by Lewis, L. K.
“Oh my God, I love you dearly but I am in no mood for perky this early,” I grumble, stepping aside so Amanda can come in.
“Morgie it’s almost noon. You look rough, girl. Did you have a little too much fun last night? I hope so, you deserve to have some fun, it’s been too long!” She squeals.
“Shhhh. Too much talking. Come whisper in my bedroom. That’s about all I can handle,” I say as I start stalking to my bedroom.
“Wow, how much did you have to drink last night?” Amanda asks.
“Not that much, really. Just a few glasses of champagne plus a glass of red wine with dinner. We were dancing and I got hot so I drank a ton of water, and Adrian came in for a little bit and I made us tea. I didn’t think I drank enough to feel like this, that’s for sure. Maybe I’ve lost my tolerance over the last few months.”
“Hmm. Maybe… I stopped by for a little girl-hang and thought we could celebrate your raise with a little bubbly, but maybe we’ll save that for another time. Would you like me to get you a little water and some pain reliever? Have you eaten yet today?” Amanda asks.
“No I haven’t eaten, but some water and whatever you can find in my cabinet for headaches would be great, thanks.”
Amanda returns to my bedroom a few moments later with some water, aspirin, and even a little toast with jelly. She is really the best friend a girl could ask for.
“You are amazing, thank you so much. I feel like a horrible friend though. I haven’t even asked how you are doing yet,” I say.
“I’m doing really well. I actually have news for you though.”
“Oooh scoop! I’m feeling a little better already. That could also be the water and rapid release pain meds but either way, spill it!” I say a little more enthusiastically.
“Well, I wasn’t sure how to broach this subject with you because of everything you have been going through these past few months,” Amanda starts, clearly not sure how to go about telling me her fantastic news.
“Go on, Amanda… I’m sure whatever it is, I’ll be thrilled for you as always.”
“Do you remember when we went bowling a couple months ago and I put my card in my bowling shoes as we left?”
“Yes, I thought that was a really cute move on your part,” I say.
“Well, Garrett must have thought the same because he called me right away. Like the next morning right away. He didn’t even wait the obligatory ‘I’m going to pretend I’m not really as into you as I am’ two days. Anyway, he asked me out and we met for coffee that afternoon.”
“Wow, Amanda, that’s awesome.”
“Awesome doesn’t even describe him, Morgan. We met for coffee and talked all afternoon. We eventually ordered lunch, then felt silly still hanging out at the same café all day, so we walked a few doors down and had dinner together as well.”
“Well that’s adorable. I can totally see you doing that.”
“Morgan, I think he’s the one. We’ve been inseparable for the past two months and I never want to be away from him. For the first time in my life I’m truly in love,” Amanda says as a tear spills from her eye.
I lean forward and give her a big hug and kiss on the cheek. “Amanda, I’m so happy for you. Garrett is a great guy. He has been so amazing to Drake and me. I’m so glad you’ve found the guy of your dreams. Have you told him you love him yet?”
“Not yet. I think we both know this is the real deal and are both a little too scared to do anything that might jeopardize it. I know he loves me though. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. I walk in the room and he completely lights up. He’s very sweet and affectionate with me. He’s been completely honest with his past and I really respect that. Everyone makes bad decisions in their lives. I’m just proud of Garrett that he is righting his wrongs and trying so hard to create a great life for himself. I give him helpful suggestions here and there and he takes them and runs with it! I think it’s his way of including me in his future as well.”
“I’m so happy for you. Really, Amanda, I don’t know what else to say,” I say, and with a wry grin I add, “How is he in bed though?”
“Oh.My.God. Morgan, this is the best sex I’ve ever had. Not that I’ve laid a bunch of guys, but you know. You know I like to get kinky every once in a while, and let’s just say he’s….compatible,” Amanda says and we both start laughing. “He doesn’t even mind doing it when it’s…you know…that time of the month.”
“Gross, Amanda, I did not need to know that,” I say.
“Garret read somewhere that it can actually help with cramps so we tried it last week and whatever he read was right. You should try it sometime, Morgan, you are always complaining about how bad your cramps are,” Amanda says.
Amanda is right. I do get horrible cramps. Now that I think about it though, I can’t remember when the last time I had cramps was. Shit, when was my last period? I start to turn white as I think about it. Oh holy shit, when was my last period? I’m on birth control, I get my period like clockwork… my mind starts to race.
“Oh I’m sorry Morgie, I didn’t mean to upset you. I meant when Drake gets back. I’m so sorry, don’t be upset.”
“I’m not upset, Amanda. I just started to miss Drake a little bit, but no worries. I want you to tell me this stuff. That’s what BFFs are for. I want to know you have found happiness. It means the world to me,” I cover.
“Okay, good. Thank you for being so happy for me. I know you are going through a lot, and Garrett is Drake’s best friend and I don’t want to keep reminding you of him.”
“It’s okay, Amanda. It’s getting easier by the day to think about him without completely breaking down. Of course I still miss him like crazy and want him to come home to me but the reality is that he may never come back. I have to start thinking about that. I will always love Drake but I have to start giving my heart a chance to move on.”
“What are you saying, Morgan?” Amanda asks.
“I’m saying that I’ve decided to try dating Adrian. We are going to dinner Tuesday night. I told him that my heart still belongs to Drake, and that I’ll never get over him completely. Adrian told me he isn’t asking for a commitment but that he is still in love with me. He asked me to agree to date him to see if things could evolve romantically and I agreed.”
“Wow, Morgan, do you think you’re ready to move on?”
“Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to move on. In the back of my mind I know that Drake will eventually come home to me. I’m miserable here though, Amanda, and I’m not a miserable person. It’s time I try to move on with my life and find a little happiness. Happiness like what you have found.” I wink and give Amanda another big hug.
“I get that, Morgan. I want you to find happiness. I think it’s really sweet that Adrian simply asked you to date him. He’s showing his commitment to you, but giving you the space to come around in your own time.”
“That’s what I thought too. That’s probably the only reason I’m even giving this whole dating thing a try. I’ve been open and honest with him though and told him I’m not over Drake. I would never want him to get the wrong impression, so I told him he’d know exactly where I stand along the way. I know I can trust my heart with him and he promised me he would never leave me, which at this point is all I want to hear. I know that makes me sound weak but it’s how I feel,” I say with a yawn.
“You aren’t weak Morgan, you are a strong, smart, beautiful person who I’m proud to call my best friend. We will have to toast to that another time because you look about half asleep. I’ll see myself out. You get some rest and call me after your date Tuesday night,” Amanda says as she makes her way to my bedroom door.
“Will do. I’m really happy for you, Amanda. You deserve a love like that. Please give Garrett my best next time you see him. I love you, bestie!”
“I love you too,” Amanda says, then turns to leave. I hear my apartment door click shut a few moments later.
As I lie in bed trying to rest I ca
n’t stop thinking about my missed periods. It’s nearing the end of November and I don’t think I’ve had one since August. I think the stress and heartache I’ve been experiencing the last three months must have thrown my body off. There is no way I could be pregnant though, is there? It’s been months since Drake and I last had sex, and I’ve taken my pill religiously every day since my mother could convince my doctor to prescribe it for me.
The more I think about things though, that would explain my long lasting flu last month. No one else in the office got sick, and it lasted a lot longer than the usual stomach bug. Oh my God, was that morning sickness? I’ve heard people say that their morning sickness can last all day, or only happen at night instead of in the morning as the name describes. Oh holy shit. I could be pregnant.
I dash out of bed and throw some clothes on. Not wanting to scare the poor drugstore clerk, I brush my teeth and throw a little concealer over the dark circles that have taken residence under my eyes since Drake’s departure from my life. I grab my coat, hat and mittens and dash out the door not wanting to lose an-other second of learning my fate. Am I about to become a mother? If so that would make me what, three months along or so? That’s a whole trimester. I could be a third of the way through a pregnancy and have had no clue. I can never believe those shows about women not knowing they were pregnant, but now I can empathize. Maybe they just had a lot going on like I have.
I walk into the drugstore once again feeling thankful that living in a city means you are never more than a few blocks walk away from just about anything you need, and head right to the family planning aisle. Not sure which one is the best, I grab about five different boxes, all promising different ways of giving me the same answer: pregnant, or not. With child or not. Doomed woman about to raise the child she created with the love her life only to have him abandon her and leave her unknowingly knocked up, or not. I head to the counter grabbing some Gatorade, pre-natal vitamins, and a Snickers bar on the way for good measure. The clerk gives me a quick smile then avoids eye contact with me for the rest of the transaction.
I chug the Gatorade on the way home but save the snickers for later. I figure regardless of the result, I’m going to want a comforting snack. I head into my bathroom and get ready to take my tests. Always the prepared test taker, I read the directions of all five tests and determine that I don’t actually have to pee on all of the sticks, they just need to be submerged in urine for about five seconds. This is a relief as I’m not sure I’d have the bladder control to make that happen! I set out five Dixie Cups on my counter and remove the tests from their packaging. After removing the caps, I place each stick test strip down into the cups. I then proceed to pee in just one cup, and pour the urine into the other five. I feel sort of like a cross between medical professional and Howard Hughes doing it this way, but I feel like it will deliver the best results. After submerging the tests for a few seconds, I place them in a row on the counter and wait for my fate to be decided. The timer I set on my cell phone goes off three minutes later and I turn to look at the little white sticks. Slowly they start to change. The first has a clearly solid blue line, the next a smiley face, and so on until the last one that in plain English simply states, “PREGNANT”. I don’t know what else to do so I smile, and start crying at the same time. Holy shit….shit shit shit shit shit. I’m going to be a mother. Shit.
I sink to my bathroom floor and start to cry. Three months of emotions run through me as it all starts to sink in. I have felt nothing but alone since Drake left. Drake…the father of my child. Will he ever even find out he’s a father? I have no way to tell him. I’ll be in the delivery room about six months from now giving birth to our child and he won’t be there. I cry so much that I eventually fall asleep, mentally and physically exhausted.
I wake up a little later still lying on the cold tile of my bathroom floor. I get up and go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea before I sit on my couch, trying to figure out my next move. First things first, my baby needs prenatal care. It’s been months and I haven’t seen a doctor. Then the horror of the past three months of my life sets in. I’ve traveled all over the world. I’ve eaten foods that I’m not sure a pregnant lady can eat. I know there’s a list, but I’m not even sure what’s on it. I’ve taken medicine. I drank alcohol. I haven’t slept well… I’m a bad mother before I even started.
The tears come again and I have no idea what to do. Should I call someone? Who would I call? I can’t tell my parents yet, my mother would be horrified. I don’t want to call Amanda, she doesn’t need to worry about me any more than she already does, and she’s just finding happiness, she doesn’t deserve to be bogged down by my drama. I can’t tell Adrian…oh shit. Adrian. I’m supposed to go on a date with Adrian Tuesday. I can’t date him when I’m carrying another man’s child…can I? No, absolutely not.
Drake. I want to call Drake. I want to tell him that wherever he is it’s time to come home and be with me. I want to tell him that part of our dream is coming true. We are going to have a baby. We are now one step closer to our 2.5 kids and hypo-allergenic doodle. I don’t think the whole baby thing was part of our immediate dreams, more like sometime down the road, but nevertheless it’s happening now. I’m positive that if I could tell him he’s going to be a dad that he’d be ecstatic. I know his upbringing wasn’t the most ideal, but whose is really? Drake would make a great dad.
I need to turn this baby into something positive. Instead of freaking out that I’m going to be a single mother, I need to somehow turn this into a sign that everything will be okay. Of course I can’t make myself believe that because I’m carrying his child Drake will come back, but I can certainly hold out hope. If anything, it helps me to believe that we are still bonded and always will be.
I may be three months behind in properly caring for this baby, but I need to not dwell on the past, and choose instead to move forward and do my best job from here on out. I call and leave a message for my OB/GYN to return my call first thing tomorrow morning to schedule an appointment. I next do a web search and find a list on a reputable medical website stating the dos and don’ts for pregnant women. I now know what I can and cannot eat, and what I should and should not do. It’s a good thing that I’ve been running all along, so I can continue doing so to maintain a healthy weight and stress level for the rest of my pregnancy. Or at least maybe until I can no longer see my feet and am fearful of tripping.
After my web search I go to the grocery store armed with my list and fill my cart with body and baby nurturing foods. I guess the condiment kitchen will have to be a thing of the past. When I get home from the store I realize just how exhausted I am. I’ve been tired for a few months now, but it never occurred to me why that might be. I make myself dinner, then lie blissfully cocooned in a nice warm bubble bath before crawling into bed. I drift off to sleep thinking of the blessing this baby will be.
Chapter 11
Drake
My meeting with Bodmer Manufacturing goes off without a hitch. They were so thrilled to hear that we want to support a local manufacturing company that they agreed to give us an additional three percent discount off the top for the first year we do business together. As soon as the executives from Bodmer leave I call my dad to give him the good news.
“Well, Son, I’m assuming you have called to discuss your meeting with Bodmer,” my dad says as he answers the phone.
“Yes, I have great news to report. I have just inked a deal with Bodmer to supply all of the manufacturing needs for our company over the next three years. After that we will evaluate our business relationship and re-negotiate our contract if need be. I have added plenty of ways to break the contract so if things go south we aren’t stuck with them.”
“So you are assuming things won’t work with them? Why make the switch then, Drake?” My father argues. I knew he’d test me at every turn.
“I’m not assuming things won’t work, Dad. I’m being a smart businessman and setting this company up for the future with gre
at revenue potential, while also doing my best to put as many loss-prevention measures in place to prevent this situation from ever happening again,” I say.
“Well it looks like you have it all figured out now don’t you, Son?” My father says with more stank to his tone than I’d prefer.
“Not completely, Dad, but I’m almost there.”
“Just don’t forget that I expect you to personally tell Thompson Manufacturing that you are cutting their deal. I don’t want to be a part of that fallout,” my dad says.
“It’s not personal, Dad, its business. This is a deal you stand to make a ton of money from, so I wouldn’t be so upset by it if I were you. Thompson is still providing us with our US manufacturing needs, so they are doing fine as well. I have to go now, Dad. I believe I have a call to make,” I say as I hang up, once again proud of this achievement.
Without a pause, I pick up the phone and call Thompson Manufacturing. Mark Thompson’s assistant picks up on the first ring and patches me through. I had gotten word recently that he is once again feeling well enough to come to work a few hours a week. I also heard that he likes to go in first thing Monday mornings to set a good example for his employees and does his best to make it in the rest of the week. It is all part of my plan to call today to make sure I get him on the phone, not Adrian.
“Mark Thompson speaking.”
“Good morning, Mark, its Drake Baylor Jr. Do you have a moment?”
“Of course, Drake. I haven’t had a chance to personally tell you I appreciate the business. Adrian was glad to make the deal with you,” Mark says.
“Thank you. We are excited as well, and that is exactly why I’m calling.” I proceed to explain to Mark that we appreciate doing business with his company, but that it is no longer feasible to do so in our European division. I also make sure to reference the clause in our contract stating that we have one full business year to make any adjustments needed in our contract. Mark Thompson is not exactly thrilled at the loss of business, but agrees that focusing entirely on the US division will increase productivity, which will in turn increase his profit margin, and he’ll still come out on top. We finish the phone call on great terms, agreeing to meet in person when I’m once again on US soil.
