She shoved her cell phone into her jeans pocket and grabbed her purse. “But I’m not. I was willing to risk it with you. I was scared and worried, but still willing to take on that next step. I never stopped to think all my fears didn’t matter. Because you’re not willing.”
His expression didn’t change. She wasn’t sure why she was explaining herself, except maybe for some kind of closure.
“The only way to convince you I’m not in it for the money is to not be pregnant and never see you again,” she said. “I can’t do anything about having or not having a baby, but I can get out of your life. If I really am pregnant, we’ll work something out. Something fair. You’re not going to simply take my child. If I’m not, then we only have to deal with each other at the wedding and then stay out of each other’s lives.”
She walked to the study door, then turned back. “I know you’re scared, Todd. I’m scared, too. But after falling in love with you, I’m willing to face my fears. Maybe I’m not the one for you. Maybe you don’t want to care about me, and that’s fine. But if you never care about anyone, the bitches of the world win. They might not have you, but they’ve sure made sure no one else will, either. It’s a hell of a way for you to live.”
He waited until he heard the front door close before walking out of the study. The emptiness of the house pressed down on him, but was nothing when compared to the fury he felt at her betrayal. If there was one woman he was going to trust, it would have been Marina. Only she’d turned out to be just like the rest of them.
Pregnant, he thought grimly. Fine. If she wanted to play that game, he would play it right back. He would take the baby and start the family he’d always wanted. She would be compensated, but nothing else.
She was, he acknowledged, a good genetic candidate for his child’s mother. Intelligent, healthy, determined. He would hire a nanny and be a father.
It was a plan and he always felt better when he had a plan. But not today. He had a hole in his chest and it burned.
He wanted to throw something. He wanted to put his fist through a wall. He wanted her not to be like them. He wanted to trust her.
Which he couldn’t.
He might have given her a second chance if she’d confessed and then begged for his understanding. If she hadn’t said she loved him. Because that was the biggest betrayal of all. To use the one thing he truly wanted to manipulate him. That he could never forgive.
Marina knew she would probably drown in her tears. They came and came, pouring down her face as sobs ripped through her body. The pain was more intense than anything she’d ever experienced. It was as if she’d been cut off from the very air she needed to survive. Only she didn’t die. She just hurt and cried and prayed to feel better.
Willow held her and soothed her with soft sounds. Not words. There were no words.
“How do I stop loving him?” Marina asked, her throat raw, her body battered. “Tell me how.”
“I don’t know,” Willow admitted softly. “But we’ll figure out a way.”
Nearly a week later, Todd walked into the florist to finalize the order for the flowers. While he wanted to make sure the wedding looked good for Ryan and Julie, most of his attention was on the fact that he was going to see Marina again.
He’d expected her to call and she hadn’t. So what did that mean? She’d claimed to love him and then she’d disappeared. If she loved him, shouldn’t she be trying to get him back?
He wanted her to be trying and it really pissed him off that she hadn’t once been in touch with him. As he’d been the point of contact with the florist, he’d been forced to call Marina to set up their appointment. Even more annoying, he’d been disappointed when he’d gotten her machine.
He’d done the right thing—leaving a message rather than trying again later. But she hadn’t phoned him back and now, as he stood surrounded by flowers, he found himself looking forward to seeing her again.
He knew he shouldn’t. He knew she was screwing with him, but that didn’t stop the anticipation from rising inside of him.
She walked in, right on time for their appointment.
Even as he held himself still and didn’t say anything, his body reacted to her nearness. She was beautiful, in a stern, pale kind of way. His fingers itched to get lost in her long gold-blond hair. He ached to touched her all over, to listen to her voice, to hear her laugh. He wanted to lean in and inhale the scent of her body.
Damn. What was wrong with him? He knew better. Look at what she’d done.
Except what had she done? Thought she might be pregnant? As she’d pointed out, he’d been more than willing to sleep with her. They’d used protection, but it didn’t always work. Weren’t they equally to blame for what happened? Did he really believe that Marina was trying to trick him?
“I have a class in an hour,” she told him. “So why don’t you go head and make the final selection on the flowers?” She handed him a few printed out e-mails. “These are Julie’s ideas for her bouquets. I’m sure Beatrice can come up with something beautiful.”
“You’re not staying?” he asked, knowing he sounded like an idiot. Oddly he’d counted on them spending the afternoon together.
“No. I can’t miss class. I know the wedding is next week, but everything else is taken care of. Julie and Ryan will be back this weekend.”
She glanced around, as if checking to make sure they were alone, then she lowered her voice. “The mixed message has been resolved. I’m not pregnant.”
“You took the tests again?”
“I didn’t have to.”
There wasn’t a baby. Nothing about her expression told him what she was thinking, but he was shocked to feel the ache of sadness sweep through him.
Sad? Why should he be sad? Because he’d secretly wanted a baby with Marina?
“I’m sure you’re relieved,” she told him. “I know I am. Not that I wouldn’t have loved to have a baby. Just not with you.”
Her words did what they were supposed to. They cut through him, wounding.
“Under the circumstances,” he began.
She shook her head. “I’ll accept you being upset. Anyone would be. I’ll even accept that you have issues, but there is no excuse for what you said and how you treated me. You threatened to take my child. You accused me of lying deliberately for financial gain. You made judgments and decisions before you knew all the facts. You were wrong about me, Todd. So very wrong. I was never in it for the money.”
She squared her shoulders. “The thing that hurts the most is that I think you knew you were wrong, too. I think you secretly did believe me, but you couldn’t admit it. So you attacked. That’s not something I can get over. I suppose the only bright spot in all of this is that I was wrong about you, too. I was wrong to think you were special. I was wrong to think you were the kind of man I could fall in love with.”
And as she had before, she walked out and left him alone.
But this time was different. This time as she left, he realized the enormity of what he’d lost. That despite the pregnancy, his past, her worries and all that had happened between them, that he’d fallen in love with her.
But he realized it too late. As he’d once told her—what had happened was unforgivable.
Twelve
Tuesday after work, Todd sorted through the mail. There was a large, stiff envelope with no return address on the bottom of the pile.
He opened it and removed several photographs. The pictures they’d taken at Belinda’s studio. Samples, to send to Julie and Ryan. Apparently Belinda had decided to send him copies.
He pulled out the eight-by-ten pictures and studied them. Marina stood in his arms, staring up at him, her mouth curved in a smile. He stared down at her with an intensity that made him wonder what he’d been thinking.
There was an ease in their pose, and a connection. The camera had captured what he’d never allowed himself to see before—how he and Marina seemed to belong together.
There was somet
hing else in the pictures. Something in her blue eyes. Love.
He flipped through the six photographs, then carried them into his study and sat behind his desk. After turning on the lamp, he laid out pictures and let the images speak for themselves.
There was a hint of laughter in one, sexual need in another. A smile that spoke of a shared secret.
The pain slammed into him with the subtly of a lightning bolt. It cut through him, leaving him exposed and bleeding. Something dark and ugly surrounded his soul and began to squeeze the life out of him.
He’d lost her. He’d been so sure he would never want anyone that he’d made the decision to let her go before he’d even known what it was to have her. He’d assumed she wouldn’t matter, couldn’t be special. He’d cast off her gift of love without being aware that it could change him forever.
Now, alone, he felt the loss of her. He ached to hear her laughter, to see her smile, to touch her, hold her. He wanted her to need him—not just in bed, but in her life. He wanted her to miss him, to grow old with him. To love him.
He returned the pictures to the envelope. She’d made it pretty damn clear that she wasn’t interested in him anymore. That she didn’t love him.
He closed his eyes for a second, then opened them. Marina wasn’t someone to give her heart lightly. Was it possible that she’d just been able to turn off her feelings or had she been bluffing because anything else hurt too much. Was there still a chance?
He pushed to his feet and realized it didn’t matter about chances or hopes or wishes. He’d always been a man who worked his ass off to get what he wanted. If he’d been willing to give that much to something as meaningless as a business, what more would he be willing to do to convince the only woman he’d ever loved to take a chance on him?
Marina was making coffee when she heard a knock on her front door. She instantly thought it was Todd, crawling back to beg her to give him another chance. The visual would have been funny, if her reaction hadn’t been so incredibly sad. Even knowing what he was and how badly he’d handled the situation, she desperately wanted to give him another chance. Which made her a huge weenie.
But it didn’t stop her heart from fluttering in anticipation as she pulled open the door. And while the person standing there wasn’t Todd, it was nearly as good.
“Julie! You’re back!”
Marina reached for her sister just as Julie grabbed for her. They hugged and screamed and danced in front of the open door, then Marina stepped back to study the changes of the past six weeks.
“You’re barely showing,” she said, staring at her sister’s nonexistent bump. “But you look so happy.”
It was true. Julie’s face glowed with contentment.
“I am happy,” her sister told her. “Ryan and I got back last night and I wanted to come see you first thing. How are you?”
Marina led the way into the apartment. “I’m good. Fine.”
Julie didn’t look convinced. “You can’t be fine.”
“Okay—how about I’m adjusting? Would that work?”
“Maybe.” Julie hugged her again. “Are you sorry about the baby?”
“Yes and no. I was excited at the thought of being pregnant. Terrified, but excited. Then when Todd freaked, I knew having a child with him would be a big mistake. He’s not ready to trust anyone. I can’t have a relationship with a guy who’s so willing to think the worst of me. I certainly can’t have a baby with him. So not being pregnant is a good thing, right?”
Marina did her best to speak calmly, to be logical and rational and sensible about the whole thing. But in truth, her heart hurt. She missed Todd, she missed the baby, which was insane and she didn’t know when she was going to be able to get back to her old self.
“Oh, Marina,” Julie murmured. “I’m so sorry. About all of it. I shouldn’t have asked you two to work on the wedding.”
Marina took her hand and led her to the sofa. They plopped down at opposite corners.
“You had nothing to do with this,” Marina told her honestly. “Todd and I are totally responsible for what happened. I thought I was safe from anyone like him. He’s so not my type.”
“Apparently he is,” Julie told her.
“Tell me about it. The thing is, we were attracted, we acted on that attraction and I screwed up. I thought it was more than it was. It ended badly, but at least I know the truth about him. I won’t spend my time missing a man who can never be what I need.”
“So you’re over him?” Julie asked, sounding doubtful.
“I’m working on it. The good news is if I fell in love with him, I can fall in love with someone else. It will just take a little time.”
“As easy as that?”
“I don’t think it will be easy.” She thought about Todd, about how he made her laugh and how they were more alike than she ever would have guessed. “I miss him. I’ll miss him for a long time, but I’ll recover, and then I’ll move on.”
To what? Another man? She couldn’t imagine ever caring about anyone the way she cared about Todd. Worse, even though she would never admit it to another living creature, she finally understood her mother. In truth, she, Marina, would also settle for a small piece of Todd rather than having no part of him at all. Thank goodness no one was giving her the option.
“What about the wedding and the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner?” Julie asked. “Will that be too awful for you? Would you rather not come?”
Marina shook her head. “It’s your wedding. Of course I’ll be there. I love you and I want to see you and Ryan get married. Plus, hey, I have a whole lot invested in the event.”
“But Todd…”
“I can handle it,” she promised, hoping it was true. “It’s one evening and one day. I’m tough. Don’t worry about me. Just focus on yourself and your happy day. You’re marrying Ryan.”
Julie smiled with so much love, she lit up the room. “I know. I can’t believe I was so lucky to find him. Thank you for all you’ve done. Thank you for making my wedding perfect.”
Marina had to blink several times to fight tears. “Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t seen anything. You did say you wanted a jungle theme for the reception, right? Because we found the cutest little stuffed giraffes for wedding favors, not to mention a ‘sounds of the jungle’ CD to play at the reception.”
Julie swallowed hard. “You didn’t. You wouldn’t.”
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
The rehearsal dinner was held on the Thursday before the wedding. Marina spent most of the afternoon in hot curlers in a feeble attempt to get her long hair to be something other than straight.
She usually didn’t bother, but today she felt compelled. Probably because she was going to have to spend several hours in Todd’s company and she was bitter enough to want to look good enough to make him feel bad. Not exactly her proudest moment.
She was also scared about seeing him. At the florist, she’d been able to keep the meeting short and maintain control. While the wedding rehearsal itself didn’t worry her, the dinner was another matter. It was just going to be family—Julie, Ryan, Willow, Kane, Todd and herself, their mom, Ruth plus Todd and Ryan’s parents.
That meant a small table and lots of conversation. Everyone would notice if she was too quiet or if she and Todd weren’t speaking. It could be awkward and embarrassing. Plus her mother didn’t know anything about her relationship with Todd…unless Ruth had shared that information with her, as well as Julie.
Marina groaned at the thought, then slipped on her dress and zipped it up the back.
The dark blue fabric brought out the color of her eyes and the fitted style made her feel especially skinny. She’d already finished her makeup so all that was left was her hair.
She took out all the curlers, then bent over at the waist and began to finger-comb the curls. When they were loose and, hopefully, sexy-looking, she stretched out her arm to grab for the hairspray, but instead encountered a hand.
She imme
diately screamed, jerked into an upright position and took a jump back.
Todd stood next to her dresser in her bedroom. Her messy bedroom with the unmade bed and clothes scattered everywhere. Although when compared with how fast and hard her heart pounded in her chest, she wasn’t sure that mattered.
She had a brief impression of how great he looked in khakis and a silk shirt, then remembered her hair and clamped both hands on top of her head.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “How did you get in? Couldn’t you have knocked?”
At least she was dressed, but jeez. Talk about a shock.
“I knocked several times, then tried the door. It was open. You okay?”
No, she wasn’t. She risked a glance in the mirror and saw her hair didn’t look too bad, so she lowered her hands to her sides.
“You shouldn’t leave your door unlocked,” he said.
“You drove all the way out here to tell me that? Fine. I shouldn’t. I don’t normally. I don’t know why I did today.”
Distraction, she thought. She’d been distracted at the thought of seeing him, and now that he was standing in front of her, she knew why.
She still loved him. Despite everything he’d said and all that had happened and how much she should know better, she loved him. Right this second, she wanted to throw herself into his arms and have him tell her that they would work it out. That what had happened before had been nothing more than an icky misunderstanding. Not that Todd would ever say “icky.”
“Why are you here?” she asked.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he told her. “There are some things we have to clear up.”
Right. The rehearsal dinner. “I’m fine with it,” she said, hoping she would be. “Yes, it will be awkward with our family there. I’ve been thinking about everything and I think we can pull this off. It’s not like we were dating for years. No one really knows. Well, my sisters and Ruth, but they won’t say anything. We planned the wedding together, nothing more.”
The Million Dollar Catch Bundle Page 39
