we met Alec and gathered supplies from the militia, always on the last Friday of the month. It was too easy with his help. Every time we approached the base I would scan the area, hoping for a glimpse of him.
Our trips never lasted long. Quick. In and out. I never got a chance to see him more than a few minutes. I think Darren engineered the visit that way. He didn’t like it when Alec was around. He refused to stay longer than necessary. It bothered me but I didn’t say anything to him, knowing my opinion would only be ignored.
It was early June now, the hot air and bright sunshine a welcome reprieve from the harsh and cold winter. The days were warm. The temperatures reached into the eighties often. I loved it, spending most of my time outdoors. My skin had developed a nice tan. I felt carefree for the first time in years, a complete contradiction to how I felt only months ago.
I knew the reason for my change. It was Alec. I daydreamed about him often, remembering the feel of his lips against mine, the strong muscles of his arms, and the warmth of his embrace. Not that he had kissed me since the day he revealed himself. He was a gentleman. I knew he wanted to, I could feel it. But he never pushed himself on me.
I genuinely missed him. There were so many things I wanted to talk to him about. Questions I wanted to ask. It wasn’t easy, waiting all month long to see him. As brief as those moments were, he made the best of them. He would hold me tight and tell me he couldn’t wait to see me. His reassurance and steadfast heart were winning me over.
Maybe it was his eyes. I would get lost in those steely gray eyes, hugging him close, and wishing he could take me away. Far away. From death and destruction, from my pain and suffering, and from the need for revenge that still burned hotter than any other flame. Even the flame of desire. And desire did burn inside me, whenever Alec was near. Conflicted, I tried to stick to my resolve, my need for vengeance. It was getting more difficult. Harder to hold on.
Darren was spending a lot of time with me, every free moment. I could hardly escape his attention or his notice. He monopolized every moment with me that he could. I knew he was trying to show me how much he cared about me and it was sweet, but I knew now with certainty that I did not love Darren. I wasn’t sure how to tell him. I didn’t think he would react well. And then there were everyone else’s reactions around here to deal with. Fun.
I was concerned about him. He hid his anger and resentment well but I knew inside, just under the surface, bubbled something dangerous. I couldn’t shake the feeling. I caught it in his eyes briefly, at times, before he hid it again. His smile was always broad. He seemed happy….almost content.
But it was a lie. It confused me. His eyes never held the same warmth or depth that his smile tried to convey. I couldn’t figure out what was causing his behavior or how to talk to him about it. Certainly he wasn’t reacting so crazy because of Alec.
I kept getting stares from everyone, especially Big Dog and Diva. I knew they were looking out for him. It irritated me that I had to play this part, keep Darren smiling, no matter what. I wonder if they knew how I really felt. But I didn’t think I had the freedom to argue. And I did not think I could argue my case effectively. It wasn’t so bad anyway, not if I kept my distance. It made the days pass faster, until I saw Alec again…
Something was bothering Lizzie. Alec knew it. He could feel it, sense it somehow even from a distance. Her eyes would briefly look upset. She was distracted and often seemed to be watching everywhere around her. He couldn’t shake the feeling it had something to do with Darren. The last visit things had been off. Normally he had at least a few minutes to talk with her but this time she left quickly and quietly, as if she were almost afraid.
Alec knew he would have to talk to her about it soon. The next time she came he was going to get answers. Even if it meant detaining her longer than Darren wanted. He was sick of his demands. Sick of him dragging her away before they had a chance to talk. It was more than a power trip. He acted like he owned Lizzie.
Alec looked at his watch. Almost time. He had a brilliant thought last time they were together. He had suggested that they write letters to each other. Lizzie had loved the idea. She promised to have a letter for him today.
Finally able to break away, Alec left the bunker and headed out for his walk. Feeling the first few fat wet drops fall on his face, he picked up his pace. Rain was coming. A small storm on the horizon, making its way across the sky, darkening the clouds before their time. Five miles away, in the Worthington Industries district was an old gnarled tree. It had a small hole in the trunk, about six feet high, above a low hanging branch. Here was where they promised to put their letters.
He slipped his fingers into the crevice and instantly met the crinkle of paper. He pulled, papers fluttering to the ground. He smiled. There were three letters from Lizzie. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled four letters out for her. Carefully he tucked them into the space. He wanted to make sure they would not get blown away.
Excitement made Alec’s fingers tremble. He felt like a much younger man again. Like a teenager. His thoughts traveled back to the night he met Lizzie. She was so beautiful. His stomach twisted in a small knot and he took a deep steadying breath. She had that effect on him. Making him weak in the knees. And set his heart racing in his broad chest.
It was time Alec told her how he really felt, not just hinting at it. Time was not going to wait. The world had gone to shit fast. Every moment brought them closer to their death. He didn’t want to wait anymore. He wanted Lizzie to know the truth. Everything. He had enough of secrets. Enough of waiting. Three years was a terribly long time. Now more months had passed. The wait was killing him.
At the next opportunity he would reveal his love for her. He would marry her as soon as he had the chance. She would say yes. He knew she would. Alec knew she loved him. He saw it in her beautiful brown eyes. Every time he looked in her face, it was written all over that beloved smile that beguiled him.
Alec smiled. It would not be long now…
I ran to Alec the second I saw him. Tears filled my eyes and I quickly blinked them back, burying my head in his neck. It would not be a good thing if he saw me cry. I didn’t want to worry him, but in that moment I was overcome with emotion.
“What’s the matter sweetheart?” He asked, his fingers grasping my chin and tilting my face up to his.
I cleared my throat. “I’m happy to see you.” Let that be the reason. Nothing else.
He smiled. “So am I. I’ve missed you. Terribly.” He lowered his head, placing a kiss on my forehead. “Your letters make me want to run to you.”
Alec’s arms slipped around my waist. I felt his fingers curl around the fabric of my shirt, tightening next to my skin. “They do?”
His nearness was making me breathless. He leaned down, his mouth hovering above mine, moisture and heat shimmering between us.
“Oh yes,” he answered, his lips tickling mine.
I closed my eyes, hoping he would kiss me. Nothing happened. I opened my eyes to his chuckle as it rumbled through his chest.
“Are you waiting for something, darling?” He teased.
“Y,yes…” I managed to squeak out.
“What do you want Lizzie?” He asked, leaning our foreheads together. The simple gesture was gentle but adamant. He asked the same question in his last letter. The one I had waited to answer until I saw him. They were words I wanted him to hear, not words for paper and pen. The funny thing was, now that the moment was here, all I could say was one word.
My heart skipped a beat. “You.”
He picked me up and swung me around, pulling me back against his chest. His eyes had turned to an almos
t grayish blue, bright and happy. His exuberance made me laugh.
“I want you too Lizzie,” he admitted, his voice husky.
“Oh Alec,” I whispered. I was falling, plunging down, becoming lost in emotions that were new and unfamiliar to me.
“Surely you must know the way I feel about you.”
I shook my head. He was going to have to say it. I had no idea at all.
“Do I need to say the words? Is that what you are waiting for?”
At my look of uncertainty he continued.
“Then I will, so you will be in no doubt of my feelings.” He laced his fingers through mine and held me close, our eyes chained to each other, unable to break free. “I’ve loved you since that first night we met. I was going to date you, ask for your hand in marriage, and spend the rest of my life with you.” I gasped in surprise but he continued. “The war changed everything but one important thing for me. You.” His eyes reached down inside me and touched somewhere deep in my soul. “You are my constant Lizzie. You are my heart. I promised myself I would find you…and once I did…I was never letting you go again. Never mistake my calm and patient attitude for disinterest. Never mistake my feelings for anything other than what they are. I love you Lizzie.”
His words thrilled me, sending unbelievable joy leaping and crashing into my heart. Waves of happiness shot through my veins like liquid love mixed with adrenaline and I began to tremble. His arms tightened, watching my reaction. He lowered his lips, hovering for a few seconds, and kissed me passionately as I threw my arms around his neck in abandonment and returned the kiss, leaning into him.
I loved him too. Undeniably. I had always loved him since that night, but forced myself to believe it was only one sided. It wasn’t, because he loved me too. All along. I wasn’t certain what would happen in the future, or certain of what to do about it. And I wasn’t certain how to make a relationship in this war torn world work.
Refugee Road (Freedom Fighters Series Book 1) Page 8
