“My foster parents were horrified by my behaviour and tried everything to help me but I laughed it off. I was so sure that I was right, that showing off my boobs made me sexy and desirable, that I maintained the façade. The truth was that I was hurting and striking out at the person I cared for the most.” She paused and caught his gaze. “You,” she said in a low voice.
“I knew you’d see those photos and I wanted to show you that I didn’t care that you’d left me. I wanted to show you that I was the woman every man wanted. I wanted to hurt you like you’d hurt me.”
She raised her hand to stop him from saying anything else. “I was wrong, but I need to explain how I felt. And I didn’t have a job so I ended up out almost every night.” She drew in a deep breath. “Then one night, I overheard a group of blokes organising some get-together and wanting to include me since, you know, I’d do all of them. I felt sick. I wasn’t sexy and desirable; they just wanted me to have sex with all of them.” She shuddered with disgust. “As if.” She drew out a long breath. “I leave and am staggering around Vauxhall, and I saw people going to work and who should I run into?” She paused for dramatic effect. “Amelia. You remember her from school?”
“Amelia Harrison?” he clarified.
“The one and only. Except she’s no longer dumpy. She’s gorgeous and has some amazing executive role.” A vision of her friend came to mind, dressed in a sharp black suit, heels and red lipstick. “She looked at me from my toes to my forehead and laughed. “Why am I not surprised you ended up like this?” she’d said to me. I couldn’t blame her. She was on her way to work and I looked like something the cat dragged in, with smudged makeup and a skirt that barely covered my bottom.”
“And then what happened?” he asked with interest before sipping his beer.
“She handed me a business card and told me that when I was ready to grow up and take on responsibility, I should call her.”
He rubbed his chin. “I’m assuming you did?”
She blew out a long breath, remembering the day that changed her life in such a positive way. “Yes. Later that afternoon, I’d sobered up, had a shower and reflected on my disgraceful behaviour.”
“What happened?” He leaned in, clearly interested in what she had to say.
“Years back, she’d joined a group called LifeWorks. You go away for a weekend of talks, discussions and forums and it’s designed to help you make deep, long-lasting shifts in your life.”
“And?”
“There was a session starting a week after I met Amelia, but it was booked out. Somehow she managed to get me into the conference, loaning me the money for the course.” She stopped, reflecting on all the could’ve beens. “That weekend away changed my life in a positive way that I didn’t think was possible. There were hundreds of people all with different reasons for being there, but so many were like me. People hurting and striking out at those they loved the most.
“The people running the course have been transformed themselves. It’s full of volunteers and everyone was so positive and happy, I just wanted to be like that.”
He leaned back in his seat, his gaze still focused on her. “I’m glad you went away and made a positive change, but you had so much going for you when we were together. How do I know you won’t go back to your old ways?”
“You don’t.” She felt her heart still and she answered truthfully. “But I’m telling you that I’m not that selfish woman who believed in entitlement simply because of her rotten background. I look at things differently now. That’s why I’m here, to show you that I’ve changed.”
“I want to believe you, but I don’t know if I can.” He fiddled with the serviette. “You hurt me when I was a teen, you crushed me when I was an adult. I don’t know if my heart can take another chance on us.”
Pressing her lips together lest she cry out, her fingers clutched at her skirt. “Please Ash, give me a chance. I promise not to let you down again.”
Deliberation made the skin tighten around his mouth.
“Please Ash, one more chance. Remember all the fun we had together? We went on picnics, daytrips and pub lunches. Give me time to remind you how good we were?” Her heart sped up, desperate that her words had had a positive effect. “I’ve told you everything, hidden nothing.”
He nodded. “You have.” He lifted his mobile phone from the table and looked at it. “I can rearrange my schedule so we can spend the day together tomorrow. Is that chance good enough?”
Joy burst into every cell of her being. She had a whole day to spend with him and convince him they belonged together. “Yes, thanks so much, Ash.” She sat straighter in her chair, a smile permanently etched on her face. “I won’t let you down.” She stabbed a couple of olives with her fork and ate them as her appetite suddenly returned. “As delicious as these olives are, can we order dinner? I’m hungry.”
A smile tugged at his lips and his gaze softened. “Of course.”
Food was ordered and they sat across from each other. Bea had to still herself lest she bounce in her seat as excitement zipped up and down her spine.
“Despite all our time together, there are still so many things I don’t know about you.” She lifted her hand and ticked them off using her fingers. “What your favourite colour is? Why you prefer to be called Ash? Why you chose to work in Israel?”
“That’s because we spent most of our time together in bed,” he said in a low voice. “I think that the problem was that we didn’t talk enough. Don’t get me wrong, making love to you was incredible, but I think that we should’ve talked more.”
She’d been insatiable for him but then she’d also used sex as an excuse not to share and talk. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she recalled a weeknight when Ash had been excitedly talking about a work opportunity and instead of listening, she’d started nibbling his ear. All the talking was forgotten and they’d had sex on the kitchen bench.
Her gut turned inside out while reflecting on her selfish ways and how she hadn’t taken the time to really listen to Ash.
Well it was time to fix that. As much as she wanted him, wanted those kisses that made her toes curl in delight, she was going to make things work and that could only happen if sex didn’t get in the way.
She placed her hand over his. “I’m here to fix things between us and I don’t want sex to get in the way of us talking. As much as I want to spend the night with you, we should keep it platonic.”
He nodded with reluctance. Like her, he was torn between doing the right thing and the wrong thing. “Okay.” He gave her a small smile. “And just so you know, I don’t have a girlfriend. I just made that up.”
Her heart lifted and she felt her lips extend into a very big smile. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Their dinner arrived and they made small talk as they ate. His focus was on Bea rather than his food, and he couldn’t remember what he’d eaten. She’d been so candid, so raw and honest in her emotions that he couldn’t help but be intrigued by her transformation. The hope that it was permanent was marred by the concern that she’d already betrayed his trust twice. Would it happen a third time?
He wanted to protect his heart, shield it from possible betrayal.
But he listened to Bea and her incredible change. He wanted to believe it was long-lasting, but he wasn’t ready yet. Spending time and getting to know her all over again was a start, especially if they didn’t have sex. She was his weakness, and the one woman who made him think with his manhood rather than his brain.
Wanting to know more, he asked, “Where are you working now?”
Happiness radiated from her smile. “I got this fantastic job in a vintage dress shop in Notting Hill. I may have lost my brilliant mentorship in dress design, but my retail job is flexible and my days are rotated each week so I do have time to spend drawing and fashioning a range of designs. I love what I do and just so you know, I haven’t been to a club since the day I met Amelia. I stopped drinking months ago but, to be honest, there a
re days when I crave a glass of wine. The pull is so great, but so far, I’ve been able to resist.”
“I’m proud of you,” he said with sincerity. And he was. Since he’d known Bea, she was the girl who got around, partied hard and was often off her head. His friends at school, not knowing about his crush on her, had honestly told him that if you wanted sex, Bea was the one to “date”.
It hadn’t been easy for her to unshackle that image, especially after Sebastian had taken her virginity and bragged about it. He hated that tosser and was genuinely surprised that he was being considered for nomination, by the party, to be the UK’s Prime Minister, in a few years. Obviously, mud didn’t stick to a slimy bastard like him.
“So, what are we doing tomorrow?” she asked with a wink, “Swimming?”
“Hiking,” he replied, knowing the exact spot he wanted to take her to. His colleagues had recommended the trail to him when he’d first arrived in Israel and he too had been initially concerned about walking in the desert.
“We’re in the desert and it’s boiling outside. Are you insane?”
He lifted his brow and said, “You’ll just have to trust me, won’t you.” He stood and held out his hand to her. “We should have an early night, we’re going to have a busy day tomorrow.”
The following morning, Bea was ready surprisingly early for her day out with Ash. A quick check on her mobile phone had her gasping in concern. Her brother was splashed across the daily rags, shown kissing Tilly. She was right. Tilly was the Naughty Nanny, and now everyone knew.
She had to tell him. She dialled his number a couple of times and it rang out. He should be awake, why wasn’t he answering his phone? Walking around the large resort proved fruitless; she couldn’t find him. But a quick chat with the concierge and a desperate plea, had her being escorted to the private area of the hotel where the staff worked.
Annoyance dripped down her spine. Nate, her adored older brother, was in trouble and if he’d bothered to answer his calls or reply to the messages she’d sent, he would’ve known that. Instead, he was locked away in an office, staring at a computer screen.
“Don’t you ever stop working? It’s nine in the morning and you’re supposed to be on holiday,” Bea remarked, leaning casually against the doorframe.
“I’m busy,” he flung at her, not even bothering to look up from his laptop.
Seated beside a man in his late-twenties, the two seemed to be engrossed in something on Nate’s computer.
“Bea, I’ll catch up with you later,” Nate said in a dismissive manner.
Her eyes narrowed in annoyance. Couldn’t he give her a minute of his time? She did have something important to share with him. “Are you seeing Summer again?”
Bea’s lips twitched with amusement, seeing Nate’s fingers stop typing.
“Maybe. I’m working with Ilan. Go and have a treatment or something.” He flicked his hand, letting her know in no uncertain terms he wasn’t interested in chatting with her.
Fine, let him dismiss her. It wasn’t like she was on the front page of the paper. “Have you read today’s paper?” She gave him a sickly, sweet smile.
“For God’s sake, just go!” He pointed to the door.
Exasperated at her brother’s inability to give her a minute of his time, she indignantly stamped her foot on the ground before muttering some inappropriate words about him.
She heard the man next to Nate chuckle before she slammed the door. Hard.
A few minutes later she was standing in the lobby when Ash walked in. All thoughts of her brother, Tilly and scandal evaporated when she saw him. Her brother had enough experience to manage the press, but it was more important she be with the man she loved.
The breath in her throat became wedged as she took in the length of his legs and the power of his strong shoulders. Despite the loose shirt he wore, she couldn’t help but notice the firmness of his belly. The belly she’d loved touching and kissing.
Stop it, she reminded herself. She had to keep it platonic otherwise it just wouldn’t work.
He came up to her and brushed his lips against her cheek. “Good morning, did you sleep well?”
“Yes, I did. I had the Israeli breakfast. Who knew that I would be eating salads, eggs and tuna?” She chuckled, a little surprised to have enjoyed food that she would normally eat for lunch.
“Welcome to Israel,” he said taking her hand in his.
She sidled up to him. “I know we’re only supposed to be friends, but I have noticed that you’re now more fit than you used to be.”
He lifted his brow. “I wish I could say it was because of all the sex I’ve had but the truth is, I’ve started hiking and doing more outdoor activities since I moved from London.”
“Well, we had plenty of sex and you never looked as good as you do now,” she said, before giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Me like,” she whispered in his ear.
His eyes widened but he said nothing. She knew what was going on in his brain; it matched what she was thinking. They should forget going out and go upstairs and spend the day in bed. But as much as she wanted to feel and taste him, she was here to win him over permanently.
He pointed to her rucksack. “Did you bring a swimsuit, sunscreen and water?”
“I’m wearing a bikini because I reckon I’m going to need it when we go for a walk in the desert heat,” she chuckled.
“And plenty of sunscreen, I don’t want your beautiful skin burnt,” he said.
She nodded in reply. She’d been diligent in her organisation for her time out today, with plenty of water, snacks, sunscreen and portable power pack. . .in case they were lost and needed rescuing.
He tugged her close. “Let’s go.”
They walked out of the coolness of the hotel into the dry heat outside and she drew in a breath of hot air that made her eyes widen. It was early morning and already very warm. “Phew,” she said.
“You’ll get used to it,” he chided her gently. “At least you dressed sensibly,” he said.
“Did you expect me to wear heels?”
“With you, I never know what to expect,” he said with a smile.
He opened the car door and she hopped in before he came around, started the car and she was rewarded with a blast of cool air-conditioned air.
“Let’s go,” he said.
“I’m impressed you’re driving on the left side,” she said.
“It took me a few days to get used to it, but I had to learn. I wanted to be independent and not rely on others to get around.”
“Where do you live?” she asked.
“Arad, it’s about fifty minutes from here,” he said. “The hotel I worked with provided me with a room to live in but after a week, I found a place to share with another bloke. All the hotels and resorts are full of travellers who spend one or two days here. At least in Arad, there are people that I got to meet and know. It’s a town and most people who work in the resorts live there. I’ve actually enjoyed being here more than I expected.”
“It’s a big change from London.”
“Yes,” he said. “It took time to get used to the heat and living remotely but it’s been a fantastic opportunity to be here.”
“Was it worth it?” she asked.
“That’s a loaded question and you know it,” he fired at her. “I know this place is so far removed from London and everything that you love about the city, but this is my job, my career. I will always have to travel and unfortunately, you weren’t prepared to compromise.”
“You work in hotels, there are plenty in England.” She sniffed.
The stress of their break-up and her inability to see that settled uncomfortably in his belly. “You make it seem like I can just get a job in any hotel. You know that’s not how it is.”
She shook her head. “But surely, you could find work that wasn’t in a place so. . .so far off?”
“I’m very specialised in what I do, but it means I have to go where I am needed. There was an opport
unity to come here.”
“Why didn’t you apply for something closer to home like in France or Spain?” She could hear the annoyance in the way she fired the question at him.
The teasing and playfulness were gone, and he realised that it was unlikely that they could resolve their differences. It was as he remembered, sex had been the basis for their relationship, rather than honesty, respect and understanding. It reminded him of all the reasons why he’d wanted to stay away from her.
His fingers clutched at the steering wheel, his gaze remained on the road ahead of them. “The opportunity to work brought me here.”
What he didn’t say was that he preferred being away in this tiny Middle Eastern country that didn’t remind him of her or of England. It was the precise reason he wanted to stay, because it was away from her. He never anticipated or expected that she would come after him.
“I will be living here for a while,” he added flatly.
If they were to get back together, and there now seemed little chance of that happening, then she needed to know everything upfront.
“Can you get out of it?” she prodded.
Exasperation made him snap at her. “I’ve signed a contract. It’s a good job and even if I could, I don’t want to.” He was the stable, sensible one and he wasn’t prepared to leave a well-paid job just because Bea didn’t like it and didn’t want to live here. Her past behaviour made him question again if being with her was wise.
Why couldn’t she see that? He rubbed his unshaved jaw and knew in his heart that as much as he wanted Bea in his life, it wasn’t going to work out. How much rejection did he need?
Always You: Prequel to Falling for Mr Wrong Page 3
