“Um, I think I need to be there at one o’clock to get my cap and gown, then start getting in position. I was thinking you could go with me when I leave so you can get a spot in the front.” And so she doesn’t have to drive herself, but I leave that part out. I also don’t mention that I want her to ride with me so I have an excuse to leave when everyone will probably be asking if I’m going to the party tonight at the lake. I don’t want to go. Just too many memories are out there that I don’t want to confront tonight. It would be nice to get out and maybe have a drink or two, but I know I won’t.
“That sounds good honey. I’m going to go lay down a bit, but wake me up at noon if I’m not up already, ok?” She doesn’t even wait for me to reply, just gets up and starts her slow walk out of the kitchen. I make a mental note to stop somewhere along the way to get her a snack, and start to clean up the kitchen. Once I have that done, I head up to my room to get a little drawing time in before I have to start getting ready.
Before I know it, the morning has passed me by and it’s time to make sure my grandmother is up and to get myself together. I’m just going to wear a simple sun dress since I’ll have my gown over top. I decide to leave my hair down also, since I have to wear my cap anyway. After waking Gram, I’ll just need to get dressed and I’ll be ready.
I run down the steps and walk into my grandmother’s room. She’s lying peacefully on her bed napping and I almost just want to leave her be, but that’s not an option today. I gently shake her and softly tell her it’s time to wake up. She slowly opens her eyes and gives me a little smile. I help her sit up and see that she has her dress lying on the other side of the bed, so I walk over and pick it up. “Do you need help getting ready Gram?” I know she’s going to say no, but I ask anyway. If there is anything I can offer to make things easier on her, I will do it. “No sweetheart, you go on and get yourself dressed.” I nod and lay her dress beside her, then head upstairs.
I took a shower last night, so I just need to freshen up a bit. I look in the mirror and instead of leaving my hair hanging limply around my shoulders, I quickly do a side braid. It will still be easy for me to take my cap on and off, but it will look nice with my dress as well. It’s a little country, but hey, I do live in Texas, so why not? I put on light eye shadow and some mascara, then add a bit of lip gloss. Then I head into my room and get my dress on. It’s a little short, but it’s one of my favorites, with lots of greens, yellows and white. I pair it with my cowboy boots and am ready to go. I toss my phone in my purse and head downstairs.
Gram is sitting in her chair with her eyes closed. I wait to see if she notices I’ve come into the room, but when she doesn’t open her eyes or say anything, I walk over to her and gently lay my hand on her shoulder. “I’m ready to go Gram.” She slowly opens her eyes and it seems to take her a minute to focus on me, but once she does, she looks me up and down and a slow smile graces her tired face. “You look so lovely Danielle. Just like your mama.” I take a minute to breathe through my nose, hoping the tears I feel gathering in my eyes don’t fall. I manage a stiff nod and walk into the kitchen for a bottle of water.
By the time I’ve composed myself as best I can, I walk back out to the living room to help her up. We slowly walk out to the car, and once she’s situated, I head to the gas station to grab us a quick snack. Then we head towards the school. Traffic is a little more hectic than it usually is because of graduation, but once we make it to the school parking lot, I manage to find a parking space close to the doors. It helps that I have a handicapped sign in my car for when my grandmother rides with me.
I walk her into the gym and make sure she’s situated before I head off to the music room to wait till its show time. Thankfully, everyone is too excited to notice my entrance, so I manage to find myself a quiet corner to sit and wait.
A half hour later, Mr. Tate whistles to get everyone to quiet down. “Ok everyone, please be quiet. I know you just can’t wait to be done with this place, but until you have that diploma in your hand, you are still under my control.” He says this with an evil smile. We know he is just giving us shit though. “Now, I want everyone to line up by the door in alphabetical order, and wait for my signal. We will then quietly walk into the gym. Once we get there, I will introduce our special guest, Mayor Gilmore, and he will give a brief speech. Adam will then proceed to give his Valedictorian speech and then it will finally be time for you to receive your diplomas. We will call each of you up to the stage one at a time. Once you have received your diploma, please make your way quietly back to your seat. Once everyone has their diploma, I will announce you as the class of 2010 and you can then toss your caps into the air. You will then make your way back here and wait to be released. Don’t worry about your cap, we will have them all brought back so you can take them home. Is everyone ready?”
Everyone either nods their head or says yes. “Ok then, get lined up.” He walks out the door, probably to notify whoever is in charge of the music that we are ready. A few minutes later, he returns. “Ok, let’s go. Remember! You will be quiet or I will make you all stay an hour after the ceremony for your last detention!” Some people laugh and I hear a couple people say things like “I’d like to see you try!” or “Just admit it, you’re going to miss us Mr. Tate!”
I can hear our class song, or what I assume is our class song, being played as we get closer to the gym. I don’t even think I could tell you what the song is called, that’s how much I have been out of it the past year. I know it’s a country song, and it sounds like it could be Luke Bryan, but I’m really not sure.
When we arrive at the gym, we start the long walk to our seats. Once everyone is seated, Mr. Tate makes his way to the podium. I don’t hear anything after he thanks everyone for coming today. I don’t really care what he or the mayor says, and I probably won’t even listen to what Adam says. All I want is to get my diploma so I can get out of here, and never look back at this place.
Thankfully it doesn’t take long for everyone to give their speeches, and before I know it, I hear my name being called. “Danielle Rose DeChenne.” I stand up and make my way to the stage. When I reach Mr. Tate, he holds his hand out to shake mine. “Congratulations Ms. DeChenne.” He passes me my diploma with his other hand and I turn to look at my grandmother. She has a smile on her face and what looks like tears in her eyes. It means everything to me that she is here for me today. Before I look away, I notice Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks sitting next to her. I don’t know why they are here, but I give them a little smile before walking back to my seat.
Did my grandmother invite them, or did they just come on their own? But the most important question that keeps going through my head: Is Zane here too? I force myself to look straight ahead and not around the room to see if I can spot him. I know if I do see him, I will lose all will power and crumble, and I can’t afford that. But the main reason is because I don’t think I could stand the disappointment if he isn’t here. I lose no matter which way I slice it.
It doesn’t take long for all one hundred and twenty two students to receive their diplomas, and soon Mr. Tate is walking back up to the podium. “I give you the class of 2010!” Everyone stands up and tosses their cap, except me. I stand, take my cap off and just let it fall to the ground. I never really understood the point of tossing your cap. I mean, why even have a cap if you are only going to wear it for a short period of time and then toss it in the air? Doesn’t make sense, but whatever. To each their own.
Once the chaos has settled a bit, we walk back to the music room. Well, we were supposed to walk, but most everyone is jumping around, riding on someone’s back or literally running. I stay with the crowd, but am not as enthusiastic as everyone else.
It takes about twenty minutes for the janitor to bring a big bag full of caps back to us. Everyone had taken their gown off and was just waiting to be released. Mr. Tate comes back in soon after and says we can all leave. I find my cap pretty quickly and start to walk back to the gym. I’m not sure if my gran
dmother will still be sitting there waiting for me, or if she has gone outside already. With a quick glance through the doors, I see she isn’t in there, so I head outside to the front of the school were everyone is congregating.
I spot my grandmother sitting at a picnic table off to the side, but she is not alone. Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks are with her. I guess I was going to have to talk to them sooner or later, but I’ve been hoping I wouldn’t have to do it with my grandmother right there.
When I reach them, Mrs. Hendricks pulls me in for a hug. She holds me tight and congratulates me. Then Mr. Hendricks pulls me to him and gives me a hug as well. “We are so proud of you. I hope you don’t mind that we came, but we couldn’t miss this.” Mrs. Hendricks is a sweet lady, she really is. Now that they are here, I think I might have misjudged the situation. It’s not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. At least until my grandmother asks the one question I don’t want to know the answer to. “Where’s Zane, I didn’t see him in there.”
Well, looks like whether I want it or not, I’m going to get the answer. “Ah, well, he’s not here actually. He uh, he’s pretty busy with school right now,” says Mrs. Hendricks. If I wasn’t looking right at her, I would have missed the brief look of pain that crossed her face before she covered it up. So it seems like I’m not the only one who he has been ignoring. Or maybe they are still tense from the fight they had before he left for school. He never did tell me what happened that day, and never mentioned if things were better.
“Oh, I thought for sure he’d be here. With this being Danielle’s big day and all.” There is no malice behind my grandmother’s words; she is just genuinely shocked that he hasn’t come. I wish I could say I am shocked he isn’t here, but I guess I knew deep down that he wouldn’t be here. I mean, I haven’t even spoken to him in almost two months. It is like he just dropped off the face of the earth, or he forgot about all of us. If my heart didn’t hurt so much, I would be majorly pissed off.
Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks give me another hug, hand me an envelope and congratulate me again. Instead of opening the card right away, I stick it in my purse and turned towards my grandmother. “Are you rea–” I don’t get a chance to finish my sentence before someone is picking me up and twirling me around. I honestly have no idea who it is since I don’t have any friends and barely speak to anyone. And my grandmother has a look of confusion on her face, so it’s someone she hasn’t met or doesn’t remember.
After a couple of spins, whoever has ahold of me puts me back on my feet and spins me around. Jaxon. “Congrats, you are officially an adult!” Before I can answer he pulls me into his arms for a hug. “Jaxon, what are you doing here?” I ask him once he pulls back. I can’t believe he’s here. “Well, I came to watch you take your first step into your future, why else would I be back?” I chuckle at his remark and playfully punch him in the stomach. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe for the party that’s happening tonight?” If he’s here for any reason, it would be the party, not for me. Jaxon loves going to parties, but I’m sure there is an even better one at his college, so why he came back here is lost on me.
“Well, that too.” He chuckles, then turns toward my grandmother. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve ever met. I’m Jaxon, I went to school with Danielle last year.” Leave it to Jaxon to introduce himself; can’t wait for anyone to do it for him like a normal person. “Oh, it’s nice to meet you darling.” My grandmother smiles and then looks at me. “Are you ready to go home sweetie?” I nod and turn back to Jaxon. “It was great seeing you. Have fun at the party.” I help my grandmother up to start toward my car. “Aren’t you going? I mean, it is in your honor after all.” Of course he would turn it around and try anything he could to make me feel guilty. But it’s not going to work this time.
“Technically it’s not for me, but the whole senior class. It’s nothing special anyway; they’d use any excuse to party.” When I turn back towards my grandmother, she has a slight frown on her face. “Gram, you ok? Do you need to sit down?” She shakes her head and pulls her arm out of my grasp. “I’m fine Danielle, but I don’t understand why you don’t go to this party. Like Mr. Jaxon here says, it’s in your honor. It doesn’t matter that it’s not just for you. You should go.” Ugh, now I have my grandmother pushing me to go? Does it ever stop? “Gram, its ok. I don’t really want to go.” I try to take her arm again, but she evades me. “No, you are going and that’s that.” I open my mouth to argue, but she cuts me off before I can get anything out. “Bite that tongue young lady. If I have to lock you out of the house, I will.”
So much for using my grandmother as an excuse not to go. “Great, it’s settled then. I’ll pick you up at nine,” says Jaxon. I start to shake my head when my grandmother speaks. “That’s so sweet of you darling. She’ll be ready.” Then she grabs my hand and we start towards the car. “Gram, I really don’t want to go. Plus, I thought we could watch a movie since we didn’t get to for my birthday.” Maybe if I work this the right way, she’ll cave. “Just drop it, you’re going. I will hear no more of it.” I close my mouth and shake my head. Add on the fact that Jaxon is picking me up now too so I can’t even leave early. Tonight is going to suck!
I’ve been up in my room since I got back from the ceremony, trying to come up with a way to get out of going to this party. Why did Jaxon have to come over and mention the stupid fucking party in front of my grandmother? I mean, most people would shy away from mentioning partying around old people just because it would be uncomfortable. But Jaxon? No, not him. He has to go balls to the wall and not only mention the damn party, but he pretty much used my grandmother as a means to make me go. Did he know my grandmother would do that? No, probably not, but I’m going with it anyway.
I finally get up and change out of the summer dress I wore for the ceremony. I put on my pair of jeans with the most holes; they are everywhere - the knees, the thighs, and even the ass, but I’m wearing black leggings underneath. I throw on my signature black tank and combat boots, and put my hair up into a high pony tail. I fix my makeup, keeping with my dark look, then grab my phone and head downstairs.
I look at my phone and notice I still have about five minutes before Jaxon will be here to pick me up, so I go to the kitchen to grab an orange and a bottle of water. On my way back into the entry way, I hear my grandmother’s voice. “Sweetheart, can you come in here a minute?” I set my water and orange down on the counter, grab my leather jacket on the way and go in search of her. She isn’t in the living room, so I head back to her bedroom.
She’s lying in bed with a bunch of photo albums and pictures spread out all around her. I don’t know what she’s doing, but I don’t want to upset her by taking my anger and irritation out on her, so I put a smile on my face and squat down beside the head of the bed. “Do you need something Gram?” I look around, trying to figure out what it is she could need, but find nothing. I turn back and lock eyes with her. She sets aside the photo she has of me, Zane and Zeke playing outside the first Fourth of July after they moved in next door. It’s then that I notice all the pictures surrounding her are mostly of me; pictures of Zane and me, Zeke and me and some of all three of us, a couple of her and me, and then pictures of my mother and father with me as a baby.
“What are you doing?” Maybe it’s the fact that I graduated today or maybe she does this all the time and I never noticed. “Just wanted to have a look at some old pictures before I went to bed.” She clears a spot for me to sit on the bed beside her and pats the blanket. I straighten from where I was squatting and sit down on her bed. She takes my hand in hers and lovingly caresses it. She doesn’t speak for a couple of minutes. She just looks from our joined hands to my face, and then at a couple of the pictures that surround her.
“What is it Gram?” I don’t know if she’s sad that I’m growing up or happy for me. Right now, it’s looks to be a mixture of both. “I’m so very proud of you Danielle, and I know your mother and father would be too.” I start to interrupt her. I want to say that my fa
ther wanted nothing to do with me so I highly doubt he would be proud of me, and even if he is, he can just go fuck himself. But she shakes her head and levels me with a look that has me keeping quiet. “Just let me finish. I know both your mother and your father would be proud of you. Things haven’t been great for you, I know. You lost your mother way too early and your father just couldn’t deal with the loss of his wife. He really thought it was best for me to take you in, and I think he was right. Sometimes, a broken man needs time to heal and he couldn’t do that with a child. I’m not trying to make excuses for him or to even say that it was right, but maybe for him, it was.” She takes a couple of minutes to catch her breath and then continues. “I want you to know that I don’t regret a single day of having you here. I have loved every second and wouldn’t change it for the world. I love you so very much Danielle and I’m so proud of you. You are an amazing young girl and I know with every fiber of my being that you will grow up to be an amazing woman.” I wipe the tears that have fallen down my cheeks, but can’t say anything just yet. I’m literally speechless. She reaches over to her nightstand and pulls open the drawer, then reaches in to pull out a small rectangular box.
“Happy Graduation, sweetheart.” She hands the box to me and I take it with shaky hands. I look up at her before I slowly open it. Nestled inside is a heart shaped locket. On the front, there’s an inscription that reads Ma Cheri Cheri which I know means “My Darling Sweetheart” in French. I open it up to find a picture of her and me on one side, and on the other an inscription that says Always in your heart. After reading that part, my hands drop in my lap with the locket and I start to sob. She pulls me down so my head is on her shoulder, and begins to rub little circles on my back while murmuring “Shhh… It’s ok sweetheart, I’ve got you.” It makes me remember all the times when I was little and hurt or sad, and she would pull me onto her lap and rock me back and forth until I calmed down.
Rewriting Destiny Page 10
