“But other than that there’s been no contact between you?”
“The invitation?”
“I placed it in the violin. He wouldn’t know about it.”
“You came into my house? When?”
“When you weren’t there.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to hide the shame I felt at believing we could ever be lovers again.
He rubbed his hands together. “I need to clean up.”
“You and I, James, what are we to each other?” The words slipped from me.
“We fucked a little. It was pleasant.”
“I’m leaving.”
“With what?” He forced a smile. “Your bank account is closed.”
“I have money—”
“I froze your account.” He leaned back. “You broke our contract, Emily. You disobeyed me.”
“How?”
“You went on the yacht.”
“How can you be so cruel?”
“You knew what I was capable of, Em.”
I swallowed hard. “You think me being here will draw him back to us?”
To me.
“We must be imaginative.”
“How do you mean?”
“We must stir Xavier’s protective side. Have him want to save you.”
“Save me from what?”
His eyes darkened. “Me, of course.”
James
Emily couldn’t know that my heart was shattering—that my intense longing for her was burning me up inside.
All I wanted was to wrap my arms around her. Tell her everything was going to be okay. Instead, my weapon of choice was coldness and occasional silence as I kept myself from reacting to her presence.
She had the kind of beauty that made time stand still. I watched as she stood in front of me, her deep green eyes taking in my boathouse, looking as bewitching as I remembered her.
I knew she loved me.
What she could never know, however, was that I loved her, too. I’d fallen for her more deeply than I had imagined possible.
Her feelings for me would cloud her vision. She could never suspect that inviting her into my sanctuary, a place I kept secret from the world, meant I felt something for her. I hadn’t been prepared for the ache of nostalgia that swept over me upon seeing her again after what had happened between us—or my pining for more time with her and Xavier.
I had to let any chance of us reuniting as a threesome die.
I saw through my own lie…this belief that such weakness shouldn’t be tolerated and that I had a responsibility to remain distant. I had once been certain that my profession didn’t allow for extra-curricular emotional involvement. With anyone.
That mistruth had worked its way into my consciousness and taken up residence in my psyche. I’d had the privilege of love once and had massacred everything that was good about it. About her, my beloved Victoria.
Guilty men are not left unscathed.
What I had with Xavier and Emily had been extraordinary. My mind, body and soul yearned to return to those lust-fueled nights. They were the memories I clung to with all my might. We’d dabbled in pleasures that, once tasted, couldn’t be denied. That was where the danger had been ignited. I’d toyed with the idea that revisiting love was possible. I had to burn that hope to the ground.
Despite my better judgment, I’d let the affair go on…the intimacy, the exposure, the brilliant fucking between three people who shouldn’t even be allowed in the same damn room. The distraction was a risk to all of us. My lack of focus caused by these two enigmatic friends could destabilize the universe.
I’d prepared for this moment. Reassured myself I could handle her dazzling beauty, her enduring sweetness, and sassy attitude. What I’d not accounted for was an overwhelming surge of feelings for a woman who was never destined to be mine. She had always been Xavier’s.
Even so, he’d given her to me willingly. I knew in my heart why.
Xavier’s attempt to push this woman into my arms was him trying to break me down. Getting me to a place where I might find room for something more. He’d tried to crack my steely shell. The light he offered had seeped through the cracks of the wall I’d built around my heart and had managed to touch me…for an instant.
The night we’d spent on board that luxury yacht, The Venetian, had made me realize how much I loved this woman—the same beauty standing before me in the floral dress looking windswept and innocent and jet lagged from her long flight.
Though that evening aboard the yacht on the River Thames had brought about the realization of what kind of threat she was under with us in her life.
Another threat loomed with Xavier being gone. He was my right-hand man and the keeper of all my secrets. My best resource to fight political crime had walked away. It was up to me to find him—by any means possible. He was the ultimate tech guru. Which also meant he had the skills to evade me.
I only had one hand left to play…
Her.
“What are you trying to say?” Her voice was a whisper.
“I’m going to do things to you, Em.”
My senses became aroused by her vulnerability, her exquisite naiveté.
She still had no concept of Xavier’s true importance. That he alone had what it took to change the landscape of national security. I’d tried to make her understand when she’d visited my castle back in England. Since then, she’d singlehandedly destroyed Xavier’s trust and sent him hurtling away like a meteorite into the void. We both held the responsibility of pulling him back by any means necessary. Millions of lives were at stake.
Emily’s eyes widened. “What kind of things?”
Could I actually go through with this…touch her and yet remain cold, or at least feign indifference? Could I make her believe there was nothing between us?
My body tightened with the thrill that I might find pleasure in being intimate with her. Of course, I’d find pleasure in it. She was exquisite in every conceivable way. And my duplicitous thoughts were the mark of a monster.
This was the plan, so easy to implement: Push her away and draw Xavier closer. Have her fall out of love with me and fall deeper in love with him.
My heart twisted in an unfamiliar way, but I ignored the pang of loss and bravely glared into the abyss.
“You like it dark, right?” That was something I could work with. “I’m going to do very erotic things to you.”
She blushed wildly.
I let out a sigh of resolve. “Xavier knows me. He knows what I’m capable of. He knows what I like.”
“What you like?”
It made me smile. “I will spoil you in the same way Xavier liked for me to spoil him. Does that appeal to you?”
She looked uncertain.
Xavier had once blackmailed me by starting a life with her so that I’d take him back. She didn’t need reminding of this painful fact. His plan had backfired when he’d fallen helplessly in love with this woman.
“Xavier will always crave me, Emily. Crave what only I can give.”
The cruel remark made her flinch. All I had to do was crank up the viciousness and watch her crumble.
“You want him to be jealous of me?” She looked astounded. “Why would I consent to something like this?”
“It’s the only way back to him.”
“In London, you told me you didn’t want us to end.” She sucked in a deep breath. “That you loved us…”
“Such a sentiment isn’t in my repertoire. Nor do I have any use for it.”
“You did say it!”
“We need to bring him in.”
“I won’t betray him.”
“This is about you asking for his forgiveness.”
“What sorts of things are expected of me?”
“You want to know Xavier completely? You want to know why he’s addicted to the things I can do to him? I’m offering you this insight.”
Emily was thinking it over, and looking so damn sensual. It was the way her mouth
parted, the way she licked her lips to wet them as she mulled over whether she could deny herself what I was offering.
“Xavier stays here sometimes,” I said. “Did he tell you that?”
She shook her head and scanned the workspace as though trying to imagine him here. A hurt expression flashed across her face. He’d teased her with my connection to Jamaica, but she’d never taken the bait to explore the matter further. Never asked the important questions, like why here.
“In this very house, Xavier and I agreed to always do what is right. Not what is easy, but what serves the greater purpose.”
“That’s why you started Pervade?”
Her calling MI8 “Pervade” had always been endearing. I helmed a directorate of Military Intelligence that secretly existed. I’d hijacked the organization after MI6 had tried to take me down. Then elevated myself to a position where I controlled every aspect of British society. Pervade, as Emily liked to call what I did for a living, was not far off from my job description. I owned the government. Hell, I owned several.
Yet she was the ultimate thrill I would never get over.
“You should never have betrayed him, Emily.”
“You threatened what we had by saying it was temporary.”
“You chose music over him.”
“I’ve dedicated my life to the violin.”
“But you didn’t take up my offer to join the orchestra.”
“I wanted to make it on my own.”
I shrugged. “In the end it came down to money.”
Emily’s rightful position had been given to a less talented student because the girl’s father had coughed up a generous donation—all in the name of art.
Pain was evident in her expression. “I’m just as talented as Salme.”
“If only that was how the world works.”
“I’ve always made it on my own.”
“Emily, you’re naive.”
“You told me I was merely a distraction for Xavier.”
“A pleasant distraction. Facts are important.”
She swayed slightly and it made my chest tighten with remorse. Jesus, this could be the final act that destroyed me. Then again, it coated my darkness with self-hate that could be useful. I deserved the misery because I didn’t believe love was in my destiny—and I was using her faith in it to destroy her love for me.
Her eyes filled with tears and she clutched her palm to her chest to prove the cruelty of my words had seeped into her soul. The dagger I’d sent hurtling into her heart might stay wedged there forever.
This was good.
I needed her to hate me…needed her on her fucking knees willing to do anything to draw my rogue operative out of hiding. Despite Xavier pulling back, he’d still be spellbound with this beguiling violinist. They’d lived together for six months before I’d torn them apart. He’d never get over her. And he really shouldn’t have to.
No one could do what Xavier could and if we didn’t get him back the consequences were unthinkable. His ability to translate artificial intelligence into a language we could work with was unmatched. His remarkable skill at communicating with wayward AI was unparalleled. If I hadn’t seen his talent first hand, I wouldn’t have believed it. His kind of brilliance was rare. Xavier was irreplaceable.
“Is stirring his jealousy the only way?” she asked softly.
“Not only jealousy, Em. We’re talking about his desire for balance and certainty…his hunger for more of what only I can deliver.”
She looked smug. “You’re not enough to lure him back here.”
“And evidently neither are you.”
She closed her eyes for a moment. “Don’t.”
“I’ve been wrangling with this truth a lot longer.”
“He could find love anywhere.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“What if he never forgives me?”
“It’s my forgiveness you must earn.”
“I’m sorry. Tell Xavier I’m sorry, too.”
I turned away because it should be me apologizing. What I was doing was abhorrent. My cock ached in contradiction—my body yearned for the impossible. She was going to give herself to me willingly. I was going to earn her hate.
“I can leave at any time?” she asked quietly.
I faked a smirk because I’d already let her know I’d frozen all the funds in her bank account to immobilize her movements.
“When does it start?”
“When does what start?” I wanted to hear how she saw our arrangement.
“Us.”
“There’s no us, Emily. It’s just you on your knees before the man who holds all the power.”
Emily
I pressed a hand to my chest, trying to lessen the ache in my heart.
Xavier wasn’t here. There wasn’t even a message from him…a sign that we were still together. Even after all this time apart.
Our love was broken.
Seeing him again had been all I could think about since we’d parted weeks ago. It was all I could do to hold back sobs.
There’s no us, Emily.
My eyes prickling with tears, I reached for my suitcase and violin and then hesitated at the bottom of the staircase. I’d been told how to find my room—turn right at the top of the stairs, third door down.
James’ words that we were not in a relationship of any kind pierced my heart and made my breathing thready. What was I to do? How could I continue knowing all this time it had been Ballad who had lured me here for this purpose? The invitation to Montego Bay had been from him and not from them.
Xavier had given me this new violin after I’d been forced to destroy the precious Stradivarius he’d gifted me. Even though I’d saved a life by bashing it over the head of a KGB agent, Xavier wouldn’t forgive me for what had happened to it. The beautiful instrument was worth millions, though it had been worth so much more to me…an extension of my being.
Maybe this violin represented a goodbye gift. Because that was the kindness that Xavier always showed even when he was angry.
After what Ballad had done to me in his castle, I was crazy to think he had suddenly morphed into a good man. Yet my body pined for what he was offering. He knew the art of pleasure in all its forms. I quivered with the memory of the way James had once ravished me. The affection he’d shown, the kind words he’d spoken, and even those rare times we snuggled in bed.
At least he’d not locked me in this time like he’d done at his castle in the middle of nowhere. To be sure, I walked over to the front door and pulled it open—proof I could leave if I wanted to.
A sound from somewhere in the house made me close it.
I had nowhere to go and yet I couldn’t proceed up those stairs either. My body trembled with uncertainty.
A hand brushed against mine and took the suitcase from me. “I’ve got it,” said James as he took the first step up and turned. “Violin.” I handed it to him and he carried them both upstairs.
Leaving here was still an option, though I didn’t have enough money to buy a ticket for the flight home. I’d not thought this through. I’d assumed the invitation meant the three of us would be reunited. Now I was stuck here…with him.
Until Xavier came for me; if he came for me.
Following James up the steps, I rallied my courage to at least stay overnight until I could think up my next move. I didn’t want to ask Mum for the money because that would scare her. Maybe I’d do the unthinkable and “borrow” James’ credit card. I’d never stolen before, but then again, I’d never been put in a situation like this. If he really had frozen my funds, the same ones he’d given me, then I was going to have to be cunning to find a way to leave Jamaica.
Even after Ballad’s harsh greeting and cruel words, it was impossible for my gaze not to sweep over his tall, toned body as he moved up the stairs with an elegance that equaled domination. Masterful and yet worldly.
Don’t love him anymore; he doesn’t deserve it.
Ja
mes gestured to a door on our right. “This one.”
I went on ahead and looked around at the sparseness. It was pleasant enough with its burgundy and gold-patterned wallpaper. A white spread covered a king-sized bed. A couple of still life prints on the wall and there you had it—the guest bedroom.
James placed my suitcase on the bed and lay my violin beside it.
“Enjoy the house,” he said, as though he’d invited me here on friendlier terms. “However, you will not leave without my permission.”
As if I’d stick to that order.
Looking around, I came to a sudden realization…
His wife had decorated this place. I could tell from the feminine touches, the delicate gold flowers on a backdrop of burgundy. I wondered if she’d imagined one of the rooms could be a nursery. I doubted James had the sentimentality to go there.
This was the key to understanding Ballad. Get to the bottom of his grief and the real man lay at the deep end of that catastrophe. He was capable of great love—I’d seen it. Great passion, too, there was no doubt there. I’d even seen glimpses of his need for closeness. The same intimacy he’d lost after his wife had died. This was the end of the string to him and if I tugged, I’d unravel the man.
He pointed. “Bathroom’s in there. Take a shower. Meet me downstairs in the dining room in twenty.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“I’m not inviting you to lunch, Em.”
“I need more time,” I whispered.
“Present yourself naked.”
“As if.”
“Bring the violin,” he added.
“I’m not playing for you.”
He was already out the door.
The shower was nice enough. All pale blue tiles and ocean themes in keeping with the location. I’d expected to be running around laughing and downing cocktails, eating fresh fish and endless chips. Having hot sex and getting sand caught in weird places. Followed by endless cuddles with my men.
Anything but this.
I brushed my hair until it was neat and straight down my back and changed into a fresh sundress. Maybe James would let me walk along the beach. The thought of feeling warm sand between my toes was enticing. It might even cheer me up a bit.
I brought my violin case downstairs with me. I’d use it to take a swing at him if necessary. Refusing to play even one note was a good way of staying in control.
Pervade Duet: Pervade London & Pervade Montego Bay Page 32
