by Jane Casey
I could imagine it, very easily: the young Derwent, handsome and aching with sadness, in need of comfort. Claire trying to make him feel better. Being kind. Trying to take his pain away. The memory of the awkward, embarrassing, tragic sex with Angela was overwritten with a new experience – something tender and surprising that gave Derwent his confidence back and changed Claire’s life for ever.
‘Why didn’t you tell anyone?’
‘Vinny would have killed Josh. Killed him. And Josh wasn’t exactly popular. I was scared to tell anyone about the baby. He was gone before I finally admitted it to my mother, and she just arranged for me to go and stay in Birmingham with my aunt and uncle. She believed me when I told her the father was a boy I’d been seeing. She never dreamed Josh was the one.’
‘Did you get in trouble?’
‘Oh my God, yes. And it got worse. I wasn’t supposed to keep Luke, you know. He was supposed to be adopted, but I couldn’t do it. So all the secrecy and running away was pointless.’
‘Did your parents support you?’
‘In the end.’ Her face softened. ‘Once they saw Luke, they loved him too.’
‘Don’t you think Josh would have felt the same way?’ I asked carefully.
‘Yes, I do. But he was just a kid. We were both kids.’ She sighed. ‘If I’d known I was going to bring Luke up I might have told the truth, but by the time I knew what I wanted to do it was too late. And then I’d lost touch with Josh anyway.’
I put a business card on the table, face down. ‘It’s up to you, but if you want to get in touch with him, here are his details.’
She looked at the card as if it was seeping poison. ‘I don’t want to. And you can’t tell him. Or Luke. You mustn’t go near him.’
‘I won’t,’ I promised. ‘But think about it. You’re so proud of Luke. You’ve done such a good job of bringing him up. You should give Derwent the chance to get to know him too.’
She didn’t reply, but she didn’t say she wouldn’t, at least. I had no idea what she would do, but I meant what I said – I wasn’t going to tell him. Although I would have dearly loved to see his face when he realised he had something in common with Philip Pace after all. I left the card where it was and said goodbye. Claire was lost in her own thoughts and didn’t answer. I let myself out, hoping I’d done the right thing.
I couldn’t help feeling sad as I walked down the path back to the car. I wondered what the specific weight of secrets was – if that was why I felt I was shouldering an extra burden. But I could do it, and I would do it.
It was just one more secret to keep.
Acknowledgements
In some ways, this is the best bit: getting to say thank you to the many people who made this book become a reality. Firstly, the fiction team at Ebury – Gillian Green, Emily Yau, Hannah Robinson, Louise Jones, Helen Arnold, Jake Lingwood, Fiona MacIntyre, Martin Higgins and everyone in the sales department, as well as Beccy Jones in production and Jeanette Slinger. The world is divided into those who like Derwent and those who don’t. My lovely editor, Gillian, thinks he can do no wrong. (Otherwise, however, she shows impeccable judgement.)
Secondly, I’m immensely grateful to all at United Agents for their support and guidance. My agent, Ariella Feiner, is as wise as she is lovely, and as glamorous as she is encouraging, which is saying a lot. They are all a pleasure to work with.
Thirdly, my thanks to all of the people who gave me the benefit of their knowledge. Without Gemma Golder and her wonderful friend Jon Morrell, who advised on Japanese geography, customs and names, I would have had a breakdown somewhere around Chapter 35. I learned a lot about Afghanistan from Rory Stewart’s amazing book The Places in Between, and about soldiering there from Dead Men Risen by Toby Harnden.
Fourthly, my friends and family deserve at least a round of applause for putting up with me while I fail to respond to phone calls, texts, emails and more. If I was inventing a husband for a crime writer, I would come up with something very like my own. In addition to being an encyclopedia of all things criminal, James has a great gift for remaining calm in the face of my impossible deadlines. Edward, Patrick and Fred are infinitely forgiving about my work and how little they see of me sometimes.
Fifthly, I must thank Frank Burns, Jonty Johnson and Caitriona Bennett for lending me their names for characters. The fictional Caitriona first appeared in The Last Girl and I liked her too much to leave her out of this book.
Finally, a note on places. London is a great backdrop for a crime novelist, with plenty of suitable locations for killings. This book ranges widely across London, but it’s far from a guide to the city. I am reluctant to litter people’s neighbourhoods with fictional corpses, so like the murderer, his victims and all the other characters, these specific locations exist only in my imagination.
About the Author
‘All my criminal elements have some basis in reality, no matter how awful they may be. Nothing is completely farfetched.’
Crime is a family affair for Jane Casey. Married to a criminal barrister, she has a unique insight into the brutal underbelly of urban life, from the smell of a police cell to the darkest motives of a serial killer.
This gritty realism has made her books international bestsellers and critical successes; while D.C. Maeve Kerrigan has quickly become one of the most popular characters in crime fiction.
Twice shortlisted for the Irish Crime Novel of the Year Award as well as the Mary Higgins Clark Award, Jane has been recently longlisted for the CWA Dagger in the Library Award.
