by Leigh Riker
If Sawyer hadn’t seen her with the colt before, he would never have let her step in. But right now, she seemed better equipped than he was to deal with Cyclone—until Sawyer suddenly doubted his decision. Should he risk her safety just because he couldn’t concentrate? That seemed less risky, in its way, than wishing she might join him in Kedar, but Sawyer had started back into the arena when Olivia entered the ring.
As if in challenge, her eyes met his for an instant, then flickered away. With her total focus on the colt, she crossed the corral and caught him on his next pass as he glided along the far rail.
“Whoa!” she called out twice, loud enough to startle the horse into obeying her. She’d certainly gotten his attention.
Cyclone stopped and stood, blowing hard with his head hung between his front legs, but his ears stayed flat against his skull.
“Watch him, Olivia,” Sawyer said, his heart in his throat.
It was one thing for him to try to train the colt, another for him to watch her and feel helpless. Or maybe he’d forgotten for a moment just how capable she was. To his relief, Cyclone’s gait had leveled out into that smooth, floating trot and the colt couldn’t seem to do enough for Olivia.
When she finally reeled him in and slowly coiled the lunge line, Cyclone was practically eating from her hand. As she clipped a lead to his halter, Olivia grinned.
“I needed that,” she said, crossing to open the gate.
After they’d settled Nick in the family room with a glass of juice and a snack to watch a children’s program on TV, she and Sawyer sat across from each other at the kitchen table.
“I saw Liza this morning,” she said with a sigh. “She offered to help me with Ted Anderson’s shop.” Olivia hesitated. “She wants to lend me the money.”
“Which you refused. Just as you refused my offer.”
She arched a brow. “How did you know?”
Sawyer looked away. “You and Grey haven’t exactly welcomed her to the family. I can’t imagine you accepting her help.”
“I didn’t, and yet...you’re right. We’ve been unfair. I’d say my mother’s influence had something to do with that, but now that Mom’s also remarried and seems to have mellowed, it’s all on me. I’m ashamed of myself.”
“Never a good feeling,” Sawyer agreed.
She tried to change the subject. “Have you heard from Charlie?”
“Not a word. I’ve sent his wife a message but so far, nothing.” Sawyer ran a hand over the back of his neck. “I’ve become a news junkie. I’ve probably hit the world weather site and googled Kedar a hundred times. There doesn’t seem to be anything to worry about, but I can’t help worrying anyway.” He squirmed in his chair. “I almost wish Grey and Shadow hadn’t decided to get married in California. Otherwise, Logan would be home by now.”
Olivia frowned. “You haven’t heard.”
“What?”
“According to his latest phone call with Nick, he and Blossom are stopping in Wichita on their way back. Logan has an interview with a new small plane manufacturer there. The money would be good and he’d only have to fly on a limited basis, which would leave him free to help run the Circle H.”
“He didn’t say anything to me. I thought Logan was done flying.” This would add another few days to Sawyer’s stay at the ranch and he wanted to pound the table.
“Logan said the extra income would provide working capital for the ranch. It may be a part-time ‘offer’ he can’t refuse.”
Sawyer rubbed his temples. “Olivia, you know I need to get back to Kedar. To find out what’s going on...” He trailed off. To redeem himself, if that were even possible with Charlie. “I need to figure out what I want, too. If it’s to leave Kedar for good, then I need to do it the right way. I don’t want to leave Sam here without help, either. I don’t want to leave you without speaking my mind.”
Olivia traced the pattern on the tablecloth. She wouldn’t look at him.
“I’m in love with you,” he said, his voice low. “In case you never noticed, I’ve been in love with you since...long before that day we raced across the field. And I messed up. I’d like us to have a chance now, Olivia. Last night, I thought you might feel the same. I know it won’t be easy—”
“No...” She pressed her lips tight before going on. “I have family here, friends, Nick... He’s my child, the most important person in my life. He depends on me. He’s vulnerable. I have to think of him, of making a home for us that doesn’t shift and change with the prairie wind.” She glanced toward the family room. “So what do we do, Sawyer? You go back to Kedar, I stay here with Nick. In all likelihood, we wouldn’t see each other more than a few times a year. What kind of relationship is that?”
“Some people function that way.”
Yet he knew Olivia wasn’t one of them. Because he’d known her for so long, watched her deal with her parents’ divorce, he understood that, most of all, she craved stability for Nick. Sawyer couldn’t give her that. Still. She hadn’t said she loved him, too, but he tried to take heart. At least she hadn’t downplayed their feelings for each other.
“Your partner doesn’t,” she said at last. “His wife lives there. You and I are a long way from thinking about...marriage, and pardon me for seeming presumptuous, but I’m not sure I’d want to try that again. I can’t base my future—or Nick’s—on some kisses.” She half smiled. “As lovely as they were.”
“Lovely? More than that, Olivia.”
She didn’t disagree. “We’re at an impasse, though. Aren’t we? Even if we could work something out between us, there’s still Nick. I could never give up my business—whether I expand or not—and risk his security. Maybe you’re right that no one can predict another disaster, but I can’t take him away from his friends here, his family—or leave my friends and family for a place where the language barrier would be only the first thing to overcome.”
“I know this much—safety is an illusion,” he insisted. “Unless we try, we’ll never know whether you and I could have a life together. I made a bad start with Nick, but we’re good now. You and I can be, too.”
Olivia held up a hand, then let it drop. “After Logan and I broke up, I thought I’d never want another relationship.” She lifted her gaze to his. “I’ve come to realize I was partly to blame for what went wrong, and I want you to know why. When we all started to grow up, Logan and me and...you, and we all began to change, I had no idea what to make of that. I’d always loved Logan, I...cared for you, too...but in a different way, I realized. You frightened me, the strength of my feelings for you. Then that day when you dared me to race you across the field, I must have sensed what was going on with you. I didn’t want to acknowledge that, and after Jasmine fell, I think I used that as an excuse. I turned to Logan because he seemed safer to me...steady and, well, stable. I’ve only come to understand that recently, and to feel guilty that I chose him for all the wrong reasons.”
She paused. “I can’t do that again. If I ever do remarry, I’d want someone who was there for Nick, full-time. As great as Logan is at being a dad, I won’t have Nick pulled in yet another direction.”
“Olivia.” He rose from his chair, rounded the table and pulled her to her feet then into his arms. He drew her closer, lowered his head to hers and angled it just right to meet her lips. Keeping an eye on the door to the family room, he kissed her once, twice, a third time—and finally, felt her surrender to the embrace.
“We can make it,” he whispered against her mouth. “Somehow, we will.”
But Olivia had already pulled away. Her expression told him he’d lost.
“I don’t want another part-time relationship,” she said, then rushed into the other room, calling for Nick.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
BLOSSOM POKED HER head around the corner of the dining room. “All set?” she aske
d Olivia. She and Logan had arrived home that afternoon, and Nick had been eager to see them, so when Blossom phoned to ask them to dinner, Olivia had offered to cook. Even though Sawyer would be there and Olivia hadn’t seen him in two weeks.
I don’t want another part-time relationship. Ever since, she’d been dropping Nick off to ride Hero. Sawyer had brought him home but never stopped in.
In the Circle H kitchen, she stacked plates and flatware for Blossom, who looked tired from the long drive. Olivia glanced at the stove, where a pot was simmering. “Thanks for setting the table. Our spaghetti sauce should be done in a few minutes,” she told Blossom.
The rich scents of tomatoes, onions, oregano and basil filled the air, making her stomach growl. From the oven wafted the enticing smell of garlic bread. The salad she’d fixed was in the refrigerator and homemade oil-and-vinegar dressing sat in a cut glass cruet on the dining room table. For once, she and Nick would be eating before seven o’clock and not their usual mac and cheese or a quick hamburger. Or pizza.
She hadn’t seen Sawyer since she’d arrived tonight.
It seemed strange—and oddly satisfying—to make a meal again in this kitchen, where she’d cooked for Logan and Sam until the flood, but the result pleased her. Another part of her peacemaking efforts with her ex-husband.
When Blossom came back for more serving pieces, Olivia said, “You’ve done enough. Sit down. I’ll call the others.”
She turned the burner off under a huge pot of pasta, then hunted through a lower cabinet for her favorite strainer. It wasn’t hers, really; Sam’s wife, Muriel, had bought it and Olivia had left it here when she moved out.
“We can’t wait to hear all about your honeymoon,” she added, “and, of course, Grey and Shadow’s wedding in San Diego.”
“The beach at Coronado was divine,” Blossom said, one hand on her stomach. “But I can’t help wishing we’d been able to come home a bit sooner. This baby is kicking me to pieces. I think he wants to be born. I bet Logan that I won’t make it to my due date.”
“I know the feeling. With Nick, I was so uncomfortable by eight months that all I could think of was being thin again, having my body to myself.”
They shared a smile, Blossom’s a bit wry. “I’m making at least two dozen trips to the bathroom every day. Did that happen to you?”
With a quick pang of might-have-been, Olivia slid the pasta into a large bowl. Nick would be an only child. “Sure did.”
Once the baby was here, maybe she’d invite Shadow, Annabelle and some others to her house for the baby shower, a celebration after the fact. Everyone, she knew, had gifts ready for Blossom and Logan’s little one, including the layette Sherry would provide from Baby Things. Maybe she’d also invite Liza, unless she and Everett had already gone back to Dallas by then.
They could all take turns holding Blossom’s baby boy. And Olivia would try not to cry. By the time Nick was turning four, she’d stopped hoping for another child with Logan, and after the flood just before Nick’s birthday that year, she’d left the Circle H.
Now the memories assailed her. This had been Nick’s first home, and tonight he was drinking milk from his favorite dinosaur mug, which he used whenever he came to what he now called “my other home.” His toddler silverware was still in the kitchen drawer. She’d come across it when she took out the table settings. His crib, stored in the attic, would soon be repainted for Blossom’s baby and Nick wanted to help with that. He seemed excited to be having a half brother, but then enthusiasm was his middle name.
She wondered how he’d react if she asked him about visiting Kedar.
Olivia carried the pasta bowl to the dining room. She didn’t have to call the others. Following the aromas of dinner, they had already showed up to eat.
Without looking at her, Sawyer fetched the salad. Blossom brought in the garlic bread wrapped in a cloth napkin. After Nick said a quick grace, everyone dug in.
Like the night at Wilson Cattle when her father had choked, people talked over other people in their eagerness to share experiences or ask another question. Logan and Sawyer weren’t exactly beaming, but they didn’t argue, either. Although Sam didn’t seem his usual talkative self, he made a comment now and then, his gaze avoiding Sawyer. Olivia did, too, trying to ignore the undercurrents between them.
Sawyer wasn’t here to stay. And neither was she at the Circle H. Although she and Blossom had become friends, this wasn’t her family any longer—except for Nick.
The thought made her feel unaccountably sad.
And she kept thinking, Sawyer loves me.
* * *
AFTER DINNER, Sawyer helped Olivia with the dishes. Then, while she and Blossom talked about babies, and Sam and Nick watched a rodeo on TV, he and Logan walked out to the barn to make a nighttime check of the horses, which wasn’t their only reason to slip away. Sawyer expected they were about to have that conversation, just as he had with Sam. And Olivia. Neither had ended well. He assumed his departure for Kedar would be the starting point, but Logan surprised him.
“You and Libby,” he said. “What’s going on there?”
Sawyer didn’t know how to answer.
Logan trailed a light hand along the bars of the stalls they passed, talking to each horse in the now-darkened barn. A single overhead light penetrated the gloom. “C’mon, you think I’m blind? I always knew you cared about her. Seems to me you still do.” He stopped to pet Sundance’s nose. “Hey, pal. Did you miss me?”
The horse’s ears had pricked up and he offered a whickered greeting.
Sawyer shifted his weight. As Sam had said, his feelings for Olivia were no secret, but when he’d shared them with her, she’d rejected him. “Nothing’s ‘going on.’ I hadn’t seen her in weeks until tonight. She brings Nick to ride Hero, but she never comes in. I was bowled over when she actually made dinner here tonight.”
Logan snorted, as if he was getting only half the story. “Libby’s a good woman. We were never right for each other, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be happy with someone else.”
To the sounds of hay being munched, water being slurped from buckets, an occasional hoof stomping the ground, Sawyer wandered down the aisle.
“Meaning me?”
“If you’re what makes her happy.” Logan paused. “That’s how it seems.”
“Where’d you get that idea?” Sawyer stopped at Hero’s stall. Had his brother seen Sawyer looking at her during dinner, or Olivia sneaking wary glances at him?
The little gray came right up to him, nuzzling his hand for a treat. Sawyer reached into his pocket for the stub of a carrot. Then moved on. “If we had anything, that was before I had to put Jasmine down—before Olivia chose you instead.” What was the use of talking about her? Why didn’t he and Logan just have it out at last over Sawyer’s long-ago defection from the Circle H? Sam sure hadn’t hesitated to tell him how he felt.
Seemed like Sawyer had alienated everyone during his stay.
“I’m leaving,” he said. “Guess that’s what you’d expect.” Sawyer told him more about the landslide in Kedar, and that he still hadn’t heard from Charlie. “I was only waiting till you got home.”
He could be gone tomorrow morning.
“Yeah, well. Things have gotten complicated. You know we stopped in Wichita. Stayed at my apartment there. I should let it go, but my interview went pretty well. I’m still waiting to hear their take on that, but if I’m offered the job, I’ll grab it. Sam also needs your help, Sawyer, especially when I can’t be here. More than that, he wants you home.”
“Didn’t seem like it last time we talked.” Sawyer told him about the day in the barn with Sam. How for a moment, he’d thought they might find common ground until Sam had all but disowned him. “When I leave this time, I don’t know for sure, but...I probably won’t come back. Maybe
that’s for the best all around.” Even if that choice meant losing Sam, too. The man who had raised him, loved him, begged him to stay.
“If I were you, I’d think twice about that.” Logan walked closer to the end stall. “Any luck with this colt?”
Sawyer didn’t stop to think. He went right up to the stall and stuck his hand in. Cyclone lipped his palm for another piece of carrot. “See? He doesn’t bite. I’ve been spending time with him. Groundwork, remedial classes, you might say. Oh, and while you were gone, we had him neutered.” He hesitated. “Olivia’s been helping with his training. When I go, she can take over. With you.”
Logan half smiled. “I can’t see us—her and me—working together. I wouldn’t want to risk our peace treaty. Apparently, you didn’t have any trouble.”
“With the colt, no.” Sawyer leaned against the stall door. He crossed his arms. “Olivia wants a nice, secure life. That’s all she’s ever wanted. I can’t blame her for that, but where I’m going—where I have to go—I have no idea what I’ll find.”
“So—just like that—you’re done.” Turning away, Logan put one hand up to the bars of Cyclone’s stall. And, teeth bared, the colt tried to take a piece out of him. Logan examined his finger. “Hey. Thought you said he doesn’t bite.”
“He doesn’t bite me.” Sawyer almost wanted to smile. They’d always been competitive. “You have to win his trust, big brother.”
“Thanks for the advice, Tom.” Logan started back toward the open doors. In a shaft of moonlight, he turned to face Sawyer, probably not realizing he’d used his old nickname for him. “You know, our world got shaken up pretty bad when we were kids. But after Mom and Dad died, we did all right with Sam, didn’t we? You were the one who planned to stay then, to take over the Circle H. I left to fly—part of the reason I finally lost Libby. She never signed on for that, but you had it made right here, Sawyer.” He shook his injured finger as if to ease the pain. “Why in hell did you run off? Just to lick your wounds after Libby married me? Why didn’t you stay before—fight for her? But, no. Now you’re racing off again as if someone is chasing you. If that’s Libby, you’re never going to find what you really need somewhere else.” He said, “I know I didn’t. And I didn’t go as far as Kedar.”
