by Asha Daniels
“I’m not angry with you. Yes, I was surprised, maybe shocked, but I wasn’t my father’s keeper.”
“You’re really not angry?”
“With my father, yes. With you? No. You cared about the man, not the monster. You had no real idea what he was made of. Neither did my mother. He fooled a lot of people.”
“Yes, he did.” Jamie shook her head several times. “And I love you for the fact you refused to back down. I mean quitting school and everything. Do you regret your decision not to enter law school?”
I swirled the glass, trying to find the truth. “I was bitter at first, but I did what I had to do. Now? I don’t miss it. At least I don’t think. I have other responsibilities, as you well know.”
Jamie leaned over the table. “Then time for you to do other things with your life.”
“Meaning?” I knew exactly what she was getting at.
“Meaning, goofy, finding love. If there’s one thing I know about you is that you thrive with a firm hand. You know, a dominating man? A man who will keep you in line, punish you as necessary.”
“Are you trying to put out a bulletin in this hot bar?”
“Some pretty sizzling men floating around. I just might do that,” Jamie teased. “That is, if you want to keep lying to yourself.”
“You do that, and I kick your ass.” I could tell by her expression alone that she had something up her sleeve. “You’re right, as always, but I can’t bring myself to trust a man. I just can’t.”
“That’s because you’re still in love with Razer and don’t you dare deny it.”
Jamie had always seen through me, no matter the circumstances. “Doesn’t matter any longer. He has his life and I have mine. I’m certain he’s married by now and has a passel of kids.”
“He doesn’t, and you haven’t been fair to him.” She dipped her finger into the glass then slipped it into her mouth.
Fair. What the hell was fair any longer? An instant thrill rushed through me, creating the same excitement I’d felt every time I heard his voice or even his name. My nipples pushed against my lacy bra, creating another wave of heat forging through every cell. My mouth was dry and for a few seconds I could envision his rugged face, his chiseled body. Shuddering, I closed my eyes.
“Aren’t you going to ask me how I know?”
“Don’t, Jamie. Just don’t. My life was different all those years ago. I trusted him for some insane reason and he betrayed me. I could never allow him back into my life again, not for any reason.” I heard the sound of rustling but refused to open my eyes. What did she think she was doing? Bristling, I willed the visions away.
“Do you really believe he wanted to betray you in any manner?”
I inhaled, holding my breath. There was little I believed in any longer. “Old conversation. He could have told me before spouting out about my mother. He could have warned me that he was going to ruin my life!” I slapped my hand on the table then dropped my head into my hands. Why was she forcing me to relive such a wretched time in my life?
“You seem to forget. I was there. I saw the way he looked at you, the love in his eyes, the hurt and fear. He didn’t want to cause you any additional suffering.”
“Whatever. Just drop it, Jamie. Please.” I wanted so many things in my life, including going back if only for a day. The time spent in the cabin had been incredible, almost like a dream.
“Megan, you’re a strong but damn stubborn ass woman. The hiding isn’t the best way for anybody and you know exactly what I mean. You’ve been very unfair.”
Unfair. Sure. Fine. I’d fought the same reality for long enough. I knew it cold. “I’m not ready. Not yet.”
“Jesus Christ. Fine. Open your eyes. And um, I brought you a present.”
“A present.” As if repeating the words would make the concept go away.
“You can accept it or throw it away, but my advice to you is that while you may not want Razer Reynolds in your life, you never had an end to whatever relationship you two shared. From all accounts and what little you’ve told me, he rocked your world. There was some reason that karma pushed you two together. You loved him. You adored him. You surrendered to him. Doesn’t that mean anything to you at all? You can try and avoid this the rest of your life, but if you do, you’re going to end up very lonely.”
Lonely. The single word left me hollow inside, stripped of everything I’d worked so hard to achieve. Jamie was right. There was no other man for me. When I pushed away the resolve I thought I had secured, I glanced at the bag so carefully placed just inches away. “What is this?”
“Information,” she cooed and eased back against the chair. “Let’s just say I’ve kept tabs on Razer. I wanted to see what he did with his life. And from what I can see, he’s pining away for you just the same way you are for him. He works long hours. He lives away from the city. He rarely dates. Everything could be perfect, just like fate intended.”
I was stymied, perhaps even floored and my entire body was shaking. “I can’t go down this road again. I won’t.”
Shrugging, Jamie fiddled with her glass. “Read or don’t read what’s inside, but I will tell you this. Razer has turned his company into a very profitable firm. He’s mended fences and even does work for various charities. He’s rich, damn good looking and if the various tabloids are true, a damn nice guy. In other words, your mountain man is a fabulous catch.”
I glared at the bag, wavering over what, if anything I should do. I wanted to know more about him. I’d even searched the internet on a few occasions but pushed away the notion given I had no idea what to say to him, other than spouting off anger. “I’ll look later.”
“Uh-huh. That’s exactly what I thought you’d say, which is why I took matters into my own hands.”
Snapping my head in her direction, I was ready to lash out and there was no reason for my ridiculous behavior other than I knew what she was saying was correct. I was still in love with him and would always be. So, the fuck what? That wasn’t a manner in which to create a relationship of any kind. “Tell me.”
Jamie grinned as she swung her leg out. “I came to this particular bar for a reason, you know. Once in a blue moon chance.”
“What does that mean?” A cold sweat trickled down my back, prickles rising on my skin. She seemed far too pleased with herself. “Jamie. What have you done?”
“Nothing, yet. Unless you keep your head in your ass. Then I will do something.” Only a few seconds later, she opened her eyes wide, a mischievous smile crossing her face. “Do you believe in fate at all? I mean, you should after that amazing event. A chance meeting in a bar.”
My stomach was queasy, my entire world suddenly turning upside down. All sound was shoved into a vacuum, voices and the blaring music shut down to a mere whisper. I sensed his presence. He was close. Far too close. I could almost gather his scent, so masculine and exotic, full of testosterone. Gripping the edge of the table, I clawed the cheap Formica, digging my nails in as my heart raced. I was actually panting, unable to think clearly.
“Talk to him,” Jamie suggested, her voice low and husky. “He’s only in town for a couple days.”
“No. I have nothing to say to him.” Oh God. This couldn’t be happening. Not here and now. Not when I had my life sorted out. Stop lying to yourself. The little voice nagged and pushed, jabbing my heart. I wanted to crawl under the table, to hide away. This wasn’t the right time to see him again. Would there ever be a right time? Wringing my hands, I tried to find a way to get the hell out of here.
“Don’t you dare run off. Talk to him,” she hissed between clenched teeth. “You need to hear something vital to this concept you have of Razer. He’s not the man you think he is and you’re certainly not the young woman he left in a resort town. Trust me for once. You also owe him.”
Trust was no longer in my vocabulary. And owe him? Yes, I was just as much of a liar. “Not going to happen. I know what you’re trying to do but this isn’t the right time. Maybe fa
te has a way of righting wrongs. What I shared with him was very wrong. Don’t you get that at all?” Grabbing my purse, I jerked up from the table, keeping my head down.
“Megan. Don’t go,” Jamie insisted. “Hear me out if you won’t talk to him.”
I gave her a slight snarl before yanking the bag from the table. The second I twisted around, I was forced to suck in my breath.
“Megan,” Razer whispered, his eyes opening wide.
The vacuum returned, stripping away every drop of air, pulling me closer to the man who’d changed my life. Yet, I had no idea what to say, no method of controlling the nerves. “Razer. I hope you’re doing well.”
He studied me, his eyes sweeping up and down.
I found it difficult to look at him, but with every glimpse, I was pulled back into our special fantasy. He was gorgeous, even more handsome than I remembered, yet so sophisticated. He reeked of money and I found that difficult to comprehend. I wanted the mountain man standing in front of me, the guy with the scratchy beard and disheveled hair. I wanted the hero who saved my life, walking several miles in a blinding snowstorm. I also wanted the powerful lover, a man who’d shoved aside the girl, finding the woman inside, embracing and nurturing her needs.
I wanted what I couldn’t have.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, reaching out, his hand hovering over my arm.
“Drinks with a friend.” The awkwardness was palpable. “Very nice to see you. I hope you’re doing well.” I sidestepped him, uncertain if my feet were actually moving. The heat was now sweltering, create a haze around me.
“Can we talk?” He took a long stride backwards, as if he was going to block my way.
Yes. Yes! I want to talk for hours, getting to know each other again. I want your arms wrapped around me, keeping me safe, telling me that everything can be just like it was before. I want to feel your cock buried deep inside, taking me. Oh, Razer. I want you. I tried to issue a slight smile as I found the right answer. “We have nothing to talk about. Have a good life, Razer.” The moment I walked out of the building, I burst into tears. What had I just done?
I paced back and forth, glaring at the bag every few minutes. I took another gulp of wine, wishing I’d stopped and purchased bourbon. Right now, only alcohol was going to dull my senses to any degree. I was a damn coward and I wasn’t surprised that Jamie had refused to call me. Why should she? She knew what I craved more than anyone else and she’d indeed delivered a gift, one I’d tossed in her face. I laughed, the sound so ugly and bitter. Maybe I was just a fool.
I walked toward the window, staring out at the city, mesmerized by the lights. If only I’d answered ‘yes’ then perhaps everything would be different. I took another gulp of wine then another, the anger continuing to build. He had no idea where I lived, and I’d shut him down.
Isn’t that what I wanted?
Cursing under my breath, I stormed toward the bag, dumping out the contents and placing my wine within easy reach. As I picked through the various press releases and pictures taken off the internet, the two magazine articles and the dozens of announcements, a wafting chill settled into my legs. He had indeed turned his life around.
I sat down and placed every piece in a just so position, allowing me to learn every scrap of information about him. What in hell could possibly make me change my mind? There was nothing that could take away the hurt. I shivered as the tears slipped past my lashes. This wasn’t going to work. Shoving everything off the table, I watched as the pieces floated to the floor.
Hearing the doorbell, I snarled and slammed my hand on the table. Jamie wasn’t going to leave this alone.
I jerked up from the table, taking long strides toward the door, throwing it open. “Jamie. I just want to be…”
“You thought you were going to get away from me that easily? I’ve spent four years trying to find a way to talk to you and I’m not going to let you go again. Do you hear me?” Razer’s deep voice boomed.
“We have nothing to say to each other.”
He grabbed my wrist, yanking me toward him. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re coming with me and if after that, you want to bolt, to run away from me again, I’ll finally accept it. But not until you understand how I feel about you.”
I was drawn into the same web, the same scintillating sensations. This powerful man wanted me.
What in the hell was I going to do?
Chapter 13
Razer
I could see the trepidation in Megan’s eyes in the way she studied me, as if I was a monster waiting to rip away her soul. The shock of running into her had worn off, the anger and the same damn soul searching driving me to the brink of madness all over again. I’d tried over the last four years to get her out of my mind. I’d had my share of dates, women I couldn’t care less about, but not a single one compared to Megan. Seeing her in the red dress, her long hair flowing, her eyes flashing had reopened the padlocked box.
I had no chances left, no concept of reality. But I was taking this opportunity, no matter how much she hated me for doing so.
I kept my hand wrapped around her wrist, forcing her into my car. While she didn’t object, she refused to even look in my direction. Where I was taking her would be a surprise, one I never thought would happen. However, this was no chance meeting. I’d recognized her friend from the resort, only moments before the press conference.
An event that had shattered everything I cared about.
At least Jamie had been informative, even on my side, risking no doubt her friendship by telling me Megan’s address. One last opportunity. What would she think of me after?
I concentrated on driving, weaving through the busy streets on my way to the destination. The timing was cathartic. I held my breath, fighting a combination of laughter and cursing. Megan didn’t deserve my vengeance.
She glanced at me several times, her face remaining pensive, her hands positioned just so in her lap. The word betrayal came to mind. She still believed I’d betrayed her, even after all the damaging information had surfaced, and only some by my investigation. Gabriel Wallace had kept an extensive entourage surrounding him, allowing the top layer of his company to remain on the right side of the law. The rest was…
Sighing, I gripped the steering wheel, uncertain any longer of what to say to her, how to explain what had occurred. She wouldn’t accept my apologies so why bother? Even taking her to the event was risky, but one I had to grasp.
I wanted this woman back in my life and for good.
“Where are we going?” she asked, almost casually.
“You act like you don’t know me any longer, so this should help give you some answers.”
Snorting, she shook her head and folded her arms. “What’s there to know? You’re an asshole.”
“Believe that if you need to.” The words were cold, stilted and I wanted nothing more than to shove my feelings back into the pit I’d created. I was still a ruthless man, even though by all outward appearances, I was a saint in comparison to the years prior to my self-imposed incarceration.
“I will.” She huffed and shook her head. “You disappeared again.”
The words were spit out as if an afterthought but allowing me to know she’d at least searched for me. She could never understand how many times I followed her career, trying to find solace in knowing she’d picked up and moved on with her life. The same ache formed in my belly, a crushing sensation. “I didn’t disappear. I just couldn’t bear to live in Denver after the first few months. The place of regret wasn’t home in any regard.”
Megan slowly turned toward me, her expression one of extreme scrutiny.
There were no other words to say. I found a parking spot only two blocks away and while I hadn’t planned on attending the event, this would certainly excite the men responsible for setting it up. “We’re here.” I cut the engine and snagged the keys.
“Here? This looks like a shit part of town.”
The jab was perfect. S
everal of the murdered victims had been dropped off in trash bins in close proximity. “Whatever you need to think, sweetheart.” I didn’t bother trying to take her hand when I opened her door. This certainly wasn’t a date.
Megan gave me an odd look before smoothing down her dress and keeping pace with me.
When we finally rounded a corner, I could see the neon lights, the sign announcing the show. I held my breath as we walked closer and could just see a glimpse of surprise before she masked her emotions. The place was packed, wall to wall with people. I cringed the second I walked inside. Everything about this was against my beliefs. I wasn’t into showmanship of any kind. Thorn had convinced me that this could help control my mood swings. I chuckled at the thought. Only one thing in my life ever had.
Megan.
“Oh. My. God. You’re here!” The owner almost ran through the crowd, heading in my direction, his face filled with glee. “I didn’t think you were coming tonight.”
Megan remained standoffish, her eyes opening wider as she glanced from painting to painting.
“Yeah, well I wasn’t. Just thought I’d stop by.” I could see only a slim regard of recognition from any of the customers, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief. The art gallery had grabbed up the pieces of art, thrilled to provide a showing of such a great talent, at least according to the owner. I had my doubts.
“And, who is this lovely creature? I’m Bart Smith, the owner of this illustrious gallery.” Bart moved closer to Megan. When his mouth began to twitch, I regretted my decision to come. “You’re… Oh, God. You’re his muse. His inspiration.”
“What?” she finally asked, daring to look me in the eyes.
“Come, honey. If you don’t know, then you’re been living on another planet.” Bart whisked her toward the other side of the gallery, squealing gleefully.
