by Asha Daniels
I had to know. I had to learn everything I could about him and the most important reason why?
Ammunition against my father.
Easing the glass back on the counter, I took tentative steps toward the office. If he caught me in his private area, he’d be furious. As he should be. Snooping. The thought gave me another series of chills. I walked toward the hallway, every step full of caution. When I was standing outside the closed door, I had a sickening feeling, a burrowing into my gut that refused to go away. What if I found damning information? Could I handle the truth? Second guessing wasn’t going to provide needed answers. I turned the handle then stole another look down the hall. One quick look. That’s all I wanted. Everything else would come from time spent together.
I headed straight for the two boxes, reaching my hand out twice before I found the courage to open the lid. Papers and files. The first box was filled with them. Every action full of trepidation, I picked at the files, pulling first one then another. Nothing rang a bell. Until I reached the file labeled Desmond Manufacturing. I held my breath, trying to rationalize what I was seeing. This was crazy. Why didn’t he tell me that his company had some dealings with the very one that had been mentioned on the radio?
Yanking the file halfway out, I flipped through the pages. I knew enough about financials to understand what I was seeing. Balance sheets. Year end statements. Tax records. Contracts. What was going on?
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
I snapped the file closed and grabbed for the lid, my legs shaking when I tried to stand. “I just wanted to know more about you.” His eyes were filled with venom, his pupils almost completely dilated. I’d never seen him with such rage directed at me.
Razer stood in the doorway, his feet planted wide apart, his chest heaving. His face contorted. He took two long strides, grabbing my arm, wrenching it behind my back.
“You’re hurting me, Razer. Stop!”
Ignoring my pleas, he almost threw me over the desk. I heard the sound of his belt buckle and was shocked, fear eclipsing every shared motion of passion. “Don’t.”
“You need to learn a hard lesson. I’m the man to give it to you. You do not go through my things. You will not ever defy me. Do. You. Understand?”
He’d pressed and kept me down on the desk. He was so strong, his anger creating almost brutal strength. “Razer, please.” I tried to swallow but my throat was dry. Tears rushed from my eyes, sobs roaring up from my chest, the choking noises anguished. I flailed, struggling against his hold, but was unable to get away. The sound of him yanking the belt from his loops made me moan. He was going to beat me.
“Do you?” he demanded, leaning over, his hot breath in my face.
“I… Yes. Yes!” I could see him folding the belt, struggling as his tendons and muscles flared.
Huffing, he slammed the belt against the edge of the desk then wrapped his hand around my hair. “You. Had. No. Right.”
“Please. Don’t do this. Don’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Crack! Smack!
The belt slammed against my ass and legs. “No!” I clawed at the wood, trying desperately to get out of his clutches. “Please. Please! I love you. I love you. Don’t do this!”
Pop! Crack!
The strikes were powerful, taking my breath away.
Wham!
This time, he punched his fist against the wood. I heard him sputter, gasping for air, anguished clicks and wheezes exacerbated by the dense space. After a few seconds, he dropped the belt and backed away, releasing me.
I continued to sob, the gut wrenching feeling pulling from my gut, my heart. The pain was blinding, leaving me sucking in air, trying to grasp onto some level of reality.
Razer broke into sobs, the deep and raw emotions so tortured. “I… I’m sorry.”
I knew he’d fled the room. Panting, I moved my arms up and down, trying to understand, to rationalize. He’d lost control, falling into a pit of despair that had already consumed him. What horrors had the man experienced? What monster had stripped him from his humanity? Oh, God. Oh, God! I knew I couldn’t save him, let alone myself. I was dragged into a darkened pit of desolation, the same hopelessness I’d fought for far too long.
The moment I tried to stand, my legs gave out and I slipped down, falling to the ground. Curling up into a ball, I held my arms over my head, allowing the tears to flow.
I remembered my mother, seeing the way she’d been one day, the very day I’d learned to hate my father. I’d walked in on an argument, only this time my father had her on the floor, wrenching her legs, trying to break them. “No. No! Razer.”
My father, the monster.
My lover, the man I’d fallen so desperately in love with…
Was exactly the same.
Locked in his room. Razer remained the entire rest of the day sequestered in his painting room. I knew better than to disturb him for any reason. I was too broken inside to try. The love I’d felt was shattered, taken from me like so many other aspects of my life. I was numb inside, dulled to the concept of pain, love or any emotion. All I wanted to do was curl up and die.
I tended the fire, going outside to collect more wood, wanting to figure this out. I knew better. How could I ever face him again? How could I face myself? I moved to the bed, easing down and staring at the stars filling the sky. They were beautiful, a far cry from this ugly world. There would be no joy in my life, only self-loathing and even worse.
I walked closer to the front window, staring out at the frosty winter wonderland. I remember seeing my first snow, the excitement I’d felt, the joy of racing outside, holding out my tongue in an effort to catch the flakes. I could almost hear my mother’s cries of delight in watching me, sharing in my childhood fantasies. Snow had always given me comfort, a fresh blanket covering all the sins, all the nightmares.
Not today. I could only see monsters in the ice crystals, venomous beasts voracious to feed. The man had taken a permanent piece of my heart, but I refused to allow him to take my soul. No man ever would again.
“I’m taking you back to the resort. We leave in five minutes. Please be ready,” Razer stated, his tone of voice holding absolutely no sign of emotion.
“Can we talk?” I asked him, more out of frustration than anything else.
“We don’t have anything to talk about. You need to get back to your life as I do mine.”
“What does that mean?”
He sniffed and covered his mouth briefly. “I can’t hide here any longer. You’ve made me painfully aware of this.”
I dared to inch closer. Reaching out, I could see him flinch. “Please. We can work this out.”
“Work what out? Do you honestly believe that we can stay here, living some kind of fantasy? Do you think that your father won’t try and find you, no matter what he has to do?” Razer laughed as he shook his head. “You’re more naïve than I thought.”
“You forget. My father only cares about shutting me down, making certain I follow the rules. If I disappear, he will garner the sympathy vote.”
Razer glanced up and down, settling his angry eyes on mine. “Then you’re a fool if you really believe that. While your father is controlling, demanding of you, you are his daughter. He will stop at nothing to protect you. That is the way of people like him.”
Of people like him. I bit back a nasty retort. “Please. Just another day.”
“So we can what, make love under the stars? Roll in the snow? Perhaps I can finish that beating I was going to give you.”
There was such intense emotion riding the man, but I could still see a glimmer, as if he hadn’t forgotten about what we’d shared. I wanted him, the desire and the passion, the dominance and the discussions. I wanted this man in my life more than I cared to breathe. Even with everything I suspected, I wanted him. Inching even closer, I pushed his boundaries. Rising onto my tiptoes, I cupped his face, allowing my fingers to caress. “I love you, Razer. You’ve changed me.”
I pressed my lips against his, my arms around his neck. He was so cold, so unfeeling that I was certain he’d pull away. When he gathered me into his arms, yanking me off my feet, I moaned into the kiss.
He thrust his tongue inside, exploring and tasting, taking everything that he wanted. He held me close, his groin pushed against mine, grinding back and forth. The kiss became wild and manic, heated as our tongues entwined, our teeth gnashing.
I was wet and hot, longing for every inch of him as well as his utter domination. I would succumb, no questions asked. Even though the little voice inside was screaming to get away, I no longer cared. I’d found my soulmate.
Almost as soon as the kiss began, he pushed me away, breaking the connection, tipping his head down and avoiding eye contact.
“What we shared is over. Get your things together.” He took a step back then turned around.
I was shocked, my mind blown by the fact he refused to accept what we’d shared. “You’re an asshole. Do you know that?”
Chuckling, he brushed one hand through his hair. “Then I’ve done my job, sweetheart.”
I bristled and merely nodded over and over again before moving toward the hallway to gather my meager belongings. What was left to be said? Absolutely nothing. He’d drawn his own new line in the sand. The kiss was nothing more than a goodbye.
I could tell he was watching me, studying my reaction, perhaps expecting some form of confrontation. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. I’d given him my heart and he’d chosen to destroy the gift. I ripped at his shirt, fumbling to unfasten the buttons, finally tugging the material over my head. I wanted to rid myself of everything that could possibly remind me of him. Balling the shirt into my fists, I lifted it over my head, ready to toss, but I slowly lowered my hands, shaking as I brought his shirt to my nose, inhaling his scent. The pain was far too raw. Easing the shirt onto the bed, I smoothed it out, rubbing my hand all the way down the front, placing the edges together.
Satisfied, I snagged the sweater he’d peeled off me after the accident. When I was dressed in my own clothing, I yanked the parka off the rack and stormed out into the living room. For a few seconds, a catch in time, I could see the uncertainty on his face, the crushing emotion. Then he was blank, his features rigid.
He grabbed his jacket and keys, heading toward the door before acknowledging me. “The drive will still be treacherous, but I’ll get you there in one piece. Then we will never have to see each other again.” Razer tipped his head, his eyes locking onto mine.
I could read volumes in his gaze but refused to accept what I was seeing. “Agreed.”
Exhaling, he hesitated then yanked open the front door. “Are you coming?”
“Yes.” I was trying hard to act nonchalant, as unfeeling as he was, but inside, I was twisted, torn apart by everything.
And he was so cold.
I didn’t pay attention to the ride, not with any true regard. I didn’t care where I was going or what I knew I’d be required to face. I simply wanted to find the right words, or any words for that matter. There was nothing that made any sense, no offering that would alter this course. He needed to face these demons by himself against an adversary who would stop at nothing to annihilate him. If what I’d seen was true, then there was only a matter of time before my father put all the dirty little pieces of the puzzle together. When he did, there wouldn’t be a secure location on this earth for Razer to hide.
Leaning against the passenger seat, I fisted my hands, envisioning the time spent together until I recognized the resort entrance. My stomach clenched, a nervous tic appearing on the corner of my mouth. There were people everywhere. “Razer. Everyone will ask questions. What do you want me to tell them?”
Snickering, he pulled the truck into the parking lot, easing the gear into park. He leaned forward, staring out the window, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. “Whatever you like. I’m not hiding any longer. I already told you that.”
I sat still, my hands in my lap. “My father will hunt you, if he isn’t already, just for being near me.”
“Let him hunt, sweetheart. What you don’t seem to realize is that I have the element of surprise if he does.”
“Because you ran away like a coward?” The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them. I sensed a hidden meaning, but in truth, I was far too exhausted to try and piece together yet another puzzle.
“I had my reasons for leaving,” he said after almost a minute had ticked by.
“Allowing everyone to think you simply ran off to a tropical island. Or worse. How clever of you.”
His actions quick and deliberate, he leaned over, his face only inches from mine. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Whatever you found in those boxes, whatever story you believe to be true, I assure you, there is much more hiding just underneath the surface. You’re right about your father. He is a monster. He feeds on the soul of almost everyone he comes in contact with.”
I wanted nothing more than to lash out, but there was no defending my father. “What does that make you, Razer? You once had ideals, fueled by your private incarceration. What happened to the little boy hiding in the room? What happened to the man you’d become, kind and intuitive? What ultimately lead you down a misguided path of depravity? Money? Power?”
Hissing, he leaned in closer, his entire body shaking. “You don’t know me or what I’ve been through. Don’t judge what you can’t know. But you’re right, sweetheart and I warned you that I am a monster. You chose not to believe me. Now, you know enough of the truth to be able to walk away.”
“You push me away as if I could never care about you. You’re wrong, Razer. Dead wrong. I saw the man inside. I witnessed with my own eyes a loving and kind person. You allowed me inside that head of yours and I accepted you for what you were. I surrendered to you, body and soul. Does that not mean anything to you?” His face said what his words could not. “You asshole. I love you and that doesn’t matter to you in the least. Does it? Does it?!”
“You don’t know me, but I do know your father and heed my warning. He will stop at nothing to keep you in the dark, his concept of protection. He is a murderer, Megan. He might not use the knife or the gun, but he hires men who take care of business that’s needed. Do you understand what I’m saying?” He grabbed both of my wrists, squeezing until I was forced to whimper. “Do you?”
“I know my father is a dangerous man. I understand what he’s capable of.”
“I don’t really think that you do. He did everything in his power to destroy my company. My company. I worked for years to create something I could be proud of and he wanted it. He was determined to take everything I had and when I wouldn’t give in to his henchmen, refused to accept his threats, he found another way. He found the single thing in my life that would destroy me, and he did so while drinking a cognac with a Cuban cigar. What you think you know about your father is a lie. He. Will. Destroy. You.”
Anger rushed into my system, my mind and the hard slap across his face was the perfect ending. “Thank you for everything you did, Razer Reynolds. I’ll make certain to keep your name out of the press.” Before the tears of frustration gave me away, I opened the door, jumping out onto the snow packed lot, yet I was unable to move. Perhaps I believed he’d take back all the ugliness, the nasty words, but I knew they were true.
Every one of them.
“Miss Wallace? Is that you?”
I didn’t recognize the voice, but I could tell Razer did by the split second of a soft growl. “Goodbye.” When I turned around, the kind eyes of the same caretaker I’d seen with Razer was enough to bring me down from the stilted plateau.
“Razer, that you? Wow. Did you save this young woman? My God, there’s been some kind of activity around here. Are you okay, Miss?” Marty’s words tumbled out.
“I found her on the side of the road just now. Dropped her off. I gotta go,” Razer stated as if I was nothing to him. Nothing.
&
nbsp; Marty shifted his gaze from Razer toward me and even though his smile remained frozen, I could tell the old man knew he was hearing a story. “Oh, okay. Glad you made it through the storm then, my friend. Maybe in the next couple of days you can bring down some wood.”
“Sure thing, Marty.” Razer put the gear into drive and slowly turned his head toward the windshield, merely waiting for me to close the door.
When I did, I could feel my entire world crumbling around me. Overcome by emotions, by the fleeting but powerful love I thought I’d found, I placed my gloved hand on the glass, trying desperately to fight the tears.
Without another glance, Razer eased the truck forward, moving through the parking lot cautiously.
And completely out of my life.
“Come on, Miss Wallace. Let’s get you inside. There are a lot of people eager to see you. Let’s get you warmed up. What in the world happened?” Marty clamored on, leading me inside.
While I heard him, I wasn’t paying much attention. All I could think about was the man who’d awakened the woman inside, freeing her very soul, and knowing that I’d never see him again would shove away any concept of happiness for the rest of my life.
“Do you ever have the feeling that you experienced the most amazing thing that is ever going to happen in your life, but that after finding something so precious, there is no way you can hold onto it?” I wasn’t entirely certain anyone had heard the question, nor in truth did I even care. I was unable to roll back into my established life in any regard.
“Wow. That’s a statement,” Becca finally said as she pushed my wine glass further toward the edge of the table. “You need more alcohol, girl. You’re not making any sense.”
“She’s just been through a horrific ordeal. Leave her alone,” Pepper snapped, rolling her eyes as she gathered her legs under her.
Exhaling, I eased off the couch, snagging the glass of wine and walking toward the window. The last few hours had been grueling, explaining to at least ten people what had occurred. The lie was wearing thin, but I was determined to keep our time together a secret. Or maybe I was trying to protect Razer. Either way, the authorities weren’t buying my story. Their skepticism crept into questions being asked by certain members of the press, who all seemed to crave their fifteen minutes of fame.
