by Jeremy Finn
But I shall not leave you. I cannot. We are others and are the same. Through the shadows and the dark depths of your mind I will reach out to you. I will help you. Tell me the story of how it all began. How did we come to this place?
Beneath the arches of what now seems a cold and distant sky, they took our people. It began with singling us out, jeering at us, marking us. Then the killing began. One or two here and there at first.
Through the darkest days of doubt your soul denied these warnings. It took no notice but remained disbelieving with the end in clearest sight.
It seemed impossible. How could men go to such lengths against other men? I was held in rapture when they unloaded us from the box cars. As they made us pass through the gate of the banished citadel, I knew there was no turning backwards. It seemed an infinite number of us were corralled like cattle into the gas chambers. Bodies were piled like a mass of rag dolls for me to drag to the ovens. I am left to wonder why, forever after.
We will never know why, but when are you coming home? You've been away too long, too far you've wandered.
I have gone too far. I do not know how to come back. I am lost. What have I done to deserve this? I hurt no one. I offended no one. I plead with you to pray for mercy, but I do not know who should grant it.
You must hang on. There is always a chance. Find a mantra that will keep you going.
I am alive. I must be if I am talking to you. I must be because despite the darkness, I can still feel the life flowing through my body. The end has not come yet. I am not a rag doll on the pile. I'm still breathing. My heart's still beating.
I'm still breathing. My heart's still beating.
I'm still breathing. My heart's still beating.
I'm still breathing. My heart's still beating...
Insight
This is another weird, dark one, but I think it fits my intent quite well. There is a song by a group called Ash which I like very much. If you did not guess already, the title of the song is "Twilight of the Innocents". As I was listening to the song one day, I wondered what the song might be about. So, I thought it might be fun to develop a story based on the lyrics and the general feel of the song for me. Then I decided it would be an interesting challenge to include every word of the lyrics in the story. So, two options presented themselves to me - a mentally challenged boy or a boy locked in a solitary confinement cell at Auschwitz. After looking at the lyrics closely and realizing my personal experience lay with the second (I had a chance to stand inside an actual solitary confinement cell at Auschwitz used for punishing unruly prisoners. It had quite an oppressive air and it looked as if people had clawed away at the peephole in the door with their fingernails), I chose to write about a boy in the cell. It may not be a happy story, but I think it fits the song and, as all stories must, derives from true feelings and experiences of the author.
PRIDE IS A BOULDER
It was raining hard that night Master Cho finally decided to take matters into his own hands. The cold drops struck his exposed skin like pebbles of ice falling from the sky. He knew it must be dark, but he lived in darkness perpetually. He never saw himself before as this kind of man, capable of doing something so devastating yet at the same time cleansing. But he could see no other way. Perhaps there had been a chance in the beginning, but no use dwelling on what could have been. They had their opportunity, plenty opportunities, and refused to see reason.
How did it all begin again? Oh yes, it was around the time of the young king's succession to the throne when Farmer Hwang had first approached him. He was in quite a fit of rage and Cho could hear him coming halfway down the hillside as he cursed Farmer Saki's name repeatedly.
"Hwang, what causes you such consternation?" he called from the thin, low porch that ran around the perimeter of his thatch-roofed home. It was a wonderful spring morning and Cho could almost see the river flowing below, swelled by the melting snow from the mountains far beyond. It had been decades since he had actually enjoyed the bucolic view of his village nestled along the side of the river. He never mourned his affliction, though. Best that he focus on the blessing of living through that dreadful fever rather than lament the fact that it robbed him eternally of his sight. Besides, he could still see, even if not with his eyes. His nose picked up the fresh, light scent of cherry blossoms on the air painting a picture of the vibrant yet soft petals lining the river side and raining delicately into the tumbling waters. His ears showed him the thin, tan farmers laboring from dawn til dusk in the shimmering rice paddies rising in terraces up from the water's edge. The gentle breeze on his cheek spoke of calm mornings and high, puffy clouds. He could even see the voluptuous watermelons dotting the field beside his house as he sank his teeth into a chunk of crunchy sweetness.
And so, it was with false hospitality that he welcomed Farmer Hwang onto his porch along with his accompanying air of contention.
"You are not going to believe this!" Farmer Hwang shouted, and Cho motioned with his hand for the man to settle down.
"Sorry, elder," he said with some embarrassment but then continued in a quieter, if not less intense tone. "Saki has really done it this time. He has crossed the line and I just can't get him to see the obvious truth of the matter."
Cho exhaled slowly. Farmer Hwang and Farmer Saki owned small plots of land directly opposite each other on both sides of the river. For some reason, be it personality or perhaps just a shared affinity for conflict, both had always been at each other's necks over one squabble or another.
"And what would be the truth of the matter...from your perspective?" Cho humored him with resignation. He was the village elder by merit of his age and sometimes duty forced him to be involved in issues he would rather pass by.
"This time it is really unforgivable," Hwang began, wiping the perspiration from his brow.
"Did he put a curse on your chickens again? Or has his son ogled your daughter from across the river? Maybe he painted his doorframe the same color as yours clearly with intent to provoke you?" Hwang teased wryly.
"No, no, nothing like those things," Hwang dismissed. "This time it is a matter of property, of what makes a man a man."
"Really?" Cho raised an eyebrow, somewhat interested in the new source of conflict but suspecting frivolity nonetheless.
"Absolutely. You see, Saki has been coveting my land for years. You know he is not satisfied with his little plot. He knows the rice grows better on my side and he is always looking for ways to claim some portion of my land," Hwang accused.
"This does sound serious," Cho replied in a less than serious tone.
"Yes, you are right!" Hwang agreed, oblivious to the innuendo. "For some time now we have argued over the plot, but until now it was just words. He laid his claim and I denied it. It burned me, you know it did, but I knew the land was mine so he could ramble on about it all he wanted and I knew it wouldn't change anything. But do you know what he did last night?"
Cho shook his head, allowing a slight smile as his curiosity drew him into the issue.
"Well, I'll tell you. He crept out under the cover of darkness, when all decent people were in bed, and painted his name on my land!"
"Curious," Cho observed. "But couldn't you just kick some dirt up on it? Do you really think such a prank would have any significance?"
"But you don't understand...uh, elder," Hwang caught himself. "He is laying claim to the island in the middle of the river. He painted his name on it - on the side facing my farm!"
Cho chastised himself for letting the story catch his attention. "Are you talking about that rock that juts up in the middle of the river like a cow's belly?"
"Well, yes," Hwang confirmed. "But it is my land and I will not stand for anyone trying to take control of what is rightfully mine."
"Why is it your land?" Cho humored him. There must be some excuse he could come up with to end this conversation. Did he feed the chickens yet? Yes, unfortunately he did.
"It is my land because it is closer to my side of
the river," Hwang explained defensively. "And, historically, it has been in my family. Why, my great grandfather even had a small deck erected there from which to fish...I've been told."
"Your side of the river..." Cho mused. "Well, regardless, of what value is that rock to you?"
"That's not the point," Hwang stammered. "The point is Saki is trying to walk all over me. First it's this island. Next it will be the shore on my side of the river. Eventually, he will lay claim to my whole farm and start demanding servitude from my family."
Cho wished he could see the man's face. Surely this must be some kind of practical joke. But no, he knew the man well enough and could read his face by the tone of his voice. Hwang was dead serious.
"Look, I will have a talk with Farmer Saki," he assured. "I am sure this is a misunderstanding we can work out with some communication."
"Well, I appreciate your efforts, Elder Cho," the farmer thanked grudgingly. "Though I know Saki will resist you. You know he does not respect his elders. An apple that shows signs of rot on one part is likely to be rotten throughout."
"Please just try to leave this be until I can speak to him, ok?" Cho asked and Hwang agreed after a pause. Cho listened to the farmer trudge down the hillside back to his farm. He tried to reach out with his senses and return to that idyllic moment he enjoyed before the rude interruption, but somehow the sun had grown oppressive, the breeze had stilled and the scent of cherry blossoms was replaced by the earthy stench of manure in the wet fields below.
The next day was overcast. Cho knew because the sun failed to warm his skin despite the late morning hour. He had sent for Farmer Saki and he heard the man climbing up the trail to his dwelling, grunting with effort.
"Farmer Saki," he called, "it is good to have you visit this morning."
"I don't know if you will feel that way after I have told you what that evil Hwang has done," Saki wheezed.
Cho sighed once more. It was never easy with these two. "Before you go into all that, it’s best you explain yourself and that stunt you pulled with your name on the rock. Does that useless piece of mineral mean as much to you as it does to Hwang?"
"Does it mean much?" Saki asked incredulously. "It means more to me! I put my name on that island because Hwang is always threatening to make it his own. It is not his right. My family has laid claim to that island for generations. I can show you old maps that portray the island as part of our land."
"So you wrote you name on it. I'm sure you expected that to solve the problem, eh?" Cho could almost see him blush.
"Well, what else was I to do?" Saki protested. "But you know what he did? He slipped out there like a water snake and washed the paint off. Then, as proof that he is a conniving criminal, he planted a small tree on top of the island. Don't you see what he is doing? If he grows something of his own out there, it gives him more evidence to fuel his fraudulent claim that the island belongs to him."
"I wish both of you would stop referring to it as an island," Cho sighed. "You know it is just a rock about the length of a man. Nothing even grows on it because when the river floods it is completely submerged."
"Nothing did grow on it," Saki corrected. "Now Hwang's abominable tree is sitting out there like a challenge to my manhood."
"So, what do you suggest I do about it," Cho replied with growing exasperation.
"I don't know; take it before the village council. If they decide, then the law will recognize what is rightfully mine and that fool Hwang will not be able to provoke me further without repercussions."
"Very well," Hwang replied. "I will arrange for a meeting with the council, but be warned, this will heap shame on the both of you."
"That may be your viewpoint," Saki fumed, "but for me and my household this is a matter of deepest honor."
Cho listened to the farmer depart much like his sworn enemy had the day before. He decided to mull over the problem and wait to call the council until tomorrow. Best not to rush through something that had two men at each other's throats.
As he was on his way down to the village the next day, though, to spread the word to the council, Farmer Hwang came running up the trail and blocked his path.
"Hwang, is that you?" Cho guessed. "What has you in such a fervor?"
"What do you think?" he replied with inadequate respect. "That dog has done it again! He cut down my tree and moored his boat to the island!"
"Slow down," Cho commanded. "Let's start from the beginning. Why did you have a tree on the rock?"
"Well, obviously, because it is my land. But that is not the important part. The important thing is he intentionally provoked me again. Not only did he destroy my property and rob me of my resources, but he hitched his boat to the island - another clear sign that he has falsely claimed it as his own."
"Look," Cho said as he began walking toward the village dragging Hwang with him, "I am going to gather the council. We will discuss the matter and call in both of you. The council will make a fair decision and both of you will live with it. Ok?"
"Absolutely not!" Hwang protested. "This cannot go before the council now. They will clearly side with Saki since he currently has his boat tied up there. And I'm sure he will pull out those falsified maps to try to reinforce his deceptive claim. I will not be a part of any such farce of justice!"
"So, what would you have me do, then?" Cho asked just as he had the day before.
"Make this your decision. Saki respects you, at least on the surface. I respect you deeply. You are wise and capable. If you make a decision, we will both have to accept it."
"Well, that of course will depend on Saki's view of my authority too," Cho observed.
"Yes, but I'm sure you can make him see reason. He must respect your choice."
"If you are so intent to respect my decision, maybe this could work. Come tomorrow around noon. I will ask Saki to do the same."
Hwang seemed satisfied and thanked him profusely before wandering off. Cho was a bit frustrated at coming all the way to the village and now having no purpose to be there, but at least there seemed to be a way ahead, so he walked by Saki's farm and told one of his sons to pass the word along to meet at noon the following day, then climbed the trail back up to his retreat that was becoming less and less of a retreat.
Just after breakfast the following morning, Cho cringed as he heard the labored sounds of another farmer climbing determinately toward his home. Saki again.
"Farmer Saki," he called, "you are quite early. You are to come at noon."
"I know," he replied with frustration in his voice, "but you need to know of Hwang's treachery. I won't let him sweet talk you and deceive you while he continues to attack me behind your back."
"Can't we discuss this at noon," Cho moaned.
"No...elder. I do not trust the man and I am not as skilled with words as he. Do you know what he did? He stole my boat and built an altar on the island. It is outrageous!"
"This boat he stole, was it moored to the rock?" Cho tested.
"Well, yes," Saki admitted, "but I just put it there out of convenience and anyways it is my island. He had no right to touch my property or tread on my ground with his grimy feet."
"This will have to wait until noon," Cho said feeling quite testy.
"No, it cannot!" Saki defied him. "He put the altar there because he knows I respect the gods. He has no respect for them, but he would use them to put his mark on my land - a mark he knows I cannot destroy because I am a pious man. I refuse to be in his presence!"
"Perhaps we can divide the island down the middle," Cho found himself suggesting, surprised at his own foolishness and the fact that he had referred to the rock in the same manner as the warring farmers.
"No! I will not surrender what is rightfully mine. I will not bow to that inferior animal!"
"Very well!" Cho yelled, losing control of his temper. "I will have no part of either of you! I don't want to be a mediator for a pair of invalid idiots intent on warring with each other despite every attempt at good
reason! Go! Leave my presence and do not return with this fool's dilemma!"
It took the rest of the day for Elder Cho to settle down. Fortunately, word of his outburst had likely reached Farmer Hwang, because he did not show up at noon.
Regret came the next morning, though it was an odd kind of regret tinged with resignation. Word came from the village that there had been a scuffle in the night. Farmer Hwang and Farmer Saki had a chance meeting as both pulled up in boats to the forlorn rock floating in the middle of the ever-flowing river. No one knows exactly what transpired or what words were passed. A boy living near the river's edge was woken by the sounds of struggle and reported seeing both men fall from their boats embraced in anger. They apparently struck their heads on the rock and slipped beneath the smooth surface of the water. When first light came, the villagers spread out to search for the farmers and both bodies were found farther down river, still twisted in each other's arms and legs.
It was a tragedy - the worst the tiny village had seen since the southern invasion back when Cho was a boy. And this time there were no outsiders to blame for the bloodshed. A neighbor had taken a neighbor's life over the matter of a bare rock stuck in the middle of the river. Then again, perhaps it was not the rock. There had to be something deeper, more sinister that compelled these men to war against reason and demand their own way. Whatever it was, Cho had hoped he would never see it again in his village.
But his hopes were dashed, and that was why he was standing atop the dam constructed on the river above his village some many years after that fateful day. The old cancer had returned. The Hwang's and Saki's had risen against each other again.
There were some differences now - the dam lowered the level of the river and the rock was now the size of a house rather than a cow. It still bore nothing more than a few struggling bushes, but its growth in size seemed to proportionally affect the growth of desire each family had in claiming the rock as its own. Sons and daughters of the deceased farmers now threatened each other’s lives and the whole village was taking sides. Cho would not be surprised if a civil war broke out in his own precious village.
