“Mal?” I croaked hoarsely. My throat was dry and parched.
“Lizzie, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He repeated over and over.
I was lying on my stomach, propped up on pillows, my left arm in a brace. I felt something cool on my back, reducing the burning flames of the fire, if only a little. At least I could take a breath without searing agony.
“Mal, what…” My head was foggy.
“Oh sweetheart, you have been unconscious for a week,” he blurted, half crying and half shaking his head in relief.
I mumbled some half-hearted joke with a partial laugh and winced. Even that small movement was excruciating. “It’s not your fault.”
“I couldn’t save you!” He jumped up and began to pace. “I couldn’t save you from that monster.”
“Mal, it was my fault. I should never-”
“Don’t you dare say it was your fault or you deserved it. Who beats an innocent girl like that!?” Mal was angry. His long strides paced the small hospital room in seconds before he had to spin and pace the other direction. He seemed oblivious to the small space but it made him look like a caged animal. Raw. Carnal. Wild.
“I agree,” I whispered, “only I can’t quite move to pace with you right now.”
He glanced at me, a brief flash of a smile, before the frown returned. It was then that I noticed he was holding his side as he walked and his face had bruises.
“Were you hurt?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
“I suppose you were unable to see, being beat to death and all,” he fumed, his anger seething, renewing with every step. “Yes, he had his guards beat and restrain me for trying to break free and rescue you. He only let me go once he was finished, with his little smirk riding his face. He enjoyed it Lizzie. He enjoyed every second of hurting you and teaching you a lesson.” His tone was furious, more disgusted than I had ever heard it.
“Then let him gloat. I don’t care. I won’t stay once I am well. I’ll never stand by his side again,” I declared vehemently, “not as long as I live.”
“We could go anywhere Lizzie, anywhere you want. You say when and we will go,” he promised.
My eyelids were fluttering, waves of fatigue flashing through me. He noticed and sat beside me on the bed. My stamina was nothing. I could barely stay awake long enough to have a conversation.
“Sleep Lizzie, I won’t leave your side,” he promised.
I let the night swallow me, floating away on the wave of morphine, thanks to the drip from the nurse, and closed my eyes, Mal’s hand clenching mine.
Awakening the next day, I was frightened of my eventual confrontation with Darren. Terrified of his very presence. I had nightmares in the sick ward. Mal reached for me more than once and held my hand. If not for him, I might have stopped fighting the pain. The whole experience was so awful, so altering, all I felt was defeat, anger, and pain.
And so it was, two weeks to the day after that terrible flogging, Darren came strolling into my room.
“How are you Lizzie? Recovering?”
He sat down in a chair next to my bed.
“I’m getting better every day. It’s slow progress,” I told him through clenched teeth.
Was he even sorry? Did he regret hurting me at all?
His eyes finally met mine. I stared at him, all the hatred and anger I felt held in that one gaze. He looked startled.
“You can’t challenge my authority again in front of another soldier. I welcome your council but make sure it is when we are alone. I am the leader. I call the shots. Morale needs to see this chain of events, I can’t be doubted and challenged again. Do you understand?” He asked, his voice hard and cold. I guess he felt the need to defend his actions.
At last I understood. Darren had made an example out of me. One everyone in the whole camp would fathom without a single doubt. He was to lead with fear and intimidation now.
“I understand. Maybe you could refrain from making threats so obviously in front of other soldiers, or perhaps withhold from beating me in public. Do you have to treat me with so little respect?”
“I don’t feel that I did.” He leaned closer. “I’m the leader.” Was this some kind of power trip?
“Did you really need to beat and flog me to make your precious point?” I screeched. The monitor on my bed started going off. My blood pressure was rising.
“You know I could not let it go. How would it look?” He asked, daring me to argue.
“Like you were merciful,” I snapped.
“I came here this morning to say I’m sorry and to remind you that I love you. I would do anything for you Lizzie. Truly I would.” He leaned forward, trying to take my hand but I shrank away from him. “Even if that means saving you from yourself.”
What the hell was that supposed to mean? His apology meant nothing to me. He had whipped me, slashed my back as if I was no one to him, and then waltzed in here with a half- hearted apology, saying he actually loved me and blaming it all on me. Before I could say much in response he left, promising to return and check on me later.
Mal came back from the mess and sat next to me. He saw my tears and immediately hugged me close, his eyes sad and concerned. The bed dipped slightly with his weight next to mine. Gently he brushed the hair out of my eyes, tucking a stray strand behind my ear.
“You ok sweetie?” He asked gently.
I shook my head. “I hate him.”
Several more tears fell from my cheeks. He opened his mouth to speak but I put my finger to his lips. I shook my head no. The worry in his eyes left my chest feeling hollow. He held me close, avoiding my back, but lighting rubbing my arm, trying some form of touch to soothe me.
“Did Darren apologize to you?” He finally asked.
I nodded. “Yes and no, he had the nerve to say it was all my fault and he still loves me. Pompous ass!” I didn’t expect Mal’s reaction. He turned furious and almost walked from the room. I had to throw my arms around him to stop him.
“Now isn’t the time Mal,” I pleaded.
“When is a good time Lizzie? How dare he hurt you, mock you, make you feel this is all your fault.”
“Mal,” I begged, “please. I care nothing for him. Not his lies, his thoughtless actions, or his apology.”
Mal nodded, brushing his lips against my forehead. “I’ll be watching out for you Lizzie. Someday he is going to pay for what he did to you and I hope I’m there.” He leaned back as his eyes locked with mine. “Please be careful. He’ll return and I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
“I will. Thank you but I don’t need the warning.”
Long after he left, I continued to watch the door, empty and hollow, waiting for some kind of feeling to emerge, and thankful when it did not. I felt nothing. Not for Mal. Not for Alec. Only blind, raging, hate and anger for Darren. So much so that I paced the room, as caged as Mal had been a week ago. If he walked through that door right now, I might possibly kill him.
Luckily he did not.
Darren did return to the infirmary later that afternoon, despite my hope he would stay away. He instantly launched into a pathetic attempt to appeal to my emotions and manipulate me which did nothing but piss me off even more.
“Lizzie, please forgive me. I’m so terribly sorry.” I stared at him in disbelief. “I was so caught up in the moment and so angry at you for leaving. Do you have any idea how badly I feel? I hurt you and it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel almost ill.”
He got down on his knees in front of me and hung his head in shame. Being dramatic wasn’t going to make me forgive him, neither was a half ass apology. He had just done both. Again. Was he schizophrenic? I was pretty sure he was psychotic. This display of fake remorse was only making me angrier.
“I guess I can forgive you but it’s going to take time. More time than you wanted to deal with before because this almost made me leave the camp altogether. I would have too. Alec or Mal would help me. I bet they would leave with me right now if I asked so don’t
think I don’t have anywhere else to go.” He gripped the arms of the chair and stood, his jaw locked. “You don’t control me Darren, not anymore.” I told him, my voice strong and defiant, and certainly not the reaction he was expecting.
He nodded, unable to speak for a moment, but I saw his eyes turn bitterly cold and distant. A chill ran down my spine. It made me suddenly afraid of him, terribly horribly afraid, and I wondered what he was thinking. Worse, what he would do. I had just defied him again, despite his punishment, and I was standing on dangerous precarious ground.
“I never endeavored to control you Lizzie. I always meant to keep you safe, to watch over you, since that night I met you. Please don’t leave camp. You are a great soldier and the refugees need you.” His half-hearted attempt was obvious.
“I know. That’s the only reason I stayed.” The empty void in his eyes made me pause. “I’m very upset Darren.” I had almost whispered that last part.
“I understand. I don’t blame you Lizzie.” His voice didn’t sound as sincere as it did a moment ago. It sounded angry. Angry and almost cruel.
“Ok Darren,” I replied. I backed away from him on the bed. Every instinct in my body told me to flee.
“I’ve lost you, haven’t I?” His voice held an edge.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t force the lie from my throat.
“I see. It’s fine.” He almost growled the words at me.
I flinched, fearful of the look in his eyes. He wasn’t telling me the truth. What was he hiding? What was he going to do to me? I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of apprehension and danger. I wanted to run instinctively. Would he hurt Mal or Alec just to keep me near?
“I forgive you. I was just mad,” I told him, trying to convince him, my voice wavering.
His eyes looked even harder than before. “Good. I feel better now. I’m glad you can see reason.”
But his eyes were lying. There was a firm distance now and a tick in his jaw. He was angry and something else. Cold. Determined. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. I gulped, knowing things were not right between us. And I was frightened that he might lose it completely.
Chapter Eleven
I saw Alec’s tall frame from across the room. I jumped up out of hiding, tears filling my eyes, and I ran to him, throwing my arms around his neck, nearly knocking him over in the process. I hadn’t meant to cry. Not really. But all of the emotion rose up, joining the pain and fear, and I clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder.
We stood in the center of the abandoned building holding each other close. The place I always met him the last Friday of the month, at least I used to, but I had not been here in two months. One of his hands cradled my head and the other made a move to rub my back, but as he did the friction awakened the fire that burned my skin and I screamed, falling to the ground at his feet.
“What happened Lizzie? Are you all right? Baby, what’s wrong?” Anxiety and fear tinged his voice. Helplessly he bent to help me, confusion on his handsome face.
“I was…attacked…well, more whipped…” I tried to explain.
His voice was deadly quiet. “What do you mean whipped?”
“Darren bound my hands…used rope to tie me…”
Alec roared in anger. “What happened Lizzie?”
“He used a whip, lashed my back…I was so scared…” I told him, trembling.
“Oh God Lizzie…” he couldn’t finish. “Oh please, no.”
“I hit my head, broke my wrist…” I didn’t finish.
Alec held me close as I felt a shudder run through his body. He didn’t let go, not for several long minutes. Gently he raised the light brace on my left wrist like he was noticing it for the first time. His lips placed a kiss on my forehead. The hardening of his jaw left me in little doubt of his anger. His eyes were flashing silver, like a bolt of lightning in the dark sky, a message that read loud and clear. Darren would regret hurting me.
After a few seconds he kissed me softly and looked into my eyes.
“My darling. May I look?” Was that a good idea? Adding fuel to the fire of his anger?
I nodded. “Don’t tell me how bad it is,” I whispered.
He lifted my shirt gently, his fingers lightly removing the bandages. His touch was careful, I barely felt the bandages move from my skin. My body stiffened involuntarily when the air brushed my skin. Just that small exposure sent the pain crawling along again, across every nerve. I heard his sharp intake of breath. His hands trembled on my waist.
When the fabric covered my back again he turned to face me.
“I’m so sorry my love, so very sorry.” Sorrow mixed with the anger, the vibrant, barely concealed anger that shook his whole frame.
“It’s ok. I’m ok.” I whispered, more to placate him than to admit the truth.
“No, you aren’t. But you will be. I’ll see to that.” The hard edge to his voice was disconcerting.
“What are you saying?” I could hardly breathe. Was he taking me away?
“Lizzie, I am being relocated. I’m not sure where they are sending me yet. I was going to ask you today if you wanted to come with me.” His eyes locked onto mine. “I already paved the way for you. I told them I was engaged. They will agree to my request for leave and to bring my wife to my new base. What do you think? Would you be willing to leave everything behind and come with me?” He asked, his voice hopeful.
I was more than ready. I never wanted to return with Darren anywhere again. No more pain and suffering, no more fear. No more living under his controlled thumb.
Maybe now, under Alec’s protection and love I could be safe and happy. This was exactly what I needed. A chance to start fresh. A new life.
I smiled brightly, brushing aside the melancholy that had gripped my heart. “Yes, how quickly can I join you?”
He laughed. “I might be able to get away with you tonight. I’ll have to check with my commander. If I speak to my superiors now, I may be able to get us out of here before everything goes down. The other officers have wives. They are very sympathetic. Give me a few minutes. Stay here and lay low. I’ll be back soon.”
He kissed me and left, sneaking out the door to the left. I waited, quickly becoming bored. After several minutes, I sat down on the floor and played with my hair, braiding it tight. I heard someone enter and I turned around, smiling. I should have known it was too quick to be Alec. My face fell, the smile replaced with cold fear as it settled in my stomach with an icy knot. Darren.
I scrambled to my feet quickly and started moving away. He followed me, backing me into a corner, against a stack of wooden crates.
“So, you’re leaving us all then? Planning on saying goodbye before you run off and marry your handsome stranger?” He sounded angry…and hurt.
“It’s not what you think. I can’t stay there now Darren. Not after what happened. Don’t…don’t you understand?” I asked him desperately, tripping over my words.
He shook his head. “No, I think you know where you belong, where you can have the biggest impact. Fighting the militia is what you love.” His hands lowered to my shoulders. The fear increased, making the blood in my veins rush, plunging in desperation, spurred on by the frantic beat of my heart. “I can change…I would change for you Lizzie. Give me a chance to prove it to you.” Was he insane?
“I don’t know.” I lied, desperate to push him away. “I want to talk to Alec first. I need to know his plan before I give you a decision.”
“I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible. You see, I’m going to make sure they know about him. I’m going to expose him as a traitor. They’ll deal with your Alec. But you will be long gone by then. Far, far away from here. Come, Lizzie, it’s time to go.” He gestured for me to follow, dropping his hands and walking toward the door.
Panic made my breath quicken. I could tell he wasn’t going to let me go with Alec. My mind frantically searched for a plan, anything to let me stay longer. I changed tactics, hoping to fool him.
/> “You’re right,” I told him, the lie bitter in my mouth, “no, Darren, I’m not leaving. Please, give me a few minutes. You know I can’t go anywhere with him. My home is with you and the rest of our group. Please…” I begged him.
“I don’t think so. He isn’t returning for you. He doesn’t really love you. Not like me Lizzie. I’ll show you, you’ll see.” He held out his hand. “Come with me, we need to leave right now.”
He was acting crazy. When had Darren become totally psychotic? “I’ll go but only if you let me say goodbye. Please Darren…for me?”
He seemed to think it over. “Fine, but if you say or do anything suspicious, anything at all, I’ll shoot him in the back of the head and drop him instantly.”
Darren wasn’t crazy. He was insane. Certifiably nuts. A sociopath. My eyes widened in horror. “Ok, yes, I understand. I promise to only say goodbye.”
Darren grabbed me and kissed me on the lips, then left outside again. Disgusted, I rubbed his kiss from my mouth. Full panic mode set in. Holy hell, what was I going to do?
I knew he was within firing range. I knew his marksmanship was a dead eye. He could hit a target from the longest distance of anyone in camp, even Mal. Dear God, would he really shoot to kill? The answer was yes, without a moment of hesitation, simply because Darren thought Alec was the enemy, and in his mind that was all the reason he needed.
I awaited Alec’s return anxiously. Pacing back and forth on the dusty floor, I was constantly aware of Darren’s eyes watching me, and acutely tormented by the fear that held me hostage. I was so anxious I could hardly move, barely think, gnawing on my lower lip.
He was back a half hour later. Alec ran to me and pulled me close, kissing me lovingly and then his forehead pressed to mine. “Everything is arranged.”
I hugged him tight, my fingers grasping his shirt in desperation, whispering into his right ear.
“Darren has a sniper rifle pointed at the back of your head. If I warn you and look like I am doing anything but saying goodbye right now he is going to kill you. He thinks I belong to him. Oh God, I’m terrified.” I stumbled over the words in a rush.
Refugee Road (Freedom Fighters Series Book 1) Page 12
