“Prance? I don’t prance.”
“You move, you sway, you glide, you intrigue. But I will not be tempted. This is over. We do not have nor will we ever have a relationship. It was a great night. Maybe the best night. If I were ever to reconsider my position, you’d be the one I’d do it for. But it’s not going to happen. I will not let you in.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. He still wanted her. She could see the fire back in his eyes. Desire was there, but so was determination. She was thrilled and confused.
“Why not?” she asked. “What’s so scary about a relationship?”
“I don’t trust anyone,” he said flatly. “I learned early that everyone was in it for himself. The only person I can depend on is me.”
He was wrong—so wrong. But she didn’t know how to convince him otherwise.
“What happened to you?” Had his parents abused him? Had a friend died?
His dark gaze locked with hers and she had a feeling she wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“I lived on the streets when I was a kid. Just me. I joined a gang to stay alive and they became my family. When I was sixteen, my girlfriend fell for a guy in a rival gang. She kept the relationship a secret. To prove her loyalty, she set me up. I was shot three times and left for dead by the only person I’d ever loved.”
“What do you mean dead?” Marina asked as she passed the basket of rolls.
Willow took one and offered the rest to Julie who shook her head. “Her boyfriend shot Kane and drove off. Someone called for an ambulance and somehow he survived.” Willow still couldn’t believe that had happened, but she’d seen those scars on his body.
The sisters had met for lunch near Julie’s office. It was one of those warm fall days that makes people in snow country think about moving to Los Angeles.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Marina told her. “That you can save him.”
“Don’t go there,” Julie added. “He’s not like the guys you usually rescue. He’s dangerous.”
Which made him even more appealing, Willow thought humorously. “He’s alone. I think he needs someone in his life.”
Marina looked at Julie then shook her head. “Let me guess. You’re volunteering. Willow, sometimes guys mean what they say. He’s not looking for any kind of relationship. You can’t change him.”
“But if he could just let himself risk it, he would be so much better off,” Willow said.
Julie touched her arm. “You know I love you and I’ll be there for you, no matter what, but why do you do this to yourself? You’re always setting yourself up.”
“It’s just who I am,” Willow said. “I want things to be different. I want a guy to love me and want to be with me forever. Maybe Kane’s that guy.”
“Maybe he’s going to trample all over your heart,” Julie said gently. “I hate to see you hurt again.”
“I know.”
Willow had possibly the worst luck in men. She fell for guys who weren’t attracted to her. She saved them, healed them and they moved on to someone else.
“This is different,” she said.
“Is it?” Julie asked. “How? No, wait. Don’t answer that. Have you ever considered that you get involved with men you can never have so you don’t have to risk falling in love? You say you want happily-ever-after, but you seem to go out of your way to make sure it never happens.”
Willow looked from her to Marina. “I don’t do that.”
Marina sighed. “I’d have to agree with Julie on this one. You avoid normal men. Men who want to get married and have kids.”
Willow opened her mouth, then closed it. She wanted to tell them both that they were wrong. She wasn’t like that—except maybe she was.
Suddenly she was seventeen again, standing in her bedroom, getting ready for a date. She was fussing with her hair when her father walked in. He wasn’t around much, so having him home was a big deal. She remembered putting down her brush and spinning in a circle.
“What do you think, Daddy? Am I pretty enough?”
Her father had looked at her for a long time. “You’ll never be as smart and pretty as your sisters, but I’m sure you’ll find someone to take care of you. Just don’t aim too high, kid.”
His words had cut through to her soul. She’d gone on the date, but she remembered nothing about the night. Her father’s words had burned themselves in her brain and left her gasping with pain.
She’d known that Marina and Julie were more beautiful and that she had to work harder in school to get lesser grades, but she’d never thought that mattered. Until that moment, she’d always believed she was special.
But if her own father didn’t think so, maybe she wasn’t. She’d never felt special again…until that night in Kane’s arms.
“Willow?” Marina leaned toward her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She took a deep breath as the truth settled in her brain. “You’re right. Both of you. I avoid regular guys because I’m afraid to take a chance on falling in love for real and being rejected. What was I thinking? I can’t fix Kane. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me and I’m going to let him go. It’s the right thing to do.”
Julie bit her lower lip. “Are you all right? I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“You didn’t. You’re looking out for me and that’s good.”
“I love you,” Julie said sincerely.
“Me, too,” Marina added.
Willow felt their affection and it eased the hurt inside. Whatever else happened, she could count on her sisters to be there for her. As for Kane…she was going to let him go. He didn’t want her around. The man couldn’t have been more clear in his meaning.
Maybe it was time to stop chasing after the moon and settle here on earth where she belonged. Find a normal guy. So what, exactly, did normal look like?
Five
Kane walked into his house and heard the kittens crying. Usually they were silent, contentedly sleeping or nursing or being groomed by their mother. He dropped his briefcase onto a kitchen chair and moved into the living room where he found the kittens in their box, but no mother cat.
He quickly searched the house and there was no sign of her. But the window he’d left open for fresh air had been pushed open wider and the screen lay on the ground below. The mother cat was gone.
He swore under his breath and looked at the mewing kittens in the box. Now what? Was the mother cat gone for good? Had she abandoned her family? He did not need this crap in his life, he thought as he grabbed the phone, then realized he didn’t have the number.
Three minutes later, he was dialing. His security programs meant, with his trusty computer and decent Internet access, he could find anyone anywhere.
“Hello?”
He frowned. The voice wasn’t familiar. “Willow?”
There was a sniff, followed by a shaky, “Yes.”
Something was wrong. He didn’t actually want to know what right now but knew it was polite to ask. Screw it, he thought a second later. “It’s Kane.”
She made a noise that sounded a lot like a sob. “What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice thick with what he had a bad feeling was tears. “You wouldn’t be calling if there wasn’t something wrong.”
She told the truth and he was good with that. So why did he feel a flash of guilt from her words?
“The cat is gone.”
“Jasmine?”
Who the hell was…Oh, yeah. She’d named the cat. “Yes, Jasmine. I left a window open to get some air in this place. She managed to push out the screen and escape. The kittens are crying and I don’t know what to do.”
“Not leaving the window open would be a start,” she said quietly. “I’ll be right over.”
Willow did her best to get control. She was not a pretty crier. There were no delicate tears rolling down a perfectly pale cheek. Instead she got blotchy, her eyes swelled and her nose wouldn’t stop running. But even more importantly, she didn’t
want Kane to think she was crying over him. She wasn’t. Her current pothole in the road of life had nothing to do with him. But men had such big egos. He would assume he’d crushed her.
She parked her car and used the last of her tissue to wipe her face. Then she blew her nose and drew in a breath. She ignored how she looked. What was important was finding Jasmine.
She stepped out of the car, prepared to call for the cat, but before she could say a word, Jasmine came strolling out of the bushes and meowed.
Willow crouched down and patted her. “Did you just need some alone time?” she asked. “Were the kids getting to you?”
Jasmine meowed again and rubbed against her fingers. The front door opened.
Willow straightened and braced herself for the impact of seeing Kane again. The man still looked good and her entire body sighed in appreciation. He was big and strong and looked as if he could take on the world.
Was it just a size thing, she wondered. If she were taller, would she be able to take on the world? Not that she was interested in all of it. But some control over her little corner would be nice.
“She’s back,” she said, pointing at Jasmine. “I think she just wanted to get out for a while. Did you try opening the door and calling for her?”
“Ah, no. I didn’t think of that. I’m not a pet person.”
“Obviously.”
Kane stared from her to the cat and back. He shifted on his feet. If she didn’t know better, she would think he felt a little foolish.
Maybe it was wrong, but that made her feel better. “I would suggest you check to make sure your screens are secure. Also, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to let her out every morning, just so she can be on her own for a while. I’m sure it’s draining to look after three babies all at once.”
“Okay. Thanks. I will.”
He stared at her. She had no idea what he was thinking and, at that moment, she didn’t much care. She hurt from the inside out and it wasn’t a pain that any pill could help. She’d been rejected in such a fundamental way. The worst part was, she hadn’t been prepared. The news had come from nowhere.
“You want to come in?” he asked.
“Are there any cookies left?”
He nodded.
“Okay.” Maybe chocolate would help.
She walked into the house. Jasmine came with her and gracefully jumped into the box with her kittens. They mewed frantically, until she licked each of them and they got quiet. Everything was all right in their world now, Willow thought, envious of their simple needs. Maybe she should have been a cat instead of a person. It looked like a better life.
“Have a seat,” Kane said, motioning to the sofa.
Willow perched on a cushion. How strange to be back here. She’d already decided she would never see him again and here she was. While she could appreciate the thrill of watching his powerful body move through the room, she couldn’t help thinking this was another place she’d been rejected. When she got home she would have to check her charts and see if Mercury was in retrograde.
Kane returned with a plate of her cookies and a bottle of water.
Despite the knot in her chest, she looked up at him and smiled. “Cookies and water? You know how to treat a girl right.”
“Sorry. I don’t have anything else to drink.”
“It’s fine.”
As she spoke, a single tear ran down her cheek. That would have been okay, but she could feel others building up inside. She swallowed.
“Could you, um, get me some tissues?”
“Sure.”
He bolted from the room. At any other time, his panic would have been amusing. Now she couldn’t seem to find humor in anything.
When he returned with a box of tissues, she grabbed a couple and blotted her face.
“You don’t have to get your panties in a twist,” she said before blowing her nose. “This isn’t about you.”
“My panties?”
“You know what I mean. I’m not crying over you. I lost my syndication deal.” Just saying it out loud made her start to cry again. “There’d been no warning. I thought things were going great. Then I got a call that they were dropping me. Too many people wrote in and said the comic strip wasn’t funny or that they didn’t get it.”
She sucked in a breath and looked at him. He still hovered in front of the sofa, as if not sure where he should go.
“There were three girl squash. They were friends and dated and shopped. It was a lot like Sex and the City, only without the sex…or the city part, either. My girls lived on a farm. But not a real one. There was a mall and restaurants. They dated other vegetables. It was funny.”
She ducked her head as more tears spilled down her cheeks. “How could people not get it? I worked so hard, too.” That’s what killed her. How she’d poured so much of herself into the comic strip.
“Are there other places you could sell it?” Kane asked.
“I don’t think so. I was mostly in vegetarian magazines and newspapers. You know, the weekly kind. A few organic-focused newsletters picked me up, too. The girls were really into the organic, holistic lifestyle. They were very spiritual.”
“The squash?”
She nodded. “It wasn’t a lot of money, you know. I wasn’t in a big magazine, but still. The money from that and the candle sales was enough for me to get by.”
“You sell candles?”
“Uh-huh.” She choked down a sob. “I know I’m not like my sisters, but I thought my life was really good. Small, but good. I had my candles and the girls. But now they’re gone and I don’t know what I’m going to do. Plus, they just called and said it wasn’t funny and people didn’t get it. Goodbye. Just like that. Not that they were sorry or that they knew how hard I worked. Do you know how many hours I spent on it each week? A lot.”
Kane sat on the sofa and looked at her. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. It’s not you. It’s just everything right now. I had lunch with my sisters a couple of days ago. They said I avoid normal men because I’m afraid to have a real relationship and I think they might be right. So I’m not just a failure, I’m emotionally stunted, too.”
“You’re not a failure. You had a setback.”
That nearly made her laugh. “A setback? I have a crushed and broken career. Do you know my sister Julie passed the bar exam the first time? She works for a very high-powered international law firm and she’s on the partner track. Marina, my younger sister, is so smart, she graduated from high school when she was fifteen and went to UCLA on a full scholarship. She got three different degrees in chemistry and physics. I don’t even know exactly what they are. I think one is in inorganic chemistry, but I don’t even know what that is. How lame is that? She has all kinds of grad schools begging her to attend. I mean begging. They came to the house and everything. Do you know what she’s doing now?”
She looked at him. He was a little blurry around the edges, which was probably just her tears. “Do you?”
He shook his head.
“She’s taken a couple of years off of school and she’s working as a sign language interpreter for the deaf. She specializes in all those science classes she studied. She’s giving back. Being a good person. I can’t even sell a cartoon about squash. They’re both so smart and pretty and I don’t fit in with them anymore.”
Kane felt as if he’d descended into the seventh level of hell. Willow’s obvious pain made him uncomfortable and he had no idea what to say to her. The only thing that came to mind was a feeble, “You’re pretty.”
“Oh, please. You said I was scrawny.” She blew her nose and reached for another tissue.
He swore silently. “You were right,” he told her. “It was the sweater. You have great…” He raised his hands and lowered them. “You’re very sexy. I wanted you, remember?”
She turned to him, her face swollen and blotchy, her eyes red. “Wanted. In the past tense. For a single night. You said that’s all it would be and you were right. So I’m good
enough for one night, but not to tempt you again.”
Couldn’t she have just shot him? That would have been easier and less painful, he thought grimly. It was like being trapped in quicksand. The more he struggled, the deeper he sank.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I don’t want you now. I’m not interested in mercy sex.”
“I…You…”
She drew in a shaky breath, then more tears poured down her cheeks. “Dammit, Kane, you could have made a pass at me just now, so I could have turned you down. It’s the polite thing to do.”
Then she really began to cry, with body-shaking sobs and harsh breaths. He wasn’t just in a foreign country—he’d fallen into a different galaxy. He didn’t know how to handle this or her. There were probably words that would make her feel better, but nothing in his experience had taught him what they were.
Women passed through his life without ever touching him. He knew their bodies and their heat, but nothing about their souls or hearts. Willow had been hurt on a fundamental level. While he could understand that, he didn’t know how to fix it.
Slowly, feeling both awkward and stupid, he put his arm around her. She turned into him, leaning against his chest, her face pressing into his shoulder. He held her more tightly, feeling the small bones of her back. She was so fragile, he thought. He could crush her without breaking a sweat. Yet in other ways, she was strong and powerful.
Her tears dampened his shirt. He held her close, rubbing up and down her back. He should probably say something, but had no clue as to what, so he stayed silent. Eventually the tears slowed and she drew in a deep breath.
“I’m going to have a fight with my sister,” she said quietly.
“Because it’s on your calendar for this week?”
He couldn’t see her face so he didn’t know if she’d smiled, but he hoped she had.
“Because my dad is coming home. Mom called and told me last night. Julie always gets angry and critical when he shows up. He’s not like other fathers. He doesn’t stick around for long. My mom’s okay with that. They’re in love, or at least she loves him and she says what she has is enough. I believe her, but Julie doesn’t. She says Mom needs more than a husband who visits once or twice a year, stays for a few months, then disappears.”
The Million Dollar Catch Bundle Page 19
